I was Nio’s first friend in Eagle High…

   Ok… Maybe that’s a stretch. He already knew John and Miko. But I was the first new friend he made when arriving at Eagle High. As far as I know.

   We bonded over music, the moment I heard his, and the moment he heard mine. For the first two months, despite being two high school years apart from each other, we became super close, and I liked that.

   I also liked the fact that we lived next to each other and could walk to school together every day. We would talk about music, and the rom-com animes he likes. Play visual novels (even if they are not much of my thing), normal video games, and board games even. We studied together sometimes, even if our class materials were different. Even my parents liked him.

I was happy.

   Then everything changed when Utsukushi attacked. We learned what Nio kept in his illusive notebook. Nothing was ever the same again.

   And I was happy. Nio had offered to help me get closer to my all-time high school crush, John. True, he also agreed to help the others, but it didn’t matter. I was happy.

   He came up with plans, ideas, and strategies. He told me more about John (all that John allowed him to say, according to him). We trained with dating sims, and intense anime rom-com watching. When he found out about the song I was making for John to listen to, he went with me every day. Slowly but surely, he helped me become more confident.

   We still walked to and from school together, talked about music, etc. But more and more conversations revolved around John. Those days when it was just Nio and me, were long gone. Even when he wasn’t physically present, John was always there. Nio claimed he didn’t mind, and I could see he didn’t, but in the back of my head, it didn’t sit well for me, even as I happily went along with it.

   But then the fact that he was helping all the others, got in the way of our hangout time, like the moment Utsukushi just decided to break into Nio’s apartment, back when it wasn’t burned down. (Truly Utsukushi needs to calm the heck down).

   And then the whole mall incident occurred. When I ignored him completely, so focused on John, that I had completely forgotten my friend was right there with me. Even though everything was fixed, it still weighs on my conscience to this moment. How could I do that to him?

   And that was the day he met Sanagi.

   I truly had nothing against her. She was nothing but nice to Nio, even giving him a cute nickname the very day she met him. That was fine.

   But then the New Year’s party happened. And she fell asleep on his head, as he slept as well. And I couldn’t take my eyes off them.

   When had they gotten so close? 

   And for some reason, it made me angry. I kept a calm face, but I was angry. Anyone that would hear my thoughts, would think I had a crush on Nio or something. But that’s not it at all. But I was jealous. Jealous of their closeness. And the fact that I knew it wasn’t her fault, nor was it Nio’s fault. It was my fault.

   Sanagi became Nio’s friend, but contrary to me, she wasn’t part of any of Nio’s shipping operations. Whenever they talked, Sanagi didn’t have to address any love interests she might have, and Nio didn’t have to plan for any of that. When they hanged or called each other, it was just with the intention to be with each other or hear each other’s voice.

   Just like when Nio and I began our friendship… Only further than that. Had I, really been a good friend? By allowing John’s name to form part of most of our interactions. Would it have been better if Nio and I didn’t have any shipping talk when we interacted? Just like before we learned of his notebook.

   If only I could have been more confident, I could have handled my feelings toward John, without involving Nio. 

   I know I have been avoiding Nio. And I can see it on his face, he knows something is wrong... Just as he has learned to read me, I have started to learn to read him. He doesn’t know how to fix it, and neither do I. Everything was ok before. Should I drop out of Nio’s shipping plans to go back to before? Is he, really ok with how things are now? Before I started avoiding him. How much of my concerns are my insecurities?

   What I know is… I want our friendship to go back to normal. I want to walk with him to school again, even if he is temporarily living elsewhere. I don’t mind walking. I want to confide in him, and for him to confide in me. That’s what friends do, right? 

   I don’t want to be jealous of his friendship with Sanagi.

…

Gita…

I miss her.

   She is my second-best friend. But something is wrong, and I don’t know what?

   I fancy myself not being dense. On having self-awareness, and awareness of others and their feelings. But that requires observation, which can’t help me if the person I’m trying to be aware of is avoiding me.

   I thought it was a matter of not causing me the trouble of traveling from John’s house to hers. Then I thought it was simply her being considerate of my reunion with my old friend. But none of those are.

   This is affecting our friendship. And prejudicing her chances of me helping her with John. I know her closeness with John has grown, and her confidence increased. But she hasn’t confessed, contrary to Panchikikku. She needs to keep that advantage. And I want to help her. No matter what I say, I can’t lie to myself… I want her to win John’s heart more than anyone. I don’t know anyone more deserving. But more than anything… I want to hang out with her again.

