Maddy

I woke up confused. The last thing I remembered, Steve and I had been kissing. I groggily realized that I was still curled up on the couch, but someone had taken off my flats and tucked a blanket over me.

I sat up and was hit by an immediate, pounding headache. Looking around, I saw Steve watering his plants through the back window. Birds were chirping, and the sun was way too fucking bright.

I staggered to the bathroom, peed, washed my hands and face, and rinsed my mouth out. By the time I emerged feeling a bit more human, Steve had come back inside and was energetically humming a tuneless melody while making coffee. He made really good coffee--he had, like, all this equipment like a hand grinder and a french press and a moka pot--and it sounded like exactly what I needed right now.

“Oh hey, you’re up! Would you prefer a latte, espresso, or Americano?”

I rubbed some salt from my eyes. “Latte sounds good.”

“Alright, one latte coming right up!” He paused. “So, about last night…”

Oh god, I should have known this was coming. “Yes?” I squeaked out.

“I… are you okay with what we did? I’m really sorry if I pushed something onto you or if you felt pressured to kiss me. I know you were drunk and I should have thought more about the fact that you might not be able to give consent.”

Oh my god, this man was too pure. “Steve, it’s all good, I promise.” I laid my hand on his shoulder. “I only had maybe two glasses of wine, so at most I was tipsy. As I told you at the time, I was mainly just sleepy.”

A memory suddenly returned. “Oh, god, I fell asleep while we were kissing, didn’t I? I promise that’s not because I found it boring or you boring or anything, I think I was just behind on sleep the last several days.”

“Okay, I’m glad to hear that. Uh, I enjoyed it a lot--well, y’know, before you fell asleep. Although even then, you’re extra adorable when sleeping.”

Ah, my heart. “I really enjoyed it too, Steve. Maybe we can have a repeat performance, some time when I’m less sleepy.”

The coffee on the stove suddenly started sputtering. Steve dashed over to turn off the burner. “Coffee’s ready, just gimme a moment to heat up the milk!” He looked back at me and winked. “Now this should make you less sleepy.”

I felt my face flush slightly. Although yes, Steve and I were both very physically affectionate people and we had hugged and cuddled lots of times before, I wasn’t used to him--or anyone, really--being so straightforwardly flirty with me. Honestly, usually I had no idea someone was flirting with me until a friend told me afterwards, but Steve was not exactly being subtle.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by Steve handing me a mug of hot coffee. “One oat milk latte, for--” he pretended to squint at writing on the cup “--Nadeline?”

I laughed and took the mug. “Close enough. But if you call me Nads I will strangle you in your sleep.”

Steve

I really loved Maddy’s jokes. And the way she sipped at her latte so carefully. And the cute little dress she was wearing. And her sleep-tousled hair.

In fact, I think I might just love Maddy.

I beamed at her as she finally took a larger sip. “Whoa, this is really good!”

Just what I like to hear! “Yeah, I got the brand of oat milk you like, and the beans are from this really good regional chain. I swear they somehow taste like chocolate.”

“Yeah, it’s not really bitter at all. Amazing. Steve, you are a coffee wizard.”

“Well, most of the work is really from the farmers and the roasters. I’m just distilling their hard work into a drinkable form.”

“You say that, but I’ve definitely known people who could have the nicest beans in the world and still really fuck it up.”

“Haha, fair enough. Oh, by the way, do you have any plans for today?”

Maddy thought for a moment. “Yeah, I should really go grocery shopping. Last week I basically survived on canned soup and beans and rice.”

Oh. “Dang, guess we can’t hang out all day again. That reminds me, I should probably go shopping myself.”

“You wanna go together? I’ll drive.”

“Sure, that works! When do you want to go?” I was just happy to get to spend a little more time with her.

“Maybe half an hour? I need to get changed first.”

I looked at her. What she was wearing looked fine to me. “Why do you need to change? I mean, it’s fine either way.”

“Steve, it would be weird if I wore this to the grocery store.”

“I feel like I’ve seen plenty of women wear stuff like that to the store. It’s not super formal or anything, right?”

Maddy rested her forehead on her hand. “Steve. STEVE. I feel like there’s something you’re forgetting here.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m, y’know... not exactly a girl?”

I looked at her pained expression. “Huh?”

Maddy glared at me and lightly slapped me.

“I know you’re not sure about gender stuff, Mads, but you’re happy with people using female pronouns and stuff, right? I thought you’d be fine with me saying you’re a girl.”

Her shoulders slumped and she let out a sigh. “I mean… it’s complicated, okay? I do like it when you call me a girl. I really like it, to be honest. But I don’t know if I’m ready to be like this in public. What if I run into someone I know? Or one of my mom’s chatty friends? I’m not so sure about this that I want it to be dragged up in front of everyone I know.”

I reached over to hug her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about all that stuff. I’m so used to you just being a girl that it’s easy to forget that this is all new to you.”

She snuggled tighter into my grasp before sighing again. “Don’t worry about it, Steve. The problem really isn’t with you. I just wish the world we lived in was better.”

