The prompt is: The newest season of Ancient Warriors is using some unique technology. Time travel and cloning have allowed them to finally answer the question of who is stronger? Knight vs Samurai, now with real figures pulled directly from history!

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The audience was clamouring. Talking about the most recent fights of the show.

Each week one western warrior of the before times would face off against an eastern one. All of this culminated in last week's fight. Oda Nobunaga versus Richard Lionheart. Nobody anyone had ever heard about, but the fight was first class.

Especially Nobunaga’s perspective was fascinatin to a vast portion of the audience. Whenever possible Nobunaga would conjure up some strange stick. A really really loud stick. Nobody in their right mind would ever use such a loud weapon in real life. These ancient civilisations really had no class or decorum.

Albeit these boomsticks could not penetrate Lionheart’s shield of faith.

The Lionheart constantly screamed in an ancient tongue. Nobody understood him, most just assumed it was some kind of chant to conjure that shield.

The fight dragged on, as the shield only activated when Leonheart stood perfectly still.

Yet it was the most unique display the show had ever had ... according to 70% of the audience it was a nice change of pace. The rest hated the lack of action with a passion.

 

“Ladieeeeeeees aaaaaaand Gentlemen” the disembodied narrator let out their androgynous voice and the arena erupted in a blinding light show.

The crowd erupted in cheers and the few emotionless husks tried to shush the crowd. It did not help. It never did. Not the first time. Not the last time. Not this time.

The crowd cheered, clapped and screamed until the disembodied narrator continued with his usual greetings.

“Todaaaaaay we haveeeeee yet anoooooother briliaaaant battle.” the voice paused to allow the erupting cheers to die down again.

“I know that many loved last week's spectacle. Today we have something completely different. Today’s combatan’s are rather modern for our show ... Don’t worry. They are still from waaay into the before times. But more recent than anything we’ve seen before.”

“For the westerners, we have one Don Quijote.”

The Lightshow subsided, giving way for a beautiful grassland panorama. Multiple screens started to float around to indicate which part of the projection would be worth focussing on.

A heavily armoured man rode through said landscape on a majestic ... donkey. The armor was ill-fitting and left many holes to exploit.

One could barely see a face behind the helmet. All other parts of his body were hidden behind thick plates of steel.

He rode straight through three trees. Cutting them down, each in a single strike.

“For the easterners, we found something very special. Grandmaster Miguell from the order of maidenless samurai. A secret order of esteemed warriors who prevailed rather far into the before times and expanded to all seven contintents.”

The scene shifted, the amored rider was replaced with an unarmored youth.

He was armed with only a katana. Unlike any of the eastern warriors before him. Most had multiple blades and some kind of ranged weapon.

Miguell was a well build, albeit small man. His clothes did little to hide his well defined muslces. And that long curly hair must have been the doom of many a women.

He just casually walked around the field with a few small creatures running around him.

Ocassionally Miguell gave commands to the creatures, and the creatures followed these.

At least that is what it looked like, Miguell always seemed pleased after giving a command.

“Let’s hope they find each other faster than during the Mijamoto-fight. That one is still generally regarded as the worst installment of our show. On the bright side that one also gave us the insights to develop a new technology.”

A short expectant silence ensued. Before the scene shifted yet again. Gone were all. The grandmaster. The dogs. The horse. The knight.

What could be seen was ... chaos. The sky a tinge of violet-red. The grass yellow. Trees with faces. Monstrosities.

A sword began cutting all these things down. An armored hand guided the sword. A massive horse carried the sword-wielder.

 

A large amount of spectators were awestuck. Many were confused or horrified. A few decided they’d demand their money back if these technical difficulties were not solved in the near future.

 

Dragons roared. Dragons were cut down. Giants bellowed. Giants were cut down. A kitty cat meowed. Don rode by.

The scene shifted. Perspecive cast downward, onto a strange illuminated rock. Fingers tipped away at the rock and the colour of the illumination changed.

Dogs barked. Miguell angrily told them to shut up.

The dogs continued to bark and after a while Miguell was so angry at them that he looked away from his illuminated rock.

He then saw ... the unexpected.

He was not where he should be. No city, no palms, no beach.

Instead there was wilderness, pine trees and grasslands.

His wonderful french bulldogs were fighting off strange monsters. Strange undead monsters. Rotting corpses with green bars hovering over their heads.

The bulldogs were winning, giving Miguell time to be shocked. And Miguell was shocked. More than ever before in his life.

Shock gave way for ...joy?

Miguell was in fact overjoyed.

