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I'm rewirting this story under the name Autumn August. It will basically be a completely different story from this though (seen as how little of the complete start will stay the same, like 0), so you can say this is exactly like my first story. 3 Chapters and a great big Stopped.
I hope you enjoyed reading whilst this lasted! (You know what they say, third time is the charm! First chapter of August's story should release within 24 hours of this being posted, after which this story will be deleted.)
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I'd say this was an interesting start, although, there was nothing much happening so far, it got my attention. Good luck with the next one! :)
Thanks for your verbal support! You don't know how much that little bit of praise means to me.
@VABi It was a good start, well written. Not many I've seen starts with the MC just waking up in a forest with her items laying next to her. Although, I do feel her actions and emotions were a little odd. (Example, why did she move behind a tree to change, when she is already alone and surrounded by trees? She's already behind a tree, many trees. Her emotions did seem all over the place, her crying about being gone from her loved ones is fine, but I felt it was way too soon for her to do so, when she didn't know where or what has happened. Not only did it make her seem fragile and frail, if that was your intent, great. But also didn't make much sense to me, since she would be confused and scared more than saddened or mournful, survival instinct pushes the need to cry back, but this is your story, you do you!) all in all, they were only miner critiques I could think off.
The mystery of who or what sent her to this unknown world, was interesting, we know someone intelligent was behind it, since they were kind enough to send her there with clothes and her 'totally legal, not sharp' sword. Though how kind they are is in question since they did kidnap someone, seemingly against their knowledge to another world.
The thing I found most interesting, as both a reader and a writer myself, was the idea the System hacking her phone. I've never seen that before, and was looking forwards to seeing how that played out. A part of me is tempted to adapt a similar concept to my story. (Don't worry, I won't steal it. But this has inspired me to add something to my story that doesn't have a system.)
Thank you for the chapters, and I really do look forwards to what you come up with in the future.
@IGLXenix Well, the "rewriting" of this tale is only 1% the same and that being something which was only mentioned once in passing by the farmer (mana density and its relation to life on the surface I could write very long about this, but that's why I keep it for Autumn's story, which it's first chapter is delayed because I want to do it right with preperations for the future). Also, seeing someone else adapt the phone system into something a bit more fleshed out would be interesting, I will see what you do.
May the pen not falter and the paper not fade!
@VABi I'm working on a rewrite of my own story, and I recently decided to have the tech be a bit more advanced in a fantasy setting, I wont be using your phone idea as it is, but more like a magical mobile device that allows to see estimated stats of the user while also being a short range communication device? I'm still flushing it out in my plans. There's no system in the story I'm writing, but there are systems in other worlds the protagonist has been to. I really like your idea, it's unique compared to other system stories I've read so far.
I look forwards to your Autumn's story.