“What am I looking at right now?” Akira blinked at the room around her. The few lights in the space were dim and the edges of the room were cast in shadow.

“This is my…well, our dungeon,” I declared proudly, sweeping my arm wide like a presenter in a television game show.

“Wait…you were serious?” Akira gaped at me. I scowled at her but continued my meticulously practiced presentation.

“As you can see- “I began.

“This is really a dungeon?” Akira’s eyes were wide with surprise.

“As you can see!” I reiterated loudly, my voice echoing off the stone walls dully. “I modeled it after the prison in the Warrens. You know, where you teleported in to rescue me in my time of need from Jaxxin. You were so noble! I mean, admittedly, you’d already killed me a few times by then and you’d kill me a few times after, but in that moment, you were like a sadistic knight in shining…er…well, it was just a dress, I guess. But still impressive!”

“I already apologized for that, you know,” Akira grumbled.

“I’ll show Jaxxin the dungeon, too, after she finishes the dinner pastries,” I nodded in satisfaction.

“I can’t believe you actually built a dungeon…” Akira shook her head in what I decided was complete and total excitement but was most probably disbelief.

“As you can see!” I exclaimed louder. “This used to be a wine cellar or storm basement or…I don’t know what it was. Either way! It will soon be a place filled with laughter, love, and the screams of the sexually tormented.”

“Minji,” Akira put her hand on my shoulder soothingly, using her wife/lover ‘I’m going to humor you for now, but you’ve gone too far once again’ voice. “I didn’t think you were serious about this. I figured it was just…pillow talk or something.”

“I asked you specifically if I could have the dungeon and you said ‘Absolutely! Put all the torture stuff down there! I want the CIA to be jealous of what you will create!’,” I lectured her.

“I never said that,” Akira shook her head.

“More or less! More or less!” I sighed.

“This is so much less as to be a blatant lie, though,” Akira protested.

“You dare impugn my honor?” I gasped, shrinking back from her in horror. I sagged dramatically to the ground. “I tried so hard,” I whimpered shamelessly. “I paid for the construction with my own money and everything.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Akira stammered, patting my head apologetically. “I mean, I did say you could build it. I just…you know, didn’t think you would build it is all.”

“I even killed the architect personally so no one would ever know the dungeon’s secrets. He’s buried under the north cell,” I whispered dramatically, my lower lip quivering.

“I am s- Wait! What?” Akira gaped at me.

“Moving on!” I leapt to my feet with a grin. “I accept your apology! Let me give you the tour!”

“Go back to the last part! You killed someone?” Akira gulped. “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

“Ok, so here is where the cells are going to be!” I ignored her and rushed toward the northern corner of the room, grabbing her hand as I went and pulling her behind me.

“Cells?” Akira asked as I dragged her along.

“They’re going to be dank and foreboding. Somewhere the victim, um, that’s you until you agree to the harem thing by the way, can contemplate the horrors soon to come.”

“Harem?” Akira blinked at me.

“I have a couple of shackles on the wall already,” I rushed her to the northern wall where the iron restraints hung from the wall. “Plainly we’re going to need more. It’s not easy finding these things, you know. Most of the restraints they sell now are wimpy new age pink furred handcuffs. Blech! Am I right?”

“Minji…” Akira began before I dragged her off once more.

“The brazier will be here!” I swept my arm proudly to indicate an empty space on the floor. “I’ll have to have the branding iron custom made, obviously. I looked online and it’s not as easy finding branding irons as you’d think, you know? Mostly for cows and stuff and not one said, ‘Property of Minji, if found unrestrained please return postage paid to Minji Song, Tottori, Japan.’”

“Wait! Branding irons?” Akira gaped at me.

“Moving on! “I crowed triumphantly, hauling her over to a large wooden beam hanging from the roof. “Here is where the whipping station will be!” I turned and did the game show presenter thing again, pointing to the salient points of the area. “Restraints will be screwed into the beam there so the victim…er…person…no, victim, I guess, is dangling above the floor and the whips and flails and paddles and bamboo rods will be put into a large bucket nearby.”

“I think you may be taking this too far, dear,” Akira eyed the beam uneasily.

“You are going to look so hot naked, dangling by your wrists, all sweaty in the firelight with lash marks. Goddamn, I’m all dewy just thinking about it. Just an FYI, the dungeon is completely soundproof so please feel free to scream as much as you like.”

“W-Well, I- “Akira blushed fiercely in the dim light.

“Over there will be the Spanish Horse, the rack will go in that corner there, I think the nipple torture station will have to go against that far wall and the electrified rack will have to, obviously, be in the south wall since that’s where the outlet is,” I gestured to different sections of the room in turn as Akira’s face grew more pale by the second. “I wonder why the guy didn’t put in more electric outlets? Weird. Well, can’t ask him now, I guess. I’ll just have someone else put in a few more. Maybe a little restroom where we can freshen up between sessions or something. Wait! A secret passage to the pool and onsen room! Maybe with a private room off to the side for getting dirtier before getting clean. My God, yes! I love it! I am a super genius!

“Not to mention we also have 24 high-definition video cameras hidden in the walls, floor and ceiling to capture each heart pounding lash, anguished gasp and every pull of your beautiful nipples for perusal later on. We even have a screen that descends from the ceiling we can use for homemade porn Fridays in beautiful 4k!”

“Video cameras?” Akira stepped back nervously, eyes scanning the room.

“Not to mention we’re going to have 26 boxes of only the best toys money can buy!” I continued enthusiastically. “There are so many toys I don’t even know what 60% of them are or do! This is the dungeoniest dungeon that has ever existed in the history of dungeons. It’ll be so fucking perfect Spanish Inquisitors will be sobbing in their grave for not having thought of it first! It’ll be perfect for a relaxing Wednesday of torment and agony or a Sunday whip session to help destress from the week!”

