{School, boxing ring, 9:00 PM. A brown-haired girl with red highlights was attacking a punching bag, as the school was open 24/7 for those in clubs}.

‘Will things ever be the same again?’

‘How do I face him?’

‘Do I still have a shot?’

‘What if he accepts?’

‘What if he says no?’

‘What of my dreams?’

‘What if I can’t have it all?’

   It’s been days and these thoughts still cloud my mind. Ever since I decided to finally tell him how I felt we haven’t, really talked. AND THAT PISSES ME OFF. Why can’t I just face him?! What am I worried so much over? I know our friendship won’t end because of this, will it? John isn’t like that?

<BAM! BAM!>

   Worst case scenario, he says he doesn’t feel the same, and we go back to just being friends. I’m pretty sure I can handle rejection well, can’t I?

“I’d love to go Panchiky… Unfortunately, I won’t be able to come, since I have an early shift on Wednesday that starts just after school ends, I’ll have to leave 15 minutes early just to get there on time. But I want to hear all about it afterward.”

“FINE! WHO NEEDS YOU!”

- “NO!”

<WHAM!>

- “That was the old me. I too can change for the better. I am not losing who I am just because I can handle my anger positively. I mean I’m doing it right now!”

   Nio has continued working with me to find better ways to express my emotions without hurting others. And it not only helps others when I don’t lash out at them constantly to protect my feelings. It helps me feel better about myself, a level of happiness at knowing that I won’t hurt my friends when I express myself. Nio is a great teacher.

‘It wasn’t me. You did the work.’

- “That’s right. I did the work. I put in the effort. I AM PRETTY GREAT AFTER ALL.” (Smug expression).

   And just how I found a way to overcome myself and my pride. I know I can overcome my fear. Maybe things won’t be as always. Maybe he will reject me. Maybe I’ll need to take some personal space after rejection. But this will make us stronger. I made the right choice in confessing. This is our last year of high school, and most likely my last year in Japan. Whether I pursue boxing or the UFC, I will move to the US. It was now or never. I couldn’t let it go unresolved. I WON’T LET IT GO UNRESOLVED!

Maybe he even likes me back…

<WHAM! BAM! WHAPOW!>

…

I’m tired. 

   Kiken decided 11 PM was a good time to go for the notebook. Good thing my system is always ready for her. Her movements are becoming unpredictable.

- “She’s evolving… PFFT, HAHAHA!”

   I still have free time on my hands, none of John’s four suitors have asked for my help yet. Most likely due to being busy getting ready for the finals still. After Fasshon’s birthday, I’m still keeping on par with my job, even being able to handle bonus hours without thinning myself too much. And I’ve been able to prepare for my own tests. History will be a pain for sure though.

   But I’m itching for some shipping dang it. But I can’t force it, they have to ask me for help, I can’t force myself to help them, or it’d be like 4th-9th grade all over again. Should I call Sanagi for another call-anime-watch session? At least she isn’t a third-year, she most likely has free time compared to John, Gita, and Ao-sen for instance.

   As I think back to Fasshon’s birthday, my mind wonders, to the story she told me about Sanagi. Should I ask her about it?

- “NO WAY… That’s probably an awkward topic for her. I’m surprised Fasshon felt like it was ok to tell me.”

< “SAGASHI NI YUKUNDA SOKO E…” (My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! Japanese Opening theme) >

- “My Phone…”

<BOOP>

- (Through the phone). “Hello, Nio here.”

- (Through the Phone). “Hey, Nio. It’s Tsuki… Do you have a minute?”

   Panchikikku is calling. Could it be what I think it is? I know I can’t contain my excitement, but I can’t let my glee be heard over the phone. It might creep her out.

- (Through the phone). “Yes, I have. How can I help you?”

- (Through the phone). “I won’t hide away anymore. If John won’t come to me… I’ll go to him. I want to be able to talk to him again!”

- (Through the phone grinning like an idiot). “THAT’S THE SPIRIT PANCHIKIKKU. WHAT DO YOU NEED FROM ME?”

- (Through the phone, scowling at being able to hear his small squeals). “I know you can’t solve the awkwardness for us. But I will face it. All I ask is… CAN YOU STOP SQUEALING!”

- (Through the phone, becomes serious). “Ups sorry…”

- (Through the phone). “Thank you. It’s just it’s taking a lot of me to try and do this.”

