Soren didn’t know how long and how far he walked. All he could feel was a strange numbness and slight pain in his chest. His body was heavy, and his feet felt like there were bricks attached to them. Everything seemed far away from him, even if he could just reach out and touch it. It wasn’t until the brick walls of the side passages changed to a carefully organized and groomed maze of red roses and blue sky that he came back to himself.
They were a striking and vibrant color against the manicured green lawn and winding cobblestone paths that he could see. The smell of them surrounded him, giving him an illusion of romance. It brought back memories he had discarded. Ah…he had forgotten this place. A small, sad smile made its way onto his face as he reached out to touch the roses.
As a child his brother loved the training fields, his sister loved the horse track, and he loved this rose garden. It was his favorite place to go. Most of the time, the maids shirked their duties so he could sneak in and stay for hours without anyone finding him. Whether he was happy or sad he could always hide here and create his own little world where he could pretend everyone loved him. It was the only place his siblings never bothered to visit and also the place where he could find solace.
He took a deep breath and smiled. The smell was nostalgic and refreshing. One of the few good memories he had was of a servant named Natalie. She was a young servant specifically hired to take care of this garden and didn’t understand why his siblings hated him. She would often cheer him up when she found him crying.
Back then he never understood why she liked him. But it filled him with joy. Soren continued walking, following the path blindly and enjoying the peaceful silence. It was too bad that his brother fired her because of that very reason out of spite. As he continued down the small winding path the rows began to curve, the red roses turned white, and he heard the sound of laughter.
It was faintly familiar, but Soren ignored it. After all, the garden is so big so if there were people, they were probably far away from him. However, a faint sense of unease set in and as he got closer and closer to the sound something pricked at his mind. If was so familiar, to the point that he should know who this was. Soren walked past the white roses and came to a gazebo.
It was made of marble with a bluish tint, offsetting the roses. In the middle of it were two men and one woman seated around a table made out of the same material, with an assortment of small cakes and snacks. The woman had incredibly wavy blonde hair, a shade of honey that framed a small, delicate face and vibrant but sharp doe like violet eyes. However, despite the delicate face she was currently adorned with a horse-riding outfit, and sword resting casually on her hip. She was a cold faced and steadfast woman who was only gentle to her family and his big sister, Asa.
The man seated in front of her had the same coloring with a few exceptions. His pale blond hair was styled away from his face in a slight wave, showing off a narrow face with a straight nose and narrow emerald-colored eyes framed with long lashes. He wore a high collared black uniform that framed his shoulders and tapered waist with gold buttons buttoned all the way to the collar. He looked so gentle and upright, but Soren knew better than anyone that he was a person that loved to torment those weaker than them. This was his big brother Dion.
The man was handsome with a feminine flair and the woman was handsome in a way that knights were. However, it was the boy seated in the middle of them that seemed to shine the most. He had short, slightly wavy, light blond hair that fell slightly in front of sky-blue eyes. Those narrow yet slightly droopy eyes framed by long, curled lashes shined with laughter and innocence which only enhanced the bright smile on his pale red lips. He looked very close to how an artist would describe an angel.
But angels didn’t exist. Soren couldn’t help staring at his little brother's face. He still looked the same as the day he found Soren ready to jump out of the 4th story window in despair and offered his hand to him. The same smile he wore when he showed him fake kindness and affection in order to use him as a human shield and ruin his reputation in the process. It was the very smile he wore when he framed him of being involved in a conspiracy against the crown…all the while hiding in the arms of Aziel.
Soren had long gotten used to Asa’s indifference and Dion’s malice. However, it was Alessandre who hurt him the most. Using his own desperation to hold onto any family love in order to push him further into the abyss…he used to hate him. But now he was just tired. Tired of asking why, tired of blaming himself, tired of trying…
Tired of everything
A wave of exhaustion hit Soren, making his chest feel heavy once again. There was no purpose standing here staring at them. No purpose in admiring how they looked like a family. As Soren slipped into thoughts he turned around and started to walk away. Ah…Soren realized. There was no one that wanted him from the day he was born. Even the world wanted to force him to come back just to suffer. But he no longer had any wants, dreams, or expectations. Thus, there was no purpose for him to come back. If there is no purpose for coming back, then…
Why am I still here?
“Soren?” A clear voice rang out.
Everything came to a screeching halt in Soren’s brain. The whispers in the back of his mind died down and instead there was only silence. He stopped walking, his back to them as he slowly blinked once, then twice. Ah…so they noticed him. Why couldn’t they have just ignored him? Was that so hard? The heavy feeling in his chest only became heavier. Slowly he turned around, facing the eyes of Alessandre who sat at the table in the gazebo.
“Hello, Alessandre” Soren answered, distant.
A bright smile bloomed on his face at my answer. Seeming to be pleased with a simple word from me. Dion raised a cup of tea to his lips, trying and failing to hide a scowl. Asa only looked on differently, watching silently.
Disgusting
“I was looking all over for you this morning! I wanted to invite you to morning tea, but I couldn’t find you so…” a look of guilt crossed his face, “I started without you. Sorry Soren. Would you like to join us now?”
No, actually I don’t.
Soren shook his head slightly, “Sorry, but I have someplace to be. I hope you enjoy the tea with everyone else.”
Immediately Alessandre’s eyes filled with tears, and he gently placed the tea he was holding down on the table. He even slumped a little in his chair, looking dejected. Soren only felt tired from watching him. First, he had to deal with Aziel and now he had to deal with Alessandre so early in the morning.
“I know you don’t like me, but you don’t have to leave so quickly…I got a present today from Aziel and I just wanted to share it with you, big brother,” Alessandre spoke, downtrodden.
