Once again I’m on crow’s nest duty, but this time I actually volunteered. It’s not so bad anymore, with Cail’s cloak sheltering me from the wind, and Dusty had found me a spare pillow for my back. Now I sit comfortably with Bay in my lap while I watch the clouds and the land below goes by.
Judging by how the thick forests and rolling hills have given way to tall mountains, I estimate that we should be approaching Ravenglass very shortly. I’d have a more accurate estimate of our distance if I were still navigating, but five days ago, the captain had told me that Cail was feeling well enough to take on light duties and would continue with the navigation to the fae city. I had been promptly dismissed.
Although I feel relieved that Cail has recovered well, I also feel disappointed that I can no longer navigate. While it was challenging and stressful at times, it was also a good distraction, and that’s something I need to get me through these uneventful days; I am left with far too much time to think. I hope Cail forgives me soon so that we can continue with my training. Although, if I am honest with myself, it’s not just the navigation I miss. I miss being around Cail and the easy banter that we have in our friendship. It’s different from the friendship I had with Finn and Kai, or even Dusty, though I can’t pinpoint why. Perhaps because it makes me feel alive and electric—or at least it did.
I have only seen him a few times since he went back to his duties, and on every occasion, he had ignored my presence altogether. I think I have thoroughly burned any bridges. I can’t blame him, since I did cause him to be shot by an arrow. After that, I started sitting in the crow’s nest to keep out of his way.
I watch as the sun begins to dip on the horizon, casting an orange glow and dusky shadows over the rugged mountains. The air feels even colder, and I pull the cloak even more tightly around me, making sure that Bay is also covered.
My eyes fixate on a glowing spot at the side of a tall mountain in the far distance. Surely that’s not a spot of sunlight? As we near closer I realise it’s an entire city.
“Ravenglass is in view!” Cail calls from the forecastle.
I stare at it in amazement. I knew the fae lived somewhere in the mountains, but I had never imagined that it would be so far up on the side of one. The tall peaks are topped with thick snow, and I wonder how the fae manage to keep themselves warm.
The air is extremely thin at the high altitude we are flying at, but, as we descend, it’s the sight of the beautiful, glowing city below that truly takes my breath away. I have never seen buildings like these before. They appear to be made from some white material, and a majority of them are circular towers with crystal spires on the top. However, it’s the lights that are the most mesmerizing. While a majority of the light emitted from the city is a warm yellow glow, as we get closer I notice that there are smaller lights lining the streets in every colour imaginable. Surprisingly, considering that it’s dusk, the streets look to be bustling as though it was midday.
I climb down from the mast as Buckzbee begins the docking procedure. Unlike the last few cities and towns we have docked at, Ravenglass has a plethora of docking cradles. It’s not difficult to figure out why; there is no mountain pass or road leading to the city. I can’t see how anyone would be able to travel here if not by ship.
My feet begin to shuffle around on their own accord as I start to feel impatient. The city is calling to me, I want nothing more than to hop off the ship and explore every inch of it. The rest of the crew must feel the same, as once the ship is fixed in the cradle, they all rush to exit onto the landing platform.
At the bottom of the steps, we are met by three beautiful ethereal-looking faeries, two men and one woman. They all stand tall, with long, flowing hair. The man who stands in the middle and the woman to his left are both blonde, and the other man has radiant chestnut coloured locks. The woman wears a long, delicate dress, while the men wear elegant light-coloured pants and jackets with gold trimming. I wonder if they have been waiting here for a long time, or if they have a sixth sense that informs them when visitors arrive. How did they even know we were coming at all?
They all bend in unison to greet us with a bow. The crew bow in return and I hurry to follow suit.
“Captain Joseph Coldrun of the Zarla and his crew, it is an honour to have you all in the city of Ravenglass.” the blonde man says, “I am Calarel, the head of the fae council, and these are two of my council members, Iolas and Sonlar,” he gestures to the woman and the man, respectively.
“It is an honour to be in this wonderful city,” the captain replies. “I assume you already know the reason we are here?”
“Indeed, we do, but there will be a time to discuss those matters tomorrow at the council meeting, for tonight is a celebration for Droena, the goddess of night, even the crown prince from the forest palace has rewarded us with his appearance. Perhaps your crew would like to join the street festivities while you attend the royal banquet with us, Captain?” Calarel says.
