1.

The man known as “the Boss” was a tall, bald man with a single earring who would likely be mistaken for Mr. Clean anywhere he went. He was sitting behind a very large, ornate desk with a bobblehead bulldog on one corner and a mug that read “World’s Best God” just to the side of it. He was going through a good deal of papers.

“Gabe, you know much about that new Pestilence we’re swearing in later?” he asked as Red Shirt and I walked into the room.

Red Shirt shut the door behind us. “More to worry ‘bout, Boss. Lucian’s got his sights set on his daddy.”

Mr. the Boss Clean looked up from the papers. “Lucian… Who?”

“Lu…” Red Shirt looked annoyed and surprised at the same time. “Your nephew, Satan’s bastard kid.”

The Boss let his pen drop from his hand. “Oh! Him. Which one was he again?”

“The one who actually has power.”

The wheels seemed to finally turn in the Boss’s mind. “I remember him, now. The short one. How’d he find out?”

Red Shirt shook his head. “I dunno. Don’t much make sense, since Satan’s locked up in Mobil Avenue next to the reaper’s office.”

The Boss pointed to me. “And what’s this sorceress doing here?”

Red Shirt answered before I could open my mouth. “She’s Satan’s key.”

The Boss sighed. “Dammit.” He slumped in his chair. “Tell me, young lady, did he explain any of this to you?”

I gulped. Time to talk, I guess. “He, um, told me all about him being Satan’s son, and me being the key and all that, but I’d just like to know why me? I only just learned I was a sorceress a few days ago, I didn't even know magic existed until a week ago, why is all of this revolving around me?!” Almost every word of that came out at the same time. I was clearly still nervous as fuck.

The Boss’s eyes flicked over to Red Shirt for a second, then back at me. “How did he find you?”

I shook my head. “I dunno.”

He sighed, then sat straight. “Great.” He turned to Red Shirt. “This isn’t an annoyance.” He turned back to me. “So, miss… Kendra Brewster… How much magic do you actually know?”

“Really none. I’ve kinda just made reactions happen so far.”

He opened a drawer on his desk and pulled something out, then tossed it to Red Shirt. “You were given a starter kit?”

I nodded.

“Good. You probably need a translation guide, otherwise all that book amounts to is gibberish until you’ve taught yourself enough.”

I stepped forward and was handed the book. “Wait,” I said, “can't I just hang out here until somebody stops him?”

Red Shirt shook his head. “Lucian was born magic, but his power isn’t demonic. The fact that he can use you to unlock his father’s cell means he can travel to and from Heaven at any time.”

“Um… Heaven?”

The Boss looked at Red Shirt. “You didn’t tell her where she was?”

Red Shirt shrugged. “Didn’t get much chance.”

The Boss leaned forward in his chair. “Miss Brewster, you’re in Heaven right now. Gabe, here, and Hadraniel, the young man you met in the lobby, are angels.”

“Suh… Suh… So you’re…”

He leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on the desk. “As a matter of fact, yes.”

2.

I stood outside my house and sighed. No cops, no Lucian, no nothing except a very peaceful neighborhood. Maybe after I set fire to his house, Lucian had run off and skipped town. Maybe he wouldn’t be back to try and use me to free his father, the goddamned Devil, from his magical jail cell.

Maybe pigs would spontaneously grow gills, nest in trees and sing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” every time somebody walked past.

Red Shirt - Jubril, apparently his name was; I wasn’t sure how God got “Gabe” out of that - patted me on the back. “If he’s lurkin’ ‘round here, I’ll know. I can't hide from him, but he can't from me, either.”

I nodded. “Right. Do safe.”

He shook his head. “I didn't say that. He's the Boss’s nephew, he's stronger than any angel.”

I scratched my neck. “So, my cousin’s friend explained the magic hierarchy as far as sorceresses, succubi and magical girls, so where do angels and whatever the hell Lucian is fit in?”

He adjusted his sleeves. “It’s a mite complicated, but after I go through your house, I’ll give ya a rundown.” He took a step forward, then turned to face me again. “Probably best you go in first, tell your mom what’s goin’ on.”