- (Through the phone). “Thanks for letting me know, you’re getting better at expressing yourself. Ok, continue.”

- (Through the phone). “All I need is a chance to do so. Please help me find a place where I can do it. Something that John and I can do that has people around, and that won’t feel awkward. But where I can express myself without feeling embarrassed.”

- (Through the phone). “Ok… Leave it to me.” (Grins).

…

   I can’t believe that idiot went this far just to help me with this. I mean I know he wants to help, and he loves to play matchmaker, even if his level of commitment to it borders on creepy, but he needs to worry about his health.

{Two days earlier. The shipper learned a local fancy, yet affordable, café was having a competition that would earn the 1000th customer, free drinks for an entire day. He was the first customer, at the crack of dawn, and he made sure to count every other customer that entered. Whenever he saw the line stalled without customers, he would order more and continue to pop back in. Since customers didn’t count by faces, but times in line, he accelerated the process. He was like that for two days. With a total of 100 milkshakes, 50 cakes, and 30 sodas under his belt. He had made sure to become the 1000th customer. The shipper asked if he could give the ticket to a friend. The café’s staff was speechless. They had seen this boy come here and constantly order for two days, only to give his ticket away}.

- “He even told me about it with a smile as if it was nothing. Doesn’t he know that so much sugar is bad for health?”

{Nio would come to have temporary diabetes in his thirties}.

- (Through com-link). “Are you ready Panchikikku? I see the target a three O'Clock.”

- (Through com-link). “Are you sure? (Confused). I don’t see anything in that direction?”

- (Through com-link with awkward voice). “I knew I shouldn’t have tried to use time as directions. I’m horrible at it. He’s heading your way through the left.”

- (Through com-link). “Grrmmm…”

   He was crossing the street the safe way. He was wearing some shorts and a regular shirt. He changed after school, huh? His expression was awkward. Understandable after the great reveal our previous alone time gave him.

- “Hello there Tsuki… It’s been a while since we’ve talked… hahaha….” (Awkward voice and strained laughter).

   I frown a bit. I’m not sure what makes me feel more uncomfortable. The fact that he isn’t using that nickname he had given me. Or the fact that he is forcing his smile.

- (Through com-link). “Calm down. As long as he uses your name, he still wants to have a connection to you. He just feels awkward about nicknaming you right now.”

The level of knowledge you have on him scares me. But I won’t tell you that.

- “Mhm”

- “So, why did you want me to come here?”

- “Nio won a ticket at this café. It gives free drinks for an entire day to the person that has it. That person can share drinks with at least one other. He gave it to me since he already had too much stuff from this place just to try and win it. He can’t have no more.”

- (Through com-link). “Truer than what you would know. I spent the rest of that afternoon in the bathroom.”

I didn’t need that mental image Nio…

- (Whisper). “Grmmm…”

- “Ha-ha… He never could contain himself when it comes to sweets. But that’s hilarious. Imagine: determined face Nio, excitedly ordering drinks, one after another, waiting with stars in his eyes to earn a winning ticket. Just for stomach pain to force him to relinquish the price. HAHAHAHA.”

- (Through com-link). “He knows me too well…”

- (Through com-link whispering). “Nio…. You are third wheeling.”

- (Through com-link). “Ups… Sorry.”

- “How did you know? That’s exactly what he said.”

   Excluding the fact that he already intended to give me the winning ticket. But that’s beside the point. I couldn’t help the smile that was forming on my face. He was laughing normally.

- “So want to enjoy Nio’s price on his behalf.” (Teasing grin).

- (Awkward smile). U-umm… Yeah… Sure. If you want me to.”

Sigh… This will be harder than I thought. I feel like punching something. Better hit practice after this.

…

   We make our way toward the main counter. The café is lively, and both students and adults fill the tables. Busy day, but not crowded. Great idea of Nio to suggest this as a meet-up time.

   Wait! 

   Is that Chiru’s niece? The one with the name that resembles the pronunciation of Nio?

   Eh… Whatever.

- “Welcome to the WHIPPED FOAM, may I take your order?”

- “Yes. I came with this ticket.”

She took the ticket and examined it. An awkward smile plastered on her face, with a large drop of sweat comically coming from her forehead.

- “I assume the boy in question did indeed have to relinquish the ticket to someone else?”

