I found myself outside, and even though I told myself I’d try to think about things for real, I ended up indulging in whatever distraction made itself available. I’d cleared quite a lot of the vines that had grown on the small fence that ran along the side of the old church.

I got the impression that Naan was the only one of us putting actual thought into our new situation. Of course, the only reason I got that impression was that I was idly fighting with thorns for no reason, and neither one of us did any talking.

Time passed by and I was making progress on my pointless task when Charlene found me trying to remove a particularly thorny plan from the church fence. “Hey! Good morning, I might need you to try on some things. Do you have the time?” She asked pleasantly.

“The dress is ready?” I asked suddenly excited by the idea.

“No, the shoes.” She admitted.

“Oh.” That should have been better, that was the whole reason I’d started down this path from the beginning. I gave up on my current distraction and upgraded to the newer model. We went back to her home or workshop, it was probably both. There I tried on the shoes, which her husband adjusted right there until they fit properly. He nodded to me, and Charlene told me that he'd have them finished up later. So he left us, and Charlene made some tea.

“I saw you have cleaned up some of the mess behind that church. Jenny told me you’ve been cleaning the inside as well. Are you planning on staying longer?”

I frowned, “I’m not sure…” That hadn’t been the plan, but what even was the plan now? I’d gone and brought it out back shot it and now the plan was floating down the river.

“You don’t want to?” Charlene asked.

“It's not that. You’ve all been very kind and helpful so far. I just don’t know what to do. We’re only eating because Devin’s helping with the fields.” Of course, that was only part of that problem but I couldn’t exactly talk about the goblins in the basement who were going to run out of food without hunting either. Still, I pressed on, “Jenny has been very kind with that. But otherwise…” I said leaving it open-ended. What exactly was I supposed to say? Or do? I couldn’t exactly talk about Naan, or anything really. My whole world was quite literally upside down and backward at this point.

Charlene however had to try and be helpful, “Well… Your husband? Is a hunter is he not? Would having him collect pelts not be better?” She asked.

I didn’t know if I should correct her. I suppose not, “Maybe… But he's at least productive in the field. I’m just…” What even was this conversation? I wasn’t sure what to say? What was I supposed to do? “I feel like everything is falling apart…”

“You could try praying?” She offered.

Was that a thing? I could just pray and get answers? “I don’t know if some god will be willing to offer me help…” I offered back feeling that was a strange idea entirely.

“No… I mean you are staying in the church. Surely if you devote yourself to caring for it and pray a god or goddess would want to claim it for themselves? Once you do that you could offer blessings, or… well I’m not sure, but I know that churches usually make money from various donations and blessings.” She offered with a small shrug of her shoulders.

“Is that how that works?” I asked with skepticism.

“I honestly don’t know much about the divinities or churches. I only know a few, like the goddess of thread. Or the god of order. Obviously, his antithesis is the goddess of chaos. There's also the goddess of fertility? Maybe you could get her interested? I know I wouldn’t mind that kind of blessing.” She chuckled before taking a sip of her tea.

I grimaced, “Not sure she and I are on the same page.” I admitted.

Charlene laughed, “Maybe.”

We chatted a bit more, but the topic shifted towards other things like winter coming, or if we preferred this tea or the other one more. She was as it turned out trying to improve her teas by mixing leaves. Everyone had their own hobbies it seemed.

Still, I was glad that we were talking about something else even if it was idle chit-chat, the serious discussion was too real for me at the moment.

“Do you have any interests?” Charlene asked as she poured what was left from her teapot.

“Interests?” I considered. One thing had always sort of lingered in the back of my mind since I’d come here. “I don’t know if I’d say it's an interest… but I’ve always wanted to learn some magic?” I said.

“Oh? You mentioned something about that the other day too.” She replied sipping her tea.

I guess I had, though for other reasons, “Actually, do you happen to know anyone in town who knows any and wouldn’t mind talking to me?” I asked, I doubted this would go anywhere, but I really was curious. It felt so... strange and weird, and at this point I was collecting strange abilities, besides I had the mana, right?

She considered, “Hmm… You might be in luck. Phon is the local alchemist, but I’ve seen him use a few… what do they call them? Cantrips? Incantations?” Charlene said not quite sure.

I asked her for directions and since I really had nothing else to do I made my way over.

The house I found myself in front of was one of the larger buildings, which was to say there were several large rooms on one side, including a small store front that I opened the door to. A tiny bell jingled as I stepped inside.

No one was there. I glanced around to find a number of curious items. Deep down I’d expected that the whole shop would be nothing but glass vials with various shades of liquid in them. There were some of those, pink, blue even some of the glowing mushroom ink if I guess right. But there were other things too. Like a sack of dirt… It was labeled as “fertilizer” which I supposed might make sense.

The thing that caught my interest the most however were colorful beans. At first, I thought they were glass stones. They were stored in little bowls and labeled with simple labels, things like, “For coughs.” or “Causes Sleepiness.” I was honestly blown away by the number of different options, especially considering this town's size. I had imagined if this place had anything like medicine it would be made to order.

“Can I help you?” A man said behind me with a slight accent. I turned around to find an elf standing there.

