Nothing. When I reached between my legs I found nothing. Just skin covered in light creamy white feathers. I searched further trying to find something, anything down below. As I reached back I found it got even weirder. Instead of my hand going past my legs and curing up, it went back further. Almost sloping back instead of curving up my butt.

 

I kept softly running my fingers against the skin until I found something. As soon as I made contact with it I pulled my hand away. The feeling was a combination of many things I’ve felt before, but I could not think of exactly what it was. I walked back to the mirror on the wall and from my view nothing looked different. Maybe a few extra feathers here and there. But I knew way more changed than I originally bargained for. 

I tried turning around and lifting my tail. While I couldn’t lift it high enough from my standing position, it was able to move much further and more agile in all directions. Moving it felt….more natural? I didn’t have to think as much to get it to sway to the side or flare. It just kind of happened as soon as I put the smallest effort into it, similar to how moving your arm requires zero thought. But the furthest I could move it upwards was to just above level with my butt. I leaned forward and found that that also lifted the tail further. 

 

So I leaned forward until my eyes were looking at my reflection in the mirror. I was able to see this view only by looking between my knees. Once I was in this position I tried lifting my tail again.

 

Feathers. That was all I saw, there was a slight divot in the middle but nothing visible in this sea of contour feathers. I reached my hand back and felt the feathers, trying to find whatever was hiding underneath. I pushed the feathers aside and was able to get a glimpse of what it was. Just a hole. Not perfectly round and certainly not human. 

 

I stood up and lowered my tail. I turned around and stared at myself. I really had taken it too far. For the sake of convenience I allowed myself to change, but now I know that this was much worse. But at the same time, I couldn’t hide it forever. I had to go out today at some point. 

 

I pulled out my phone and did a search for ‘Hawk tail hole’ not really knowing what to expect. But almost immediately I saw the same word Rylie had mentioned. Cloaca. The page I had found explained it simply that it is a singular hole for urinary, fecal and reproductive systems. As Rylie put it ‘The do everything hole’ which made sense now.

 

I started getting myself ready to walk to the AA house. I know biking was not going to be an option and I could not bring myself to call for a ride. I put on a clean t-shirt and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts, thinking they would be easiest to wear. I attempted to put the shorts on, which was working until they reached the top of my legs. With my rear reconfiguring itself, there was nowhere for the shorts to hold onto. Imagine putting on your pants but leaving the entirety of your butt hanging out. 

 

I tried to take a few steps but they would fall as soon as I let go. The reflection of myself looked just as ridiculous. A half man, half hawk trying to put on pants. I gave up and decided today would also have to be my first pant’s free day. The first of many as I don’t think the chances of ever wearing pants again is very high.

 

The walk between my home to the AA house would take me around 20 minutes by foot.The sooner I left, the less busy it would be. Not to mention I already felt like I was doing something wrong and illegal just going out half dressed.

 

So I started walking. Well maybe walking isn’t the best way to describe it. I was jogging trying to get out of the public as soon as possible. I was halfway there near Bryant park when I heard a car horn honk. It was off in the distance but with me already being on edge I just picked up the pace and got further away. Even if the honk was not for me, I’d rather not been seen to begin with. 

 

After a solid 15 minutes of fast walk/jogging I was finally at the house. Now would be the flood of questions. ‘You had just changed so why would it have happened again?’ That question and many more were all I expected. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, opened the door and was ready for the reactions.

 

But I heard nothing of the sort. I opened my eyes to see in the main room everyone standing around the couch. On the couch was Benji and Damien. Benji was crying and everyone around the couch was standing quietly. I stepped inside and walked towards the couch. Immediately I saw 2 things different about Benji and Damien. Damien’s half arm half wings were now just fully feathered, fingerless wings. He held one folded to his side and the other reached around Benji, its black and white feathers almost like a blanket around him.

 

Benji’s arms looked very similar to how Damien’s looked previously. Black feathers hung from his arms. His hands were covering his face as he cried to himself. The feathers form his arms, mostly covering any view of his torso. While Benji was still wearing a shirt it was cut on the sides making way for the feathers to hang.

 

Damien whispered something to him. Benji nodded in response. Damien looked up and made eye contact with me. His eyes glanced down at my lower half and I saw them go wide for a second before looking back up to me. He looked to Rylie and made a gesture with his wing and as he stood up, Rylie took his place. He started walking towards me.

 

Coming in close he whispered “You all good dude?”.

