Amaryllis. I have always thought that my name is beautiful. It is a flower's name after all.

However, when I was in middle school, our literature teacher tackled the story and origin of amaryllis flower. In Greek mythology, the amaryllis is said to have arisen from Amaryllis' passion for Alteo.

Amaryllis, a young maiden, fell in love with Alteo, a shepherd. He was powerful and attractive, yet extremely cold. He had not once shown any interest in the maidens, but still, he loved flowers.

Despairing, Amaryllis sought guidance from the Oracle of Delphi on how to gain his affection. She waited in front of Alteo's house for thirty nights on the Oracle's orders, piercing her heart with a golden arrow and spilling blood along the path. Suddenly, a magnificent flower sprouted from her blood on the thirty-first night, and it helped her earn Alteo's affection.

Unfortunately, I may have lived up to my name's meaning.

Amaryllis Koch –a foolish girl who sought the love of someone who will never look her way. However, unlike Amaryllis in the mythology, I never had any oracle show me the right way, nor did I gain my own Alteo's affection. I may have only struck my own heart with a golden arrow, and left it to bleed on its own.

My story is not a fairytale.

Even though I was lucky enough to be born in one of the richest families, it didn't help alleviate my longing for love.

I just happened to become a flower planted on the rich soil, competing with other flowers, but never had the chance to be watered with love. I never had the chance to fully bloom.

I withered away, slowly becoming colorless. And the more I fade in the background, the more my sister blooms beautifully.

Iris Koch, she was the epitome of grace and elegance. Her name is also a flower's name. A flower known to be a symbol for monarchs and royalty. Taken from the name of a Greek goddess: "The goddess of the rainbow."

We were both planted on the same soil, yet why was she the only one blooming?

She excelled in everything she did. She followed every request our parents asked and made them proud. She did ballet and studied art, poetry and painting.

I tried following her footsteps. Yet, each and every time, I was left confused why our parents adored her and I did not?

Why didn't they appreciate my effort and hard work?

Why was everyone very eager to get her attention, and sought her affection?

Why was she chosen to be the fated bride of my one and only love?

I couldn't contain my sadness at all. Emotions had slowly eaten my sanity. Sadness turned into grief, grief turned into anger, anger turned into absolute madness.

The last thing I know, I sold all the information available from my father's company, including the most censored data, to my father's competitor and brother, Uncle George.

I didn't know things would end up like this. He promised to arrange me as a bride candidate instead if I successfully did what he asked.

I was stupid to believe Uncle George's words. Did I think of him as the oracle who will help me gain the affection of my own Alteo?

All I wanted was to have a little bit of your attention. Was it really that hard, Rowan Cartier?

Suddenly, all I can hear is the news of my father's company going bankrupt, and my sister breaking her engagement with Rowan.

I went out to go to where I know I can find him. I want to see him, even if it is just one last time. How does he feel?

But I shouldn't have, because when I got there, my sister was crying in his embrace. He looked over me, and gave me a cold glare.

Not because he is mad. He is looking at me the way a person would look at a stranger. I realized, did he ever know I existed?

I don't think so. I don't think he knows me at all. It felt like I was slapped back to reality.

I ran away from there, not wanting to continue watching the heartbreaking scenario. I didn't realize when and how, suddenly, I was just sinking deep into the water.

Ah yes, I fell off a cliff because I was running without looking at where I was going. My body is getting heavy. It is futile to fight the currents.

The water is slowly enveloping me, mixing with the overwhelming regret that I'm feeling.

At that moment, I saw a black bird flying above the sea, free and undaunted.

I finally know what went wrong. I remember all the things that I wanted to do for myself. All my other dreams and goals, aside from chasing love.

I forgot.

The other meaning of Amaryllis flower. It is not just a flower symbolizing passion and love. This flower is believed to mean pride, strength and determination as it stands tall above all other winter blooms. Its Greek name means 'to sparkle'.

But yes, aside from sparkling, can I also grow wings?

And I closed my eyes completely.