I couldn’t help but take a half step backward. “Hi… I’m Anna.” I tried to introduce myself.

The elf in question was the complete opposite of the elves I’d seen so far. He wasn’t sturdy or muscular, rather he looked frail and skinny. His hair was almost a steel gray, but it had the slightest blue sheen to it. He had a simple earring in one ear with a blue stone in it. His sharp blue eyes sharpened on me. “I asked what you want.” He said with a bit of force.

I frowned, “Umm… I hope I’m not interrupting anything, but Charlene told me that you might be able to teach me one or two things about magic?” I asked.

Phon sighed, “Of course. Never business. I should have known.”

“I can offer something for your help… I don’t know what exactly.” I said trying to appeal to his interests.

He waved it off, “No… just. I make these. Yet only people to buy are traders.” he gestured vaguely at the whole shop.

“Oh… I was browsing. I had no idea some of these things existed.” I said.

He shrugged and took a seat at a simple table with scales and other things on it. Then finally said, “What you wish to know? I know few things.”

“Your sure?” I asked.

“Not matter. I not teacher. What I know not useful to you.” He noted.

“Why would that be?” I asked.

He paused there considering how to reply, “You know magic use mana, yes?” I nodded and he continued, “Humans have less than elves. Dangerous use magic without human training.” He explained simply.

“Oh, well you don’t need to worry about that.” I began.

He just raised an eyebrow, “No?”

How did I even explain… I couldn’t very well tell him a dungeon had once told me I had so much mana I might explode now, could I? “I’ve been told I have a lot more than usual.” I tried instead.

“Hmm…” He mused, “You certain they did not trick you? I hear this happen in cities. They tell you, ‘you have potential.’ and more. Then steal your money.” He explained.

Of course, that was a thing. I could see countless people falling for it too. Who wouldn’t want to hear about their boundless potential and dream of being a witch, wizard, or something? “No, it was more like they warned me that I might explode…” I guess I did it anyway even after scoffing at the idea.

“I...What?” He seemed perplexed by that. “Hard to believe.” He stated.

“It's an ability of mine…” I explained.

“Ah… I see, could explain. I find hard believe strange woman walks into my shop and asks for teaching of magic secrets only to reveal she possess rare skill.” He noted.

“Secrets?” I asked a bit thrown by that last sentence. I guess having abilities and lots of mana was rare after all? I had an odd set of circumstances as it was. I guess if not for Naan I wouldn't have any way to use my mana, so I'd just have kept fucking until I exploded? Maybe there was a reason this shit was rare, everyone that stumbled into it killed themselves? That was a harsh reality if it was the reason. I kind of hoped not, but I at least was spared that fate so far.

He shrugged, “Magic scholars known for not sharing. I not know of this. Only simple tricks. My family passed to me.”

“Can you show me?” I asked.

He considered, “If you honest… I suppose.” He stood up and gestured for me to follow him. We walked into the back and he led me to a collection of various glass and iron jars and containers.

Selecting a small iron pot he placed it into a small harness that held it above a candle that had clearly been used.

“I can show you simple tricks. First… flame.” He said holding his hand out to the candle. Then he began to speak in a clear steady voice, “Ful, loc, ri, rua, fir, ah, nel.”

No sooner than he had finished the final syllable than the wick erupted to life.

He barely paused at all before continuing, “Ful, loc, ri, rua, fir, um, nel.”

The flame was gone leaving only a tiny trail of smoke as evidence that it had ever existed.

He gestured towards it, “You try.” he narrowed his eyes on me, “Unless… You lie?”

I gave him a look I hoped said, "You're still accusing me of lying?" But I held out my hand surrounding the wick with my thumb and pointer just like he had.

“Other fingers, against palm.” he said, “Other hand, fist.” he stated firmly.

I frowned, “Why?”

“Must do this. Or you light hand on fire.” he said.

“Oh… I thought maybe it would read my mind or something.” I admitted as I put a conscious effort into doing as he said. All my fingers closed besides my thumb and pointer.

“This good, Speak words clearly.”

I tried to recall them taking my time with each word, “Ful, loc, ru-”

He shook his head and cut me off, “Say val.”

“Val.” I did as instructed. I looked at him expectantly.

“You say the wrong thing. Must be perfect. Val stops magic.”

“What would have happened?” I asked.

“If used that magic? I do not know. But important to know that I no teach you how to do this yet. Best learn incantation first.” He explained.

“Oh…” I said feeling much calmer now that I realized this wasn’t actually going to work yet.

He had me repeat the process, each mistake he had me say "val" again. We kept this up for some ten minutes until I’d said the correct words dozens of times in a row. Then he explained that the extinguish version was just the one-syllable swapped out. So I repeated it both ways a few more times.

When he seemed happy with it he said, “Good, now you cast. You not lie right?”

“Yeah… Why are you so fixed on that?” I asked feeling a touch annoyed by the constant accusation.

“You look like liar. I not want kill you.” He noted.

I just frowned at him, “If I’m such a liar why are you teaching me?” I said somewhat annoyed.

He shook his head, “I said look like liar. You ask to see, I show you. Perhaps… I am curious.” he said with a shrug.

