Chapter 86: I’ll Stay
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Spoiler

Suicidal Ideation

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Evelyn

Something tasted sweet, like tea with honey and homemade shortbread. It tasted sweet, and I felt good. That was the first thing I noticed in my blurry red haze. I’d been in pain before, hadn’t I? I passed out because it hurt too bad. Why didn’t I hurt anymore? I didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand, but I didn’t really care to. Sure, the question crossed my mind, but the answer didn’t really matter right now. I felt better, and I was feeling better by the minute. Isn’t that what mattered? Isn’t that what’s important? It made sense to me at least.

And yet…

Some part of me felt a little uneasy. It’s like there was something I was supposed to remember, something on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t figure it out. I was hurt, and now I felt better. There was blood in my mouth, warm and delicious and so much yummier than the stuff I usually bottled up. It was fresh, and that was nice. Everything seemed perfect. I should have been content, but there was still that nagging feeling that something was wrong.

“Muh-” A voice, one that seemed vaguely familiar, filtered its way into my perception. I couldn’t quite place it, but it heralded yet another pang of worry and dread. Whoever it was sounded weak, hurt, vulnerable. I was worried for them, I think. I hoped they were safe, that whatever had hurt them was gone. I’d have tried to help them, but I was feeling awfully dizzy, and this blood was just way too good to pass up. Once my belly was full, and I’d had a good nap, I’d see if they still needed help.

Yeah.

That sounded like a good plan.

“Please…” The voice came again. I started noticing some other sounds too. There was the wind rustling through the leaves nearby, metal clanging against metal, and the sound of heavy breathing close by. The red fog was beginning to clear as well. I’d have to thank whoever was feeding me, it was kind of scary not being able to see. I was happy their blood was clearing things up. I could see my nose, I could see my hair in my face, and I could just barely see the outline of the arm I was biting down on. It was pale and kind of scrawny, and I found myself wondering who it belonged to. I don't think it was anyone I’d fed on before, I knew how they all tasted, but somehow, this person still seemed familiar. Weird.

“Evelyn…” 

The voice was getting more and more insistent.

“Please!”

Please what? I didn’t understand.

“M-mom…”

Matt?

I didn’t understand. I thought he wasn’t going to call me that. What happened? Why did he sound so hurt? Where was he? With great effort, I managed to loosen my grip on the kind stranger’s arm, leaning back to try and get a look at my surroundings. The fog was fading fast now, and if Matt was hurt, I needed to find him.

“Matt? Where are you? What happened?” I tried not to let the panic creep into my voice.

“You let go…” His voice was soft. He was wheezing. I looked around frantically, trying to pinpoint his voice, but the fog was still fading, and all I could make out was the blurry shape of the stranger in front of me. They reached out, and I felt their hand on mine. They were warm, but not as warm as they should be. Were they anemic? Why didn’t they stop me? “I’m right here, Mom. It’s ok. You healed, and you let go.”

Not again.

Please please please please please not again.

I bit my family again. I drank from my son and I enjoyed it. He was weak and anemic and dying and I’d fucking enjoyed it. I was a monster, and that would never change, and I was such an idiot for thinking I could be better. I should just leave. I should just run off into the woods and starve to death. Everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around. I was a leech in the most literal sense. I do nothing but hurt the people I care about.

“Chelsea is fighting an angel. Save her please.”

Metal on metal. Swords clashing. That’s what it was. There were two shapes a short ways off, one that seemed to flicker in and out of reality at random, and one that seemed sluggish, winded and bleeding. A part of me smelled the blood, watching the figure stagger and struggle, and it felt hungry. I saw that figure, and the foggiest parts of my brain said it was prey. It was an easy meal.

I was a monster.

Even still, I could at least do one last good thing. It would never make up for what I was or what I’d done, but if I could do one last good thing, then at least I’d have that. I grit my teeth and stood, holding tightly to what little lucidity I had. I was beginning to remember what happened, what led up to all this, and I knew I was in a pretty bad way. I was still hungry, just not ravenously so, I was high as hell off blood, and a few minutes ago at most, I was teetering right on death’s door. I needed to be fast and decisive.

The angel seemed to slow for a moment after every flicker. It likely had to reorient itself whenever it teleported even if it knew generally where it was going. It was fast enough that for most people, it would’ve been near impossible to notice, but for me, it was exactly the opening I was looking for.

The next time it teleported, I charged it at full force. In the blink of an eye, I’d closed the gap between us, tackling it bodily to the ground. Before it could even scream, I’d leaned down and ripped out its jugular with my teeth. Its blood was disgusting. It tasted like ash in my mouth, but I wasn’t really looking to drink it. I just wanted it dead.

And with that, my job was done. I’d officially done the last good deed of my life. Now I could leave and be done with it. I stood over its corpse, wiping my face off on my sleeve, and turned to leave.

“Don’t you run away again.” Matt’s voice rasped loudly behind me. He was hurt. He shouldn’t be straining himself like this. I- “Don’t you dare run. Don’t leave me alone again. Please, Evelyn. Please stay.”

“I hurt you, Matt. I’m a danger to be around. What kind of parent would I be if I didn’t at least try to protect you from that?”

“One who lets me make my own decisions about the risks I take, Moom.” Apparently no amount of blood loss can stop an angry teen’s sass. “Besides, I let you bite me, and you let go before I died. Get me bandaged up and take me somewhere safe, and I’ll be fine. I think. No promises, but still. Folks like you, Evelyn. Even if I’m not around, people like being around you, and they’ll be sad if you disappear. You only got so thirsty because a dragon tortured you, so unless you plan on making that a regular occurrence, I’m pretty sure you’ll be fine.”

I really do hate it when people make sense while I’m trying to be sad.

Ah, screw it.

I’ll stay.

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