"JJ? He's got a stomachache, so he stayed home today..."

"Mhmm," Amber hummed. "And do you actually believe he has a stomachache?"

"Um... Probably?" I tried to brush it aside. The truth was, I think I may have accidently set JJ off by trying to question him like I did. Amber kinda explained how I could have possibly made the conversation with JJ yesterday go from bad to worse.

Leon walked through the door at that moment with Julia and Tanisha in tow. He stopped on the spot when he saw Amber, his brow furrowed in annoyance.

"Haah..." Julia sighed. "Still fighting. Really?"

Tanisha raised her hands up, clearly wanting nothing to do with this.

"Nuh uh. I'm out. Ya'll figure this out, please." 

She chose a seat by the window and pulled out her phone. Leon grabbed a seat at the back of the class and Amber sat back down next to Mr. Roberts desk.

I looked at the two of them, both ignoring each other at the opposite ends of the room. With pleading eyes, I turned to Julia for what to do next.

"Let's wait for Mr. Robert. Then we can work this out when everyone's together.

"Okay..."

Julia went to sit next to Amber, so I followed after her. Even though Amber was trying to help me out, I didn't really know anything about her.

"I'm proud of you," She suddenly said to Julia.

"Thanks..." Julia looked away, embarrassed. I sat back and listened to Amber and Julia run through ideas for the club room while we waited.

"By the way, how did your dad take the news?" Amber asked. Julia paused, then sorta deflated when she thought back to her dad.

"Ah, yeah. Asked me why I couldn't wait. I tried to explain my decision to him last night, but he didn't really understand."

Amber nodded. "It could be worse... Let's give him a little more time and hope he comes around eventually. He's already in a better place than our parents."

What happened with your parents?" I asked her.

Amber looked at me and simply said, "Robert and I don't have parents anymore."

Shit...

"O-oh, god. I'm so sorry! I didn't know they were dead. My bad!"

"Oh. My parents aren't dead," she said, shaking her head matter-of-factly. She then tilted her head to the side, curiously. "Or, I don't think they are?"

Hah?

Julia rolled her eyes as she nudged Amber on the shoulder.

"Can you stop messing around and tell her what you mean?" 

Amber looked at me, confusion and worry obviously splattered on my face, and began to explain.

"So, when I told my parents that I am a girl, they were vehemently against it. It got to a point where it was very... dangerous for me to continue living there. When Robert choose to go to a college halfway across the country, as soon as he settled in, he came back for me and we never looked back. Haven't talked to them since."

"That's so messed up..." I turned to see Tanisha standing over my shoulder. I could tell from her expression on her face that she found this highly disturbing. I'm pretty sure we were both having the same thought.

Hmm... I guess I'm gonna have to do some poking around and see how my parents feel about this? I... do not have a good feeling about it though.

That's when Mr. Robert finally came back from his little meeting, looking a lot more stressed than when he left. He perked back up to his usual self when he noticed everyone's attention was on him now. He scanned the room, seeing that Leon was sitting far across the room away from the rest of us. He clapped his hands together to get our attention.

"Okay everyone, are we ready to start club activities?"

"Hold on, what was that phone call about?" Amber interrupted.

"Oh, nothing too serious," Mr. Robert obviously brushed off. "Just some concerns from a few staff members. Now..." He gestured to the center of the room.

"It seems that we have a small issue that didn't get resolved yesterday between Leon and Amber. I want the both of you to explain your side of the argument, then we, as a group, can find a solution to our problem."

"Okay," I said. "That could work. What do you guys think?"

Tanisha seemed indifferent. "Whatever gets us back on track, I'm down to try."

"Sure. If it gets them to stop fighting." Julia also agreed.

"Hmph."

Well, there's Leons answer.

"So we agree? Great! Well then..." For some reason, Mr. Robert turned to me. "Maya. Can you explain the scenario to us, please?"

Me?

I pointed to myself. He nodded.

"Yes. Since this issue we are currently having stems from your problem, it's best that we hear it from you. If your okay with that, of course."

I sat up straight, now that I was the center of attention.

"O-okay, well... Long story short, due to recent events I believe that my little brother, JJ, might be a trans girl. And I thought it would be a good idea if he knew about it..."

"Okay," Mr. Robert said. "And how did that go?"

