“We can’t just keep him here, he’s eating up all of our food?”

*nom*

“Cmon’, he’s my friend!”

“I don’t care who he is! He’s taking up a whole room, he stinks up the house, he never leaves the house, and he looks at me weirdly-”

“What? Why’re you lying? Daku wouldn’t do that!”

She’s not lying. It’s not my fault she has a voluptuous body. Oh! Wait! 

*crinkle*

Oh no… I’m out of chips! 

“Why? Because he’s your friend?”

“I…” 

“You either kick his fat ass out of my house or I’m leaving you!”

“But…” 

My eyes flashed with light as my friend opened the basement door from the kitchen. 

“Hey, man…” 

“I know.” 

What a bitch

 

“I’m sorry man, really.” 

“Hm.” I waved my friend off as he led me out the front door. 

“I don’t want to see him again, and I demand you to stay away from him!”

“You’re out of your mind, woman!”

“I’m leaving-”

“FINE! Fine…”

That bitch doesn’t have any value. She’s flat and is unemployed like me. Standards these days…

“Hey, before you go… Please try once, OK?” 

What is he talking about?

My small, tight volleyball jersey from high school was drenched from the rain that pelted my tangled, messy hair. As for my pants, well, they were torn gray sweatpants. Of course, they were also small. Too small to where my ass crack was vulnerable to the rain and the chilly air.

The door shut behind me as I walked down the stairs and into the pavement. 

Car’s floodlights reigned the streets and burned my eyes. Passerby walking hastily past me. Few gave small glances at me. 

Embarrassed, I rushed down the pavement, resting my arms on one another. 

Where do I go?
There was nowhere for me to go. My parents abandoned me after I dropped out of school. My older sister probably treated me worse than my friend’s girlfriend, and he was my only friend. 

I found cover in a tight alleyway barely lit with neon signs along the walls. Soggy advertising and missing papers littered the ground.

I subconsciously thought the place was suspicious, but the sheer embarrassment of standing in the rain on the pavement while practically being naked, I couldn’t handle it. 

There were a few shady looking people leaning against the wall further down the alleyway. They also gave me glances. Of course, a few people already have given me glances, so I didn’t think much about it.

They looked like punks in their leather jackets, playing with their blades. 

*grrr*

Ouch… 

My stomach roared. I had already eaten 2 bags of potato chips, a box of frozen pizza and a whole box of cereal, but that wasn’t enough. 

I gently rubbed my belly with my fat, greasy hand.

“Hungry?”

A voice from my right asked almost in a provoking manner. Indeed, it was one of the punks. He had yellow spiky hair and a dog collar around his neck.

He looks so dumb and shitty…

“Well, yes.”

“You like men? If so, I can give you something to eat.” The punk leader (at least that’s what I assumed he was) began unzipping his ripped jeans. However, I quickly waved for him to end and replied with a “no.”

“Huh? I thought you were hungry?”
“Uh, yeah. But… no thank you.” 

The punk’s eyes were bloodshot. He was obviously on something.

“Huh?”

“No… Thank… You.” I slowly reiterated. That was probably one of the worst things I could’ve done in that situation, but my brain felt light and my body felt sickly cold as a breeze struck up and down my spine occasionally. I couldn’t think right. 

Words soon turned into insults, and those insults soon turned into kicks into my chin and my stomach as it sent waves through my belly with every blow.

“Fat ass! You any idea who you’re fucking with? Fat lunk of meat!” 

I revolted everything I ate in the last 24 hours, but that didn’t stop the punks from beating me. In fact, it made it worse. Some punk, probably the leader, stripped my clothes, and I could feel something rubbing against my ass. 

“GAHH! NOO!” I cried.

I didn’t feel like getting raped, so I rolled over on my back.I was too fat for them to push or roll me over or anything. 

One punk finally decided to stomp my head inside out. The pain would soon end as I blacked out. 

Hm? Have I finally succumbed to my injuries and become unconscious? Wait… I wouldn’t be able to think, right?

2 orbs of white, dim light emerged from the darkness. It sounded as if they were conversing with one another and laughing. 

I wasn’t sure if maybe I was kicked too hard in the head and I was just seeing things, or that I was possibly dead.

Is this heaven?
“Hm, not exactly.” said the orb to my right. 

Those things can read my thoughts?!

The orb approached me and circled around me.

“Hmmm. 29 year old male, Daku Tatsuya. Unemployed, homeless. Obese and terrifying face…. Twisted-mind. Shown signs of pedophilia… Quite honestly, I’m very impressed by how bad you could mess up in a single life.” Said the orb, coming to an abrupt stop in front of my face.