- “Umm… Yes…”

It seems Nio gained a reputation in this establishment…

- “Some of us wished he could have used it himself, seems he didn’t know the ticket had no expiration date. Never have we seen a person with such dedication to winning this. Even if it wasn’t part of the deal, we framed a photo of him on our wall.”

At this, both John and I turn to the wall, both our heads generating comically large sweat drops on our own. There stands Nio, ticket in hand, next to the café’s mascot. It seems his actions have set a standard in this establishment. I don’t know what to think, and looking to my side, it seems John doesn’t either.

- “Perhaps it was better this way. If that boy used it, we would probably go out of business with the level of free drinks he would consume… It’s both amazing, and scary. Kinda hot too…”

   Is she blushing? This is rapidly becoming awkward; I just want our seats and our drinks… I hope Nio didn’t hear that on the other side of the com-link.

{The aforementioned shipper had taken a pause to make a homemade milkshake for himself, so he heard nothing}.

- “Ok… Please, would you show us our seats?” (Annoyance in her voice).

- (Snapped out of her fantasy). “Oh yes. (Points to the table by the window). That is the spot reserved for the winner, and whoever he or she chose to share the prize with. Every drink you order from this moment on will be free for the rest of the day. Your day ends, the moment you leave the café, or when we close shop, whichever comes first. The moment you leave, the special tablecloth will be removed, and it will become a normal table, making sure you know you can’t leave and come back. Is everything clear?”

- “Yes.”

- “Yes.”

- “Great. You can order any pastries, and food you like, but it will cost the same as it would to any normal customer. Feel free to seat, a waiter will be with you shortly.”

   We make our way to our seats and start looking through our menus, and for what feels like ages, only silence and the chatter around us reaches my ears.

- “Feel free to order any drink. It’s on me today.” (Smirk).

- “Ha-ha” (Awkward laugh).

I frown. Jokes have never been my thing, but he is normally livelier than this. Sigh.

- “So, you watched the game yesterday? I told you they would lose…” (Confident smirk).

- “Ha-ha… Yeah… Guess you did…”

Ok… This is starting to piss me off.

- “Ok, what would be your first order of the day?”

- “I want a strawberry milkshake and a regular cheesecake. What do you want John.”

- “Oh… Just some cherry juice for now.”

Cherry juice… Ok That’s it. Time to give him a piece of my mind… But first…

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

- “I’ll be back with your order.”

- “You know John. I invited you here to break the ice. But it’s kinda frustrating when I’m doing all the work at breaking the awkwardness, while you seat on you’re a$$.”

- “Tsuki…”

- “Look, if all it took was me confessing for you not to want to be around me anymore just tell it to my face.”

- “NO…”

Chatter stops and stares…

- “I mean… No… I’m sorry.”

- “No need to speak so loudly… It’s not a big deal. I just thought that it was about time for us to talk about it. But if you’re not ready to address it, you could have let me know on the phone when I called you.”

- “You… You’re right… I’m sorry. It just threw me in for a loop.”

- “Is it that dam# surprising? You’ve been nice to me ever since we met, even before you helped me study that day. Even though I treated you like cr#p. And you are nice and honest with everyone, also you are fun to be around.”

- “Tsuki…” (Flabbergasted expression).

- (Through com-link) “Such smoothness. Who are you, and what did you do to Panchikikku? Keep up like that, and you might make it hard to keep my ship tier list without change.” (Playful voice).

- (Through com-link in whispers). “Shut up. And I don’t want to hear about your bias towards Chowa.”

- (Through com-link) “HEY!... Anyway, keep up with these developments and you might take the spot. Your non-passive personality works wonders when you use it to properly express yourself instead of protecting and hiding your true feelings.”

- “Woah, Tsuki… When did you become so… Expressive?

- “Here are your orders, enjoy.”

   The waiter walks away after delivering our food. I know I’m blushing by what I said but despite what Nio said, I don’t like people seeing this side of me, especially not John. I decide to turn my body around a bit and cross my legs as I loudly slurp my smoothie to hide my blush. By now the chattering and stares of other tables had stopped.

- (Stares at his juice). “I’m sorry for avoiding you for so long, even though Nio told me I had to face it.”

- “Don’t worry. I was avoiding you as well. (Mumbles just high enough for John to hear since the flusteredness was getting to her).

- “So, what now?”