I rolled my eyes. He wasn’t wrong, but just the idea that he hadn’t considered that when he was a fucking angel was a little silly. From what I’d seen, angels weren’t that much different from humans. They didn’t even seem to have wings.

I walked into the house ahead of Jubril and found mom lounging on the couch like everything was normal. Then again, I was home two hours before school let out, so for her, everything was normal until I walked into the house. She looked up from her iPad. “Hey, baby, what’s the matter? How come you’re home early?”

I took a deep breath. “Mom, somebody has to check the house.”

She set her iPad down on the coffee table. “What’s going on?”

I was ready to cringe. “If I told you I’m a magic key to unlock a prison containing Satan and an angel needs to look the house over to make sure Satan’s bastard son isn’t here, would you believe me?”

She sighed. “If you’d said that last week, no. Now, it seems like this is par for the course.”

I couldn't deny that. One visit from my cousin and suddenly I wasn't just crossdressing anymore and now fucking angels were involved. Upside down didn't seem to begin to explain how my life had been turned.

A minute or so later, Jubril walked into the room and looked around at everything. “Well, he ain’t here,” he said, almost as if he wasn’t sure what to tell us. “Nice place, though. Homey feel to it.”

I sighed. “Mom, this is Jubril, he’s… He’s the angel I was talking about.”

She looked him over, focusing on his relatively muscular chest, I noticed. “Not what I expected from an angel.”

He smiled. “I get that a lot, ma’am. I hope ya don’t mind me staying the night to make sure your little girl’s safe.”

Mom shook her head. “Of course not. But first, I want to know how serious this is.”

He took a step toward her and put his hand on her shoulder. “Ma’am, I can't promise anything. This boy that's after your daughter is immensely powerful, has magic that’s difficult to counter and will stop at nothing to use your daughter in a misguided attempt at gaining his daddy’s love. If he ain't the most powerful magic user in town, I’m Little Bo Peep.”

Well, if that didn’t freak the fuck out of me, nothing did. “Is there a good outcome to this?”

He shrugged. “Don’t much know, little lady.”

I audibly gulped. I couldn't believe my life had gone this way.

3.

I lied on my bed and held both the starter kit book and the translation guide in my hands, my eyes flicking back and forth between them. Luckily, the translation guide was arranged by spell, so I didn't need to go back and forth between pages to figure out one spell. The pronunciations were the hardest part, but I had quickly figured out that I didn't need to actually say a spell, I could think it and still achieve the same effect. It was easier to pronounce something in my head than it was with my mouth.

Regardless, I was still trying. “Duh… Deh… Delens…” I said. My eyes couldn't believe themselves when my ceiling evaporated right before me. “Shit!” I squealed. I sat upright and flipped through the books to find some kind of undo spell or something.

“Solve Fasciculos,” Jubril said, and the ceiling suddenly returned to normal. He was standing in the doorway, arms folded across his chest. “Not bad, though. Most people I’ve seen accidentally use that end up making mountains disappear.” He laughed. “You probably didn't know there was a mountain range between the US and Mexico.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.” I fell back on my bed. “Hey,” I said as I sat back up again, “is there any way to... Like... change who the key is?”

Jubril shrugged. “If you kicked the bucket, the key would pick another random person.” He walked over to me and squeezed my shoulder. “I think your mom would be a little salty 'bout that.” With that, he left my room and I was once again alone.

I sighed and laid flat on my back again. I poked through the books, looking for spells I thought might help for when Lucian showed up again. There wasn't anything directly offensive from what I could see, but at least I could probably manage to hurt him with something. Better that than nothing, or relying on those weird feedback attacks I’d done so far.

I found one that looked… Interesting. I couldn't quite pronounce it, but it looked… A lot like ‘quiet’. Maybe it was as simple as that? I tried to pronounce it in my mind, but I didn’t exactly get anywhere. This damn spell thing was harder than I thought it should be.

I flipped through the pages and ended up on something that looked like it could be fun for knocking down that bitch Casey a peg or six. A spell to make someone act the exact opposite of what they are. Whatever ‘exact opposite’ was for Casey, I figured it would at least be entertaining to screw with her. Maybe she’d either be just nicer or a thousand percent butch.

“What are you doing?” Gabby asked. I hadn't even heard her walk in. “And how come you disappeared at school?”

