Everybody hates recaps, heck I hate recaps. Recaps are just the anime episodes I tend to skip. But in my line of work, they are a necessity, my job as a shipper requires me to keep track of all the developments among the people I ship and keep track of my feelings. This notebook has become my lifeline over the last few years. But strangely… That has begun to change. My life no longer revolves around shipping and bringing people together. It is a key factor in my life, but not the only one. And I owe it to my friends. For the first time in years, I have friends again, and they had taught me a lot. John and Ao-sen have always been there for me, but not having them close to me for years, cannot compare to having them just a few classrooms away. I’ve also made friends through my shipping, something not part of the deal, but that makes me happy. Gita, Panchikikku, Mattari, and in her own way, Kiken (maybe). But friends, even those not related to my shipping: Fasshon, Jinna, and Sanagi. Sanagi, who for not being in my school, has become particularly close over our accidental encounters, planned encounters, calls, and texts.

   For the first time in years, I was able to go on a school trip feeling like I belonged in a group, I was able to join karaoke with friends, and have a Christmas sleepover with friends, even if my apartment burned down that same night. And have a New Year’s party with others. If my parents were to read this notebook, they would be proud. Well, only if they stopped reading right here, 'hehe', they might be creeped out once I start presenting the main reason for this entry. The shipping developments so far:

I. CURRENT DEVELOPMENTS (In order by date).

1. Ao-sen is no longer a ship. Before our Puerto Rico trip, I had an outing with both John and Ao-sen. I believed I could find a way to bring them closer on this hangout, but I was wrong. Ao-sen had decided that she did not want to be with John like that, not anymore. She realized, in one surprising plot twist (at least for me), that she wanted to remain as friends, as she loved him and me, in the same friendly way. That even if she regrated it later, this was the choice she had made. Reluctantly I accepted, I like to think I changed from my ways before Eagle high, where I forced my shipping on everyone. Didn’t make the pain any less.

2. Kiken and the seating arrangement ordeal. I can’t say the developments here have been great, other than proving that Kiken has slowly begun to accept me, even if slightly. This has been shown in how she arranged for me to be able to travel in the same bus as the third years even while being a first year. I am still concerned about whether she arranged for that student to not show up as well, or if it just happened. But concerning John, she proved how much of a great listener she is (at least to John), but as a ‘yandere’ obsessed with him that is understandable. What pisses me off is how she didn’t respond when I needed her when I got mixed up in Sanagi’s Highschool, for girls only. I don’t regret the experience, as it brought me closer to my friend, but still.

3. The day we visited ‘El Morro’, there was an interaction between Mattari and John. Mattari, the class representative, and a definite ‘kuudere’, faced her challenge and expressed her emotions, as she thanked John for everything with a hug. Then she confessed her love for him, but as a ‘by the book’ anime romcom cliché, he didn’t hear that part. The ordeal brought Mattari and me, to close the gap, and become friends at last, even if I can’t call her by her first name yet (despite the whole show I made about wanting her to call me Nio). She wonders if she made the right choice of not telling him her feelings again so he could listen, and I wonder the same, as something bigger occurred later on.

4. After a ‘slice-of-life’ adventure I had with John and Ao-sen, in ‘El Morro’, things went off the tracks a bit. Panchikikku, went at it alone, sneaking away with John, on the day of our visit to the Arecibo Observatory. From what I know, they went to watch ‘Lucha Libre’, fake wrestling. She confessed her dreams to him, how she wishes to be in the UFC as well as boxing, along with personal things that don’t concern me. As they returned, John expressed her dream of having a family, and Panchikikku decided to have the guts to be the first to be as clear to John as possible, confessing her love for him and making sure he heard it, not backing down from it. A decision that spiraled me out of control, John out of control, and Panchikikku herself out of control.

5. While in Aguadilla, Gita shared a moment with John, arranged by yours truly, even with all the chaos that Sanagi helped me deal with. Watching the sunset, Gita was able to share the music she, herself, makes with John, even if it turned out it was the practice music of her guitar, rather than the completed work. And after accidentally dropping my com-link, John saw how much care she has for her friends as she looked for it, even after I said it was fine, I guess it worked well in the end.

6. Ships have not been the only developments. My friendships have developed as well. Sanagi and I grew closer watching that movie back during the hotel ordeal. Back in Okinawa, during Fasshon’s birthday, I learned there is more to her than just being a gal. She really cares about her friends, and about Sanagi. That day I learned Sanagi and I have more in common than I knew, as before becoming a social butterfly, she found happiness in studies, and helping others with them, just like I do with my ships. It placed my life into perspective.

7. Later on, Panchikikku, asked me to arrange a hang with John, so that she could address the elephant in the room, which was her confession. I found a place where I drank so many milkshakes, I got my picture placed on the establishment, winning them an all-you-can-drink pass for a day. Panchikkiku, and John arranged how to treat each other, as Panchikikku stated that she would not go back in her confession and would wait for a reply whenever John was ready. Things will never be the same, but that was no reason to avoid each other. (Dang Panchikikku might be a ‘tsundere’, but she has some guts).