- “I don’t know… I wish we could still hang out like normal. But I know that after what I said, things won’t ever be the same again. I meant what I said. I want to have a family with you. But please know that I’m not forcing you to answer me right away.”

- “So… You don’t want me to answer now?”

- “Well… If you have an answer now, then yes. Whether the answer is yes or no, I want to hear it. I just don’t want to pressure the answer out of you. I just want to be able to hang out with you, even if you haven’t answered yet.”

- “Hang out… So… this isn’t a date?”

- “No… This was just so we could address the awkwardness or whatever.”

   John sighs in relief, which kinda hurts me a bit, but I can’t let it show so much. I mean, I need to be ready in case the answer is no. So, I just look at him confused by his action.

- (Awkward face, and uncontrollable arm waving). “Oh sorry. That might have given you the wrong idea. I’m not rejecting the idea of a date with you, it’s just…”

- “Is that why you were so nervous before and only ordered cherry juice?”

- “Well yes and no. While I don’t mind coming to places like this with you, I didn’t want to give you the wrong idea, since honestly, I can’t answer you yet. But most of my nervousness is due to not knowing what to do or how to behave now.” (Slurps his juice).

   I take a bite of my cheesecake and stare at him a bit. He seems a bit more relaxed, but he is still awkward. And so am I. I’m just powering through it. Expressing feelings has not been my thing. Not ever since I can remember. Maybe is toughness due to defending my dreams against my parent’s protectiveness, or maybe it’s just I like being like this, selecting who to open up to, and how much. But I had to do it with John. I had to. I still have to.

…

We both finish our first rounds.

- “I’m sorry if my confession caught you off guard.”

- “No… Don’t worry. It’s better to express your feelings I get it. They did catch me off guard but still, I would have been oblivious while you kept that bottled up. That would have made me a bad friend. I just wish I had an answer.”

- “It’s ok… I understand. I just want you to know, that even if the answer is no… Nothing will change between us.”

- “Really?”

- “Honestly… No… Not really. I might cry a bit, need some space… But still, I will be your friend. I won’t hate you for it.”

- (Sad smile). “Yeah… I guess one can’t expect everything to be like nothing happened because it did.”

- “…”

- “…”

- “So, are you gonna call me Tsuki now?”

- “Well… I don’t know. I could always call you Panchikky again… But that was before I knew. Now I know that I can’t just see you as this friend of mine that I like to tease, I must be aware that there are feelings there that I must address when I’m ready…”

- “Well how about this… Whenever we are being serious or thinking about me in such a way… Call me Tsuki. But when we are just being silly, and talking about who is better at sports, and just having fun… Call me Panchikky… (Scratches her head). It’s just the name grew on me. BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE GOT THAT! AND IT’S NOT BECAUSE OF SENTIMENTALISM OR ANYTHING!”

The chatter stops, and people stare.

I just lower my head and slurp on my now empty milkshake to avoid the awkwardness of the stares.

- (Through com-link). “It’s not because of sentimentalism or anything, huh?” (Sarcastic tone).

- (Through com-link whispering). “Sh-shut up!”

- “...”

- “I will sometimes still let you know how I feel… Not to pressure you… But so that you won’t forget, ok…”

- (Smiling). “Sure thing, Tsuki!”

I couldn’t help but smile.

The waiter came back while we talked, and he smiled.

- “Ready to order again or are you ready to tap out?”

- “How about I make use of Nio’s ticket at full power this time, eh Panchikky?”

- “Feel free. Just don’t expect me to carry you if you get stomach pain for drinking or eating too much.”

- “Challenge accepted. I want three Giga-milkshakes. One vanilla, one chocolate, and one strawberry. Also, one slice of cake… Low sugar please”

- “Just saying low sugar, won’t make much of a difference though.”

   That lady from the counter. OMG, she’s blushing at John now. Does she like people that drink a lot of milkshakes? That’s weird, right?

Eh, whatever.

- “I want a blackout and a doughnut… (Smirks). Low sugar please.”

John just smiles.

   We continue through our afternoon, drinking stuff appropriate for students, and eating things we would later have to pay for. We talked about sports, about the dreaded tests that approached our lives. We talked about our favorite school teams and got into an argument because of that. We even made play bets on how much we each think Nio was in the bathroom after the milkshakes took effect on his body. We laughed, we fought, I punched him lightly, but just in a playful manner, that only caused slight pain. He even lightly hit me back once, since I had hit him too hard on another occasion, and I deserved that. We were having fun. We had overcome the awkwardness. I knew things wouldn’t go back to how they were before. But everything would be alright.

