37. Weighted Words
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Since his meeting with the Gods, Jake’s life had changed. His original direction in life vanished from beneath his feet, replaced with a path that few would ask for. His destiny had been changed, his fate flipped on its head, and the expectations for him were raised to meet the new challenges he would be expected to face. But at the bottom of it all, Jake had forgotten a few key pieces that would help him achieve his new goals and dreams. To become an Adventurer, one would need a strength of some kind. Whether it was through knowledge, skill, or ability- an individual needed something that would allow them to face the harsh realities of the world beyond normal comprehension.

For Jake, his strength was his Magic. The blessing given to him by the Dragon Goddess, Ferynith, had given him a plethora of power. His mind was soaking up everything magic-related and he was finding new ways to utilize the blessing given to him. He lacked experience and he lacked the years to acquire said experience but he made up for it by reading and conducting research. Through trial and error, he had been able to establish a baseline level of magical prowess that already set him up for success. At least, that was if he compared himself to the Magicians of Ewana and his home village.

Along with his focus on magic, Jake spread his practice to encompass the blade and he found himself a study of Mur’s. He learned how to integrate swordsmanship into his skillset and adapted his idea of fighting to better incorporate the blade. It had made him quicker on his feet, heightened his reflexes, and taught him a different side of combat that would aid him in supporting his allies in a fight. His body had become more conditioned for conflict and he was far more comfortable in the face of danger.

But, while his combat knowledge increased and his experience began to stack- Jake left behind the other piece he would need to remain strong. He was still young and there was more to living than just training. By putting his entire focus into developing his magic and his sword, Jake left behind the experience of being a young man. He traded the time with his friends and the piece that made him normal for the opportunity to become stronger. His focus had shifted from growth to defeating the Maedra.

The boy returned to the home of his friends and climbed the ladder on the side of the building. Inside, Tul and Xul were missing. Only Yae was inside. She sat in her usual spot beside the table with a cup of tea in her hands. Two other cups had been placed down, and both partially drank from. There wasn’t a fourth. Likely a subtle message for him but Jake ignored it as he stepped inside. She glanced over at him. Her eye only lingered long enough to recognize him before she turned her attention back to the cup in her hands.

Jake closed the door behind him and took his spot at the table.

“Are you cold?” he asked, wondering if he should activate the fire rune beneath the small rug. She didn’t acknowledge him. Without prodding for an answer, he did it anyway- just in case. The heat of the rune radiated upwards, filling the small space with warmth after a few moments of burning. They sat in silence for a little while as Jake wondered if she was waiting to speak, or if maybe the other two might return. When neither happened he figured he would try first.

“If you won’t talk, then I will,” he said softly. Yae’s hands clutched her cup. “But first, let me ask you a question.” He took in a slow breath before exhaling just as smoothly.

“You told me you wanted to go with me to the surface…” he started. Even at the first half of his question, Yae’s face became a little tenser. “Why? If everything you love and care for is here, why would you leave it behind?”

If he wanted to understand Yae’s feelings and understand why she was so angry with him then he needed to understand what she was thinking. He wasn’t a mind-reader. Even if he was, he doubted he would be so bold to use that magic. Yae was afraid of him being hurt, but she never seemed to worry as much about the other two. Neither of them were much safer in the tunnels than Jake. When Jake originally came to the Ravine, he expected to only be down beneath the surface for a short time before returning to his home village. But here he was, far from it and still wanting to go back. What was driving Yae’s desire to abandon her love for the village? Was the fear of his injury so important that she felt more strongly about it than the safety of her home?

…except, he didn’t get an answer. Yae’s eye drifted away from him and she remained silent. Her tense expression remained firm as she withheld the details Jake wanted to come to a better understanding of her. Any other time and he would have let the silence remain. He wouldn’t have pressed. This time, though, he needed an answer.

“Yae, I didn’t come back to give you some false promise or to lie to you-” he started.

“Then why did you come back?” she cut in before he could finish, her tongue sharp. He grimaced out of reflex and looked down at his hands.

“Because I was wrong,” he muttered.

“That’s a first,” she rumbled. He didn’t dare retort.

“I was wrong to think that I could do everything alone, that I was someone better just because I had a better grip on magic than those around me. While I don’t think I’m wrong for trying to become stronger, my mistake is thinking that just because I’m strong, I don’t need anyone else with me.”