I sat up again. “Had to deal with that Lucian guy. It… Didn't go in my favor so much.”

She sat down beside me and put her arms around me. “You okay?”

I nodded. “I’m better than I was earlier.”

She kissed me on the cheek. “Good. Now let's have a little fun before dinner.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re a horrible influence on me.”

4.

“Mr. Jubril, are you sure you don't want any?” Mom asked as she set down the pot of spaghetti on the table. Mom seemed to be getting awfully interested in Jubril. Then again, Dad had been a while ago, so I guess maybe she did want some companionship. The fact that it was an angel that she was semi-flirting with was kinda odd.

He shook his head. “I’m fine, ma’am. Not much I need.”

Gabby leaned close to me. “Who’s he again?” she whispered, jerking her thumb toward him.

“I’m not joking, he’s an angel.”

She looked like she was about to burst into laughter. “What?”

“Legitimate angel. Granted, I haven’t seen the wings yet, but I went to Heaven.”

She let a giggle slip through. “If you’re gonna tell me you met God, I’m gonna call you crazy.”

I would have said something about that, but Mom stuffed a breadstick in my mouth and told me to shut up, thus leading to a very normal dinner for the Brewster household plus my girlfriend. The conversation was pleasant, the food was good, and I had to do the dishes.

Everything seemed normal for the first time in awhile.

5.

“Housul chirosant,” I said, reading from the book. Instead of accidentally destroying my ceiling, I caught a target that Jubril had set up for me on fire. He was busy chewing on an apple that I hadn't seen him grab from anywhere, let alone inside my house, where we haven't had apples since I'd finished eating them the other day. (And still hadn't told Mom about them... Ooops.) He pointed at it and the fire dissipated and the target refreshed itself. I sighed. This was the fifteenth spell I'd tried, and all I seemed to be able to do was burn or disintegrate the targets.

I fell on my ass on the grass and groaned loudly. “Why isn't this working?” I almost shouted.

Jubril sat down beside me. “Well. Two things. One, you're inexperienced. Magic takes years to learn with things like that guide book, and you don't even want to try and learn it on your own. How that sorceress you know did it, I'll never understand. Woman's a damn natural, or something. Second, you're looking for all the wrong spells. People have specialties, things they're talented at specifically. That sorceress you know is probably mostly gifted in transformations. You're clearly not gifted in...” He took out a checklist. “Automotive repair, seed planting, fireworks or artificially creating a sun on the other side of the planet.”

I put my head in my hands and groaned again. “Stop reminding me. What's next?”

He picked up the book from where I'd dropped it and slipped it into his pocket. “Nothing. Your girl's been waiting on you in your room this whole time.”

I sighed. “Yeah.” I turned to him. “Thanks for helping, thanks for watching over us.”

He took a bite out of the apple. “It's my job. The Boss relies on me to do that job as best I can, so that he doesn't have to worry about anything but his job.” He took another bite. “Not that I don't resent it, sometimes. I've got two kids of my own I don't get much time to see.”

“Angels can have kids?”

He nodded. “All the time.”

I turned back to the target. “I think I should try at least one more.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Get in there and get to romancin'.”

I stood up. “You sure?”

“I'll see Lucian a mile away, he ain't here, he ain't in town. We'll be fine. Even if I nod off and sleep, I'll wake up as soon as he's close.”

I scratched at my arm. “Can you... If he shows up, can you actually stop Lucian?”

He took yet another bite. “We're gonna see.”

6.

Gabby and I were on my bed, the TV playing some movie the two of us weren't paying attention to. Neither of us were wearing clothes, but for the most part, all we were doing was cuddling and kissing. In fact, neither of us had even attempted to fondle or play with the other one, but enjoying one another's company was all we seemed like doing right now. I wasn't complaining, I was just embracing and savoring the taste of her lipstick as our lips touched.

She licked at mouth. “Why did I have to wait for a guy to become a girl before I could get a date?” she asked.

I almost laughed. “That would be the stupidest thing you could say, if not for the fact that it's absolutely true.”

“You can't really judge, y'know. You didn't get a girlfriend until you turned into a girl, either.”

