I sat still for a long time. Part of it was because I truly didn't know how to make sense of the situation. I had gone from my nice comfy bed to being in a seemingly different world and turning into a tree dragon. That was the part I was unsure how to feel about. On one hand, that transformation was one of the most dramatic experiences of my life. I will never forget the feeling as my flesh shifted, fused, and split as needed. On the other hand, I was a tree dragon. That's so fucking cool. This conflict stirring inside me helped to keep me grounded to the floor. the other part was because I didn't know how to move as a dragon. 

[combat victory]

[experience is obtained]

[extra experience for killing a being higher level than you]

[obtained 1000 exp]

[LV UP! 01 -> 02]

[LV UP! 02 -> 03]

[LV UP 03 -> 04]

[LV UP 04 -> 05]

[obtained 20 status points]

I finally graced the screen, that had been floating in my peripheral vision since the ape died, with a glance. As I read it I pondered what to do. I was glad for because thinking about what to do kept me from thinking about 'why'. Tring to find out why I'm here will only depress me but I can't help my mind from wandering there when unoccupied. So I contemplated my profile and decided to take this time and actually examine my skills.  I first focused on the skill that brought me to this form and mentally prompted the system to explain hoping it would work like web novels have led me to believe. 

[Nature's Guardian LV 1- The Eden ents were the first of nature children to gain sentience and thus were entrusted to be the guardian of nature. To perform this duty the Eden ents adopted the form of the arcane's greatest beast; the dragon. Activate this skill to embrace that same form.]

[skills available in this form]

[Emrald Flames - the flames of nature's wrath do not burn the flesh but steal the very life. Those burned by this flame will have their life force consumed and stored for later use. the flames will distinguish only when they have drained all life unless overpowered. - cost 20 mp per breath]

well, that explains that. I called upon this skill and turned into a dragon but why did the flame activate? Will, I just vomit out green flames anytime I transform, and also how am I supposed to transform back? do I just wish it? As the thought crossed my mind and I desired to change back I felt my body begin to shift again. I cringed internally as the nauseating feeling took hold again. I handled this one better in that I didn't fall on my face vomiting. I only fell to my knees and dry heaved. baby steps.

As I got myself back under control I stood up and stretched my back out to its full extension. then I stretch out my arms and touched my toes. all to revel in the feeling of having a body I can actually move and understand. I then promptly sat back down to keep going through my profile. I focused on the next skill and kindly asked the system to enlighten me. 

[Nature's Bounty LV 1 - the Eden ents were the first of nature's children to adapt their natural gifts for greater function. they tanned the first hide and ironically cut the first tree to build the first house. Nature gives to them and they in return bring the most from nature's gifts they can.]

[sub skills]

[Eye of bounty - See all nature has to give to you for what it truly is. know what it is and how to use it by gazing upon it with the eye of bounty. grants knowledge of raw materials and how to use them.]

I hmmed as I read the description of this skill. It seemed to be a passive skill and definitely less impressive than nature's guardian. I was slightly confused about what the skill did. I didn't feel like I knew anything new. As I considered this I began to admire the ground, there was a rather large stick to my right, about my height maybe a little bigger. I couldn't help but notice how strait it was and how I could use the rock on my left as a spearhead if I broke it against this other rock for a sharp edge. It was when I realized I don't know how to do any of that what the skill was doing. I could perfectly see what everything around me could be used for but I couldn't actually use it for that purpose. I guess I can see how that would be helpful but I kinda feel incompetent knowing all the stuff I could do if I had the skill but not being able to actualize it. 

I pushed the thoughts of nature's bounty to the back of my head and focused on the next skill.  

[Life Of The Forest LV 1- The life of Eden ents was connected to nature's life. As long as the forest lived so too shall the ents. mostly. ]

[Sub skills]

[lifeblood of the forest - connect to the forest and trees around you to both give and take life. Life can only be taken from the trees but given to any reciprocal within your reach]

I nodded appreciatively as I read. A solid skill to help keep me alive and maybe even others. Like a predator that was just waiting for an opening, the face of my mother appears in my mind and it truly hits me for the first time that I won't see her tomorrow. I don't know how I got here and I don't know even if I can get back. I may truly never see my mother again and as I realize this I began to weep. 

I wept for my mother who I loved from the bottom of my heart. The tears only continued as I was led down a spiral of all that has been robbed of me. No longer will I have my parents. No longer will I have my brothers to love and hate in equal amounts and my sisters in unequal amounts. I've been robbed of friends and family and work and school and my bed and the novels I would read and I've been robbed of my wonderful beautiful normalcy. 

In the end, as I'm laying there I grab my legs and I hug them to my chest. I rest my head on my knees and I just stare blankly in between them not truly seeing anything. At one point my brain grows too tired to keep spiraling and I'm left with nothing but a haunting question. The one question that just filled me with emptiness as I can't possibly answer. 

"Why am I even alive?" I whisper to myself as I continue to stare off into nothing. 

Slothy2.0

hello

I'm not gonna lie this chapter was supposed to be pure infodump about his race skills. then I just had a thought that "ohh I would think of mom here" so I followed that. For those of you who are looking for a shining perfect brave protagonist then keep looking. I called this a self-insert and I want to be honest with how I am through my writing. This means I'm trying to write my flawed self and I will do dumb things. for more see the spoiler.

Spoiler

the main purpose of the first book that will follow my journey through the first race evolution is to examine myself as a person. I will continue to encounter things to test my morals and views and to examine how they would change in the given context. This means I'm gonna put myself through the wringer in this story and if the MC is still me by the time I'm done then I have failed. The first ark is going to be very personal with a lot of internal struggle and combat. from this our real mc will be born. Or well that's my hope but I could fail. let's see.

[collapse]

oh also if you didn't realize I like to get philosophical so be warned