“Pedophilia? What?”

I admitted that I was very fat, and since I was a child, people were afraid of me because I had a scary looking face. Maybe that made me ugly, but I was just convenient enough to grow up with my childhood friend, Yano Tamotsu. He was my only friend, and he even let me stay at his house until I could support myself.

“Too delusional to see? Well, not that I care. We’ve decided to reincarnate you.”

“That was pretty abrupt.”

“That’s a pretty lame response.”

If there was anything I wanted most in this world, it was to be isekai’d into a world of magic where I would be an insanely strong OP main character with a harem of lolis and big-breasted women.

I really did hate this world.

“Nah, I’m good. I’m tired of living in this world. It sucks, and it’s depressing.” 

I took a seat on the dark ground. 

“Hm? I thought you wanted to be isekai’d?” 

My attention quickly diverted from the dark, empty space right back to the orbs of light. 

“Well, now that I have your attention, what do you say?” The orb asked, approaching my face yet again.

“Yes!”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure! Please!” 

“Haha! As you wish!” 

“Please make me super overpowered and be surrounded with hot lolis and wom-”

“Nope. You’re going to be reincarnated with the shittiest stats.” The orb retreated back to the other orb who began laughing hysterically.

“Wh-what do you mean no?”

“You’re an asshole.”

What?!

“Let me explain. You’ve had multiple moments where you stole your parents money for more food, you’ve punched your sister and gave her a scar on her eye-”

“Because she wouldn’t leave me alone!”

“After she found you masturbating  to loli hentai…”

“W-wait! The loli wasn’t a kid! So I explained it to her and she didn’t listen!” I pleaded, but in return, I received a rough, disturbed giggle from the orbs.

“Sure. Anyway, you groped women in crowded areas, especially the train.”

“But… yeah…”

The truth was, I was a really shitty person. So shitty that I deserved to die a horrific death. 

“Want me to continue?”

“No…” 

“Actually, I’d rather not reincarnate. Do you have an afterlife?”

“Yep. However, you don’t have enough credits to get in, so you have to reincarnate and do better in your new life.”

“Credits? Better?”
It made sense, but I really didn’t want to get reincarnated with shitty stats in a world of magic.

“Just be nice and do good things in your next life and you might make up for those credits and pass into the afterlife. It’s really that simple.”
“Ugh. How many credits do I need?”

“Well, you’re in the negative credit zone, so you’re going to need about… 50 million credits. Basically, you’d have to save the world 3 times in order to pass to the afterlife.”

“WHAT?!”

“Alright! Enough questions! Goodbye!”

“NO-”

*woosh*

I gasped for air as new scenery came into vision. Darkness boiled into a lot of green trees around me.

Are you kidding me?!

 

I found myself lost in the middle of a huge, scorching hot forest. Thick trees were scattered everywhere, bugs infested the fat bushes to even the tiniest shrubs, and wildlife was somewhat hard to find, but I was pretty sure they were running away when they saw me.

“If I’m going to be reincarnated…” I clenched my fist. “COULDN’T YOU AT LEAST MAKE ME THINNER?! YOUNGER!? DON’T JUST SPAWN ME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!?”
Indeed, I was still just as fat as I was in my previous life. My body felt more loose as if I were younger, but I was still fat.

*rustle*
Something was lurking in a clump of bushes to my right. On guard, I step back, keeping my eye directly on the bushes.

*sluurp*

Out came a tiny blue slime, and in the top left corner of my eyes I could see 2 bars, one filled with red, and the other empty. On my top left was an icon of a book.

 

[--------]  ← Health Bar                                                           [📖]  

[---------------]  ← XP Bar

 

Wait… IS THAT MY HEALTH BAR?! WHY IS IT SMALLER THAN MY XP BAR?

It appeared to me that this new world I was reincarnated into was game-like, similar to the countless isekai manga and anime I’ve seen. 

Damn balls of light… I have shitter than shit stats! Don’t tell me that I might actually struggle against a slime!
The slime approached closer to me, slowly. It dragged itself along the grass, leaving a trail of slime.

I grabbed a thick, blunt-edged stick and grasped onto it tightly. My feet were frozen in place, and my eyes were struck upon the slime. Then, suddenly, I realized something.

Wait, if I just died, wouldn’t I just be reincarnated again? What would it matter if I died again…

Less worried of dying, I gnarled my teeth and waited for the slime to get into striking distance.

“Cmon’ stupid slime! Show me what you can do!”