…

{Eagle High first-year classroom. End of day.}.

- “Don’t forget you have a quiz tomorrow. Class dismissed.”

“Have any plans today?”

“I have to study.”

“Oh, come on, let’s go to the arcade first.”

“Hey Nyo, let's go to the mall today!”

“Sure thing.”

- “Hey Nio, want to hang out today.”

- “Sorry Shuzen, but I’m trying to figure out something?”

- “Does it have to do with a ship?”

- “Not really… I feel like a friend is avoiding me. And I don’t know why?”

- “Could it be that your shipping pissed him off.”

- “It’s 'a her', and no… I don’t think so.”

- “If you say so.”

- “Any ideas?”

- “As your friend… I have to say… Figure it out…”

- (Sarcasm). “Gee Thanks…”

- (Playfulness). “You’re welcome!”

- “Hey, Kako… do you want to join us for…”

- (Shy and with head dropped). “Sorry can’t…”

   And he just walked away.

…

{Gita Household Afternoon}.

- “Chowa… Sweety, dinner is ready!” (Loud voice).

- (Low sad voice). “No thanks, mom… I’m not hungry…”

- (Disappointed). “I see… Well… Let me know if you change your mind…”

   I don’t feel like eating right now. I would eat a small snack later, but right now I just wanted to think. I don’t want to leave things with Nio this way. But how can I fix this, I mean I’m the one who distanced my sel-

<WOOP, WOOP, WOOP, WOOP>.

The alarm…

- “What the-”

<TK, TK, TK>.

   My window. No way!

- “I can promise you… I’m not pulling a Kiken!”

   Nio was at my window. Hanging from a tree branch.

- “I just thought that if I went to your door, your parents would come out, ask you, and you would say something like ‘I’m busy’ or something.”

- “CHOWA! ARE YOU OK SWEETY? Oh… Oh my…”

- “Mrs. Gita… It’s not what you think. I’m not breaking in.”

…

   After Nio explained his intentions to my parents we were on our way. And we found ourselves at the train station.

- “So where are we going?”

- “I… I have no idea… I figured we could ride the train up to somewhere, and then turn back. I always wanted to do that.?”

- “Pff… Really?”

- “Yeah, I mean… Why not?”

- “Yeah…”

   Well… This was awkward. Not how I expected to meet Nio again. But even so, I couldn’t help but feel happy about hanging out with my best friend again. I just wish I could get a hold of myself.

   After five minutes of slightly awkward silence, the train arrived, and we boarded.

   For some reason Nio was behaving like a little kid, deciding to seat where he could see the tracks. And I couldn’t help but smile. Even if things were awkward, Nio provided random moments of hilarity, that broke the tension between us.

   The train began to move, and he was looking at the tracks with a shine in his eye as the train sped up, and the speed could be noticed in the tracks. I was looking at him for a moment felt like we were back to those months before the ships, but then his smile dropped.

- “Gita… Why have you been avoiding me?”

- “…”

- “I don’t know… Did I make you angry in any way? Or hurt you or something?”

- “No Nio… You haven’t done anything that would make me angry!”

- “Then why?”

   His voice trembled a bit, but he did his best to not let it show.

- “January is about to end, and we haven’t hanged out since New Year’s. Gita… Please let me know… I want to hang out again, I want to help you with John agai-”

- “That’s the thing…”

- “What?”

- “John? Do… Do you think he might get the wrong idea if he sees us too much together? Cause if it is I can assure you, so far, he hasn’t shown any indi-”

- “That’s not it… I… I just think that I’m not being a good friend…”

- “But… Oh… This is about… You think my shipping work is interfering with our friendship?”

- “John has been in almost every conversation we have had since this ordeal began. And even when he isn’t, he is present in some aspect. I am grateful and happy that you are helping me with this. But then I see your friendship with Sanagi, how close you have become… Without any shipping involved… I feel like you are closer to her than to me. I’m supposed to be your second-best friend, and I feel like I’ve neglected you, because of my crush on John. I have nothing against Sanagi, or you. But I can’t help but feel like I have used you…”

- “HAHAHAHA…. Sorry… I didn’t mean to laugh at your feelings… It’s just you have it all wrong… You have never used me. Have you forgotten how happy I was when this opportunity presented itself? I was, and still am ecstatic."

   There was a pause, and Nio went from laughing to being serious once more when he continued to speak.

- I can’t lie to you… I can’t say I haven’t gotten closer to Sanagi, she was there when I was in a vulnerable moment and said some things I would have never told her if it hadn’t been past midnight that time, or if I haven’t been seeing that movie. That conversation brought us closer, and I’m happy about it. But certain things happened due to timing.”