His choice of words had caught her attention. Yae’s harsh look softened, but there was still a frown on her face.

“Then why do you still push so hard?” She mumbled. His hands squeezed together as he took a moment to think. There was a reason for everything, and he needed more of a reason than to fight the Maedra.

“My dad was an Adventurer, did I ever tell you that?” At his question, Yae shook her head. “I didn’t see him much and eventually, he stopped coming back to my village. I was left alone with my Auntie and lived day by day, wondering if he would come back with the next caravan.”

“What about your mom?” She asked. Jake shook his head.

“She died when I was too young to know her. I don’t even know her face, just her name,” he sighed and closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them, he stared at his hands as he brought his thoughts together. “When I…” he paused, correcting himself before he rambled about the Gods.

“When I started practicing magic, all I could think of was the chance to be like my dad. To become an Adventurer and see the world. I wanted to travel all over and see more than the sand and sun. That was my new dream, and magic was going to be my way to do it.” As he started to speak, he leaned back and stared up at the wall, his eyes unfocused as he rambled.

“But instead I came across the Beasts, lost a friend, and almost died.”

“Twice,” she interjected.

“Three times now, I think,” he muttered. She nodded in agreement but that was beside the point. “Coming here to Ewana, to the tunnels, has been the opposite of everything I wanted to do. Encountering the Mae-, the Beasts has been both the worst and the best thing for me. It’s bad because they’re deadly and dangerous, and I’m barely skilled enough to keep them from clawing my face off.” He let out a heavy sigh, his throat rumbling as he slumped forward. He peered down at his hands, and then at the back of his right hand. The scar from Chul’s final touch was still a bit tender on his heart.

“But, facing the Beasts has taught me a lot. Training to beat them has made me very strong. Strong enough to survive down here but I’m still not strong enough to protect others around me or to truly defeat them. I’m just at the point where I can compete and be confident that I can at least kill enough to hopefully ease the burden on the others.” He took a brief pause, curling his right hand into a fist. He closed his eyes for a breath, and then looked over at Yae.

“When we first met and I killed those hordes of Beasts, I only was able to because of my lack of control, my emotions, and the fact that the Beasts weren’t coordinated. If their numbers had been any higher, if we hadn’t been so lucky, I don’t think we would have lived.” At his words, Yae nodded lightly and squeezed the cup in her hands tightly again.

“We were lucky this time because the Maedra hadn’t expected stiff resistance in the side tunnels and they didn’t expect me to put up the rock walls. If our forces had been any bigger, then we wouldn’t have been able to retreat fast enough either,” he said, taking another brief pause.

“I don’t want to leave my fate to chance. I don’t want to rely on luck, Yae. I can’t go into the tunnels expecting to gamble every time.” There was more, but Yae suddenly looked up at him, and his words caught in his throat from the wary look in her eye.

“Then why do you go?” She asked. This time, it was his turn to feel tense.

“Because…” I want to.

He couldn’t say that. Who would willingly go out into such unfavorable odds? It was practically suicide, and part of him doubted she would take kindly to that mindset. He wasn’t suicidal, just a bit violent.

“Yae, when you found out you could use healing magic, what was your first thought?” he asked. She looked at her hands for only a moment before her lips parted.

“That I could help people,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.

“How do you think I feel, then?” He asked. Yae’s jaw tightened. “I held off the Beasts in the tunnels. I can fight them, Yae, and I know my magic is good enough to kill them. Do you think it’s fair for me to sit by and not use that strength?”

“...no,” she whispered.

“I don’t want to die, Yae.” He said, his hands coming together in front of him again. “I don’t want to be hurt or see others be hurt. If I do nothing, then others will be. You’re right, I’m no hero. I can’t save everyone and I can’t just make the Beasts disappear, but I can at least do my part.”

“But do you have to be so reckless about it…?” Yae didn’t look at him as she asked her question, her eye focused intently on her cup.

“Sometimes, I have to take that chance. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, Yae. It’s why I’m here and not at the compound.”

Yae looked at him again. Jake took in a slow breath.

“I’m going to train until I can be certain that I can beat the Beasts. I’m not going to rush ahead and I’m not going to gamble anymore. When I first started magic, I spent most of my time building the foundations of things. I focused on what was right, on technique, and on the basics. Since I started fighting the Beasts, I’ve trained with the lie that I was still doing that but I haven’t and it shows.” Jake held out his hand and coiled his mana into it. He pushed a small amount of it out, the red mana coiling into a sphere in his palm.