 

I nodded yes and he started walking towards the kitchen. He gestured for me to come as well. We walked into the kitchen, Damien closed the door pushing it shut with an outstretched wing. He then neatly folded it back to his side.

 

“Man, quite a bit is going on here right now.” Damien said. “Benji, me and now you”

 

“Mine’s nothing, just a few more feathers is all” I said back “is everything ok with..”

 

“Benji? No.” Damien said before letting out a sigh. “Benji’s Mom passed early this morning. We spent the night at the hospital and we just got back here a little before you. He is pretty emotional right now but that's to be expected”

 

“Damn. So his arms…?” I said back

 

“They changed quite a bit. Really strong emotions can push things along if you're not careful.” Damien said before holding his wings up slightly “It got the best of me too. Kids like a brother and it sucks to see him like this.”

 

“Can you change them back?” I asked quietly.

 

“It would be a miracle. He changed a few hours ago and I was just after him. The chances these are going anywhere are pretty much nil” Damien said folding his wings tightly to himself. “At least they are slightly more manageable now. No more knocking stuff over. Or picking things up in general”

 

“I’m sorry dude” I said looking at his neatly folded wings.

 

“It’s no one's fault. Benji needed me and I got a little emotional. Just hate to see him like this.” Damien said “But let's talk about you for a second.”

 

“About?”

 

“About what? You know mister streaker.” Damien said, chuckling a bit. “Did that happen this morning?”

 

“Yeah. It just sort of happened.” I said with a sigh.

 

“Yeah? No pants can be nice, makes you feel light and free right?. Especially after yesterday?” Damien said, trying his hardest to get the mood somewhere happier.

 

“Yeah, my tail moves more and I’m missing something things. But that's totally worth no pants” I said sarcastically.

 

“Oh, you're missing your….uhh” Damien nodded his head down.

 

“It’s gone, everything is weird down under. Not a fan.” I said quickly.

 

“Just wait til later. It gets weirder.” Damien said, winking. “The restroom is a trip the first few times.”

 

“Great, I’ll think of you when I go next time.” I said flatly.

 

“Usually I skip most doctor trips but you may want it this time. More may have changed than you think. Last thing you want is to get sick over eating the wrong stuff.” Damien said.

 

‘great’ I thought to myself, as if I didn’t have enough surprises.

 

“I think I need to get back with Benji. Please let me know if you need anything, yeah?” Damien said as he started to turn to the door. He outstretched a wing and batted at the door handle before it rocked down and opened the door.

 

I followed Damien to the main room where he said something to Benji and they both walked upstairs. Everyone just watched as they walked up the stairs. Damien holding a wing around Benji. Before he rounded the corner and was out of sight. Shortly after was a door closing.

 

“Fuck, what a thing to happen to em” Matthew said shaking his head.

 

I looked from Matthew over to Rylie. She was peering down her shirt and had a slightly worried look.

 

“You ok Ry?” Matthew asked.

 

She quickly stopped looking down and quickly responded. “Ya, I’m fine”

 

Matthew turned to me. “What about you?”

 

“I’m doing fine. Just a few little changes this morning” I said, trying to downplay it.

 

“Busy day I guess. And we are just getting started.” Matthew said

 

Rylie turned and started up the stairs. She moved quickly and I heard the door shut loudly.

 

Matthew and I hung out for a bit. We talked about whatever came to our heads. A little bit about movies, a little bit about the news. Nothing major, but I did learn a few things about Matthew. He hates musicals and loves stop motion movies. But he is pretty quiet about his personal life. 

 

“I used to do news graphics. Did most of the graphic work for the local stations and papers. Even a few big ones if you can imagine that.” Matthew said to me. Was the best job I had. I can't even imagine trying it now.”

 

“Your hands are fine right? Why did you quit?” I asked him.

 

“I didn’t quit. But I did have to work with clients directly. They don’t always like the idea of paying the company money for an animal to do the work.” Matthew explained. “Tried remote and it never worked right. So I was told that I would be let go or I could leave. Leaving myself did grant me an exit bonus. So I did what i had to do.”

 

“Could you do freelance?” I asked him.

 

“Yeah but the same issue remains. NO one wants to hire a guy with a beak to do expensive art. They just don't like the idea of it.” Matthew said.

 

We heard the thumping of feet going down the stairs. Around the corner stepped out Damien. His wings were tucked tight against his sides as he walked towards us. He walked to the couch, sat down hard and let his wings go limp and sat with his head tilted back.

 

“What a day. Oh what a day.” He said quietly.