I looked down at the floor, embarrassed.

"Not well..."

"But I don't think it was a bad idea to tell him." Leon spoke up. "I was just like him and I'm glad I had someone to try and explain it to me."

"It's great that it worked out for you, but if she had handled it the wrong way, it could have pushed him further away." Amber countered. "Remember the egg prime directive."

Amber had explained it to me over the phone yesterday. It's like an unspoken rule, that it someone is questioning their gender, then you shouldn't tell them whether they are trans or not, which I definitely was going to do yesterday.

"I think that's dumb. If it would give him some idea about who he truly is inside, why shouldn't he know?"

"I just said why. What if he takes it the wrong way, or thinks you're trying to accuse him of something? It could end up pushing him further away."

"Question." Tanisha asked, hand held high in the air.

"So, if you suspect that someone could be trans, but your not supposed to tell them, then what do you do?"

...Yeah. How exactly do you handle a situation like this?

I looked to the group for some clear answer we hadn't thought of yet.

"I have an idea, if you want to try it." Julia said with a smirk. "I already cracked one egg, why don't we use me to crack another?"

 

---

 

"Here you go."

Mom plopped down next to me on the bed, holding out a small cup of nasty purple stomach medicine towards me. I unintentionally scowl, beginning to regret lying about being sick.

"You want to tell me what's wrong now?" Mom asks me.

Shoot...

"Uh, I'm sick?"

Mom rests her chin on her hand, tilting her head in a questioning gaze.

I stare up at her from my bed sheets.

"What's actually wrong?"

"Just sick," I say. "That's it."

Mom watches me a little while longer. The more she stared into my eyes, the more I felt like she would unravel my lies and find... something. I gave in and retreated under my covers.

Mom sighed. I could feel the weight of the bed shift as she stood up from it, hearing her shuffling some of the things on the nightstand next to my bed. The sound of her footsteps lightening as she walked to the door to my room.

"Alright, kid. Take your medicine and rest up, okay?"

I didn't answer her. Mom waited at the door for a bit, before finally closing it behind her as she left.

I had a few moments of silence to myself now as I lay there.

Was my like so obvious that she could figure it out that fast?

I could hear mom and dad talking in the living room, their voices a muffled noise coming through my door. When the talking stopped, the sound of heavy-set footsteps could be heard coming up to my bedroom door.

Oh no...

There was a hard knock at the door.

"Hey chief! Can we talk?"

I didn't want to, but it was my dad. What was I gonna say, 'No thanks, I don't feel like talking right now?'. I sighed.

"Yeah..."

Dad opened the door, him standing at the entrance as he looked around my room. Clothes were strewn about everywhere in an uncaring mess. Old school papers and trash surrounded the small desk in the corner of my room. Dad released a deep sigh at the sight. I couldn't help but feel like he was judging me, even though he probably wasn't.

"Everything okay?" He asked me.

Huh? Again?

"Hust a stomachache. Don't feel too good, is all." I tell him.

"Mmhmm..." He hums. He walks over to the bed, choosing to stand instead of sitting.

"Well... Just wanted to know how you were holding up." He finally said. I nodded, thinking that would be the end of it.

"How's your confidence exercises going?"

Ugh.

I think I took too long giving him an answer. He sighed again, shaking his head.

"Listen to me. It will get better. But you have to take the steps yourself if you want to see results. Do the exercises, get results. Understand?"

I lay in bed thinking about what dad said to me.

Well... I did want to change myself. But I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror if I had to do it. It was... Irritating.

"Okay," I lied, giving my dad an approving nod. "I'll do it."

Dad smiled at me with a big toothy grin.

"That's what I wanted to hear! Alright, kid. I'm heading off to work. Rest up and feel better, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

With one final smile, dad turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. I strained my ears, trying to hear what my parents were saying through the door. There was a mixture of soft and heavy footsteps and muffled conversation between the two. The house went quiet as the sound of the front door shutting and the rumbling of two separate cars disappeared down the driveway.

I laid there in bed, just listening to the silence. I fell back to sleep a few moments later.

 

---

 

I woke up an hour later, the sun shining through the space inbetween my curtain.

Hungry...

