Chapter 20: Decision (3)
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"So...do you have something on your mind?"

After we exited the dungeon and obtained our rewards, Jie Kushin strayed behind to talk to me.

"Where's this coming from?" I said, caught off guard.

Like it was something habitual, Jie Kushin touched the back of his neck and continued, "You know, when I first saw you after you came out of Leader Lee's office, you looked down. If you want, I can listen."

He gave me a bright smile.

I studied him and contemplated his proposal, knowing it didn't hurt to hear someone else's opinion on things. But this was Jie Kushin, who was fiercely ready to fight with someone if they disrespected Leader Lee and her community, which I experienced first-hand. He would probably enthusiastically suggest that I join the community.

I most likely had to speak vaguely, but if he still caught on...

Oh well, I'll just have to take his words as a grain of salt if that was the case.

"Well, I'm currently feeling torn between an important decision. For example...it's like when you know you need to do something important, like study for an exam, but you also don't want to neglect your friend who's asking you to hang out."

Jie Kushin thought about that seriously for a moment before replying,

"Well, personally, I'm the kind of study slag that would try to put it off as long as possible, so I would just go hangout with my friend. But then I would cram everything the night before the exam, and then drag my other friends into studying with me. Though, I'll still flunk the exam the next day." Jie Kushin laughed, his sunny aura lifting my spirits too.

"So I take it you're talking with experience?" My lips curled up as well as we walked across the uneven ground.

"Uh, let's not go there - oop." Coughing into his fist, Jie Kushin's foot absentmindedly tripped over a spot sticking out in the ground before he stabilized himself.

"You okay?"

"Yep, I am - by the way, back to you. What I said was what I would do. Was the reason you asked this question something to do with what Leader Lee asked you about joining us?"

Jie Kushin hitting the nail on the head caught me off guard, leaving me momentarily flustered.

"Wha-You heard that?"

Jie Kushin smiled and nodded, a little embarrassed at eavesdropping.

I hadn't actually expected him to know what I was referring to when I used a round-about-method, but since I had told myself to take words with a grain of salt if he did find out, I calmed down quickly.

I sighed. "Ha..."

"Yeah, I'm still thinking of what to do." I glanced away to hide my discomfort before placing a softer expression on my face as I looked back at him.

Surprisingly, Jie Kushin did not hurriedly begin urging me to join their community.

He only said,

"I may not be the right guy to give you wisdom, but once you make a decision, don't regret it. What do you want to do with your life?"

I didn't have an answer to that question.

"Jie Kushin, the party leader, is calling for you." Su Peng hesitantly interrupted the conversation at the pause, and Jie Kushin shouted a,

"Oh, thanks Su Peng,"

And then Jie Kushin was trotting to the front where Kim Ulguam was.

"...You okay?" Su Peng asked me, watching Jie Kushin move away.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I am."

"Um, if you come to a hard decision over your life, what I like to do is weigh the pros and cons, and then think about it from there..." Su Peng brought up advice that seemed to have come out of nowhere.

It took a second for me to connect that Su Peng must have heard our previous conversation and was now trying to help.

"Mm, I'll think about it then. Thanks Su Peng." I told him gratefully, not expecting someone else to give me thoughtful advice.

He also smiled, and then walked back to his position.

Pros and cons, huh? I haven't really thought about doing that.

So then, let's think about the pros of joining Lee Sookyung's community. There's security, food, and for those hidden pieces, some are better with a group...

Absorbed in my thoughts, it was a silent trek back as we were all exhausted, and at some point of time, Christina moved to the back of the party, step-in-step beside me.

"So...hi, once again, I'm Christina. How are you?" She enthusiastically greeted me.

"I'm doing well, how about you?" I returned the pleasantries.

"Doing cheery! Bless my luck, I got something really good item from the third option in our last challenge. Want to know?"

"Sure," I replied, my interest aroused.

"I got an A ranked item from that, and it matches my skills and stats as well, oh-" Just as Christina began her excited chatter, she exclaimed loudly, causing me to flinch.

"That's right. My Sunbaes have been telling you some advice about something, so I'm here now, too," Christina winked.

News...travels fast? I wasn't sure what to make of the situation in which people were going out of their way in concern for me.

Still, I listened.

"When life gets hard..." Christina put up an enigmatic expression on, as if she suddenly became a reclusive wise master, "....Just quit."

"Huh? Quit?" I looked at her, stunned.

"Yeah, just shut off your brain. No need to fry it, unless you enjoy going in circles. Sometimes, you just need to be patient, and things will work out, someway." Christina giggled, smacking my back.

"And thanks for listening to my ted talk. Anyways, let's get back to talking about the item I got, shall me?" A childish and excited light bloomed in her eyes, and Christina returned to the first conversation subject.

