Standing there angrily breathing heavily, I hear, “I answered your prayer.”
“Like hell you did! Like I said, I asked to understand girls, not be one!”
A woman fades into view in front of me. She looks to be in her mid-twenties. She giggles and asks, “What better way to understand girls than to be one?”
“Please, change me back. There’s no way I can live like this. I know nothing about girls, let alone how to be one myself.”
She smirks at me, and says, “I’m not in the habit of answering prayers only to turn around and undo them.” She sits on the couch and continues, “Sit down, Andy.” I take a seat in the chair and continue to glare at her. She smiles and shakes her head. “Andy, you're not the first one to ever be angry with me and you won’t be the last, but I’m not going to change you back.”
“So, who are you anyway?”
“I’m Eris. At least that’s what the Greeks used to call me. You couldn’t pronounce my true name.”
“I’m supposed to live as a girl from now on? Do you know how much discrimination I’m facing now? Even if we can hide my identity, I’ll end up outing myself because I don’t know how to be a girl.”
She looks thoughtful for a few moments, then smiles at me. “I’ll do something for you Andy, or should I call you Andie?” She grins at her own joke. Frowning, I shake my head. “I’ll give you a few gifts to make your life as a girl a little easier, alright?”
“Like what?”
“Hmm… How about giving you the knowledge to act like a girl to start with?” I nod and wait for her to continue. “I made you look like this,” she gestures to me from top to bottom, “from your own preferences, but if you want to make any changes I’ll do it for you. I’ll give you a day to think about it and tell me.”
I shake my head. “No, that isn’t an issue. She’s beautiful.”
She grins at me and says, “You mean ‘I’m’, not ‘she’s’. That brings up another issue, your confidence in yourself. As in, you have none. I’ll change that, trust me when I say that you’ll need it now.” I nod. “I’ll also make you stronger and more athletic. With that you can play some sports, softball, basketball or you could even be a cheerleader if you want. It’ll allow you to make friends and interact with people for once instead of hiding on the sidelines.”
“Having some friends would be nice.”
She smiles at me. “Of course it would. Finally, I’ll do something I’ve only done once before. I’ll give you three wishes and I’ll grant them, as long as one of them isn’t changing you back or taking away someone's freewill.”
I nod and think about it for a minute. “My first wish would be that everyone, except for my mother, believe I’ve always been a girl and all records about me show the same thing.”
“Easily done, but before I do that you need to choose a new name.”
I think about it for a few minutes and I can only think of one that appeals to me since it allows me to keep my nickname and will make it easier on me. “Andrea Nichole.”
“Done.” I look at her with a surprised expression and she grins at me. “Who do you think I am? A wish like that is simple. You don’t have to make all your wishes right now. When you’re ready, let me know and we can do them, okay?”
“Alright. Thank you. I can’t think of anything else at the moment anyway.”
“No problem. Andie, I know you haven’t been happy up until now. That’s part of why I did this, but if you relax and simply accept that you’re a girl now, this will be a lot easier for you and you’ll have a lot of fun too.”
“I’m still irked you did this to me, but……” I pause for a moment and then say hesitantly, “Thank you, I guess, at least for the gifts since you won’t change me back.”
“Oh, that reminds me.” She reaches into her pocket, pulls out several things and hands them to me. A drivers license in my new name, a debit card, and a set of Ford car keys. “As another gift, I opened a bank account for you. It has $500,000 in it. It should get you through highschool and pay for your college. I also gave you the car you always wanted, a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500. It’s tagged and insured for the year, but you’ll have to pay for them after this.”
Smiling brilliantly, I tell her, “Thank you so much! I’ve always loved that car!”
Grinning at me, she replies, “I know. Be careful with it and drive safely. Oh, I put my number in your phone, so call me if you want to talk.”
Thinking, ‘A Goddess has a cell phone?’ I pick up my phone and scroll through my meager contact list and see an entry for Eris. Looking back to her, I say, “Thank you, I’ll do that.”