   We were practically kicked out, with our last smoothies still on our hands since we had stayed until it was time to close. We each paid for our own food, despite me insisting I should pay, since I invited. We said our goodbyes. He still didn’t give me his answer, but I knew he still wanted to keep in touch.

…

   Today I didn’t do much. I wasn’t needed on sight, so I com-linked from my place while I studied and played Visual Novels. She was the protagonist in this moment of her life, it wasn’t even John. Although every one of us is the protagonist of our own lives. From the MC to the heroine, to the shippers like me.

< “SAGASHI NI YUKUNDA SOKO E…” (My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU TOO! Japanese Opening theme) >

<BOOP>

- (Through phone) “Hello…”

- (Through phone) “Go outside your place, I need to give you something.”

<BLIUP>

   That’s right, Panchikikku turned off the com-link after they started idly chatting. She told me she would tell me the developments later. I just didn’t think she would come in person.

   I quickly make my way down the apartment complex, still in my pajamas, but, no time to think about that.

- “This is for you Nio.” (Shoves a milkshake into his hand).

- “You didn’t have to. Did you buy this one?”

- “Yes. BUT WHEN SOMEONE GIFTS YOU SOMETHING YOU DON’T ASK IF THEY BOUGHT IT… IT’S RUDE!”

- (Awkward smile). “Yeah. You are right. I’m sorry. So how did it go.”

- “It went great honestly. Also thanks for doing this for me.”

- “It was for both of you. And we are friends after all.”

- “Yeah… And a good one at that. Who would have thought I’d end up getting along with you?”

- “Maybe it’s our similar heights.”

<WAP>

- “Don’t lock me in with you midget.”

- “Like you are so tall.”

- “Hrmm”

She turns to leave before stopping, with a paper in hand.

- “Oh yeah… The lady at the counter gave me this and told me to give it to you… Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend it. It think she likes men who drink lots of milkshakes, and that’s it. She blushed when she saw John order three at once. She has good looks though… if you’re into that.”

A phone number… No way.

- “Yeah… Maybe I should take a break from that café for a while.”

- “They might drop their picture of you out of the frame if you do?”

- “THEY FRAMED THAT?! Forget staying away, I might need to go every day. I need to keep my mark somewhere.”

- “Hahaha…”

‘Tsunderes” huh?

   I hate that type of personality. I don’t want John to end up with someomne who will punch him at the slightest discomfort.

But I can’t ignore this development. She really took my advice to heart.

“I’m not asking for Gita to suddenly become an extrovert, nor for Ao-sen to stop acting like a warrior, all contrary in fact, nor for Mattari to suddenly become all emotional, nor for Panchikikku to become a softie, nor for Kiken to not give a heck to whom John spends his time with. Those are part of your personalities, but in excessiveness, they could hurt you and John in the long run. I just want to think and see that there are ways to improve.”

   She is no softie. But she ain’t no brute either. She is herself, but more conscious of how she can hurt others. Somehow, I can’t feel the same way as before. Contrary to other ‘tsunderes’ in anime who only become soft towards the object of their affection, and still hit him or her full strength and insult him or her if they get pissed. Panchikikku learned to healthily express her discomfort, and her feelings, without becoming a pushover either.

   She is still a ‘tsundere’, she will act harshly to defend herself. But in a thoughtful, and conscious manner, if that makes sense. Her development is astounding. I find it hard to decide who I ship more now.

   Naturally, I want my second best friend, who always cares about my bestie to end up with him. She worked so hard to overcome her shyness. But Panchikikku has showed her development, not just to me, but her non-passive attitude channeled correctly want to make me root for her.

Who do I ship more?

And will these developments matter to John in the end?

…

   Woah, go Panchikikku! This was a fun yet important moment going forward. Especially for the small boxer, and her bald love interest. This has placed some trivial thoughts on the shipper’s mind, and while they only affect his ship tier list, for him that list is worth more than his money. Even if that’s not healthy.

   Next time. What happens when the earphone-wearing, music-loving, girl invites the bald rom-com protagonist to a concert? How will the shipper help? And will we learn something new from her or stay the same? Find out next on “Protagonist is a Shipper” part 2.