“It would be an honour,” the captain replies.
“Wonderful.” The faery claps his hands together. “I have arranged luxury accommodations for you all at the Stamen Inn, the best in the city. You will find it just to the left of the cathedral.”
“That’s very accommodating of you. It will be very much appreciated by the crew, as we are recovering from a rough battle and a long flight,” the captain tells the faeries.
“Well, I’m sure you will find here all you need to recuperate. Captain Coldrun, please allow us to escort you to the banquet hall. To the rest of you, enjoy the celebrations!” The fae turn in sychronisation and walk in a way that makes them look as though they are gliding on air.
The crew disbands, except for Dusty, who trots over.
“Me and Graham are going to check out the fae food market. I imagine that they’ll have lots of exotic fruits and veggies. Would you like to come with us?” he offers.
“I was actually going to go back on the ship,” I tell him. “I realised I never changed into my land uniform, and if we’re going to be staying in an inn, I should probably bring Bay with me. I can try to catch up with you later though.”
“Okay, sounds good to me. I’ll save you some of the fruit.” He starts to rush off and then suddenly stops to turn back. “Sef, try to make sure Bay doesn’t make a mess. The fae seem like really tidy people.”
I laugh. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.”
Bay is practically bouncing off the walls when I enter my cabin. It will be good for him to have a city to run around in to burn off some energy after being stuck on a ship for weeks. I change quickly and decide to leave my cloak behind. Since we landed, the air has been surprisingly warm considering the high altitude.
As I leave the ship, Bay races ahead of me, and I pause once I get to the bottom of the steps. The city is so magnificent that I don’t know where to start. I hear a lot of cheering coming from the street on my left, so that’s where I head for first. I am surprised to find that the ground is made from a smooth polished stone, nothing like the rough cobblestone that I’m used to seeing in cities and towns.
I round the corner and stop in surprise as I see a crowd of cheering people cluttering the pavements while the road is filled with costumed fae dancing gracefully. Ropes are strung across the road from building to building, and from them dangles vibrant glowing crystal shards. They all vary in colour and pulsate soothingly. I stop to watch the dancers, amazed by their smooth movements and flexibility, until I spot Cail a few paces away.
Of course I had to choose the same direction as him. I pick up Bay, who is standing on his hind legs trying to look between the crowd, and discretely try to slip away. I turn down an alleyway and out into a wider open space where the crowd is more thinned out, although some are gathered around a juggler who is putting on a performance.
I head over to a white stone wall that runs along the side of the road and peer over it. I can slightly make out the jagged mountains against the dark navy sky. The view in the mornings must be spectacular.
I continue walking on until I notice the sound of footsteps close behind me. Am I being stalked by a crazed faerie who wants to steal my life essence? I spin around suddenly and sigh in frustration. Nope, It’s just Cail, again.
“Are you following me?” I ask.
“No, I’m walking with you. There’s a difference,” He replies with a smirk.
“Why?” I demand. He’s been avoiding me since the Vardran attack. Why now?
He shrugs. “Because you’re walking alone in a strange city with an entirely different culture that you don’t know anything about.”
“I don’t need rescuing,” I say abruptly.
Cail rolls his eyes and sighs. “Of course you don’t.”
I am about to retort that I never asked him to swoop in every time, but I stop myself and look away. Why am I being so snarky? I spent the last few weeks wishing that I knew how to make things normal between us. I should be on my knees begging for forgiveness after the pain I put him through, and yet here I am pushing him away. Because you’re scared of getting hurt again, the voice at the back of my mind tells me.
“I’m sorry,” I tell Cail. “I just mean that I know you’re mad at me. The last thing you’d want is to be escorting me through the city when you should be off enjoying yourself with the others.”
“I’m not mad at you,” He says.
I raise my eyebrows.
“Okay, I’m still kinda mad at you, but I also miss you,” he admits.
“I’m really sorry you got shot,” I say sincerely. “I never meant for that to happen, no one else was supposed to get hurt. You were right, I was stupid and selfish.”
“You think that’s why I was angry at you? Because I got shot?” he sounds annoyed.