I hugged her tighter. “Just shut up and grind against me.”

Her tongue flicked between my lips and my nose. “Your wish is my command.”

7.

Before we could actually get into something hot and sweaty, literally everything faded away. I wasn't laying in bed anymore, I was floating in a void that reminded me of the one I met the other Kendra in. I was still naked, which worried me, but I was more worried about what the fuck was going on.

I considered moving, but I was standing in a void, “moving” was a relative concept that may not actually mean anything. I threw away the idea of moving and stayed where I was, naked, standing in a nothingness. To say that I didn't understand what was going on was a major understatement.

“It's been a little while since you burned my house down,” Lucian's voice said, surprising and concerning me. I quickly moved my hands to cover myself, because reasons, honestly. With this guy's power, I wouldn't be surprised if he's seen me naked more than I actually care to think about. “Also, I see Jubril is hanging around.”

I looked around. I still couldn't see anything other than the void, but I could somehow feel that he was close. I wanted to run, but I had nowhere to go. I wanted to fight, but I had nothing to fight. Wherever the hell he'd brought me, it was effective as hell in getting me scared.

“Look, asshole, I'm not helping you!” I shouted.

He sighed. “I'm not surprised. People don't usually go running to Heaven if they want to help you.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn't go running to Heaven. Jubril showed up and took me there.”

“Regardless.” He appeared now, almost as if he were emerging from deep shadow. “So, how are you?”

I glared at him. “I hate you. With all of my hate.”

He smiled. “I know.” He patted me on the back. “So, long story short, I'm just about ready to free my father and I'll give you exactly one last chance to do this willingly.”

“Wait, you don't need to be near your dad to do this?!”

He smiled. “Kenny, Kenny, Kenny... We are near my dad.” He snapped his fingers and suddenly I was looking at a room with torches all around. "You didn't think I needed you physically present to open his cell, did you?” He let out a chuckle that sickened me. “It's just easier to perform the spell if you're willing, that's all. Regardless, I can get this under way and then my father will reward me for what I've done for him.”

I dropped my arms to my side. “No.”

He lost the smile. “You're not fucking getting it, are you? You don't have a choice, Brewster. My father will be free, because I'm going to suck the lifeforce from you and open the cage he was unjustly thrown into.”

Suck the lifeforce from me?! “The hell you are!”

He was suddenly right beside me, his hand on my throat. “Too bad you're not gonna be alive long enough to understand how this whole magic key thing works.”

Through gritted teeth, I spat, “No!”

I didn't say any of the spells I'd been learning from the book, I didn't feel any surge of power spit out of me like back at his house, there was just suddenly a bubble surrounding me, him on the other side of it, and a look on his face that almost screamed surprise and fear. Something told me he was expecting this whole thing to go exactly how he planned it and no other way.

This at least seemed like we were on somewhat even terms. I didn't expect to do that, either.

I don't know what he thought he could accomplish, but Lucian ran toward me and tried to punch the barrier I'd somehow created. He shouted spells that I could barely understand, but nothing seemed to happen. If I kept being that lucky, I wouldn't have to do anything until Jubril noticed this was happening.

But, of course, I wasn't that lucky. On his fifteenth punch, the barrier disappeared, and I fell backward, landing awfully painfully on my ass against whatever passed for a floor in this place. I scrambled to get to my feet, but his hand was suddenly on my throat, and I was being pulled up and against a wall. Where the wall came from, I'll never know, but I didn't honestly care, either. Struggling against the creepy bastard holding me against a wall was a bit more important.

“That wasn't very nice,” he said, like some perverted child. I tried to knee him, but I couldn't reach him. I couldn't even punch him. He was holding me against the “wall” with more than just his hand against my throat, he was clearly using magic. “Enough foreplay, it's time to get this over with.”

His eyes rolled back in their sockets and he started whispering something I could just barely hear. It sounded like one of the spells Jubril had tried to get me to do, but some of the syllables were dragged out or cut short. Briefly, I wondered how he’d learned how to use such complicated magic, but that thought was quickly overridden by a desire to stop him.

The room around us suddenly changed. The walls were black, almost as if made out of obsidian or some other kind of mineral like it. The ceiling gained two strips of white, almost like fluorescent lights. The floor because pure stone, but it was cracked with an hellish orange glow peeking through.