“Y-You didn’t actually kill the architect. Right?”

“And the best part! The absolute best part of all! There are three locks on the door like you wanted, and it will be cleverly hidden behind a bookcase like in the spy movies!” I declared proudly. “We will never be interrupted again!”

“Minji,” Akira turned me by the shoulders, so I was looking into her face. “Tell me you didn’t kill the architect and bury him under the floor.”

“Nah, he’s just on vacation in Okinawa for the next month to sponge off his daughter,” I waved her concern off. “His words, not mine. Dirty slacker that he is.”

“I think some of your ideas are, maybe, a bit…um…extreme,” Akira said after a moment.

“How do you mean?” I cocked an eyebrow at her curiously.

“I mean…branding? Really?” Akira tilted her head in disbelief.

“Well, the tendency when creating is to take it as far as it’ll go, you know,” I shrugged.

“Minji,” Akira scowled.

“Ok, yeah, the brand is a bit much. Can I brand your butt with a brand dipped in ink, though?”

“Hmmm,” Akira thought for a moment. “Ok, that’s fine.”

“Boiling ink?” I enthused.

“No.”

“Ah, well, I’m keeping the regular brands, though. They cost a fortune and it’ll add a lot to the atmosphere.”

“You do know we have an entire hotel filled with impressionable young girls upstairs, right?” Akira gestured to the roof.

“Kemonomimi,” I corrected her. “90% of the little monsters are more perverse than I could ever imagine. Besides, Sayuri and the others are like 119 in animal years or something…I don’t know animal age conversion math.”

“Well, you’re not wrong, there,” Akira conceded. “Now, what about this ‘harem’ thing? Care to elaborate?’

“Ah! Heh…well, you see, I was…you know. Ok, it’s like – “

“Oh! Hai! Oh!” Sayuri called cheerfully from the open door, hand raised brightly in greeting. “Sayuri and Sora would like to play down by the water after work. Can we play? By the water? After work?”

“Oh, fuck me,” I whispered in surprise. How had she found my lair already? How the hell could she know everything without knowing a single damn thing?

“What are you doing here in the wine cellar, friend Minji and sir, lady, madam, sir?” Sayuri glanced around curiously. “Where is the wine? It is not a good wine cellar without wine. Do you want Sayuri to find the wine? Has it been stolen? IS IT A MYSTERY???” Sayuri’s eyes blazed with excitement and her voice echoed throughout the room.

“That’s officially too much Scooby Doo for you, I think. But it’s fine, Sayuri,” I sighed. “We just moved the wine cellar to make room for the…er…mushroom…cellar.”

“Oh! Where are the mushrooms?” Sayuri peered about curiously, strolling through the room as she did so.

“Your lie, your explanation,” Akira whispered huffily. “Three locks, huh?”

“The goddamn bookshelf isn’t in place, yet. That’s the key to the whole thing! It’s still in the planning stages, ok?” I hissed back with a scowl before turning back to Sayuri. “It takes some time for mushrooms to grow. We’re just getting the area ready for them.”

“Oh! Handcuffs on the walls!” Sayuri enthused, giggling as she touched them, and the iron links made clinking sounds.

“Uh, they’re for the…more unruly mushrooms who need to learn to behave,” I said, ignoring Akira’s pained eye roll.

“Can Sayuri and Sora use them?” Sayuri spun around, bounding up and down excitedly.

“Huh?” I asked in confusion. “Why do you want to use them?”

“When Sayuri and Sora are in heat it would be fun to play with them, Sayuri thinks! It’ll be aromatic!” Sayuri put her chin in her hand as she thought. “No. Eromatic? Erotisis?”

“Erotic?” I prompted.

“Yes! That!” Sayuri giggled, bopping herself on the head. “So…can we?”

“Uh,” I replied. That would be astonishingly hot. Plus, there were cameras all over the place. Oh! Oh, yes! This is going to be wonderful! “Why of course you can- “I began.

“Not.” Akira finished my sentence harshly. “No, you can’t use the mushroom restraints.”

“Aww,” Sayuri sagged in defeat. “Butts! Can we go play by the water at least?”

“Of course,” Akira smiled at her.

“Yay!” Sayuri clapped enthusiastically. “Sayuri must find Sora! We need swimsuits and a Frisbee and snacks and sunglasses!”

“You do know it’s November, right?” Akira pointed out. “The water is going to be miserably cold.”

“But the sun is out?” Sayuri tilted her head curiously.

“It…you know what? It’s fine,” Akira shrugged. “Just don’t be surprised, ok?”

“Before you go, I need a hug, Sayuri!” I called to her, holding my arms open expectantly.

“Yay!” Sayuri called out enthusiastically, running toward me and wrapping me in her warm embrace, tail sticking straight up and twitching slightly at the tip. “Huggy hug hugger huggings!”

“Hit me up about the mushroom restraints later in private,” I whispered to her. “And be quiet about it! Not a word to Akira!”

“A secret?” Sayuri whispered back, suddenly serious.

“Oh, yes. The most secret of all secrets,” I replied quietly.

“You can count on Sayuri,” Sayuri nodded seriously. “Even if they put pencils under her fingernails Sayuri will say nothing to anyone. She will take it to her grave.”

“Good girl,” I whispered, hugging her tight. “Now go play!”

“Sayuri has a secret she’ll never tell anyone!” Sayuri screamed as she was half up the stairs. “Don’t even ask! Unless you want to, but Sayuri will have to say ‘No!’ forcefully! Oooh! Pie!” I turned to meet Akira’s steely gaze and blinked at her .

“What?”