She nods and says, “You might want to explore your body, I already gave you the knowledge about how to do that. I think you’ll be more than pleasantly surprised and find that being a girl isn’t as bad as you think.” I nod. “I’ll check up on you from time to time, but you have my number too. Bye.”
As I’m saying, “Goodby…” she disappears. I lean back in the chair, sigh and close my eyes, thinking, ‘So much for changing back. I suppose it’s not all bad since she is helping me through this.’
Sighing again, I decide that I might as well clean myself up. So I go to my room for a fresh t-shirt and boxers, then to Mom’s room to get a pair of running shorts. Since I'm already here I decide to use Mom's bathroom so I can shower. There, I strip off my t-shirt, drop it in the hamper and look at myself in the mirror.
Admittedly, Eris chose to make me look exactly the way I’ve always imagined the perfect girl to be. Long, silver hair; beautiful face; full lips and large, blue eyes. Looking down to my breasts, I think, ‘Perky and just the right size. Not too large and not too small.’ Gently cupping them and giving them a squeeze, ‘Wow! So soft and supple!’ When my palm lightly runs across a nipple, a pleasant jolt runs through me. I think, ‘And sensitive too!’ Turning around, I look at my firm, shapely butt, thinking, ‘Yep, perfect there too.’ I’ve never liked bubble butts. In my opinion it’s far better to be proportional to your body. Looking further down, I think, ‘Those are some long, very shapely, and sexy legs.’ Smiling at the reflection, I mutter, “I may not have wanted to be a girl, but damn, she did an awesome job.”
Reluctantly, I turn on the shower to allow it to warm up. The water running brings something else to the forefront. I need to pee. I wonder, ‘How am I supposed to do this?’ and suddenly, I know exactly what I need to do. Ha! Thanks Eris. It’s going to take a while to adjust to all of this, but this should help a lot.
After wiping and flushing the toilet, I step into the shower and let the hot water run down me and slowly relax my muscles. As I reach for the soap Dad and I normally use, my database kicks in again, saying, ‘Bad idea, that will dry out your skin. Use the body wash.’ I shake my head, grin and think, ‘This really is a handy thing.’ After gently washing myself, I rinse off, and reach for Mom’s shampoo and wash my hair. Once I rinse it out, I begin to turn off the shower, when the database kicks in again to tell me, ‘You need to condition your hair as well to keep it soft and silky.’ Shrugging, I pick it up, put it in my hair and wait for a few minutes before rinsing it out.
I turn off the shower, get out, dry my hair, get another towel and finish drying. My database informs me, ‘You need to blow dry and brush out your hair to keep it from tangling.’ Then shows me how to do it properly. Starting at the bottom, I work my way up until it’s dry. After I slip on my t-shirt and shorts, I part my hair on the side and brush it out behind me again. Looking at myself in the mirror, I have to admit, even dressed like this, I’m damn cute.
Heading back to my room, I turn on my TV and scan through my anime until I find one to watch. Getting comfortable, I settle in and enjoy the show. Several episodes later, my stomach growls and I pause the playback to go make something to eat.
After eating and cleaning up the minor mess I made, I head back to my room, get comfortable and start my show again. At some point, I doze off, and wake up when Mom announces, “I’m home!”
I yawn, stretch and rub the sleep from my eyes when I sit up. Standing, I call out, “Welcome home!” and go out to meet her. I walk over to her and as usual, give her a hug. As she hugs me back, I murmur, “I know how this happened.” She lets me go, takes a step back and looks at me with a questioning expression. “A Goddess named Eris did this. Umm… How do I explain all this? Hmm… I, uh, prayed yesterday at church for God to help me understand girls. You already know I woke up like this. After you left, she came here and we talked. Suffice it to say, she’s not going to change me back, but she gave me several gifts to make this easier on me.”