In the center was a cage with a shadow standing inside.

Lucian let go of me and walked over to the cage. The shadow’s eyes followed him the entire way. How I could tell that it had eyes was beyond me, but that wasn’t important. Lucian looked as though he was in shock.

“It’s been awhile, Dad,” he said as he got closer to the cage.

The shadow glared at him.

“I know you don’t… I-I know you hate me. But I’ve come to you with the key to your prison,” he waved his hand toward me, “and I hope that you’ll… That you’ll at least accept me.”

The shadow continued to glare.

“All I want is your acceptance. Please, it’s… It’s the only thing I need to keep going.”

The shadow still wasn’t speaking.

That was really pissing Lucian off. He grabbed the bars of the cage. “You can’t even say anything?! I learned all of this to free you! To earn your respect!”

The shadow blinked. For whatever reason, I found that amusing, but the second I let out a laugh, Lucian turned to me and growled. Which I also found amusing. “Aww… Daddy doesn’t love you yet?” I said in a mocking tone.

“Shut your mouth!” He turned back to the shadow. “Do I get nothing for my efforts?”

The shadow finally spoke: “You have done nothing. I am still in this cage, and she is still alive. Perform your tricks and release me from this prison and I shall consider awarding you with respect.”

Lucian let out an angered sigh. “Fine.” He swiftly walked back over to me and held his hand over my forehead. He closed his eyes and began to chant. “Dona mihi obvius,” he said. I felt something inside me, something welling up. “Aperi ianuam.” There was a tingling, now, spreading throughout my body. “Fiat ut solutam.” Light appeared beneath me. I started to lose feeling.

And yet, somehow, I was feeling calm about this. Why was I feeling calm about this?!

“Aperta,” he said, “Aperta. Aperi nunc.”

The light enveloped me, then a buzzing noise filled my ears, drowning out Lucian’s words. His mouth kept moving, so I assumed he was just repeating the mantra he’d been spouting. I had completely lost feeling at this point. The light blocked everything out, now, including Lucian, though I knew he was still there.

And then everything was back to what it had been before the chanting. Lucian was still pinning me up against the wall, the shadow was still in its cage, and I was still buck naked in front of two monsters.

(And for some reason, this was the first moment I realized I was naked in front of Satan... I can be stupid at times.)

Lucian’s eyes were filled with half confusion and half pure rage. The need to get away from the crazy holding me against the wall was strong, so I endeavoured to hit him again. Luckily, when I tried to knee him away this time, I managed it. I underestimated the force I used, and he went flying back against the shadow’s cage.

The shadow laughed, a deep, guttural, horrifying thing that made me want to shit my pants if I was wearing pants. After almost a full minute of laughing, the shadow spoke: “You claim to have brought me the key, and yet you bring me nothing. Explain to me why you deserve my acceptance, half-breed.”

Lucian didn’t look like he was paying attention to his dad, though. He was staring at me, and the half confusion in his eyes from before was gone and all that remained was rage. He rushed at me and grabbed me by the neck again, slamming me against the wall so hard that it cracked (how that didn’t kill me, I’ll never know and really don’t want to). He squeezed, hard.

His mouth curling into a snarl was the last clear thing I saw as my vision began to double. Then I noticed the shadow sitting down on something, which was strange, because I could have sworn its cell was empty. Finally, just as I blacked out, that snarl looked like it was morphing into a smile. Hopefully, I was wrong about that.

8.

areyouokay

I heard the voice, but it sounded like it was a million miles away. It also sounded like it was right beside me, so something was wrong. I couldn’t see anything yet, so whoever or whatever it was talking to me was not yet a real concern, I simply wanted to open my eyes or actually see. For all I knew, it could have been a cherub trying to talk to me.

That made me wonder if cherubs were real. After all, sorceresses, succubi, magical girls, angels, demons, Satan and God were real, so cherubs were probably only par for the course, I guess.

are you okay ken

That voice again. It was a little closer, and no longer right beside me. At least the words sounded separate, now. I needed to find a way to open my eyes. The good thing was that I could feel the ground underneath me. It was like a marble floor. I reached for my face and tried to force my eyes open. Nothing happened, so that wasn’t a good thing.

