Day 128,

Catacomb nightmares again, as expected.  More of the usual.  Not that I ever get used to it while they’re happening.  Think I might take a brief trip to Siren Overlook this evening.  Just need to not let it show in front of the kids.

Writing this while sitting with my back to a column on Siren Overlook.  I’ll head back to the Village once the sun starts going down.

Sent Cass out during the day to take care of the deliveries I didn’t manage to get to yesterday.  I think I would have gotten more of an “I told you so” about the requests piling up on market day if she hadn’t been concerned about me running around in the mists.  That’s even more “not done” than I realized it seems.

When I inquired as to how her day off went she told me she spent the market day with her family, much as she did before her apprenticeship, while the mist day she spent holed up in Norman and Marva’s with a book she’d borrowed from the archive.  When I asked what was able to hold her attention all day, the book she named was one I recognized Lin having checked out previously.  Medical related.

We joked about how if I wasn’t careful Lin would end up stealing my apprentice.

How would I feel if that came to pass though?  I mean, I certainly wouldn’t begrudge Cass for it.  It’s important that she does what she likes and makes her happy, and I’ll be the first to admit that she’s not really learning a lot from me.  There’s not really a lot for me to teach since I’m just making this up as I go and am probably doing a great number of things wrong, just without anyone around to correct me.

On the other hand, I’d be lying if I said the idea of it doesn’t spark a bit of jealously in me.  And anxiety.  Like it’d be a sign that I wasn’t good enough.  As a mentor.  As a friend.  As a person.  Logically, I know that’s utter nonsense and that it’d be because Cass realized archival work simply wasn’t what she was most interested in, not because I’d failed her in some way.  I mean, we both know that she mostly agreed to the arrangement because it would provide excuses to go out and explore, and I already invite Lin on those outings half the time anyway.

And then there’s the fact that she’s honestly my main source of social contact.  Which, now that I write it down, comes across as a little weird and sad given that she’s a child (no matter how much she might insist otherwise).  And when two friends start spending more time with eachother than you, that carries its own uncomfortable sense of third-wheeldom.  

Sigh… (yes, I just wrote down the word “sigh,” I say it sometimes too and Cass hasn’t let me live it down since she caught me doing it) I should really probably get out more.  But I like my sunless book cave.

Well, sky’s gone pink, sun’s getting low, song’s making me lose my train of thought.  Time to head back to my cave for the night.

Forgot to bring up dinner invitations to anyone today.  Oh well, there’s always tomorrow.  For a few more days anyway.