"I knew something happened. While I was at work, I suddenly knew you’ve always been my son, but at the same time, I now know you’re my daughter Andrea. When I looked at your pictures in my wallet, they are all of a very lovely, silver haired girl.”
I ask incredulously, “You believe me?”
She chuckles and says, “Andie, or should I call you Andrea?”
Smiling, I tell her, “Either is fine, but I’d prefer Andie since it’s what I’m used to.”
She nods. “Anyway, you’re not the type to lie unless you have a damn good reason. I don’t believe you’re lying about this. Alright, let me change into something more comfortable, find you something to wear and we’ll go buy you some clothes.”
I nod and follow Mom to her room, she slips off her dress as I blush and turn away. She comes over to me and makes me look at her. “Andrea, you’re going to have to get used to this. You’ll have to dress and undress in front of the other girls at school.”
I sigh and reply, “I know you’re right, but it isn’t all that easy.”
“It’s simply going to take a little time to adjust your thinking. Come here.” She takes my hand and leads me over to the dresser. “You’re about the same size as me, maybe slightly bigger on top, but my lingerie should work well enough until we can buy yours.” Opening her drawer she pulls out a bra and panty set and hands it to me. “Put those on, I’ll find something for you to wear.”
Frowning, I say, “Mom, I really don’t want to wear these.”
She turns back to look at me and tells me, “You’ll have to, unless you want to look like a slut. Plus, I imagine you’ll want to emphasize those perky breasts of yours. Wearing a bra can do that.”
“Okay, okay, you win Mom.” Slipping off my t-shirt, shorts, and boxer, I slip on the panties she gave me. Surprisingly, I find them to be very comfortable and they feel rather good against my skin. Far better than the boxers I was wearing. I look at the bra confused until my database kicks in again and shows me how to put it on. Following its directions, I hold it up, clasp the front, slip my hand inside each cup and pull my breasts into the proper position.
When I walk over to the closet, Mom looks at me and says, “How did you know how to put your bra on correctly?”
“Umm… Eris gave me innate knowledge of how to be a girl. If I don’t know how to do something, it shows or tells me.”
She shakes her head and says, “That’s handy. I wish I had something like that when I was growing up.” She hands me a white, short sleeve, button up blouse and a red, pleated skirt. “Hang on before you put those on, I need to give you some stockings.”
“Can’t I go without them?”
“You could, but I consider it unladylike to do so and you'll not be running around like that.”
I nod, but I was afraid she would say something like that. She bends down looking through her shoes, picks up a pair of red, kitten heel pumps and hands them to me. She looks through her dresses and picks out one for herself and walks over to the dresser again. Opening another drawer she pulls out a pair of sheer red stockings and hands them to me. She begins to get dressed, as I sit down on the bed and slip on the stockings, pull on the blouse and button it, which is a bit tight across my breasts. I then slip on the skirt, hook it and zip it up, which unsurprisingly, is a little big for me. Bending down, I slip on the shoes she gave me and wobble when I stand. I take small steps around the room for several minutes until I become more used to walking in them.
Mom encourages me, saying, “Good. Just like that, small steps.”
When I stop and look at her. My database jumps in to tell me not to stand like that. Sighing internally, I put my feet together. There’s so many things to know about being a girl.
She asks, “Are you comfortable walking in those?”
I shrug and reply, “I suppose so. It’s not too hard to walk in them.”
She smiles. “Those are only 2 inch heels. Wait until you wear taller ones and yes, you’ll want to. You are like me and aren’t very tall Andrea. Hmm, I suppose I ought to take you to my doctor to have you checked out,” which makes me think, ‘Great, even more embarrassing things to do.’ “Okay, come on, let’s do this and then we’ll eat out. Sound good?”
“Sure, sounds good to me.” She chuckles and I ask, “What?”
“Nothing really. It’s just that I've always wanted to go shopping with a daughter. Now I get to do that and it makes me happy.”
I roll my eyes as I reply, “Oh Mom, sometimes you kill me.” She leads the way out to the car when it occurs to me that I have a car now. “Mom, can we take my car?”
