[A/N: I'm back with the slow updates. Sad that i'm not fast]

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Part 1

Oh Shimura-san. So perfect. The way they jiggle under your shirt. Every movement with its subtle bounce.

I really found it difficult to concentrate in the beginning. Even as we continued my eyes wandered to her bountiful bouncy meaty balls trapped behind her shirt.

[What I wouldn't give to be slapped by them. ~Hehehe~]

"Ugh!"

And in my distraction her staff came from below hitting my jaw and then another into my side.

...

It's been a month since I came here. How has it been after the first week of rest, which I thought was a given? I am really ashamed of myself. Shimura-san was disappointed in me for wasting that time instead of doing something with it, like showing effort in training or finding my ability. Sigh... That time has passed so I can't do anything about it.

I'd lie if I say it was fun. No, but it wasn't hell either, since it was what I wanted.

Training with Shiruma-san is one tough exercise. No matter how many times I go for her lessons I end up haggard. It's not what you're thinking, perverts. I wish it were so too. It is real hell. I know I said it wasn't before, but it is! I'm not contradicting myself get it! The pain I had to bear every day. I'm not athletic in the least. You can imagine how many times I skipped Phys Ed at school and now I have to do much more than just running around her training room. The only solace I got was the fact I get to see Shimura-san everyday.

Shimura san is really something. I can tell she is really holding back. It's obvious, one wouldn't be a mentor if they weren't strong, right?

At one point I decided to ask Hoshi and Ro during my break on how strong she was. Because if I hadn't experienced it myself I would have thought she was just a glorified secretary, a non combatant.

No matter how you look it she hardly exerts any force during our sessions. But they too had no idea. She was those people who do solo missions and hardly paired with her colleagues. The only extent of what they know about her is that she can copy the techniques of her opponents and see its flaws. So when it comes to melee combat she is definitely strong...

... But the look she gave me on the first day of training was one filled with contempt. Like I was beneath her. That...made me feel... insignificant.

I really don't understand what she said. Me being a coward. I honestly have no idea what that meant. To wield a weapon I should let go of my cowardice. Is me being afraid of the ghoul what she meant by that? But isn't that the reason I'm here, to face such fears by becoming stronger.

It's been a month and still haven't made any progress of knowing my abilities. I'm really starting to doubt that I really have it. And if I did I still don't know what, or how to bring it out.

Although...

...

"Forced awakening?"

About four days ago, out of frustration, when she finished laying the hurt on me I asked Shimura-san about it and if there was another way of releasing my abilities without having to painfully wait for it to slowly manifest who-knows-when. And that's what she said.

"That should be your last option if you still haven't been able to manifest your ability. You still have time and shouldn't go with the process until you are certain. No need to rush."

"... I see." I lower my head.

If that could help why not mention it early? Why put me through this much if I could have already gotten my ability and training for its proficiency by now.

"I know what you're thinking but that is only the last option you should consider. The process is painful, even if it's for a few moments, you'll feel like your whole body is ripping apart and your mind breaking." Her words kept growing heavy, I felt her gaze piercing and so I looked up. "Don't even think about it." She emphasized on that and the look she gave me. She had no apparent expression but the look felt like one of disgust. It was like I felt her burning hatred directed at me. That moment I felt fear, I felt tensed. A single drop of sweat came out of nowhere sliding down my cheek.

But when I blinked the look was gone replaced by her normal one.

"It's best not to think of that for now." She said walking away.

...

I wonder what that was. She didn't seem too happy with me asking about that.

But if I'm to say the training had been a waste of time then I'd say no. I know it's too early to say but I feel the abs coming on and my muscles tightening. Why wouldn't they come if I've been swinging the swords and other heavy weapons until my arms fell off?!

Hand to hand wasn't off the tables. I got to avoid and throw my punches and kicks 2-5 times, courtesy of me observing a few of Orino's martial arts and boxing classes, before I got K.O'd by Shimura-san. Well that is if she is reciprocating.

But you can't imagine how disappointed I was when I didn't get to have that special accidental boob groping or feel time I see in the animes. Not even accidental brush when in a hold. It's like she's careful in every movement she makes. Though I am still content, for one Shimura-san is so soft~~.

You'd think from wielding cold weapons she'd have a hard palm with calluses. Yes there are calluses but you'd barely feel them. I've only seen her in shirt, so you know she is fit to that extent. The moment she grabbed to flipped me over her head, subconsciously my mind focused on the feeling of her skin. And it's soft. Just that half a second feeling makes it feel like all the stress would go away. It would have, if I didn't get the feeling of floating in the air before slamming into the floor.

Oh and there's also the small sessions she had me put in with Shinosaki-san for gun range practice. Shimura-san had said that, even through it's alright to have you preferred weapon of choice it's still good to be proficient in others as well, and that goes more for those whose abilities aren't strong or those, like me, who haven't got a clue on their abilities. As for me I have no preferred weapon, but I would prefer a sword, Now at least, Shimura-san had beaten it into me along with the exercises.

Shinosaki-san still is as haughty as she was the first day. I really don't know how to deal with her. The least mistake I do during the practice would warrant a harsh rebuke.

I make it sound as if I have made huge progress but in truth I really suck at it all. My aim is terrible with the gun, the recoil of a small pistol is enough to make my hand feel a little shaken and my posture crumble. I can't hold a sword properly, my stance is not solid, and imbalanced. I have trained with most of the weapons and it was all terrible, the sword is the only thing I'm good at. And I say good because I can swing it a little.

All in all even with the practices and theories, which came from going to the library and asking Yasagawa-san, which is still difficult to understand, I have made no good progress.

I could only sigh in frustration, sitting in my room after a day of hard labour.

But I still can't get over it. The look on Shimura-san's the first time I came here. That sadness I somehow felt when looking into her eyes.

She had been hiding it well but I could feel like there's something weighing on her mind and it has been eating at me. And so...

...

I got the courage asked her about it. I know I'm being nosy to get myself involved in someone's business but I feel the need to.

Already she had told me the day before about Forced Awakening so I knew I had incurred her wrath. But even so I want to know. As much the adult life is, hard, and full of its own problems, they are still human. They are not people who always act serious and perfect like they are not going through their own share of problems. Sometimes everyone needs someone to talk to.

So after she was done with the usual beat down these past few weeks, I looked at her who was heading towards the door, which actually led to her residence above, taking the stairs. I hadn't known until Hoshi told me.

"I know you probably hate me." How wouldn't I feel so with the looks I've gotten from her recently. It's not just me. She has always been serious ever since I came here. She had been the same even before the others came, never smiling. I figured whatever it was on her mind must have been for quite a long while. She stops at the door leading up to her place. I bring my knee closer and wrapped my hands around it. I didn't want to look at her. "And I know it's not my place, and we are not that close to ask, but I want to know what is bothering you. You do well not showing it, but I can tell, it's in your eyes, the sadness you feel. To you I may be a kid, weak and can't do anything to help, and you are right but I want to help, at least help by listening."

I quietly and expectantly wait her reply.

"If you know that then don't. Just mind your own business and worry about yourself." She replied bluntly.

I knew this was the answer I would get but it didn't stop me. And yet her blunt reply makes me want to know the reason why she has this sad look in her eyes.