“You know… I can’t help but notice that the way you talk is a little… different.” I pointed out unable to not ask any longer.

“I from far away.” He explained.

“Oh, I thought you might be from the elvish country south of here.” I admitted.

He shook his head. “Far, come on boat. Visit many places. I meet woman here, so I live here.” he noted.

“Oh… your wife.” I asked glancing around. I didn’t want to get caught up in anything, still, I was glad I hadn’t said something stupid now that I thought about it.

“No more.” He replied with force.

No more? Was he saying she was dead? Or that they were divorced or something? He seemed forceful so I decided to leave it at that. "So... did you speak another language?" I asked instead returning to the source of this line of questions.

He raised an eyebrow at me, "No such thing, we speak different, same words. Enough." He grunted and gestured with his head towards the unlit wick, "Focus. I teach you.”

I had no idea what he was trying to say with that one. Maybe he was saying it was just an accent? a dialect? He seemed insistent either way so I focused on him, “Alright. What do I do?”

“Mana. Inside, you focus on this.” he instructed.

I tried to do that. But honestly, what did that mean? It just made my attention drift back to Naan’s strange senses which were presently informing me that there was a spider in the corner of the room… for some reason.

I tried to focus on myself, on my body. On the warm urgency. Unfortunately, it was considerably less today than it had been the day prior. Not that I knew why. Had we used a bunch somehow?

“Take breath.” He instructed, and I did so.

“Hands in place. Focus on breathing out mana. Say words clearly. No mistakes. You mess up say val. Do so quickly if you make mistake. Yes?”

I nodded in understanding and placed my fingers back around the wick, and ensured my other hand was closed. I took another breath and focusing on the clear power inside of me I spoke, “Ful, loc, ri, rua, fir, ah, nel.”

However, nothing happened.

“No mana in breath. You try again.”

I did so, several times in fact.

He considered after over twenty failures, “When I say, focus on mana, what you do?”

“I focused on the feeling of the mana inside of me.” I explained.

“Ah… this wrong. No feeling. Just mana. You focus on mana.” He stated firmly.

I couldn’t help but frown at him. That didn't help in the slightest. He might as well have said make it go burrr, and not vrrooom.

“Hmm.. don’t know?” he replied after a moment.

I replied, “I don’t understand. If it's not the feeling of the mana, then what am I supposed to be focusing on?”

“I figure you know this… You have ability.” He noted. “It… flow, through body.” he explained.

Flowing through my body? Wait, was that the sensation of warmth that I felt when someone came inside of me? How it would seem to flow out through my body and into my veins? That was as much a feeling as what I had been thinking of. But maybe it was different?

I tried to recall what that felt like, where the warmth flowed inside of me when that happened. I closed my eyes, probably a bad idea since it shifted my attention to Naan’s sight which was now turned to regard myself and Phon.

“What he is talking about are the blue lines.” Naan suddenly spoke to me.

“The ones you are looking at?” I clarified.

“Yes. These are the passages where your mana flows, much like your blood does. These are the red lines.”

Naan’s vision shifted slightly and I found two distinct sets of lines almost pulsing in Naan's vision.

I guess deep down I’d expected that mana was just in my blood. Like some kind of nutrient. Instead, I found it was just as extensive a network of vessels as my blood was. Just like the veins that carried blood through my body the mana lines had thicker and thinner lines. More interesting however was whereas I expected blood to flow through with my heart doing the work, the mana vessels seemed more uniformly distributed, as though there was no organ driving it. Many of the thin lines were also in my lungs. Did I need to somehow breathe some of that out?

“Can you show the inside of… my lungs?” I asked Naan suddenly feeling a little unnerved by the fact that this was actually happening.

As though my body was not even an obstacle the world seemed to cut away and I was looking into my chest. I was glad I wasn’t a squeamish person, if I was, or if I had an issue with my body or blood I’d probably have fainted by now. Still, I tried to focus on the chambers, and focus on the blue lines around my lungs.

Minutes passed as I tried to imagine them doing things. Tried to think about how to make them expel some of their blue, stuff into my lungs.

“You asleep?” The man asked.

“No… I’m trying to find the mana you told me to focus on.” I said feeling frustrated.

“You feel the flows? Can you move the flows?” He asked.

“I’ll try…” I offered.

Still minutes more passed and nothing.

Finally, my temporary teacher spoke again, “You learn this before continuing. You try what I’ve taught. If you do this, I teach you other incantations.”

Opening my eyes and letting my attention return to my senses rather than Naan’s I nodded. Which I sort of immediately regretted as I had to grip the table to steady myself, “Alright. Thanks for trying I guess.” I said.

He tilted his head at my reaction but just nodded. “You need remedy, you visit again.” he said gesturing me back towards the shop. I bid him goodbye and he reminded me one more time to be careful.

I started back towards the church, I thought I would be fine at first. But along the way, I had to lean against a wall. Focusing on Naan’s senses had come back to bite me. While I’d seemed fine at first now that I was moving again I had been struck with another bout of nausea.

So I took my time, pausing when I felt sick and eventually made it back.