“Isn’t it?” I ask.
“No, I was angry at you because you chose to sacrifice yourself—if you could even call it that. You talked about the crew not getting close to you because first bloods tend to have a short life span, but you went onto that ship with no intentions of surviving. You just gave up—on Dusty, on Bay, on me.” He was shouting at first but now he talks quietly as though his voice has lost its strength. “So yes, I’m mad. Because you made the decision to leave us all behind as though we were nothing to you.” His normally composed and relaxed face appears taunt and pained, and his eyes glisten in the light of the glowing crystal streetlamps.
My throat feels tight and I struggle to get any words out. “It wasn’t like that,” I choke.
His hands grip my shoulders, “then tell me what it’s like. Tell me what was going through your head at that moment.”
I shake my head and look away. I want to explain everything so that I can put things right between us, but the words are like a large lump in my throat. I can’t get anything out.
He slowly loosens his grip and lets his hands slide away. “It’s okay,” he says quietly. “Perhaps you’ll be ready to tell me one day. I’m not going anywhere.”
I nod gratefully.
“Erm, you might wanna,” he points awkwardly at something over my shoulder, and I realise that there is some sort of loud commotion happening behind me.
I turn to see that the juggler is slipping around on the smooth stone as he tries to chase Bay, who is running around with one of the juggling balls in his mouth. The crowd that was watching the performance is now roaring in laughter.
“Oh no,” I say, darting after the otter.
I eventually retrieve the ball and hand it back to the juggler sheepishly, who’s looking a little worse for wear. I hand him a few gold coins for his trouble, perch Bay on my shoulders, and return to Cail, who is trying to keep a straight face, and not succeeding very well.
“Your pet causes a lot of trouble, he must take after his owner,” he teases.
“Very funny,” I say. “So since you appointed yourself as my guide, where are we going?”
“Well, I don’t know about you but I’m, parched. I think there should be a night market around here somewhere with stalls selling food and drink.”
My stomach growls at the mention of food and I realise that I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. Dusty would disapprove. “Food sounds great,” I say.
I watch Cail’s movements as we walk. The few times that I saw him when he first went back to his duties, he had walked and moved tentatively as though his injury was still causing him more pain than he was letting on. Either he is feeling better or he has just got better at disguising it.
Curiosity gets the better of me and the words slip out before I can stop them, “How is your wound now?” I ask him.
“Much better now. It’s practically healed thanks to some home-brewed medicine that I acquired. Thanks for that, by the way,” he says, nodding in my direction.
I blush. “How did you know it was from me?”
The corner of his mouth lifts in a slight smile. “Because anyone else would have knocked on my door and handed it to me directly along with their well wishes.”
I lower my head, embarrassed. “Sorry, I had somewhere I needed to be,” I mumble.
“Of course you did,” he nods, playing along with my lie. “I’m sorry I scared you away.” He sounds more serious now.
“It’s okay, you had a right to be angry with me, you don’t need to apologise.”
“I do. I should have just talked to you rather than react the way I did, I felt terrible about it afterward.”
“It’s fine, really, I’m just glad you’ve recovered okay.”
“Where did you learn to make that ointment? It worked better than anything I’ve used before.” He asks, his voice mixed with curiosity and admiration.
“The recipe was in an old book of my mother’s that I brought with me. She used to make her own remedies and sell them to the islanders for some extra money. I bought the ingredients for it back in Wycliff when the cut on my arm was infected.”
“Has she realised it’s missing yet?” Cail laughs.
I falter, unsure how to respond. Luckily, we are distracted by the sound of loud marching coming from the road behind us. People begin to shout and cheer excitedly, and a crowd starts to gather.
“The crown prince!” I hear someone call.
Cail pulls me away from the side of the road as an escort of fae soldiers march in uniform. In the space between the soldiers, a faerie, who I assume is the crown prince, strides lithely. He doesn’t look like what I expected, compared to some of the other male faeries I have seen so far, he appears taller and more robust, with fiery red hair.
A few steps behind him walks a faerie woman wearing armour with her long golden hair tied back; the prince’s personal guard. Her head is held high, and I am amazed by her strong and impressive looks. Amongst all the surrounding soldiers, she is the only female.