Since I couldn’t find a way to get my eyes open, I instead tried to get to my feet. I heard something that sounded like footsteps. After spending a good thirty seconds of sliding around on the floor, I managed to find a wall, and dragged myself against it. So, I couldn’t open my eyes, and I couldn’t stand up. This would be worrying if it weren’t so fucking terrifying.

Ken, answer the question, are you okay?

I coughed. I wondered if that was because I’d been choked. “Idunno,” I said. Great. My words were blending together. Sonuvabitch.

Someone put their hands on my shoulders. Someone with slender, feminine fingers. If I was lucky, it was Gabby. I could use a kiss from her right now. The person brushed my face off. I must have been dirty, or something. I didn’t care.

“Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?”

I nodded, then tried to speak, but all that came out was a mumble.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” The voice was starting to sound familiar. It wasn’t Gabby’s, but I knew it from somewhere. There went my opportunity for a kiss.

“I can’tsee your fingers…” I said

“Well, that’s not a good thing. Look, it’s Kendra, okay? Can you tell?”

That explained why the voice was familiar. Somehow, I’d retreated inside myself to where Kendra was still somehow alive. I wondered if I’d died somehow and was just going to exist alongside the other me. “Help me up,” I managed a string of words that were clear and capable of being understood. Huzzah.

“Okay, that’s another problem, you’re already standing up.”

“Oh, yippie,” I coughed out. Guess my sensations were a little bit more screwed up than I thought. “What am I doing here?”

I heard her sigh. “I don’t know. I think it has something to do with Creepy McFuckface.”

“He tried to use me as a key to unlock his dad’s prison.”

“Like, a magic key?”

“Yeah.”

My eyes finally started to focus, apparently already open. Something seemed different about Kendra, like she was… Well… Different. The last time I saw her, she looked exactly the same as I did, but now, she was… Brighter?

“What?” she asked.

“Did you do something with your hair?”

She rolled her eyes. “If I were a dyke, that might be cute, but it was stupid. Also, if we weren’t, like, the same person.”

“Why do you look different?”

“I don’t understand.”

I wished I could actually understand it myself. There was nothing physically different about her, she was just different in some way. “Just take my word for it.” I rubbed at my eyes. “Why did I come here?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. Creepy McFuckface was choking you, and suddenly you were here.”

I rubbed at the back of my neck. “How do I get out of here?”

She shrugged again. “That’s probably something you have to figure out.”

I sighed. “Of course.”

“So, this is how you did it…” Lucian’s voice said. My eyes went wide as he materialized in front of us, his hands clasped behind his back. “This is how you betrayed me.”

I pushed past Kendra. “I can’t betray someone I hate passionately.”

He chuckled as he started walking toward us. “Two Kendras. Of course. The one the real world sees, and the one the magic chose.” He raised one hand and motioned for me to move, and, unfortunately, I had to comply because he pretty much used the damn Force on me and shoved me out of the way telekinetically. “Good thing I followed you here, then.”

Kendra stood her ground. “Back off, asshole.”

“I don’t really have time to get to know you, so just be a good girl and let me use you to help my father break out of jail.”

I got back to my feet and tackled Lucian to the ground as hard as I could. He pushed me off and elbowed me in the face, somehow drawing blood, despite this being in my head, essentially. I wondered if my physical body was bleeding now. About two seconds after thinking that, I put the thought out of my mind and kicked. My foot didn’t connect with his face like I’d intended, but I at least kept him from getting up.

If he wasn’t pissed off before, though, he was outright furious now. He used magic to lift me up and hurl me a good sixty feet away. I landed hard against the floor, enough to break something internally, I could tell. I struggled to get up, but managed it. Blood was getting in my eyes.

Lucian was standing, as well. He had his hands around Kendra’s throat and looked to be about to start his chanting. I tried to concentrate, to use one of the spells I’d learned that could blow stuff up, but nothing happened. It was difficult to focus on words.

So instead, I shouted. “Lucian!”

He turned toward me and, surprisingly, let go of Kendra. He growled, a sound almost like his dad’s disturbing laugh. “What’sa matter? You afraid I’ll cheat on you?”

