This wasn’t going to be easy. Although the tree’s rough surface provided a lot of traction, and the lizard was basking on the lowest branch, it was still a fifteen foot climb.
He got near the tree, grabbing it hesitantly as he looked for a foothold. She sighed and closed the distance between them. “Take off your belt.”
He froze. “What?”
She didn’t respond; she simply put her hand out. Richard quickly removed his belt and handed it to her.
She flung one side of the belt around the tree, catching it, then twisted both ends around her hands. With a graceful motion, she hopped up onto the tree, crouching sideways on the trunk, and began shimmying the belt up, timed to her footsteps. After rising about five feet, she let go of one end of the belt and flitted expertly to the ground.
“That’s how lumberjacks do it,” she informed as she handed his belt back. “Then when you get to the branch, put one leg on it and stand up. Easy peasy.” After retreating a short distance, she turned back to look.
Richard matched her motions and started to climb the tree. It was a lot easier than he had expected. Before long, he had closed the distance between the ground and the branch. The lizard eyed him warily as he flung his leg upwards, his foot coming to rest on the branch. A few more awkward motions, and he was standing on the branch. The lizard leaned away from him at an obtuse angle, not taking his eyes off Richard.
After carefully hanging his belt across the branch, Richard withdrew the folded-up catchpole from an inside pocket of his suit jacket and unfolded it, locking the pieces into place. He grabbed the rope loop and extended it to its full size.
“You’re doing great!” Rosaleen called out. “Now get that loop over his head and pull it tight. Try for his mouth or his shoulders; his neck should be pretty strong, but I’d rather not take the chance. Once he’s snagged, the rest should be straightforward.”
Richard looked uneasily at the pole, then at the lizard, who had begun to scoot slowly away from him. “Aw, c’mon!” she encouraged. “You’ll be a certified lizard wrangler after this. I’ll even make you a certificate!”
He smirked and inched his way closer to the lizard, one hand holding the catchpole, the other keeping a firm hold of the tree trunk. The lizard threw him a tail whip and began to hiss. With a quick motion, Richard tried to hook the rope loop around the lizard’s head, but just as he made his move, the lizard hissed loudly. The rope went into his open mouth; he bit down on it and yanked the pole out of Richard’s hand.
The weight of the pole, and the awkward position, proved too much; the lizard lost his grip on the branch and plummeted unceremoniously to the ground. The yank proved too much for Richard, too; he lost his grip on the trunk, and his balance. As he watched himself tumble from the branch, he quickly hooked one of his legs around it, stopping his fall, and leaving him swinging wildly.
Despite his newly oscillating viewpoint, Richard could see the lizard flop hard onto the ground and try to run away. Rosaleen dove for the pole and used it to stop the escape. She then flung herself into the air and onto the lizard’s back. With a series of deft wrestling moves that would make Steve Irwin proud, she managed to bind up his arms and legs, both rolling over a few times before coming to a stop. The lizard continued to hiss loudly.
Rosaleen sidled her head up to his; he tried to bite her, but she simply moved out of the way and pressed down on the top of his head with her chin. “Oh, c’mon, baby,” she cooed. “You’ll forgive me, won’t you?” Richard stared incredulously as he watched the wild animal struggle to sink his fangs into her, while she simply stroked his nose.
But all of ten seconds later, he suddenly stopped, and plaintively spit out the rope. “I knew you’d come around, honey!” she oozed. Slowly, she rose from her prone position with the supernal grace of a ballet dancer, all the while keeping a tight hold on her prey. As she ascended to her full height, she relaxed her grip on his hind legs, then after a moment, on his front legs. The lizard simply attached himself to her clothing and hung there, like some sort of feral fashion accessory. As the lizard snuggled into her, she began to walk away.
Richard had been too entranced by the action to do much else, but suddenly realized she was leaving. “Rosaleen!” he called out. “I could use some help here!”
She showed no sign of hearing him. Instead, she began singing an old Minnie Riperton tune to the lizard. “Loving you,” she cooed, “is easy ’cause you’re my lizard boy…doodin-doodin-do-do…” But instead of hitting the infamous whistle-register note, she nuzzled her buddy. And the lizard, in open defiance of his savage nature, and millions of years of evolution turning him into the perfect predator…nuzzled her back.
Richard watched her disappear over a hill. “La-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la…”
He squinted. Just past the point where he lost sight of her, he could see another figure standing in the thick woods. He only caught glimpses of the interloper here and there, but as he reached a small clearing, it appeared to be a hooded figure, dressed entirely in black. The figure turned in Richard’s direction and froze; although the distance made it impossible to tell, it seemed like their eyes locked for a moment. The figure then took off running.
Richard’s eyes darted around. The trunk was too far away for him to grab it; however, his belt still hung from the branch. After a few careful test swings, he lurched toward his belt, grabbing it tightly. Gingerly releasing his legs, he careened toward the tree trunk, missing it on the first try. Careful not to relax his grip, he once again began to swing; after a few passes, he managed to throw his legs around the trunk and hold tight. He rested for a moment, taking several deep breaths, before tackling the next step. After muttering a short prayer to any god that happened to be listening, he released the tension on his belt. His legs, curled around the tree trunk, stuck firmly. Hardly daring to move, he flung one end of the belt around the tree, catching it, then twisted his hands once to wrap the belt around them.
He smiled as he relaxed his legs, jostling until he was crouched sideways on the tree trunk. With several graceful jerking moves, he shimmied down the tree without incident and found himself on the forest floor. He let out a huge sigh and hugged the tree, grateful that the gods had finally shown him a little mercy.
Except, of course, that his client had ditched him, and the hooded figure was nowhere in sight.
After brushing off his clothes, Richard loped in the direction where he last saw the stranger. After cresting a small hill, he looked around for Rosaleen. She was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and returned to the area near the tree, trying to guess why the hooded figure had been watching him.
Before long, he found a shallow ravine, choked with thick plant growth. He stopped moving, listening carefully for any evidence of other people nearby. He was greeted only with the sounds of the breeze flowing through the bushes and a smattering of bird calls. Walking around the outskirts of the clump, he happened upon a halfway-serviceable tunnel into the interior, with relatively fresh footsteps. Carefully entering, he found the light getting dimmer and dimmer until it suddenly grew bright again, and he found himself in a small clearing.
All around him were luscious, brittle-looking trees filled with amazingly colorful flowers, clashing harshly with the dingy, hardscrabble forest around them. Some of the flowers even had multiple colors, transitioning from one to the other and to yet another, flowing from the branch to the outer petals. Small, spiky, cucumber-like growths dotted the stems between flowers.
After admiring the beauty for a while, he ran out of ideas, so he decided to take a few photos of the area, then climbed out of the ravine through the tunnel and began the long journey back to his parked car.
