Dan had led the charge again. He was doing his usual stuff, making the claim I was wimpy and all that. The angle this time was that I was so bad at making friends, I went to the ‘dark side’ because it was supposedly easier. This plan would spectacularly backfire when he loudly proclaimed,

“The wimp’s a girl - he wants friends that badly! Giving up his manly superiority just to get a friend, how lame! Guys are better, you know.”

I was going to leave or do something to get out of the situation, but then a different voice was heard:

“Oh really? Would you like to explain how you males are better to me, then?” Lily sarcastically replied, but in a loud voice so everyone heard her.
Dan looked at her. He had the look of fear. His girlfriend had the look of sheer smugness.
He was about to find out what happens when you disappoint your girlfriend and his girlfriend was going to make an example of him in front of the class. Spoiler alert: it was glorious.

“I…” Dan’s concentration wasn’t broken - it was shattered.
“Well? You want to do comedy. There’s truth in comedy, right? There’s got to be some truth, then? You didn’t say like it was wrong, so it’s right, yes? You have reasons then, I hope. What are they?”

Meanwhile, my head was spinning. First off, it was rare for someone to stick up for me. It had happened once earlier that day (so I didn’t get sexually harassed) - but this was a weird feeling. Secondly, Lily wasn’t telling him to stop per-se. She clearly didn’t like the comment. Instead she was trying to make him regret saying that in the most traumatically embarrassing manner possible. It felt wonderful - though I wasn’t sure if it was because she was sticking up for me, or because I was a girl.
“Well… it’s a joke, I was--”
“It was a joke? Which means you didn’t mean it? Usually comedians have a standard of decency, I thought. If they’re going to joke about that kind of thing, they’re going to make it clear that they see it as wrong. But you seemed to be all in favor that guys are better. Was it a joke?”

Lily was on the attack.

“No, I was--”
“Well, if it wasn’t a joke, then you must think it’s true then. Why are guys better than girls like Miranda and me?”

In the span of 20 seconds, Dan had gone from providing entertainment for the room at my expense to being thoroughly backed into a corner and losing his pride. The girls seemed to be actively enjoying his misery. I was too. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was picking on me, or because I had become a girl at the time. Looking back, it was both.

“...well, they’re really equals, I--” Dan was trying to back out of his statements.
“Then you didn’t mean it then? What kind of a person says that unironically, only to follow it up with the ‘but I was joking’ card? In my book, the answer to that is easy: an asshole.”

Lily never was going to let him off the hook. She was brutal.

“Miranda? Let’s go outside. I want some quality girl talk. Any girls here are free to follow us - no guys allowed.”

The turnout was quick, and I was stunned by it. But not stunned enough to not pack and follow Lily. A number of Lily’s friends also packed to follow us. The entire male population of the classroom was silent.

Well, that was the case until Dan spoke up: “I wasn’t really--”

To this day, I don’t know if Dan was desperate, bold, or just plain stupid for trying to climb out of his grave like that. My guess would be desperate and stupid. Regardless:

“Stop being an asshole, Dan. We’re done.”
Dan looked absolutely defeated. He was, honestly.