As it turned out, Christina could talk a lot, and possessed a witty mouth so that I didn't find her talking boring.

I invested myself into the conversation, replying when I could, all the way back into the prison that served as a stronghold.

The others relaxed fully once they were within the premises, now feeling safe and more familiar than the changed outside world.

"Ah, we are finally back!"

Kim Ulguam turned toward me as we said our goodbyes, and said one last thing,

"No matter your decision, spy-ssi, remember that no one is pressuring you to stay or go. No matter whether you wish to join or roam on your own, we still hold gratitude toward you."

With one last bow, Kim Ulguam also left me to my own devices.

In truth, that had been the one piece of advice that had really made me feel relieved. In a corner of my mind, I wondered what the reactions of the other people would be toward me.

I...certainly didn't want anyone to dislike me.

"Yes, right over there..."

"Sh, shh, it's alright right. See? If I blow on it, the pain goes away..."

"Move it! We haven't got all day! Let's go early and return early."

Spinning slowly around at the hustle and bustle of the humans working toward the survival of the next day, week, month and year, as well as the underlying hope that only Leader Lee's community had, I made my final choice.

There was no prior appointment made to visit Lee Sookyung, who was arguably the busiest out of everyone, but no one stopped me as I made my way through the halls I knew with the back of my hand.

Instead, they went out of the way to greet me after information had spread that I was the spy that led them to an advantage in terms of knowledge against Indegwon Station.

Being greeted enthusiastically by a bunch of people made me feel pleasantly surprised and happy.

In this manner, I arrived in-front of Lee Sookyung's office, and knocked on the door.

The crisp resounding thuds of my knuckles rapping the door was answered quickly.

"Who is it?"

"It's me." I said, loud and clear.

"Come in."

Granted permission, I entered to talk with her one last time before a long time would pass.

This time, Lee Sookyung was busy highlighting portions on the various daily reports her subordinates handed to her, but now her mask was resting on her face, making me wonder how she was able to read through the low visibility of it.

"So I see you've just come back from joining Kim Ulguam's group?" She started, not looking up.

So she already knows.

"Yes." I answered, swallowing my saliva.

Lee Sookyung set the report down and looked at me.

"There is something you would like to say to me, child?"

It was time to say it.

"Mm. It's regarding the offer you gave me last time."

Lee Sookyung waited for me to continue.

"I-" But the words caught in my throat.

How frustrating. I couldn't keep on dilly-dallying like this, being indecisive and wondering if I should even say the next words.

What if those words changed everything? What if that made me miss something important? -were the thoughts that made me hesitate.

Lee Sookyung observed my struggle, for then she started speaking.

"There is a child of mine that I always worry about."

I closed my mouth, knowing Lee Sookyung was going to continue the topic, and curious about the fact that Lee Sookyung had a child.

If so, then was Lee Sookyung married as well? Or divorced?

"Is he eating well? Is he sleeping well? Is he alive out there, or dead?" Lee Sookyung exhaled slowly.

"Is he still alone?" A yearning arose from the depths of Lee Sookyung's heart.

"But I also know that he is alive, fighting, and coming on top of anything in his way. He's a smart and capable child."

Then Lee Sookyung actually laughed a bright laugh that I never heard before. I was curious about who this person she was talking about, and wanted to meet him all of a sudden.

"In fact, he may be more alive than ever before at this very moment."

There was something self-deprecating in that line, even if Lee Sookyung was brightly smiling under that mask.

"And I also know that sometimes a mother has to let go." Lee Sookyung was looking at me when she said that.

But what did she mean by looking at me-

"You have something important to do, and that's the reason you can't stay here, correct?"

I hesitantly nodded. "Yes."

"Mm, you remind me of that child in some ways. That being said, I have a proposition for you."

"Proposition?"

"A proposition on being my spokesperson." Lee Sookyung leaned on her hands.

I was confused by where this was going.

"I'll send a group with you. Where you'll go is up to you. All I need you to do is spread the name of my community. The fifth scenario is coming up, and there are too many wanderers around that would bring chaos if I recall what that child is planning." Lee Sookyung smiled wryly.

"So...you're helping me?"

"Not for free. You're spreading my influence."

But to me, what Lee Sookyung was offering was basically just help. Spreading her name would be easy, and I didn't even need to be in the picture.

The burden of owing a favor was going to be with me for now on, but I was grateful for Lee Sookyung's well meaning.

It solved a few of my problems that I didn't have the luxury of refusing for.

So after a considerate moment of silence, I was the first to prod the silence open.

"Then, when am I leaving, Leader Lee?"

It was an acknowledgement that I had joined her community.

"Tomorrow morning. You'll know by then who is going with you."

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