She looks at me confused to ask, “What car?”
I point to the brand new, white, Mustang parked at the curb. “God gave me a car.”
She giggles and tells me, “She must really like you to do all this… Okay, sure, we can take yours.”
I walk back to my room, grab my keys, and head back to Mom. After I unlock the car, we get in and I adjust everything to me. It growls as I start it and settles down into a loud purr. Grinning like an idiot as I look at Mom, I put it in first gear and she says, “Don’t you dare!” Stepping on the gas, I dump the clutch, releasing all 760 horsepower and smoking the tires as we take off like a bat out of hell. Shifting into second, I dump the clutch again and the tires chirp.
I laugh like a banshee when Mom screams at me, “Slow down!” Damn! I love this car! Slowing down, I tell her, “Sorry Mom, I had to do it at least once.”
“Hmph! Don’t do that again young lady!”
“Okay, sorry. Umm… Where are we going?”
“Homestead Pavilion.”
“Alright.” At the next light, I type our destination into the navigation system. 40 minutes later we arrive and head into the mall. Mom tells me, “They have several women’s clothing and a couple of shoes stores here, so we should be able to get what we need without running all over the place. Do you want to eat at Olive Garden, Red Lobster, or Chili’s after we get everything?”
“Chili’s. That way I can get their Ultimate Smokehouse Combo.”
She stops and turns to look at me. “Andrea, you won’t be able to finish that anymore. Look at yourself. You’re half a foot shorter and probably 60 pounds lighter than you were. Your stomach is going to be a lot smaller than it used to be.”
“I hadn’t even thought about that, but you’re probably right. Okay, some fajitas then.”
“That isn’t what I was saying, we can still get it. We’ll just have to share it, that’s all.”
“Good, let’s do that then. I love their ribs.”
“Me too. Come on, baby girl.”
I look down while blushing and mutter, “Mom, please, don’t call me that.”
She grins at me as she says, “Why not? You’re my baby and you’re a girl.”
“Mom, I’m 16, not a baby.”
She chuckles. “Sweety, you’ll still be my baby when you’re old and grey. That will never change.”
Sighing, I tell her, “Alright, whatever, let’s get this over with.”
First place she takes me is a lingerie shop. As we enter the shop she looks around and then heads to a free clerk. “Hi. I need to get my daughter measured.”
The clerk smiles as she replies, “Sure. Follow me.”
In the fitting room she tells me, “Please, remove your blouse, bra and skirt.”
I quickly remove them and hang them up. She tells me, “Arms up please.” Then measures around my breasts, just below them, my waist, and finally, my hips. “Finished, you can get dressed again.” As I’m dressing, she tells me, “You’re bust is 34B. Your waist is a 22 and your hips are 36.”
After I’m dressed, I tell her, “Thank you.”
She smiles and nods at me. “I’m happy to help. If you need me for anything just yell, my name is Rebecca.”
“Thanks, but I think my mom and I can take it from here.”
I exit the fitting room and walk over to Mom. When I reach her, she quirks an eyebrow at me and says, “Well?”
“34B, 22, 36.”
“I thought so. Your breasts are a little bigger than mine, but my waist and hips are bigger than yours. Okay, well, let’s get your lingerie.”
She gets me fifteen bra and panty sets in several colors, seven strapless bras in various colors and an even dozen pairs of stockings in nude, black and white. Gathering all of this up, we head to the cashier, pay for all this and take the bags.
Mom looks at me and says, “Go change your bra and panties. You feel better with a set that fit properly.” I nod and head to the fitting room to change. Once I’m back with her, she says, “Now for some clothes.”
She leads the way out the door and as I turn the corner, I bump into someone, fall on my butt, and cry out, “Oww!”
Quickly pushing my skirt back down to cover myself, I looked up to see a hand held out to me and he says, “Are you alright?”