Jesus Christ, this guy was fucking annoying. I tried to focus again, tried to think of all the spells I’d learned today.

And then I remembered just the one. Jubril had even complimented me on it earlier. “Perdere!” I shouted at him. His eyes widened as his body started disintegrating from his feet upward.

“You’re not killing me, Kendra! I’m still out there!” were his last words before his head disappeared into nothingness.

I ran over to Kendra, grasping at her neck. “What the hell was he going after me for?!” she screeched, through coughing fits.

And just like that, the pieces all fit together. “You’re the key.”

“What?”

I cursed myself. Of course that’s how it worked. Lucian couldn’t find the key until my aura changed and my aura didn’t change until I accidentally created Kendra after awakening my sorceress power. The key was never me, it was always her. The me inside me. How was it God himself didn’t know this?!

“Oh, wow…” Kendra said. Duh, we were the same-ish person, she could tell what I was thinking. “Whuh… What do we do now? He can just keep coming in here and we can’t stop him.”

“I don’t know! I… I don’t know how to stop you from being the key. I don’t know how to fix any of this!”

And then a new voice spoke: “Yes you do.”

Kendra and I both turned to look at the source of the voice. A bald-headed man with a single earring who would very likely be mistaken for Mr. Clean everywhere he went. God himself was in my head now.

Holy shit, this was a literal deus ex machina.

He smiled. “Of a sort, yes.” He walked over to us and helped the both of us to our feet. “Gabe told you how to end this, he told you at my insistence.”

“What?”

“Who’s Gabe?” Kendra asked.

God turned to Kendra. “My dear, don’t worry about what’s about to happen. You won’t feel a thing and you’ll only be gone for a few seconds before you reawaken.”

My turn for another question, “What are you talking about?”

God turned back to me. “The spell you just used. The spell Gabe complimented you on. The spell that destroyed Lucian in your mind.” He patted Kendra on the back. “You need to use it on Kendra.”

“What?!” the two of us screamed in unison.

God smiled, but it was a warm, caring smile. “I’ve already set aside a vessel for Kendra, she’ll be even be able to visit you at times.”

Kendra didn’t look too happy at whatever that meant, and I just didn’t want to do it. Kendra was a part of me, I didn’t want to hurt her. Even if it didn’t hurt her, I didn’t want to lose her as a part of me!

“Why?” I asked. “Why do I need to do that? What would it help at all?!”

God looked as though he could tell I was apprehensive. “I understand that you’re concerned, but please, I’m not God for no reason. I simply can’t influence Kendra’s existence since I didn’t create her, that leaves it up to you.” He turned back to her. “You won’t die. You won’t be trapped here, and you’ll have a life of your own. Ken won’t be out of your life, and you will still exist. The only thing lost here is Lucian’s chance at freeing his father.”

I just didn’t want to hear that. “There has to be another way.”

It wasn’t God who responded, though, it was Kendra: “Ken…” she said, through tears, “it’ll be okay.”

“What are you saying?!”

“I don’t want this! But if it stops Creepy McFuckface from letting Satan loose, then we need to do it…”

God smiled. “You’re funny things, humans. I wish my other creations had even a tenth of the strength you had.”

Kendra put her hand on my shoulder. “Please… I promise I’ll find you as soon as I can.”

I felt a tear slide down my cheek. I gulped. I almost physically couldn’t do this, but she was right, and it was pretty obvious that God was right, and Jubril had told me that if I died, the key would become someone else. Though, if my magic “luck” held out, that’d probably be me. Hopefully God had a hand in choosing who the next key would be.

“We’d better find each other after this,” I told Kendra.

She smiled. “We’ll be as close as twins. Y’know, like, fraternal twins. I’m cuter, and you’re a lesbian, so we can’t be identical twins.”

I laughed, then took a deep breath. “Perdere,” I whispered, and then I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at what I’d just done, even if it was the right thing to do. I felt more tears, and tried to squeeze my eyes shut and stop them.

The last thing I heard her say was, “I promise.”

9.