“I’ve been able to grow stronger but I’ve failed to pay attention to the details that would truly make me capable of defeating the Beasts. The sum of these mistakes has made it dangerous for me to go into the tunnels. So, I’m going to fix that.”

Jake closed his hand, dispersing the mana sphere. His fist squeezed tight as mana coiled within the appendage. When he spread his fingers again, he summoned forth the different elements. A small flame, a drop of water, a swirl of wind, a spark of light, and a crackling of lightning. Unable to make stone out of nothing, rock magic was missing, and he wasn’t about to spawn a random curse just to show off.

“I’m going to practice my magic until I am certain that I can be competent in the tunnels. I’m going to train my casting ability until I can firmly protect those near me, and I’m going to sharpen my mind until I’ll never have to rely on luck or chance again.” After his words, he dispersed the elemental show and lowered his hand.

“You want me to be safe and you want me to not be an idiot, so I’m going to practice to ease those worries. Then, next time, you won’t ever have to look so afraid when I say I’m leaving.”

Yae’s eye widened for a moment and her face changed colors as she stared at him. Her eye flicked past him and Jake realized that she wasn’t looking at him anymore. His jaw tensed as he heard the door creak.

“Hear that, Tul? He’s gonna practice,” Xul’s voice echoed into the room. Jake felt his stomach twist. He turned his head slowly and rotated his body a bit. There, standing at the door with arms full of food, were the two missing participants in the conversation. Jake swallowed a stiff lump in his throat as he felt the temperature in the room spike.

“Oh, I heard. It was hard not to but I do have a question. How will you do all that?” Tul’s eye narrowed as he stared down at Jake. While Xul had a mischievous-looking grin on his face, Tul was the opposite. He looked angry. Jake didn’t quite know how to answer his question, which wasn’t good.

“I’m… not sure,” Jake sighed and turned away from the two of them. Tul let out an annoyed hum as he set down the wooden basket in his arms heavily onto the table. The action nearly knocked over the cups.

“Tul-!” Yae spat, her arms spreading as she ensured they wouldn’t fall. Tul held up a hand, his glare still focused on Jake.

“You don’t even know how you’re going to get better?” He growled. Jake nodded and clenched his jaw. “Then how can you say you’ll ease my sister’s worries when you can’t even tell her how you’re going to do just that?”

“Tul!” Yae yelped but Tul’s eye only flicked to her for a moment to shut her up.

“Magic isn’t so easy, Tul. Unlike swordsmanship, I can’t just swing my arms and get better at it,” Jake hissed as he defended himself, but Tul wasn’t buying it.

“You act like swinging a sword is easy,” Tul’s eye opened as anger boiled around its edges. Jake pushed off the table and rose to his feet. Tul was still a bit taller but Jake didn’t cower before him. He was thinner, weaker. All Tul had was age.

“No, it isn’t. I bet that’s why you use a spear instead, isn’t it?” Jake snipped. Tul’s hands curled into fists. The two glared at one another, muscles tensing and breathing steadying. Jake could feel his mana coiling around his fists as he prepared to defend himself.

Just before the snapping point, Xul let out a sigh. He kicked Jake in the back of the leg and then stepped in between both of them with his massive basket loaded with what looked to be random ingredients.

“Alright, kids, that’s enough nipping at each other’s ankles,” Xul set down the basket beside Tul’s on the table and then stood upright, keeping himself in the middle. Just in case. “Tul is just worried for Yae, Jake, but we both know you try your best. Just don’t let us down too much if you mess up, okay?” Xul wiggled his eyebrow before turning to Tul.

“And you have no reason to speak up in the first place, Mr. My Team Messed Up The Easiest Task in the World Because I Went For A Swim.” Xul began to laugh as he walked away, headed towards the washroom.

“I slipped! I didn’t go swimming!” Tul yelled, his voice cracking as it bounced through the room.

“Yea, sure!” Xul kept laughing as he pushed the door closed behind him.

Yae let out a heavy sigh and stood up as well. She picked up one of the baskets, her arms struggling with its weight a bit as she brought the goods over to the kitchen area. Jake gave Tul one more look before he grabbed the other basket. He only got one more step before Tul grabbed his shoulder. Jake clenched his jaw and his body tensed.