I take his hand and he helps me up. It’s then I notice it’s my neighbor Chris. “Mhmm. Thanks, I’m sorry I bumped into you, Chris.” When his expression changes to one of surprise, I immediately realized my mistake. I called him by name.
He smiles at me and asks, “Do I know you?”
Blushing a little because of my blunder, I say, “Umm… Yes and no. Excuse me, I need to go,” and step to the side to go around him. As I’m passing him, he grabs my arm and I frown as I tell him, “Would you mind letting me go? You’re hurting me.”
He lets go of my arm and says, “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I want to know how you know me.”
Looking at him contemptuously, I state, “Not that you ever paid any attention, but I’ve been your neighbor for 16 years. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do,” turn and walk off without waiting for a reply.
I catch up with Mom a few steps later and we head to the first store. She asks, “Was that who I think it was?”
I nod. “Yes and he didn’t even recognize me after living next door to us for so long.”
She looks back over her shoulder and grins as she tells me, “He’s certainly paying attention now.”
Irritated, I puff out my cheeks for a moment and state, “Hmph! If he thinks for one minute that after ignoring me for 16 years that I’ll even give him the time of day, he has another think coming to him. Stupid, popular jock. Ugh!” Mom giggles at my statement and shakes her head. I look at her curiously and ask, “What?”
“It’s nothing Andrea, nothing at all,” and smiles as we walk.
I’ll skip telling you all about the half a dozen shops we went to, but we ended up getting two dozen matching skirts and blouses, belts in several colors, an even dozen casual, one-piece dresses, half a dozen classier dresses for when we go out and a few nightgowns. At the two shoe stores we went to, we picked out several pairs, colors and styles of sport shoes, sandals, pumps, as well as ankle and knee boots.
After we carry all the bags out and put them in the trunk, we head over to Chili’s to eat. Mom and I split the Ultimate Smokehouse Combo. She was right, I couldn’t even finish my half.
On the way home, she tells me, “I’ll set an appointment with the gynecologist for you tomorrow. I suppose I’ll need to teach you how to deal with your periods too.”
My database chimes in with how to deal with them, making me blush. She looks a little sad after I tell her, “Umm… No you won’t, I know how, but I’ll need help learning how to coordinate my outfits.”
Her smile when I tell her that says everything I need to know. She has the daughter she always wanted, but she missed out on the first 16 years of her life. “Mom, you know that even with the database God gave me, I’ll still need a lot of help from you.”
I see her smile out of the corner of my eye and she pats my thigh. “I’d be happy to help you with anything you need, Andrea.”
“Thank you, Mom. You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re in my corner.”
“I’ve always been on your side, that won’t change simply because you’re my daughter now.”
“I know, but still, thank you.”
Mom turns on the radio and changes the station to an 80’s music channel. Mom got me hooked on 80’s music a while back and I know a lot of the songs by heart. The next song that comes on is one we both love, ‘Tainted Love,’ and we both sing along with it at the top of our lungs as we usually do. Though I notice my singing is much, much better now. Mom stares at me for a few moments before starting to sing again.
Once we arrive back home, we carry everything inside and up to my room. Mom tells me, “Give me a few moments and I’ll help you put all of this away.”
I say, “Okay,” and begin taking everything out my drawers and then everything out of my closet to lay on my bed. Mom comes back in with several large trash bags and we stuff all of it inside them.
She tells me, “We can donate these, rather than just throw them out. It would be a waste to do that since we bought all of this not too long back. Better for someone to get some use out of them.”
Once we get everything put up and carry the trash bags to the entryway, Mom asks, “How about some ice cream?”
I instantly smile and say, “Yes!”
Mom chuckles and heads into the kitchen. After I place the last bag in the entryway, I begin heading to the kitchen when the doorbell rings.
Taking the few steps to the door, I open it and there stands our neighbor Chris, who says, “Hi.”
Irked that he’s here, I wrinkle my brow and frown as I ask, “What do you want?”
