I wonder if I'm pathetic? I wonder if I'm broken? I wonder if I am never to feel strong? I wonder if I am never to feel happiness. I wonder if I am never to see the world from anywhere but the outside looking in? Am I to always see the world not as a part of it? Who am I?
You are my rock but I am not yours. In many ways, I have to wonder if I have imagined it all. Did our time together ever truly exist? I wonder if they did. Memories like echoes slathered over the daily beats of my life.
I see the computer screen before me. I hear my family in the distance. I feel the mouse in my palm. I taste the lip in my mouth. I smell the staleness of my existence.
Is it not pathetic that I use our memories to stay alive? Is it not pathetic that I run those precious moments through my mind hoping to find The Answer? Echoes, images burned into the screen of my mind. Never leaving my subconscious; always running.
Running and running, never seeing The Answer. Never hearing The Answer. Never feeling The Answer. Never tasting The Answer. Never smelling The Answer.
I don't know what the future holds. I question whether I really even exist. Did what I feel really exist? Was I really ever anyone at all, to place to much stock in a future I was never going to have? Why do I continue to allow myself to exist? If only I had The Answer.