 

“Tell me about it” Matthew said back.

 

Damien’s head flicked up. “Heh. You got any changes to share?” Damien said 

 

“I think I’m the only one who missed out today.” Matthew said as he crossed his leg. 

 

“Consider yourself lucky then mate. Haven’t changed in 4 months and now I have no hands. Maybe I need the matching feet, yeah? You guys seem to pick things up fine with them.” Damien said jokingly.

 

“Picking things up? Yes. Doing anything that needs a lick of dexterity? No.” Matthew replied.

 

“Where’s Jeremy?” Damien asked.

 

Matthew looked around slowly. “Well he was here a bit ago. He kinda just comes and goes at times, doesn’t really say anything before he leaves” Matthew looked over to me. “Did you see him leave?”

 

“No I think he left while Damien and I were talking” I said back. I think he didn’t like seeing Benji right now.

 

“Sad to see Benji like this” Matthew looked towards the stairs. “Dame, you think Benji is alright?”

 

There was no response. Just silence as we waited for Damien to spreak.

 

“Dame? Yo, Damien” Matthew said again, this time waving his arm in Damien’s face.

 

I looked over to see Matthew sitting up leaning towards Damien. Damien was just staring forward, unmoving, his eyes wide open staring at nothing. Just a flat blank expression.

 

“You sleeping dude?” Matthew said louder.

 

Damien flicked his head back a bit and looked around quickly and frantically. His breathing picked up and his eyes dilated for a moment. 

 

“Woah, sorry. I think I dozed off there for a second.” Damien said, looking at Matthew. “Anyway, you were saying?”

 

“Oh it was nothing dude. Maybe you should get some sleep. You’ve been up all night and could probably use it.” Matthew said, sitting back in his chair.

 

“It’s 1 o’clock? I’ve gotten 2 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours.” Damien said looking at the clock.

 

Damien got up and went upstairs. After a bit Nash arrived, Matthew and I got him up to speed. We watched TV for a bit before Jeremy came in the front door. We tried to ask Jeremy where he ran off too but never could get an answer. Rylie came black down but seemed to keep her distance. After hanging out and sitting around until 6PM I decided it was getting time to head home. 

 

Nash gave me a ride and of course asked me all sorts of questions about this morning. I tired to tell him all I knew about Benji and Matthew, which was pretty limited second hand information. He asked about my changes and what caused them. I could only be vague and acted like I didn’t know what caused them. We made it to my place and Nash said his goodbyes.

 

I stepped in the door and was immediately greeted by my Mom. Immediately the questions started. When did it happen? How did it happen? Where did it happen? She thought something was up ahead of time because of my discarded shorts in front of the living room mirror. I tried to give her some details, but I also didn’t want to say too much about what I found. 

 

She of course looked at me from every angle she could. I kept my tail down and tried my hardest to hide the big changes. But I quickly realized they would be made very obvious if I ever sat down. Everything looked similar to before when I stood up, but sitting I had less of a butt and sitting in general looked a bit different. So the entire time I was downstairs I was standing, in hopes she wouldn’t notice or become suspicious.

 

Only 2 places I could really relax. In my bed and in the painful plastic folding chair. Day to day life at the AA House was much easier. Everything there was, for the most part, built or modified for my body. I spent so much time there that maybe making the move wouldn’t be so bad. It would solve my transportation issues, living accommodations and everyone is there already. 

 

I brought up the idea to Mom, it didn’t really go well but I expected that from the start. She was upset that I wanted to move out. I tried to explain that life would be easier for both of us. But nothing was helping so I dropped it. I think eventually I’ll get her onboard but I don't want to push things too quickly with her. Although I may see it one way, there is no way I could know how much it would hurt her.

 

The next few days were pretty much event free. I officially dropped out of classes. Had video calls with Kole and was shuttled to the AA House almost daily. Only ever home to sleep. Sometimes I’d just crash on the couch at AA. Pretty much just getting into a routine.

 

I learned using the restroom with my new equipment was awful, albeit quick. Instead of having a 1 and a 2, it was more of an all at once deal. Once I felt the need, I would just hold my tail end over the pot, lift my tail and let it go. It was fast but also didn’t have as much warning. Usually I had a 40 second or so notice that it was going to happen. If I didn’t act in time, my body would do it involuntarily.

 

That led to a few very awkward accidents on the floor. Once happening while I was in the yard even. It was upsetting when it did happen, just feeling like another part of my human self gone. But at least I still could speak and hold things, this was just an inconvenience compared to those. 