- “It’s not just her. Miko rushed to your aid, when your apartment was burning, John offered you a place to stay, and paid the debt you might have had for the apartment’s repairs. Heck, Utsukushi defended you against the police.”

- “You know she was the main reason why I placed the thing that caused the fire right?” (Questioning tone).

- “Yeah, but still…”

- “You brought me back when I wasn’t breathing…”

- “But what if I couldn’t? What if Miko hadn’t been able to bring you out of the fire? I feel like I haven’t been able to be close to you on many important moments like we aren’t as close as we used to. Or as I want us to be. That others have been there for you in important moments, that I haven’t. And my most important moments interacting with you, always relate to John in some way…”

…

   I see… Maybe telling her that I didn’t mind shipping her with John was not what she needed to hear. Her concerns ran deeper. She felt she was not being a good friend because she hadn’t been able to be there for me …

   But that couldn’t be farther from the truth…

- “It’s not like I want to keep you to myself Nio… I’m not like that… But… But still…”

- “I’m sorry Gita…”

- “What?... Why?”

- “I have been looking at this all wrong… I was too superficial. Thinking this only had to do with John and stuff…”

- “What do you mean? ...”

- “Gita, not everyone, can be there for everyone, every time.”

- “Huh?” (Visible confusion).

- “Sorry… That came up jumbled. What I mean is, we all want to be there for the people we care about, all the time, but that is simply impossible. Either because we didn’t know some events were happening, or simply didn’t know, or weren’t qualified to do anything in certain moments. Do you think I wouldn’t have wanted to be there for John and Ao-sen’s appendix removal operation? But I hadn’t met them when that happened. Or to see your first-ever guitar performance? But I wasn’t even here. It’s the same thing with you. There was no way you could have known what was happening while I watched that movie with Sanagi. There was no way you could have known my apartment was going to catch flames, and there was nothing you could have done to pay my debt or offer me a place to stay. But you did take charge when you could... Saving my life by doing so.”

- “…”

- “And excluding that critical moment, you have been there, in almost every simple moment since I transferred here. You accompanied me on the Eagle Hight tour. You have walked with me to school more times than even John in a lifetime (before I moved in with him). Not counting John, you are the person that has visited my living place the most, and the person whose house I’ve visited the most. Other than John, you are the person to whom I text the most.”

- “…”

- “Many of the moments we have spent together, might be so simple, that in a book they wouldn’t be mentioned. They may not form part of major plot twists or form part of huge character development for me. But being a good friend is not measured by who is there on the most crucial moments of a friend's life, true friendship mostly consists of being there for the simple, silly moments that others gloss over… But that means everything to those taking part in them. And the knowledge, that if possible, and within their abilities, if those crucial moments happen; they will have your back. And I have no doubts that I can trust you with my life!”

“AWWWWWWW”

- “Umm… could you please respect our privacy!”

   The people on our train cart had decided to stare at us throughout our conversation. And I just now noticed. But to be fair, I hadn’t minded my tone while talking. It's strange that they cared though.

- “You mean it?”

- “Yes.”

- “Thanks.”

   And things were back to normal. I could see it in her posture. Hear it in her tone of voice. And feel it in our interaction.

- “I’m proud of you Gita!”

- “Why?”

- “Didn’t you notice? You spoke your mind, with no hesitation or shyness whatsoever!”

- “DON’T SAY IT! IT’S EMBARRASSING!” (Blushing).

- “Oh… Now it’s embarrassing?!” (Teasing tone).

- “Stop!”

- “HAHAHAHA!”

…

   After our conversation, things were more relaxed. We shared her earphones. I made her change seats when the tracks shifted, so I could keep looking at them. When we exited the train at the station to take the train back, we bought some yogurts and went back. On the way back, we watched anime from my phone and saw the stars that were now out. And took a picture because, why not?

   We walked to her home and parted ways with the promise to walk to school together the next day.

All’s well and ends well.

…

{Soon, a crucial point would begin in the battle for John’s heart. How will he handle Valentine’s Day?}.

…

   Well, this explored some of Gita’s thought process, as we saw a friendship repaired before it fully broke. But what kind of Mayhem will happen on Valentine’s Day, when four girls want one guy’s heart? How will the Shipper handle them all? … Wait… What do you mean only one of them asked for his help? HER OF ALL PEOPLE?! WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?!

Find out next on “Protagonist is a Shipper” part 3.