“Actions mean more to us than words, Jake. Remember that,” Tul muttered. Jake stood there for a second, then shrugged off the hand and made his way over to help Yae.

To store the mess of goodies the two brought back, Jake modified the walls to create small squares for Yae to use. She organized the jars and used thin paper to wrap up what she could to keep the ingredients separated. Jake created a few extra bowls she could use for some of the vegetables but it eventually just became a categorized mess. Yae was satisfied with it, though, so Jake didn’t try to go beyond what was asked of him.

Having already eaten, Yae only cooked a large meal for the other two and cooked Jake a small bowl of soup to sate his evening hunger. Afterward, the three boys filed into the washroom in proper order to clean themselves. Jake made sure to clean the wash area before Yae’s turn, removing the leftover grime and dirt from him and the other two. When it was time for bed, Jake waited until it was just him and Yae left at the table. They had spent one last night together, laughing and teasing each other about the day. Jake informed the other two of the result of the operation and there had been some gloom left over but there was little to do about it. Thankfully, Jake and Yae had returned without harm.

“Yae,” Jake called for her attention. After gathering his courage and waiting for the other two to fall asleep, he felt it was time to speak. But, she didn’t acknowledge him. At least he didn’t think she had.

“I’m scared, Jake,” she said softly, careful not to wake the others. Jake flinched and stared at her. “I’m scared of you going into the tunnels and not coming back, or coming back too hurt for me to help you…” her voice trailed off. Jake bit the inside of his lip and gripped his teacup.

“Yae, I-” She shook her head, stopping him again.

“You’re going to leave, I know you are. You’ve said it enough,” she sighed and took a sip from her cup. “What I’m afraid of is you leaving without saying goodbye.”

“Why would I do that?” At his question, Yae just looked at him.

“What keeps you here, Jake?” She held up her hands, motioning to the room around them. “None of this is yours. None of us are related to you. This village is just a place for you to grow in. What reason is there for you to come back every day?” She gripped onto her teacup, her hands trembling as she held it tight. “There isn’t anything keeping you here except the Beasts…”

“You’re wrong, Yae,” Jake said. His lips curled into a little smile as he stared at her. “You guys are why I come back.”

The reaction he got wasn’t the one he wanted. Yae shook her head and let out a faint sigh.

“We might be friends, Jake, but how dear to you are we? When you leave and go off to wherever else, how long will it be until you forget us? Until you forget all of the times we spent together?” Yae’s eye drifted away and her fingers squeezed even more tightly onto the cup. Any more and he wondered if she might break the thing. “We might remember you… but it isn’t the same for you, is it?”

“I’ll never forget you, Yae,” he mumbled.

“It’s easy to say, isn’t it?” She whispered back. Jake frowned, but then he remembered what Tul had just told him. Actions. Not words.

Jake reached over and placed his hand gently on top of Yae’s wrist. He gave it a gentle squeeze and leaned over to her, his frown curling to a smile. She flinched a bit from his touch. She looked down at his hand, and then up into his eyes. He hoped she could see the sincerity on his face.

“I will never forget you, Yae. Ever. And even if I leave, I will come back. It may not be for a long time, but I will make sure to come and visit.”

Yae’s soft face became even softer as she placed one of her hands on top of his. She gave him a little smile and nodded briefly.

“Okay…” she whispered. “Promise?”

“Promise.” He nodded. He felt her hand squeeze his, and he gave her wrist a little squeeze in response. When she finally let go of him, he pulled his hand back and straightened up a bit. He felt some relief ease off his shoulders as she sipped down the last of the tea in her cup. He made sure to drink the rest of his. But, as she started to shuffle out of the table, he was quick to not let her run away.

“I won’t be staying here tonight, Yae.”

She froze in place, her eye locking with his.

“What?” Her voice was shaken.

“I told you. I need to get better at magic. I’m going to be staying somewhere else until I’m better,” Jake couldn’t look at her. Not at the confused and twisted face she had. It was too painful.

“But you just…” she muttered. He nodded as he took in a breath.

“If I stay here, things will remain the same. I won’t grow. I won’t become the Mage I need to be, so I’m leaving.” He finally met her pained stare and he gently moved his teacup over to sit it next to hers. “I won’t be leaving Ewana, but I won’t be sleeping and coming here anymore in the evenings.”