As they pass by, the woman turns her head and her gaze falls on me. She takes in the sight of my uniform and tips her head towards me slightly with a smile.
I smile and nod back. We have an unspoken respect for each other, both women soldiers holding our own in armies dominated by men.
“It looks like we arrived in Ravenglass on a very interesting day,” I say to Cail once the royal escort has passed out of sight and we continue walking.
“I’m sure the fae would say it was some kind of fate and not just a coincidence. That we came here at the right time for a reason,” he says.
“Do you believe that?” I ask.
A slight line appears in between his eyes. “I don’t know if fate is real, but if it is, I like to think we have at least some control over our future.”
He looks troubled, but before I can ask him about it, we walk through to a spectacular-looking circular open space. Brightly coloured stalls are scattered around the outside. Though the majority of the stallholders are fae, many are still run by people of different races that I have never seen before: a scantily clad sultry woman with long pointed ears; a man with greenish-blue tinted skin and webbed fingers with gills on the side of his neck; green plant-people with ivy leaves covering up their private body parts; people so short that I almost mistake them for young infants. It takes everything that I have not to stare.
In the center of the marketplace is a circular wall with a grassy mound in the middle and a large tree. White glowing crystals have been hung from the branches, making it look celestial. Larger glowing crystals protrude from the walls of the surrounding buildings in the same array of colours as the smaller ones that hang from the decorative ropes. I can’t decide which ones I love the most: the deep blue, tropical turquoise, warm orange, pale shimmering pink, deep amethyst purple, luscious green. They all remind me of the minerals that were mined back on curio, and I find myself drawn to them.
I reach out at a nearby honey yellow one and run my hand along its smooth facet. It’s warm and I can feel the energy from it pulsating up my arm as it glows. Bay stretches from my shoulder to sniff at it.
“They’re all infused with magic,” Cail says. “That’s why they are all over the city. They serve to provide the city with heat and light, and they also power the magic protective barriers around the city.”
“They’re beautiful” I whisper. I have fallen in love with this mystical city. It is as though the crystals and the energy are helping to heal a part of myself that I didn’t even know existed, let alone that it is broken.
“Come, I see some food over there that I think you’ll like. We'll find something for Bay too.” Cail leads me away from the yellow mineral and over to a stall run by a brunette faerie woman. It is filled with various delicacies, and I am hit by a mouthwatering scent coming from the grill behind her. We scour the menu written on the chalkboard and both decide on the grilled mammoth steak sandwiches and a side of webcap mushrooms stuffed with jackalope cheese and sun-dried tomatoes with a sprinkling of parsley.
For Bay’s dinner, we go to a stall owned by one of the gilled men—Cail whispers to me that they are finfolk—who sells an array of fish dishes. He recommends that we buy the platter of six sunderfish cups. They look like white hollowed-out starfish, filled with a blend of tuna and thunder shark, and topped with a whole pygmy squid.
There are wooden tables and benches strewn around in front of the stalls, but we decide to eat on the wall surrounding the tree. As I sit, I swear I can hear the humming and clinking of the crystals above. Cail leaves to find us some drinks, and a take a bite of my sandwich. The meat is the juiciest and most tender I have ever tasted, and it almost melts in my mouth. The slightly-toasted herb bread has the perfect crunch. I place the platter of sunderfish cups down for Bay, who eagerly picks off a squid with both paws and pops it into his mouth.
Cail returns with two glasses of pale pink bubbling liquid and hands one to me.
“What is it?” I ask, sniffing at it dubiously. I don’t trust him after the last time he handed me a drink.
“Don’t worry, it’s not alcohol this time, it’s cherry blossom nectar. You’ll like it. I had it the last time I was here.”
I take a sip. The flavour is divine; sweet and floral but also refreshing, and the bubbles tingle on my tongue. Despite it not being alcohol, the drink makes me feel giddy and carefree, as though I could float into the sky and dance amongst the crystals.
“I told you that you’d like it,” Cail laughs.
“I do. When were you last here?” I ask.
He ponders for a moment. “It was probably about six years ago when I was seventeen. I was still part of my father’s crew back then.”