When I finally opened my eyes, I wasn’t in my head anymore, and I wasn’t naked anymore (thank God! Probably literally, too). I was back in the shadow’s cell, and Lucian was standing on the opposite side of the room from me. God was there, too, standing beside me. He helped me to my feet and patted my shoulders.

“I understand how hard that must have been.”

“She’s got a new body, right?” I asked.

He nodded. “Gabe is with her, and helping your mother get adjusted to the idea.” He chuckled. “Gabe and your mother are getting quite attached, I have noticed.”

Though not clashing with his overall obvious kindness, God seemed a little different. So did the shadow, I noticed. I wondered if it had something to do with the two of them standing in the same room.

Lucian growled. “Well, now that little miss sorceress has had her beauty sleep, how about the two of you get the fuck out of my way and let me get this over with?”

God turned to him. “Do you not know who I am, Lucian?”

“Annoying me.”

“You should show your uncle some respect, boy.”

Lucian’s eyes grew wider. “No. You’re… No…”

“I am. And I believe it is time you spent a few centuries in a cage just like your father’s.”

The shadow spoke, and I never thought I’d want to agree with Satan himself, but this I agreed with: “Keep him away from me. It disgusts me to look at him.”

The look on Lucian’s face was priceless.

10.

Jubril was still eating an apple as he walked into God’s office. “Lucian’s all cozy in his cage, and Satan’s cell is hidden away in the magic fabric again. I dunno what happened to Michael, but him being gone was how Lucian found out where his dad’s cage was.” He took a huge bite out of the apple. “Kendra’s mom’s all squared away, and... “ He pulled out a smartphone and looked at it. “Kristana Brewster,” he said, sounding like he wasn’t sure what he was saying, “has been added to reality.”

God was also eating an apple now. “Good. How’s everything else?”

“Well, like I said, Michael’s gone missing, don’t know where he’s out to. Other than, everything’s shiny.”

I raised my eyebrow.

“It’s just something I say.” He took another apple bite. “I’ve got Zadkiel watchin’ over the fabric now, hopefully he won’t up and disappear.”

God nodded. “Good. Now this whole Lucian thing doesn’t seem like a giant clusterfuck that we could have handled ahead of time.”

“Well, if we’d kept a good eye on Michael...”

“Shush.” He turned to me. “Kendra, I’m so sorry for all of this. If I’d known my nephew lived in your hometown before this entire situation, I would have made sure to remove the key from his sight long ago.”

I hugged my knees to my chest. “Nobody’s perfect.” The irony I’d said that to God was not lost on me. “Can I go home now?”

God nodded. “That’s next on the docket. You go home with your mom, your sister and your girlfriend. Gabe goes to visit his kids before he goes on vacation.”

Jubril looked confused. “What?” he asked.

“The lazy one’s down in filing, the trusty one’s out working. You’ve got twenty minutes to visit them before I force you to take a vacation.”

Why did I get the weirdest feeling I was soon going to have an angel as a step-father?

As I stood up, God said, "Just a moment, Kendra. Remember contrarium."

"Huh?"

"It's a spell. Remember it," he said with a shit-eating grin on his face.

11.

When I got home (finally!), I gave Mom a hug, I gave “Kristana” a hug (I also told her I was sorry she had to go by a new name, but she said she was fine with it because she got to pick it out) and then I walked straight into my room and crashed on my bed. It had only been two hours in real world time, but I felt like it had been days. Or, hell, even a month. I just wanted to sleep the rest of the day away and then wake up the following morning and go to school.

I was lying there a good thirty seconds before a pair of soft hands slid under my shirt and started fondling my boobs. I was too tired to stop her, and even if I wasn’t, I’d still be letting her do it. I’d stopped the devil’s son from freeing him and impressed God, this was probably the greatest win somebody could have, and I wanted to celebrate it by letting my girlfriend satisfy me.

“Slip one in my panties, will ya?”

Gabby whispered in my ear, “No problem, babe.”

I moaned a little. “I like it when you call me that.”

She rolled me around, and I saw her very beautiful, smiling face. “But before we get into anything orgasm-inducing, please tell me when you got a twin sister.”

I groaned. “If I promise to write the whole thing as a story, can I get at least one orgasm? I’m gettin’ really wet here.”

She smiled wider. “One and that’s it.”