Yae’s lips twitched and moved a few times. Her eye searched his face for any sign of him lying. Her hands trembled at her sides as her body shivered. Her head turned away and she slumped down into the cushion beneath her, her hands folding in her lap as she stared at the two cups in front of her.

“...Okay. If that’s what you want…” she mumbled, her voice quivering. Jake felt his chest squeeze and he was tempted to change his mind, but he knew this was what he had to do. For her. For the village. For himself. This was the right answer. At least, that’s what he hoped.

“I’m sorry, Yae,” he whispered. He wanted to comfort her with words more than just an apology but it was all he could think of. The pain radiating from her was too much for him and he had no idea what he could do to fix it. Thus, he let it lie.

“No, I understand,” she took in a long breath and her hands curled into fists. She turned to him and her lips curled into a trembling smile. A forced happy expression replaced the desperation that was just visible, and Jake suddenly felt a stinging in his chest.

“Please make sure to visit, okay?” A bit of water began to gather around the edge of her eye as her cheeks twitched. Even her shoulders were shaking.

He couldn’t look anymore. Jake lowered his head and stood up.

“I’ll try. Thank you for letting me stay for so long.” To occupy himself, Jake gathered his gear. Yae stood up behind him and waited patiently in the center of the room until he was ready. He walked to the door, strapped on his boots, and looked towards the log that would be used to lock the door.

“Stay safe, Jake,” Yae stood behind him. She was close enough to touch if he turned around. Close enough to hug if he was brave enough. Close enough to turn around and return the kiss she gave him when he feigned being asleep. Close enough that he could already hear the shaking in her breath.

“I’ll try,” he said softly.

He grabbed the handle on the door and stepped out. He gave Yae a final look, just in time to see the light from outside illuminate the sight of tears streaming down her face. The door closed just after the view had been imprinted into his mind and then Jake heard her knees hit the floor. A dull thud on the wood echoed after, followed by the painful noise of sobbing.

Jake stood on the stone landing just long enough to hear her let out a faint cry before he cast his magic and launched himself away from the home. He would have to thank Tul and Xul for not getting out of their beds later. He was thankful for them not trying to stop him.

The wind carried Jake far over the village and he soared clear of its buildings. He landed in the outskirts and made his way over to his familiar spot by the lake. There, Jake used wind once more to clear off the dirt and dust which had collected. He blew the loose rocks into the water and used fire to burn away any trace of moss or undergrowth that had tried to make a foothold. When the space was clean of debris, he knelt on the ground and dumped mana into a large square area. Large enough for him to live within. Then, he lifted the space from the ground and erected a small cube. There was no need to make a door or windows, but he did mark in the ground where he would make an entrance.

With the shell formed, Jake walked around the area and planted an array of alert spells, connecting them all before channeling them to the cube itself. He created a signal rune on the back wall and then finished his cage by activating the runes with a faint amount of mana. Satisfied, he split the wall and swung the rock outwards so he could enter. He closed and sealed the door behind himself and then quickly created light runes in two corners of the space, illuminating the pitch-black room.

In the middle of the room, Jake lifted a triangle from the floor and cut vents into the three sides. Beneath the triangle and in the gap, Jake generated a fire rune that would radiate heat into the air. He opened the wall again to pull material from outside to inside and created a small table out of the stone to sit atop the triangle vent. Then, he created a small place for a bed. Well, a slab that he would put a bed on in the future. On the wall, Jake placed two hooks and then created a third hanging station for his boots and his dagger. Satisfied, Jake sealed the open space in the wall and closed himself off from the outside world.

The room was small and quiet, lonely and empty, but it would do. It would have to. If he wanted to fulfill his promise with Yae and become the Mage he needed himself to be then he would need to be disciplined and focused. Otherwise, he would never become someone worthy of that delicious tea.

“Alright,” he sighed. Jake stripped out of his clothes and hung his gear on the respective hooks. Then, he sat down on top of the raised slab of rock where his bed would eventually be and cast some magic to soften the stone a bit. He used his shirt for an additional cushion and fed more mana into the fire rune to increase the heat in the room. Once the area was set to his liking, Jake adjusted his posture so he was comfortable.

“Let’s go to work.” He closed his eyes and folded his hands neatly in his lap. After a deep inhale, he sought out the Library.

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