I watch as he leans back and takes a bite of his sandwich. I can't help but notice how attractive he looks under the light of the tree. I quickly shake that thought from my head. “Of course, I remember you saying that your father was a captain. What made you leave his crew?”
His brows furrow and he thoughtfully takes a few more bites of his food before responding.
“It was always my father’s dream for me to take over his ship, as he had done with his father. He had me working on it from such a young age, providing me with training every single day so that I knew the ship like the back of my hand. But I guess there are some things you just can’t teach.” He smiles slightly but his face looks forlorn, lost.
“What happened?” I ask, concerned.
“I was twenty-one when my father lost one of his arms in a battle, just two years ago. My mother begged him to retire, and he did, which meant that I would become the captain. Except, when the time came, I couldn’t do it.”
“Why? You’d make a great captain,” I say.
Cail shakes his head sadly. “Perhaps, theoretically, but I was terrified of being a leader, of the responsibility—I still am. Just the thought of having the lives of the whole crew in my hands had me waking from terrible nightmares that were so bad that I would instantly start throwing up. I had lost so much weight that my father’s doctor started thinking I had a terminal illness.”
I reach out and grip his hand. Instead of pulling it back, he squeezes it tightly. I have never seen him looking this vulnerable, even when he was shot, he always looked so strong. It makes me sad to see him like this.
“When it was time for me to officially become captain, I backed out. I told my father and we got into a terrible fight. He was so disappointed in me that eventually sent me away and Captain Coldrun took me in. I was weak—I still am weak,” he corrects.
“No,” I object. “You’re not weak. You stood up to your father so that you wouldn’t be forced into a life you weren’t ready for. That takes bravery that most people don’t have.”
He looks at me sadly and holds my gaze. “What if I’m never ready for that life?” he asks.
“Then that’s okay too. You’re the best navigator and first mate I know, just be content doing that and take every day one step at a time. Maybe one day you’ll be ready to captain your own ship, and maybe you won't. It’s your future, and despite whether fate exists or not, I’m confident that you do have a choice in how you want to spend it.”
He smiles appreciatively and his eyes twinkle with an emotion that I can’t read.
“Thank you, Sef, for listening and understanding. It’s not something I’ve ever talked about with anyone before. I feel better getting it off my chest.”
“You’re welcome,” I say shyly, looking away while I tuck into my stuffed mushrooms.
His words remind me of what Dusty said after he told me about his life and I feel uncomfortable. They both trusted me enough to open up about their past but I haven’t been able to do the same. I’m the real coward here, and Cail deserves to know the truth.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I down my pink drink to give myself added courage, open my mouth, and allow the words to spill out.
“The reason I left my islands,” I begin, “is because everyone there was slaughtered by Vardrans. My mother was brutally murdered,” I say quietly.
Cail chokes on his mushroom in shock at my sudden announcement.
Now that I’ve started talking, I can’t stop, and I tell him everything that happened that day in detail. I tell him of our failed fishing trip, how we saw the smoke, about my neighbours dead in the street, the state I found my mother in, and how I had sobbed over her body until Finn had dragged me away.
He listens in silence as I talk, and I can’t bring myself to look at his expression, but I know that he must be horrified.
“When did this happen?” he asks quietly once I have stayed quiet for a while.
“A few days before I joined the crew,” I say, finally turning to him. His face is pained with sympathy, and I feel bad for burdening him with this knowledge.
He curses quietly. “Did you even allow yourself to grieve?” he asks.
I shake my head slightly. “I couldn’t face it, so instead I have been focusing all my energy on getting revenge. It’s the only thing I can keep going for.”
Cail stands and runs his fingers through his hair with his back to me.
“That’s why you refused to leave the Vardran ship,” he says.
I nod even though he’s not looking at me.
He spins back to address me directly. “I understand your need for revenge, I would do the same if my people were killed the way yours were, but what I don’t understand is why you are so set on dying in the process. You were lucky to survive, don’t throw it all away now,” he begs.
I raise to my feet and take a step toward him. “It’s easy for you to say that but you have no idea what it’s it’s like.”
“Then tell me, please, so that I can understand.”
“It hurts!” My chest feels tight and my voice comes out strained. “It’s killing me every day. I can bury the grief for now but the guilt is always there eating away at me.”