“Well, I’d like to think it’s better for us living in it.”

Maddy laughed. “You know you’re a giant cornball, right? You should get a job with Hallmark writing cards or something.”

“And here my English teacher told me I’d never amount to anything.”

“Oh, when I was in school I had some English teachers who loved me and others who hated me.”

“Huh. I don’t really understand why anyone would hate you.”

“Well… to be honest, I was pretty passionate about the subject, and I probably vocally disagreed with my teachers more than was good for my grades. Some teachers liked that I participated a lot and wrote well, while others mostly seemed annoyed and regarded me as a disruption.”

“Do you still write at all? If so I’d love to read some of it.”

She looked down at the floor. “To be honest, I haven’t really written much lately. I guess I have the fantasy book I’ve been working on for a few years, but it’s really not in a good state for anyone to actually read it.”

“That’s really cool! I don’t think I could ever focus long enough to sit down and write a whole book.”

“Well, it isn’t exactly finished yet. I mostly just have a general plot outline, main cast, and a big pile of worldbuilding details.”

“What do you mean by worldbuilding? How the world was created?”

“Oh, no, more like various details trying to make the setting seem more detailed and realistic. Languages, currency systems, geography, government… that kind of thing.”

“Whoa! That all sounds really cool too. Even if you just want to show me that stuff, that would be awesome.”

“Jeez, you’re always so positive. Don’t you ever get tired of being happy and supportive all the time?”

I thought for a moment. “Nope! If I compliment you, it’s because I think you’re good, and I’m not happy all the time anyway.”

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you have an off day.”

“Well, I’m not usually really sad or angry, and generally I try not to let my emotions change how I treat others. But I was really down in the dumps for weeks after my ex and I broke up.”

Maddy

I could see I had touched on a sore subject, and decided a distraction was in order. “Okay, let me get changed real quick and then we can head out.”

I grabbed my gym bag and headed to the bathroom, only to come to a terrible realization.

“Wait, Steve! STEVE!”

After a few seconds, Steve peeked around the doorframe. “Yes?”

“I… I just realized I forgot to bring any guy clothes.”

“Oh. Well, let me go and see if I can find anything for you to borrow!”

“Thanks, but--” It was too late. He had already gone sprinting to his room upstairs. “--I don’t think any of your clothes are going to fit me.”

Steve

I quickly dug through my wardrobe, glad that I had spent the time to organize it last month. After ruling out most of my shirts and pants because they were too large, I found a pair of elastic bike shorts that had ended up being too small for me, and a button up shirt with sleeves that could be rolled up and held in place with buttons.

I ran back downstairs to find Maddy looking mildly exasperated.

“I got clothes!”

“Steve. I was going to say, I don’t think any of your clothes are going to fit me.”

“Sure they will! I got elastic shorts and this shirt rolls up.”

She gingerly accepted the garments from me. “I guess trying them on won’t hurt.”

“That’s the spirit!”

Maddy just stood there staring at me for a bit.

“Hello?”

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you… leave the bathroom so I can change?”

“Oh, right! Sorry!”

I went to clean out the moka pot while she changed. I shook the grounds out into the compost bin and rinsed off the basket and the gasket. Ha, that rhymed.

I heard Maddy emerge from the bathroom and turned to look at her. See, the clothes fit fine! I don’t know what she was worrying about.

Maddy

I pulled on the shorts Steve had left with me. The elastic made them actually fit pretty closely, although they were a little shorter than I would have liked.

Next I pulled off my dress and threaded my arms into the massive button-up. After starting to button it up, it became clear that it was going to hang on me like a tent.

After rolling up the sleeves three or four times, they were no longer hanging out past my hands, but the tails in front were hanging down so far you couldn’t even see the bike shorts. I tried to tuck the shirt into the shorts but it quickly became clear that that wasn’t going to work. It looked like I was trying to smuggle a fanny pack in my pants.

I pulled the shirt back out and tried to smooth it down before looking up at myself in the mirror.

Oh my god.

This wasn’t any better.

Steve

“It looks cute!”

“What it looks like,” Maddy said emphatically, “Is that I’m wearing my boyfriend’s shirt as a dress.”

“Aren’t y--” I stopped as she raised a hand to slap me. “I mean, you’re just borrowing a male friend’s shirt. That’s pretty normal. No reason for your mom’s friends to freak out.”

“Steve, it looks like I’m not wearing any pants.”

“Sure you are!” I reached over to flip the shirt upwards, but she jumped away with a yelp.

“Steve! You better not do that while we’re in the store!”

Maddy

God, this was embarrassing. I knew Steve was bigger than me, but I didn’t realize it would practically look like I was wearing a shirtdress.

“Look, do you have any other shirts I could try?”

“Sure, let me go check.”

Steve ran back upstairs and returned a moment later with two t-shirts. I accepted them and headed back into the bathroom.