There it is…the big brother card. Whenever he was tired and wanted to be alone Alessandre always popped up wanting to do something with him and then invite the rest of the family. If he disagreed, he would look innocent, cry, and then make it look like it was his fault. That, or seem like he did something wrong and owed him something. Soren's personal favorite was when Alessandre ran to him crying, acting like someone had done something to him and then manipulated him to fight the person who made him cry.
And it worked. In the first life he was so desperate for affection he vainly believed everything Alessandre said. So whoever made his cute younger brother cry got beat up. Even when everything was a complete lie. Too bad he had to die in order to understand that. Dion’s face contorted in anger as he slammed his teacup down. Seemingly not wanting to keep quiet as Alessandre apologized to him.
“It is not your fault he doesn’t want to join us,” Dion looked gently at Alessandre before turning back to Soren with a scowl and angry eyes. Alessandre only sniffed in response. “He is just an orphan that should feel grateful for our patronage yet dares treat you like this because he cannot bear the thought that what he tried so hard for is easily given to you. If it was up to me then I would have gotten rid of him a long time ago.”
But you didn’t
Because he needed someone to harass. Someone to beat and torment. To make himself look better than those around him because by himself he had no achievements to speak of as well as fuel his twisted ego. Soren knew this but didn’t bother to refute. He only felt tired listening to it all and…angry at himself. There was really a reason to try so hard to gain the love of these people. In fact, there was no reason to stay at this house…
Alessandre paled but still maintained that teary eyed look.
“But he is still part of our family. We can’t-”
I’ve never had a family.
“No,” Asa interrupted him as she put her teacup down.
Her indifferent eyes scanned him up and down. Soren only looked at her blankly.
“I agree with Dion. He is not blood related. Thus, he is not worth your kindness.” She leaned back slowly, looking at him like he was insignificant.
Alessandre looked reluctant but didn’t say anything to refute her. Soren didn’t really care. How many times had he heard this or something similar? Instead, he just felt numb. But Asa had a point. He was not blood related, so he was not part of the family. Thus, there was no purpose for staying here. And if there was no purpose then he should just leave. There wouldn’t be any more of these farces…he would no longer have to interact or even look at Dion, Asa, and Alessandre let alone his parents.
Just leave…
Slowly the heavy feeling in his chest cleared up and a small smile adorned his lips. If there wasn’t a place for him in the first place, then why stay?
Yeah, let's just leave.
“I also agree,” Soren spoke with a smile.
Asa had a look of contemplation while Dion’s face was now a mixture of anger and confusion. Alessandre…well he looked like he swallowed a fly. Soren thought it was kind of funny, but he didn’t expect any different. The boy was losing the only person in this house that could easily be manipulated, and thus the perfect scapegoat. If he hadn’t lost his desire to laugh long ago then maybe, he would have done so right now.
“I’m not your brother and you all were never my family. So, there is no use in staying here,” Soren looked each one in the eye, “After this you won’t ever see me again.”
Soren started to turn around but paused. Alessandre had mentioned Aziel in front of him on purpose to simulate him but didn’t know that he had already broken up with him. He was aware of how important Aziel was to him yet did it anyway. So, he might as well let him know that Aziel would fully be his without any obstacle. Soren turned around, walked up the steps, and stopped in front of the table.
“Aziel has constantly been having sex with you behind my back, so I broke up with him,” Soren looked directly into the widening eyes of Alessandre, “Now you know longer have to worry. Since you both love each other, you can have one another.”
First there was puzzlement on Dion’s face, then there was confusion, and finally anger. Asa sat there, frozen. Soren understood what was going on in his head. After all, how could someone so protective like Dion not get angry at someone claiming his precious little brother was rolling in the sheets with someone else's boyfriend? Soren stared at him with cold eyes before turning and walking away. Well, in the end it doesn’t matter.
They were never really family anyway.
A servant rushed past him and to the gazebo at the same time Dion jumped up from his chair, the chair hitting the ground with a violent bang. Alessandre jumped at the sound.
“Stop right now, Soren!” He roared.
He made a move to chase after him, but he soon caught sight of the servant. Quickly he regained control of his facial expression, but his hand clenched beside him. How dare that vile thing slander Alessandre so openly! He simply wanted to tear him apart. However, Dion couldn’t let the servant see how unsightly he was. The poor servant was slightly trembling as he stood in front of them.
“Master has requested your presence this morning. It is almost time for breakfast, and he wishes to dine with all of you.” Servant reported in a trembling voice.
Dion made no move to contain the rage in his eyes, but he still smiled at the servant in what he thought was a gentlemanly manner. The servant only started to tremble harder.
“Let him know we will be there quickly,” Dion answered.
“Yes, sir” The servant bowed quickly and ran away, like a monster was following him.
Soren immediately changed his direction for the dining room. The quickest way to leave the house was to get in touch with his “father”. He was the only one who could remove him from the registry. So, as much as Soren was concerned, he was the only one of importance. As for Dion, Asa, And Alessandre…if he wasn’t here what could they accomplish?
Absolutely nothing
Dion stared at Soren’s retreating back with both anger and confusion. Normally, he would shrink and cower in front of him yet still aim for his approval. He got so used to seeing the desperation and hope inside of Soren’s eyes. But when he looked at him, Soren’s eyes were different. They were empty and distant. Like he was staring through him.
Dion faintly felt he had lost something, but he threw it to the back of his mind. This little brat has been prancing in this family for too long and now that he had slandered Alessandre he could finally get rid of him. Father definitely wouldn’t let it slide. Dion smiled to himself as he continued to watch Soren get smaller and smaller.
Let's see how long you can remain calm for.
It's too bad Dion didn’t understand that Soren no longer loved any of them.
I love the story, thanks for sharing it
Well, thank you! I'm glad that you're enjoying it. And thank you for reading it.