She looks astonished that I would speak to him that way, but a few seconds later he says, “Umm… Well, I wanted to apologize.”
“For what?”
“For ignoring you all these years.”
“Do you really think that after all this time an apology will suffice? Go home and leave me alone. I don’t exist, remember? Let’s just keep it that way. Goodbye.”
I shut the door without waiting for an answer and walk to the kitchen to get my ice cream.
You go gurl, burns!!! So many salts :v
ARGH PET PEEVE ALERT!! I'm about to go off on a rant but I really have to say my peace here! I really, REALLY, don't approve of the casual use and portrayal of God as a plot device. Not because I'm a theist or anything, but quiet the opposite. You see it really takes you out of the story when an almighty all seeing God cozies up to one random individual then acts like a dude bro having a nice conversation. The convince and contrivance aside, it breaks established lore and attacks the suspension of disbelief.
There are a number of ways to create a more believable supernatural plot device. First is downgrade the entity involved. It's plausible that a lesser Angel, Youkai, Demon, or anything could have the human ego and motivation to play with or bless one particular individual. Just not the Big G, YHWH himself. Such an entity could even have reasons for buttering up the MC with material gifts like that of a fancy car and wishes. The image of GOD acting like a favorite uncle with a cellphone and handing the newly made girl keys to her dream car was just too silly. If you want the work to be a crack/silly work that isn't to be taken seriously, then that's another thing. The supernatural benefactor doesn't need to be some god or fairy either. It could be a wizard or someone with sci-fi tech. Anything with the possibility of more human motivations would increase the intrigue and believe-ability.
Alternatively if you don't need a supernatural entity to fall back on as a plot device in the future, leaving it a mystery is a simple and elegant solution. After all the main purpose of the story is not to explain why the gender bend happened, but deal with the results. A total mystery will leave the reader's imagination to fill in an optimal solution that he/she will accept and lets them focus on the important parts. It also saves the author the hassle of having to write a plausible explanation.
Onto the next item, the whole flip flopping of the setting is a bit confusing to me. Generally in a GB with modern day settings there are two basic premises to go with.
One where the MC is abruptly changed and has to fully deal with all the consequences, with the sudden change in relationship dynamics taking front and center.
The other is the full reality change, where the MC's world is warped but her mind remains. I personally find the latter much more interesting as it deals with the MC getting the full experience of the change, without the distraction of having to re-explain and repair all of the old relationships.
But the choice to start with one then go half way is weird. Why not just start with the full change? Why have the mother be specifically excluded? If the choice was made to have the mother character guide the MC through her new changes, why not just have said guidance occur through a natural mother-daughter relationship instead of an extra careful in the know reality warped mom?
As a continuation of the setting aspect, I can't help but feel as if the extra gifts god gave the MC were needlessly indulgent and didn't seem to serve any purpose. It's no problem if the MC is already rich or had her favorite car. Going out of the way to have a scene where "god grants this favored child these mortal frivolous boons" is a bit much, plus I doesn't add to the story's main plot of dealing with a sudden gender bend and possibly learning a girl's point of view. On the other hand if the supernatural entity was some lesser being, it's possible that the being is currying favor with the MC for another purpose.
Whew long review this time. It's not to say I didn't enjoy the chapter. The scenes with the mom and MC shopping were pretty nice, plus I like the setup with Chris. It's the classic boy sees pretty girl into how will our protagonist deal with the superficial attention hahaha.
(I mean all of the following to be contructive criticism. Author, please feel free to use any of it or ignore all of this as you please. I haven't read past this point at the time of writing, although I plan to read more before deciding if I will keep reading this series.)
============
I find myself in strong agreement with this comment. As an atheist, I don't care about a cavalier use of a deity as a plot device as long as it makes sense in the context of the story. Here, the use of the Abrahamic god doesn't make sense. Unlike one of the pantheons, this deity is depicted as not just omniscent and omnipotent but also perfect and infallible. As in, he (it? w/e) created each individual according to his whim and has a plan for each person. So:
1. It doesn't seem likely he would change a person's gender, since he chose that gender in the first place. To change it later implies he made a mistake.