I toss the heavy blanket off of me and roll out of bed, doing my best to avoid the mirror hanging from my closet door. Heading to the kitchen, I pour the biggest bowl of sugary sweet cereal I've ever had and start going back to my room. I stop when I pass by my dad's hallway closet, noticing his body-length mirror peering at me from the small opening in the sliding door.

Might as well try... right?

I munched on a big spoonful of my cereal and placed it onto the kitchen table, then made my way back to dad's closet. Pushing it open, I blanched as I suddenly came face to face with the image of myself.

Come on. What is wrong with me?!

I pull the mirror out of the closet and gently rest it up against the door. Forcing myself to look into the mirror with a critical eye, I scan over the 'me' slouching in the space there. The first thing that I noticed was my face; a permanent disappointed expression was plastered onto it. It really shocked me.

It this why everyone kept asking me if I was doing okay?

I thought back to whenever I would see my dad standing in front of this mirror. He would do some athletic poses in front of it as he said mumbled things that he liked about himself, which I now realize was the confidence exercises. So, I decided to do the same.

I stared at the mirror for what felt like an eternity, building up the courage within myself.

Okay. Let's do it.

I grabbed the bottom of my pajama shirt and pulled it over my head, tossing it onto the floor beside me. The felt a disturbance begin to build up inside of me as I forced myself to look at body. I'm still pretty short for a boy of my age and there isn't much muscle to be admired on my scrawny body. But still, I continued to look at the current 'me' standing there.

Like my dad suggested, I tried to think of three things that I like about myself. I held my arms up in a flexing pose as my mind blanked once again trying to think of something.

C'mon. It's a confidence building exercise! It doesn't have to be true! Think of things that you WANT to become.

"I'm pretty strong." I say to the boy in the mirror.

I didn't believe it. Not for a second. But this had to work. Dad told me it would.

Hah! I'm pretty strong!" I tried again, smiling into the mirror.

I changed my pose as I desperately tried to ignore the feeling. I thought up another thing that I could like about myself as I did so.

"You're very handsome, Jerome." I had to stop myself from visibly cringing. I pushed it down, like I always did, and shifted into another pose.

"I'm sma-"

I stopped talking when the sound of a car rumbling up the family driveway. I listened warily as the engine cut out and the sound of car doors swinging open and shutting.

Realization hit me.

Auntie Giannine!

I sprinted back to my room, jumping in bed and flinging the covers over me. I waited in silence as I faintly heard someone open the front door. I only expected my aunt to show up. So I was surprised when I heard two muffled voices coming from the living room. They moved around a bit before someone came up to my room, giving the door a few knocks.

"JJ..." She whispered as she opened the door slowly. From the small space that I could see her from under the covers, she tiptoed up to the side of the bed.

"Hmm..." I pretended to wake up from a deep sleep as I peeked my head out from under the sheets.

"Hey. How are you feeling?" She asked me.

"Tired. Stomach still hurts." I replied.

"Oh, really~"

Aunt Gigi said in a sing-song voice. I started to feel a little worried. Was she questioning me? For the first time since she entered my room, I noticed that she had a hand hidden behind her back.

"Then what's this~?" She pulled her hand out from behind her back, revealing the fresh bowl of cereal I left out on the table.

Gotcha!

Her smile told me what she was thinking. And all I could do was sheepishly return the smile back to her. She sat down on my bed and handed the bowl over to me.

"You're not really sick, are you?" She asked as I took a bite of the cereal.

"No. I'm not." No point in lying now. I realized she probably saw my shirt lying next to my dad's full-length mirror out in the open, so she would have noticed something was off even without finding the cereal.

"But you told your mom that you were," she said, tilting her head to the side. "Why?"

I scooped another spoonful of cereal into my mouth, staring into the bowl and trying to avoid making eye contact. Like Maya, my aunt is one of those people that has to try and help everyone around them. If I looked at her, she wouldn't leave me alone until she 'helped' me.

"Didn't want to go to school today. That's all." I told her.

"Hmmm..."

She suddenly leaned foreward, trying to get a better look at my face. I tried to pull back as far as I could without spilling my cereal, but it didn't really matter. She looked deep into my eyes and she found something to latch onto.

"I can tell that your upset about something, but what? Somebody messing with you? ...No. It's something else..."

"..."