 

Thursday rolled around and I of course went to the AA house. Everyone was getting used to the new changes. Benji was still working through things but was starting to get back to his normal self, at least on the outside. His hands were still usable but now from his arms hung a large wall of black feathers. Damien’s wings were almost always kept folded to his sides. A white line of feathers ran from his cheek, down his neck and to his folded wings. When unfolded the line met with the white feathers on the bottom half of his wings. 

 

We were sitting at the table in the main room. Damien, Jeremy, Benji, Matthew, Nash and I. We were attempting to play cards but really Nash and Damien were acting more like a team with Nash playing his own hand but also helping Damien with his cards. The cards were held using a book placed behind a metal ruler. While Damien couldn’t move them, he could tell Nash which to play. 

 

“I pick green” Benji said after playing a black card.

 

Matthew drew a card from the pile. “Go yellow next time!” He said, looking at Benji.

 

Nash laid down a draw 2 card and reached for the draw pile.

 

“The one on the far right” Damien said. Nash looked at him confused so Damien repeated “The card on the far right, play it.”

 

Nash pulled the card from the right and looked at it. “So four to Jeremy then?” He said as he laid down another draw 2 on the pile.

 

Jeremy’s head cocked back, then pointed to the card shaking his head in disagreement. He looked at Damien and did the motion of drawing a card with his hand. 

 

“Can I not stack cards?” Damien asked. Jeremy shook his head. “No, I’m pretty sure I can stack draw 2’s” Damien looked around for us to give confirmation. 

 

“I’ve always played where you can,” Benji said. “But you can’t stack draw 2’s on draw 4’s”

 

“I don’t think that's a real rule” Matthew said as he started looking for the box on the ground.

 

“I’ve always played where you have to draw 2, but you can play a draw 2 right after” I said, shrugging.

 

“Like if you drew one?” Damien asked me “Because that does not make sense”

 

“Is this the new spicy food thing?” Matthew asked jokingly. “It wasn’t spicy by the way”

 

“What are you going on about?” Nash asked.

 

Matthew pulled out a small paper rule book and started searching it. “We ordered take out. Lyall and Rylie thought the food was spicy and it didn’t have any spice to it when we tried it.”

 

Nash laughed “Who’s we? You know you probably can’t taste the spice bird boy. If you’ve got a beak you probably have a different tongue. Birds can’t taste spice.”

 

Matthew interrupted. “Ha! It says you can’t stack cards!”

 

Damien chuckled “Well it’s wrong, Nash pull 2 for me” Nash drew 2 cards and placed them in front of him.

 

Jeremy played his turn and it was to me. I drew a card and it was now to Benji. He went to draw a card and reached over the table. In doing so his feathers pushed my drink onto the table but luckily the can was empty. In a quick motion Benji pulled his arm back and the feathers once again caught the can and pushed it completely off the table. 

 

“Sorry! He said, pulling his arms close to his body. “The damn things”

 

“It's no problem dude. It was empty anyway” I said to him. 

 

The game kept going until it got to Nash. “Red” He said, laying down a black card. We all looked at Damien who was just staring forward at the deck. We all waited for his next move. But he just slightly turned his head to look sideways.

 

“You got a red?” Nash asked him. But Damien didn’t say anything. “You alright Dame?” His head turned the other way, facing one eye to Nash. “Damien, you having an episode?” 

 

His eyes dilated, then he flicked his head a bit. He looked at the table confused. “What?” He said looking at the cards.

 

“Red, the card is red and it’s your turn” Nash said “You feeling ok?”

 

“Yeah, just got lost there for a second.” He looked down at the cards lined up. “Uhh, third from the left” 

 

“That’s the second time this week”  Nash said while pulling a card from the line and playing it for Damien. “You sure it isn’t something else?”

 

“I’m fine, just a tired is all.” Damien said.

 

“You’ve been saying that for 3 days now. I’m sure you have slept enough. You should get checked out, maybe its” Nash said before Damien interrupted him.

 

“It’s nothing! Changing wouldn’t make me space out. I’m just tired and maybe a little stressed.”  Damien looked at me “Did you get checked out recently?”

 

“No, at least not yet” I answered

 

“Damien, you shouldn’t be askin’ others to go if you won’t” Nash said laughed.

 

“What so they can say I have wings? I wish I'd known my hands were gone.” Damien said sarcastically. 

 

There was a thud as Jeremy hit the table. Everyone turned quickly to look at him. He was holding up a single finger with one hand and a single card in the other. 