8. Through some encouragement from me, Gita decided to face her biggest challenge, showing John who she is behind the shyness mask. As she invited him to a concert, he was able to see her wild unrestrained side, something that ultimately will bring them closer.

9. Christmas Eve proved that my friends have my back in more ways than I thought. From risking their lives for me, and taking charge in the face of danger, panic, and stress. And showing me that they are willing to help me even when I can’t pay them back. The fact that I didn’t burn alive, is thanks to Ao-sen, the fact that I still breathe is to Gita, and the fact that I have a place to stay, and aren’t in debt, is to John (although I intend to pay him back). 

10. The New Year’s party showed me just how close John and Gita have gotten, even if there is still a chance for the others.

II. LEVEL OF CLOSENESS TO JOHN (How close each girl is to John after each plan CLOSEST to FARTHEST).                

 *Changes have occurred, and the seed of possible romance has been planted.                   

 John has started to consider the possibility, although he is not sure how to feel about that.

2. In an unexpected plot twist, at least for me, Panchikikku, took the closeness list by storm. Her confession not only opened John’s eyes to the possibility that some of his friends might have feelings for him but facing that confession together has only brought them closer and strengthened their friendship. She is in second place, but not by a huge advantage.

4. Sadly, Mattari has fallen from second to fourth. She has huge competition. Maybe I should have told her to repeat her feelings to him that day, so he could hear? ... She is facing her challenges, but at a lower rate than the others. I hope the best for her, but I have to be honest.

5. Kiken is in trouble. From being third to last. I fear where this might lead. I like to believe Kiken has slowly begun to change her obsessive tendencies, but she is still a ‘yandere’. I fear what she might do, but compared to the others, and despite how physically close she likes to be with John, emotionally speaking, there is a huge gap, at least compared to the others.

III. SHIP TIER LIST (My favorite girls to end up with John)

*Things have begun to change, and some are quite unexpected.

1. Gita x John: This is still my favorite ship. But one found in huge competition with another that had an unprecedented development. Gita’s kindness and profound care for John... Makes me ship them the most out of everyone. The fact that she is my second-best friend plays a role, but is nowhere near the main reason, being my friend is not what makes her best for John, who she is and how she behaves, is. But in the end, John is the one with the responsibility for what he chooses.

2. Panchikikku x John: I hate ‘tsunderes’, that is no surprise to anyone. But this ‘tsundere’ dedicated herself to change. She decided she would not act overly violent to protect her feelings, either physically or verbally. Light jabs, and joke insults aside, I have seen the change. Plus, she has confessed and owned that choice. I can’t, not be impressed. Gita has to honestly step up her game, or…

3. Mattari x John: ‘Kuuderes’ are complicated to handle, but Mattari has made an effort, it might not be on Panchikikku’s level, but comparing them is unfair, but I have to be honest with my opinions. She needs to be more decisive; her decisions need to shine through. I believe she is well on her way.

4. Kiken x John: The only this is fourth, is because Ao-sen is no longer a ship. Her possessiveness needs work, but I have seen change, but it is too little, to make me ship her with him more. John is his own man, I refuse to let him be tied down to her, plus her violent tendencies still frighten me.

Final thoughts:

   Beyond my ships, I have grown as a person. I have learned, friendships are important. My journey of shipping has led me to friendships, beyond John, Gita, and Ao-sen. Each with their level of closeness. I owe this mostly to Sanagi, and Ao-sen. Ao-sen has done her best to bring back the closeness we had in fourth grade before she and John left. My closeness with Gita is great, she knows a lot about me, and we have a lot in common. My sharing of anime OSTs, and her sharing of anime-like songs, joined us. We used to walk to school together constantly and lived next to each other. But after I burned my apartment by accident, I moved with John, things changed a bit. I am not sure but after New Year, I feel like there is more distance between us, it might just be physical due to me moving with John, but it doesn’t feel that way to me, and it scares me.

   But one of my biggest surprises was Sanagi. Cho Sanagi, came into my life like a storm. Since I met her things have been more fun for me. She likes hugs, cute nicknames, and being with friends. Frankly, she is quite cute. For some reason, I felt like I could share with her my realizations and the reasons why I ship. It might have been a simple moment, but it marked my heart, she might not be my best or second-best friend. But she knows things that I’m not sure even Gita knows. I fear what could happen if I ruined this. I don’t want that. But I must be weary of my feelings, I must remember my place, or everything could come tumbling down. She is my friend.

My friend.

Anyways, I can’t wait for the new school year.

…

Next Time: 

   A blast from the past opens Nio’s wounds of the day his shipping went wrong. Who is this, Shuzen Kako, and how is he connected to Nio’s past? Why does he feel like he needs to apologize? And after all that… Why would Nio continue to ship? Find out in “Protagonist is a Shipper” part 3.