“Take that Danca, you madenless fool. For I am isekaied, and shall rise from maidenlessness. I shall get all the bitches.”

His subconsciousness spoke back “Nah, you’d have to talk to women for that, and we both know you won’t do that.”

Miguell looked around. Afraid Danca would stand behind him, but no it was just his subconsciousness. Telling him about the only reason his sexy self never got any maidens.

“Why don’t you fuck off?” Miguell screamed at his subconsciousness.

“Why don’t you fuck some bitches?” came the witty reply.

“Whatever. Isekai!!!!! HYPEEEE!!!!! ... wait cheats. What cheats did I get.” frustrated that he could not only win a simple argument against himself, Miguell decided to distract himself.

Miguell pointed at one of the monsters and screamed: “FIREBALLLLLLL”

Nothing happned.

After multiple tries of trying to throw fireballs or other spells at the undead monstrosities, each time only slightly altering the approach, he saw that one of his doggo’s green bar had gotten rather short. Afraid to lose one of his last friends on the world, Miguell ran forward. Then he saw the green bar regenerating, and stumbled over his feet.

He fell flat on his face.

“HUH?” Miguell was confused as to what had happened.

“Pffffffft. You are a healer?! Hahahahahahahahahah” his subconsciousness did not miss the chance to taunt him.

“I will show you!”

In an attempt to take the win against his subconsciousness Miguell imagined his doggos becomming faster, stronger and bigger. ... And they did.

When the dogs were able to defend the small area around Miguell before, now they could push against the waves and waves of monsters.

Slowly but surely the monster-horde got eliminated.

“Take that Danca!!!!”

His subconsciousness remained silent.

 

And the scene shifted again.

“Well that was ... unexpected” the disembodied voice lost most of its luster and professionalism and was as flabbergasted as the audience.

“Why don’t we look back at what our knight is doing?”

 

Don just happily slaughtered his way through the hordes of monsters.

 

“Those monsters were not part of the programm, but I must say I don’t hate them.”

Attempting to sway the public opinion the commentator got back into a proper mood and spoke while the scene shifted back to the main perspective.

 

No monsters. No green bars. No majestic horse. On one side of a field of grass stood Miguell with his pets. On the side, in view-distance sat Don on a donkey. Neither moving an inch.

 

“And now for the main act ...” acting as if all of it was planned, the announcer tried to stir up some hype. Which it did manage ... somewhat.

A lot of the confused, bored or uninterested spectators drew their gaze back at the happenings.

 

Both Miguell and Don started acting at the same time.

 

“We introduce them to each other.”

 

Seeing how some viewers prefered the confusing chaos of the combatant’s perspectives. Multiple floating screens showed these instead of the main battle.

 

Miguell saw a decaying corpse on a decaying horse.

Don saw a sexy demon full of lust and pleasure.

“Foul beast” both of them screamed at each other.

While Miguell had his dogs attack the general of the undead legion, Don continued cutting everything in his way down in an attempt to cleanse the realm of the faithful.

Miguell’s dog was cut in half ... Miguell broke down.

“How did this turn from a normal isekai into dark souls?”

The tears kept falling until Miguell saw that his dog only lost a fith of its green bar.

With a lot of concentration, Miguell managed to make the other 2 dogs run interference without being cut down in one hit, while the two halves of the final dog grew back together.

“I can’t die maidenless.”

“Go get 'em,” for the first time in ... ever his subconsciousness was on Miguell’s side “Survive, bed some ladies, bed some peasant, bed a whore. I don’t fucking give a damn, just survive.”

With the questionable support of his subconsciousness. Miguell focussed all his mental capacities on powering up his dogs.

 

In the main scene, Miguell was waving around his katana, while Don rode in circles.

“Yeah ... fuck it.” the disembodied voice gave up. “Can’t do anything about these two idiots.”

“Don’t fret we have a backup ready to be shown.”

All screens went black, and the main scene shifted back to the light show.

Leaving Don and Miguell to their psychedelic play.

 

“For the westerners, we have the myth of the late era. Chuck Norris.”

The crowd cautiously applauded. They had heard of the indestructible and nigh almighty Chuck, but after the shitshow, they just witnessed they were not at all convinced that this would go any better.

The scene did not even shift.

“... And for the easterners we have the greatest martial artist of all time...”

An oppressive atmosphere fell over the stadium. A second disembodied voice erupted.

“You stole my favorite toy. I am Dra Gon, not Dragon, not Truck-kun, it's Dra Gon. If you really want to see Chuck fight, then fight!”