Why did I always want to tell someone about this? To ask for help. To have someone understand what I'm going through? Maybe I wanted to get a second opinion? My dad's advice sounds right... But I just feel 'wrong' when I look into that mirror.

"Nothing," I told her. "Nothing's wrong."

"Uh huh..." Was all she responded with. She looked like she wanted to say more, when the second mystery person opened the door to my room, walking through with the shirt I left in the living room.

"Oh! Uh, you guys having a moment?" She took a step back towards the door, looking to leave an awkward situation, when my aunt waved her inside.

Oh.

I recognized her. She's kinda chubby and short, just like my aunt, and she had long, blond, braided hair that hung down to the middle of her back. She was always with my aunt whenever we went to her house or met up at family get togethers, but we never really talked before, so it was hard for me to remember her name. When she walked over to the bed, my aunt took hold of the hand not holding onto my shirt and gently squeezed it. I watched as they held each other's hand for a long time, my aunt staring up at her friend.

"Oh!" Giannine suddenly exclaimed. She pulled her friend down by the arm and they began to have a quiet conversation between each other. Afer a moment of deliberation, my aunt did an excited little hop on the spot as she turned her focus to me.

"So. Let's make a deal." She was smiling, still holding her friends hand. "If you tell me why you pretended to be sick, I'll tell you a secret."

A secret?

"I guess..." I shrugged. Aunt Gigi looked like she was gonna say it anyway. Might as well play along. And the reason why I wanted to stay home... I could just...

"I was being bullied at school. That's all." I could lie, like I have been doing up to this point. Aunt Gigi's smile instantly melted away to a frown.

"By who?! I swear if I have to go up to that school and raise hell I WILL!" She began to fume.

I groaned. 

Just like Maya...

"Please, no. I can handle it myself. I got this. And please don't tell mom and dad. They don't need to know."

She calmed down, her friend massaging her shoulder with one hand.

"Fine..." She crossed her arms in dissatisfaction. "But I'm gonna be checking in on you from now on everyday. If I hear that it didn't get better, your mom and I are going up to the school, got it?"

I nodded my head, hoping it would never come to that.

"Okay. And what about your secret?" I asked her, trying to get off of this topic. 

"OH! Right." She faced her friend and grabbed her hand again, pulling her closer to me.

"I know you've seen her around, but this is Denise, my girlfriend."

Denise was smiling. Granted, she was also becoming more and more nervous because I hadn't said anything as the moments passed us by. But I wasn't quiet because of why they probably think I was.

Wait... That's not fair. I just told you a little lie. You can't tell me something so... Important like that in exchange for a dumb lie...

I wrestled with my guilty conscience in those quiet moments, debating on whether I should tell the truth in why I was actually skipping out on school.

It's only fair, right? They have to know. They trusted me with theirs. It's only fair...

A hand landed on my shoulder.

"Hey. You alright?" Aunt Gigi asked me, worry on her face. "Do you need time to think about this?"

"No! I'm... thank you for telling me. For trusting me with your secret." I tried a reassuring smile, then lunged forward with a hug to my aunt. She pat my back as I held onto her.

"Thank you..." She whispered in my ear.

I pulled away from her, then looked to Ms. Denise. I felt so bad. She was with my aunt for a long time, but I never felt the need to get to know her at all. I held a hand out to her.

"Hi Ms. Denise."

"Awww... Such a gentle man~." She cooed.

Aunt Gigi playfully swatted Denise's hand away.

"Thank you for understanding, Jerome. Actually, me and your mom are going shopping later today and we might bring Maya along to tell them both about us. So, can you keep it a secret until then?"

I nodded.

Yeah. I can do that.

"Hm... Do you maybe want to come too? Hang out with the girls for a day?" She asked me.

Me? With the girls?

"Nah. I'm okay. Don't want to hang with a bunch of girls anyway." I lay back down, throwing the covers back over my head.

"Hey!" Aunt Giannine swipes at me as I duck under the sheets. "Why does it matter that it's going to be 'a bunch of girls' huh? You know what? I'll let you go back to bed. I'm going to work now, but let me know if you do want to hang with us later, okay?"

"Oh, please! He just said he didn't want to go with us. Why would he want too?" Ms. Denise said as they left my room. I rolled over onto my side as I closed my eyes again.

Yeah. Why would I?