“Why do you feel guilty?” he asks confused.
“Because they suffered and died horrific deaths and I didn’t. I wasn’t even there to try and help them. My mother died alone in a way that no one should, and all that I can think about is that I don’t deserve to be here. I don’t have a right to be here having these amazing experiences while they’re all dead.” I turn to look at the tree as I try to catch my breath. “Every moment I spend with you, and Dusty, and Bay, I start to feel so happy that, for a moment, I forget what happened. Then it comes back to me and I feel riddled with even more guilt that I dared to be happy while they all suffered. I can't keep living like this. I made a pact to myself that I would join them in death once I have avenged them.”
It’s strange to have finally let out so much that I haven’t even been able to admit to myself, but somehow, I feel so much lighter.
Cail grips my shoulder lightly to spin me around to pull me into an embrace. He cradles my head against his chest and I instinctively wrap my arms around his back. This is the closest I have felt to peace in months.
“You do deserve to be happy,” he whispers, “and in her final moments your mother would have been so grateful that you were off the islands.”
“You don’t know that,” I say, my voice muffled against his chest.
“I do,”
“How?”
“Because she’s a mother, and all good mothers just want their children to be safe and happy,” he says.
I pull away. Perhaps he’s right, but I still can’t stop my mind from torturing itself.
“I know it’s hard,” he says as though he can read my thoughts from my expression. “Guilt is one of the hardest emotions to overcome, but I know you can do it,” he says confidently.
“I don’t know how,” I tell him.
"I do,” he says. His fingers brush lightly against my cheek, “by taking every day one step at a time.”
I smile. It’s my words repeated back to me, but it still works all the same.
Cail returns my smile. “Let’s go take a walk,” he says.
I pick up Bay from under the tree, who has fallen asleep after his large fish meal.
“Hey, thank you for telling me about what happened, I know it must have been hard for you,” Cail says gently as we stroll side-by-side around the city.
“I’m honestly surprised I was able to. I haven't even been able to think about it since it happened, let alone talk about it,” I say.
“It’s this place.” Cail gestures around us. “It makes everyone feel relaxed enough to share even their darkest secrets. That’s how the fae seem to know everything.”
I glance up at the tall glistening spires around us. My heart has felt a lot lighter since we’ve been here, but I don’t think it’s just the city causing it. I’m relieved that Cail is talking to me again, perhaps it was the fear of losing him that finally made me face my fear of the past. “I think you’re just easier to talk to, and I trust you,” I tell him honestly.
He looks at me with an expression I can’t read, and for once, he looks as though he doesn’t know what to say.
“Where’s that music coming from?” I ask as the sound of beautiful string notes reaches my ears along with the tinkling noise of flowing water.
Cail stops walking for a few moments to listen. “This way,” he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me through an arched alleyway tunnel.
It leads through to another open space that is taken up by a large rectangular fountain in front of the cathedral. There is a large waterspout in the middle, emerging from a statue of a winded faerie woman, and there are two smaller waterspouts at either end. The musicians are in front of the fountain surrounded by a crowd. Two are playing large harps, while the other three are playing string instruments I have never seen before. It sounds other-worldly and fits the mood of the city perfectly.
Cail doesn’t let go of my hand as we stop at the end of the tunnel and I don’t object. I’m enjoying his closeness far more than I care to admit. We are surrounded by crystals that are pinkish-red and deep indigo. The mix of colours cast a relaxing purple light over us as we watch the performance.
Bay has remained asleep slung over my shoulder while we walked but now he is startled awake by a loud bang. He scrambles to the ground and hides behind my legs as I flinch back. With each bang, colourful lights explode in the sky. Some of them twist and turn, while others change colour and make beautiful patterns.
“Is that magic?” I ask.
“No, those are fireworks,” Cail laughs. “Have you really never seen them before?”
I shake my head and stare up in wonderment at the bursting stars. Somewhere over by the fountain, a woman has started singing in a hauntingly beautiful voice that sends chills up my spine and down my arms.
For a moment I try to listen to what her song is about, but her words are soon forgotten as Cail’s fingers gently tilt my chin towards him, and his lips land on mine.