2. If he did a gender change for whatever reason, any other tweaks (strength, singing, etc.) should be part of the initial change (infallibility and all that). Leave them for the main character to discover as the story progresses. This goes for any supernatural powers you might want to add later, removing the need for wishes (more on that in pt. 3) This also give you more flexibility as you write in the future.
3. I think it is the same with the other changes: the car and cash are like compensation. If the change is in the MC's best interests, why does she need compensation? Isn't god doing her a favor? If god is omniscient, why the need to grant wishes? I would expect god to just make any tweaks needed without asking the MC's input. After all, how would the MC know better than god how to use the wishes?
4. The more I think about it the more I find the phone number aspect to be really jarring. Other gods/pantheons are infamous for sending messages and meddling in the lives of individuals, but not so much for the Abrahamic god. Certainly there are a few examples, but the idea that he would just drop some digits doesn't really fit his brand.
I think most of these issues could be easily resolved just by picking a different supernatural being to kick off the plot. If it has to be a deity, why not consider a trickster god from one of the pantheons? Loki is a common choice, but there are many powerful choices in that space (Coyote, Sun Wukong, Hanuman (transformation and amusingly celibacy), or Enki (knowledge,creation, mischief, and a close relationship wih mankind.) Myths about them are vague enough that you could write that character as you see fit without being confined by something as detailed as the testaments. Importantly, they are both meddlesome and imperfect.
This last bit is just personal preference, but I'd really prefer to see the MC earn money and a car via the fruits of her/his own labor. Maybe before the start of the story he was a closet gearhead? Unfinished junkyard project in the garage? Maybe after the change she gets a customer-facing job? Lots of chances for personal interaction outside of school. If it were a stereotypical job like waitressing, there would be many ways to advance the MC's understading of the fairer s*x (bigger tips b/c she is attractive, constantly being hit on or even groped, sore feet and shoulders after a long shift in heels, a condescending male manager, etc.) Similar opportunities exist with clerical work or sales. With a half mil in the bank, why would the MC ever get a job?
That's just personal opinion so feel free to ignore it.
@higgsboson @Kryto Okay, thought it over and decided to make the changes you guys recommended. I reuploaded chapter two and will be going through what I have written and make the change as well.
@WntrDrgn Hi there, just wanted to say that I'm liking this story thus far. I don't know if you made any changes to the story following the feedback from @higgsboson and @Kryto or not. I think it's perfectly fine to have a greek god or goddess be the one to perform the magical change like you had. Plus, a goddess giving her cell phone number is kind of hilarious. I agree that presenting Eris as the Abrahamic capital G god wouldn't make sense for this story. Eris seems far too mischievious by changing one's gender as an answer to prayer. I also think it's kind of a d*ck move that Eris is not giving our MC the option to return back to being a man if he so desired. Perhaps the goddess could have offered womanhood as a temporary thing? The prayer would be fulfilled once he learns everything there is to know about being a lady. At that point it would be the MC's decision whether or not he would like to return to being a guy or remain living as a woman.
@JediOtaku There's more to it as you will see later in the story.
I mean... Eris was a god in the Greek pantheon, and it makes sense for her to be causing mischief, seeing as she is literally the goddess of discord and strife
My criticism does not go that way although I agree with many points, my criticism is the choice of goddess, Eris makes sense for her to meddle, but just for fun, she wants people to fight, so make him make a wish in which everyone always sees her as a woman greatly reduces the chances of disagreement, for example with the basketball team from the beginning, who called her a marquita, if she had appeared as a woman they would have bothered or even discriminated against her, which would be what Eris would want, I must also say that I get a little tired of seeing so many novels, very love and peace, although this is already more my opinion.
PS: I'm listening to the Hades soundtrack as I read and it's cool.