The first shirt was relatively large and boxy, with the words “I dig gardening” written on it. The sleeves hung awkwardly just past my elbows, but at least the hem didn’t go down to my knees. The second t-shirt was much smaller and a light teal. Trying it on, I finally found something that fit. It was a little snug, noticeably dipping inward slightly around my waist, but overall still a massive improvement.

I headed out and spun around to show off my new outfit to Steve.

“Oh, I think that’s actually--uh, never mind.”

“What?”

“Nevermind, it’s nothing.”

Weird, I’m not sure why he started saying something and then abruptly changed his mind. Pretty out of character for him. Well, who knows?

“Okay, I’m finally ready to head out.”

“Cool! Let me grab my bags and we can get going.”

Of course he had a stash of reusable bags.

Steve

Once we were in the store, I noticed Maddy looking around a lot. She seemed on edge. I leaned over to give her a hug.

“Hey, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just--I just don’t really like crowds, in general.”

“We can go to another store if you want?”

“No, it’s fine. This is just my personal issue that I need to learn to get over. I just have a lot of anxiety around people I don’t know. Honestly, I really don’t have an easy time making friends because in a lot of social situations I just… shut down. I end up just standing there like a silent weirdo. It freaks me out to even talk to cashiers or salespeople. I know it’s weird and doesn’t have any rational basis, though, so I’ve been trying to make myself face that fear more often. You could call it exposure therapy.”

“Okay, just make sure you don’t push yourself too hard. If you ever need to take a moment just let me know.”

“Thanks, Steve. You being here actually helps a lot. Just one person I know being around helps me feel a lot more like I’m normal or like I’m wanted. Going places alone I’m always afraid that someone is just going to think I’m some kind of twitchy weirdo.”

“That must be hard. I’m really proud of you for being brave and working on overcoming that.”

“It’s really not brave. I’m literally just making myself do what normal people do.” But still, she was smiling.

“Okay! So what do you need to get?”

“Oh, uh… food? I just know I need to get more food in general.”

I held back a laugh. I thought her uncertainty was kind of funny and cute, but I didn’t want her to think I was condescending her.

“Okay, we can just get some basic stuff and I’ll also just get the ingredients for the meals I have planned.”

“Jeez, you’re always so organized. I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time.”

Was I really especially organized? “I just figure out meals ahead of time based on what I want to eat, and then get the ingredients I need. Nothing too special.”

“Still… I should be more like you. This sort of thing is probably part of why I don’t have a job or much of a social life. Honestly, thank you for always spending so much time with me. I’m sure there’s lots of other people you could be hanging out with and I.. I just want to say that you don’t always have to feel responsible for me, or spend time with me out of concern or pity.”

“What? No, Maddy, I spend a lot of time with you because I like spending time with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Really.”

Maddy

I turned away, suddenly filled with a surge of feelings I didn’t quite recognize. I knew people didn’t really like me or care about me, because they never really got to know me in the first place. I had always thought that maybe that was for the best, because if they really did know me they’d realize I wasn’t worth anything. But Steve’s unwavering sincerity and honesty was starting to get through to me. The last thing I could imagine this man doing was lying.

“Well… thanks.”

“No problem! Now let’s get to shopping.”

Steve basically guided me through the store, picking up the items on his list while also grabbing various things for me. He bought ground beef, chicken breasts, canned beans, broccoli, dry rice, sourdough bread, cheddar cheese, dry pasta, peanut butter, apples, carrots, and bell peppers.

“Okay, hopefully you should be able to make some nice meals out of this!”

I nodded, deciding not to tell him that I usually just grabbed a bunch of boxes of macaroni and cheese, cereal, and frozen chicken tenders.

We checked out, with Steve making small talk with the cashier while I awkwardly stood behind him. As he went to pay, I pulled out my card first.

“You always end up feeding me and letting me stay over, so I figure the least I can do is help pay for your food.”

“Aw, thanks Maddy! That’s really nice of you.”

It really wasn’t. I felt like I had basically built up such a debt to him that this was the least I could do. But that was hardly a point I cared to argue so I let it go.

I felt mildly embarrassed as we lifted the groceries out of the cart and into my car’s trunk, with Steve grabbing several bags at a time to my one. Still, the work was quickly done and I went to unlock the car while Steve wheeled the cart over to the cart return and carefully wheeled it in.

After Steve climbed into the passenger seat, I announced the plan. “Let’s swing by your house so we can drop off your groceries, and then I’ll take my groceries home.”

“Do you want me to come with? I can help carry stuff.” Steve looked eager at the opportunity to be helpful.

“I think I’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Wait, now that we’ve gone shopping, does that mean you’re free the rest of the day?”

I chewed my lip in thought. “Well, I have this commission I should really finish up on…”

“Could you do it at my place?”

“Hmm… I’d rather not, just because I have this whole ergonomic setup with my tablet and my desktop at home and it would be a pain to move.”

“Oh… What if I came and hung out at your place? We always hang out at my place, so I don’t think I’ve even ever seen where you live.”

“I guess…”