Richard crept slowly along the scaffolding, peering in vain at the floorboards. It was too dark to see anything, which was great if he wished to remain hidden, but not so great if trying to avoid plummeting several stories. His heart sank as he realized his plan had all the wisdom of leaving the vehicle to take a selfie with a bull elephant down at the discount wild animal park.
He spotted his target, a window in the seedy motel across the street; only a few more sections of scaffolding, and he’d have a clear view. He muttered a short prayer to any god that happened to be listening, though it came across as more of an angry scowl, cursing the gods for his lifelong bounty of terrible luck, and if it wasn’t too much to ask, could he not die the expected undignified death, just for this one night. To his growing surprise, he finally found himself seated across from his target, and more gratifyingly, the curtains were pulled. It seemed they didn’t consider the danger of voyeurs to be a serious one, neither at this late hour, nor this high off the ground.
Richard sat down gently, groping in the dark for the lid to the case of his video camera. Through the window, he could see that the couple were kissing, and had begun to take off each other’s clothes. A few moments later, and he was watching the action unfold through his camera’s viewfinder; he hadn’t missed a salient detail. He held perfectly still as he adjusted the zoom setting; their faces were clear and recognizable. He smiled as he watched them climb onto the bed; they didn’t even bother to get under the sheets. His heart soared as he watched the action unfold unambiguously. Finally, he thought, a little luck.
“Evening, citizen!” boomed a voice. Richard jolted, nearly dropping the camera, then whirled around to look in the voice’s direction. Above him, lit entirely too well by the available starlight, crouched a lone figure in a superhero costume. Richard shuddered as he pondered the vigilante’s outfit, wondering who started the trend of wearing swim briefs on the outside, and for the love of God, why. He suddenly regained his bearings, and turned back to the hotel window. The couple was still going at it hot and heavy; he hadn’t missed any relevant action.
“Oh, you’re being a naughty boy, aren’t you?” the superhero chided. “You’re not the normal sort of villain I encounter, but a do-gooder can’t be choosy.”
“I’m not a villain at all!” Richard retorted. “I’m a private detective. This is an adultery case.”
“Oh!” exclaimed the costumed crusader. “My mistake.” A short pause followed. “Well, I certainly can’t blame him for being tempted,” he offered. “She’s beautiful.”
“You idiot,” Richard seethed. “She’s the one who’s married. My client is her husband.”
“Really?” the superhero piped up, sounding genuinely baffled. “But he’s so gangly. There’s no accounting for taste, I guess.”
Richard sighed heavily. “Will you please shut up and stop screwing up my evidence?”
“Sorry, citizen.” Richard could hear the superhero moving through the scaffolding; he cursed as it made his camera shaky. Suddenly, he felt a hand slip into his pocket, and he jolted, losing the scene again. “My card,” the superhero whispered. “I’ll leave you alone now.”
Richard cursed under his breath as he fought to regain his focus. The scaffolding shook a few more times as he heard the wannabe do-gooder slip away. The action in the hotel room continued uninterrupted. A few minutes later, it had the expected ending, and Richard continued to shoot video, getting a clear view of their happy, exhausted faces. He recorded until they got up and put their clothes back on, and finally he shut off the camera, packing it safely in its case.
Now began the laborious task of getting down from the scaffolding. The way he got here seemed to be the safest; one could assume a lower probability of dangers in a path already taken. His heart soared as he realized the evidence he’d gathered tonight was damning, and would make all the difference in his client’s case. Gingerly, he crawled over the wooden planks, not wanting to take any undue risks. It didn’t matter how long it took to get down from the scaffolding; all that mattered was that he did it safely.
He finally reached the edge, and groped in the dark to find the top of the ladder. Smiling, he began to turn around, to begin his descent. Without warning, the camera case slipped. The strap would have prevented it from coming loose, but his unconscious, badly-timed reflex hadn’t accounted for that, and he lunged. He felt a tugging on his leg and a ripping sound; before he could process what that meant, he found himself stumbling over the edge! The ground stared back at him menacingly as he began an unceremonious sojourn to the cruel street.
Richard felt some short of sharp object move down his leg, coincident with a tearing sound. He felt it reach his shoe, then suddenly stop; his journey to the ground also halted. The camera case slipped again, but it was well-strapped to him, so it ended up dangling below, swaying gently but in no danger. A few seconds later, he had apprised the situation – he was hanging from the scaffolding, several stories in the air, the nearest ladder rung was just out of his reach, and he didn’t have the strength to curl back to the scaffold floor. But as long as his shoe didn’t slip off, he was safe, and so was his evidence.
He felt his shoe begin to slip. Cold dread shot through his body, like the feeling of his best girl turning down an invite to the homecoming dance.
An upside-down face slowly descended into view. Richard realized the face was actually right-side up, and ascending. Another wave of cold dread washed over him, like the feeling of showing up at your prom date’s house, only to find her leaving with another guy in a fancier limo. Richard gaped at the face, not wanting to believe.
“Need a hand there, citizen?” the self-styled superhero asked brightly.