 

“Uno?” Benji asked. To which Jeremy quickly nodded.

 

The last turn played out with Jeremy winning. The cards were collected up and everyone split off. Damien walked up the stairs and I followed him up. 

 

“Damien, can we talk?” I asked as he was opening his door.

 

“Oh uhh yeah.” He said closing his door.

 

“In private?”

 

Damien looked at the door “Uh sure”

 

I followed him in and shut the door. Inside was his room like I had been in before but this time it was different. Before his room wasn’t perfectly clean but this time it was quite a mess. Random things strewn about and his bed was stripped except a haphazardly placed blanket. 

 

“So what's up?” He asked, sitting down.

 

I sat down on the rounded chair. “ I wanted to ask about you. Something seems up with you recently.” I said to him.

 

“Like what?” He said, his voice sounding slightly different.

 

“You keep spacing out, your room is like this and you seem to be a bit more snappy” I said to him. “Something is different.”

 

He closed his eyes and sighed. “Between you and me right now right?”

 

“Sure, spill it” I said to him.

 

He spoke in a quieter voice. “I think I’m going crazy. I keep spacing out and when I do I see things, I hear thoughts.”

 

“Hear thoughts?” I asked him.

 

“I hear thoughts that are not me. I can’t make them out but it's always at the same time as me spacing out. I don’t know if I’m narcoleptic or something” He said, rubbing his face with the joints of his wings.

 

“Do you feel like you're falling asleep?”

 

“No, when I come back I don't feel tired, I just feel lost. When I sleep at night I have these weird dreams and wake up to either me stripped or my bed stripped.” Damien said looking at the floor.

 

“Earlier you were looking around at whoever spoke to you. Then you woke up confused. Could it be something with you cha…” I started to say before I was interrupted.

 

“It can’t be my changes. I’m not far enough for mental stuff. That's the last to happen, it has to be something else.” Damien said, quickly almost defensively.

 

“It has to be something, this can’t just be normal.”

 

“Maybe it's just stress, maybe I just need a nap or to relax or something. Life has been a bit stressful with everything happening.” He started trying to kick his shoes off using only his feet.

 

“Here let me see them, I’ll pull them off” I said, holding my hand out.

 

“Don't touch the socks though. I need them on.” Damien said, lifting a foot up.

 

I grabbed a shoe and pulled. Off came the shoe and the sock partially came off. Damien quickly pulled his foot down and looked at me. His crest was standing tall as he looked at me.

 

“So, the other one?” I said holding my hand out. Damien reached his foot up and I pulled the shoe off. Again the sock came partially off with it. This time though I saw a glimpse of something. I saw dark gray under the sock, this time before he could pull his foot down I grabbed it with my free hand. I peered at his skin under his pant leg.

 

Black scaly skin covered his leg. I could tell by the look of it that it had a rough, dry texture. I had seen his leg last week the morning he got back to the house with Benji. At that time his skin was white and smooth with no signs of changes.

 

“That’s new right?” I asked him.

 

“What are you talking about?” He said pulling his leg free and setting it down.

 

“Your legs Damien. When did that change? They looked fine a few days ago.” I said to him.

 

Damien reached down and pulled both the socks off. His entire foot was covered in rough black skin. He then stood up and unbuttoned his pants, dropping them to reveal the skin was the same to about 5 inches above the knee. After that point it was smooth but darker colored.

 

“Between us man.” Damien said looking dead in the eye. “2 days ago. I had an episode and when I came too they were like this.”

 

“Episode as in spacing out?” I asked

 

“Yeah, it seems if someone isn't there to wake me….. this happens.” Damien said, gesturing to his legs. “At least that's all I can think of.”

 

“Is your mind doing it? Why would your own head do it to you?” 

 

“I think my mental changes are here.” Damien started breathing quicker. “I think I’m sharing my mind with it.”

 

With what? What do you mean?” I asked him as he stood up.

 

“Each time I space out I have these thoughts. They aren’t like words but rather feelings. Feelings that are not human, that I can tell.” Damien said as he started pacing. “I think I’m changing because the bird’s instinct is influencing it. The more I change, the more influence it has.” He said, looking at me worried.

 

“It’ll be fine. We will find a way around it. Maybe we just need to find out what triggers it” I said, trying to reassure him.

 

Damien looked at me, shaking a bit. The first time I had ever seen Damien worried to this extent.

 

“I don’t know if I can stop it. I’m losing myself.”