"Please, take evasive action." Shelia asks Tucker.

"You take evasive action." Tucker replies. "Hey Lopez, help me out. can't you talk to her?"

"Sorry. I'm not good at talking to beautiful women." Lopez says. "I get sweaty."

Over to Donut, Ash and Grif

Donut is looking at Ash and Grif as they are all crouch down.

"Well old buddies, it looks like this is the end for us." Donut says to the two. "Since we're gonna die anyway, there's only one thing left for us to do. Grif? Ash?"

"If you actually suggest what I think you're about to suggest, I'll just have to kill myself." Grif says.

Ash turns to Grif. "Shoot me first."

"Let's make a break for it." Donut suggests. 

"Whoo!" Grif is relieved. "In that case, let's go on three. That's worked well for me in the past."

"Okay. You count."

"Fine." But don't look at me when I count, because I get nervous." Girf turns around. "One..." Donut gets up and runs away. Ash watches Donut run away. 

"Huh." Ash says.

"Two..." Grif turns around and notices Donut running towards the base. "That son of a bitch." He turns to Ash. "He beat me at my own game."

"Curses." Tucker yells as the tank crashes into the Warthog.

The Warthog goes flying along with Ash. Grif gets run over by the tank. Lopez gets sent flying back and the tank crashes into the base.

Donut runs inside and comes across Sarge and Simmons.

"Good golly Miss Molly what is going on out there?!" Sarge asks Donut.

"Sir, the blues are attacking with their tank." Donut informs Sarge. "Th- they blew up the warthog! Again."

"I wonder what jeeps ever did to those guys." Simmons asks.

"Grif, Ash and I had barely enough time to make it out of there. Right, Ash, Grif." He turns around and notices that they're not there." Uhh, Grif? Ash?"

Inside Cabooses mind.

Church is talking with Mind Church.

"Why the hell did they pair me up with you?" Church asks.

"I want to keep an eye on you!" Mind church says. "I don't trust gigantic turds to try to steal my friend you rim job!"

"Well, this is gonna be a great trip."

Mind Church walks to the edge of the platform. "Attention Reds!" He yells. "The great Caboose demands an audience with you! So listen up you blowjobbing cocksuckers!"

Mind Simmons comes out of hiding. "Caboose?! Oh no, he's gonna kill us!"

Mind Grif in yellow armor comes out of hiding. "Will somebody please help me? I don't wanna die!"

Mind Donut comes out of hiding and has a female voice. "I love Caboose and yet I'm still afraid of him!"

Mind Ash comes out of hiding and he's facing the wrong way. "I love explosions! I will blow everything and everyone up! Where am I?"

Mind Sarge comes out of hiding and speaks with a pirate accent. "Arrr! I be having a southern accent. Arrr!"

"He's so scary!" Mind Donut says.

"I like experiments and explosions!" Mind Ash yells.

Mind Caboose speaks up. "Fear not Reds. I came here not to destroy. But instead, ask for your assistance on this day."

"Ok whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa." Real Church stops Mind Caboose. "I gotta correct a couple of things that I'm hearing here." He turns to Mind Church." "First of all, you? You're not Caboose's best friend, okay? You don't have a best friend. You know why? You don't need one. You're Church! Knowing other people just waters down the experience. Like a dream, buddy!"

"Shut it, dick sniffer!" Mind Church yells at Real Church.

Real Church turns to Mind Caboose. "And Caboose, come on dude, seriously? Have you payed attention to out enemies for one second?"

"I beg your pardon?" Mind Caboose asks.

Real Church motions to Grif. "First of all, that guy? He's not yellow, he's orange. And since when is there a girl on the red team?"

"My favorite thing is pretty dresses." Mind Donut says.

"Arrr... I got termites in me leg." Mind Sarge says.

"And that is NOT a southern accent!" Real Church points out.

"Arrr." Mind Sarge says.

"Do you have any tampons?" Mind Donut asks.

"I'm gonna blow everyone up!" Mind Ash yells as he looks around.

"And...." Real Church thinks. "honestly I think that's pretty accurate."

"Not really." Tex speaks up. "Ash's actually quite smart."

 Real Church turns to Tex. "What? Do you know him?"

Tex looks to the Church. "Well, I used to work with him."

Suddenly a gunshot goes off and Mind Church falls to the ground.

Real Church turns to Mind Church. "Leonard, are you okay?"

Mind Church gets up. "Oh please, that fudge finger couldn't hit me. No wait, I'm gonna die." Mind Church falls to the ground. "Hrnngh! .... Blow me." Mind Church dies.

"There he is!" Tex yells.

Everyone looks across the way and they see O'Malley with a sniper rifle and he laughs evilly. 

"Let's go get him!" Tex runs off.

"Alright, Caboose, let's go!" Church says.

"I am sorry, have we met?" Mind Caboose asks Church.

"What?" Church is confused. "It's me, Church."

"I don't seem to have any memory of you. My name is Michael J. Caboose." He introduces himself. "I-It's a pleasure to make your aquaint-"

Church interrupts. "Oh you gotta be freaking kidding me. I just hope Tucker is doing a better job out there getting the Reds to turn off their radios."

Over to Tucker.

Tucker is standing on top of Sheila. "God Damn it! This isn't going very well at all!" He turns to Lopez. "You okay, Lopez?"

Lopez gets off the ground. "Lopez the Heavy is impervious to injury."

"Oh whatever you big showoff." Tucker looks to Sheila. "How about you, Shelia? Still online?"

"Affirmative." Shelia says.

"Okay, we should be close enough to hack into their radio frequencies." Tucker turns to Lopez. "Lopez, get inside Shelia and do your business."

"What?" Sheila says.

"I'm getting very sweaty!" 

"Oh my god! Remind me to hose you two off when we get back to base."

Inside Red Base

"Well this is a devil of a picadillo!" Sarge says and he turns to Simmons. "Simmons, get on the squat box and tell command-"

Suddenly their radio's goes off and Tucker's voice comes over their radio. "Hey red guys? Are you there?"

"What in buttery goodness?" Sarge is confused. "Who is this?!"

"It's me, Tucker, I'm one of the blue guys. Look I don't have time to explain, but I need all of you guys to shut off your radios right now."

"Boy, It'll be a COLD day in hell before I take orders from you." Sarge is not happy.

"Look, it's really important alright!" Tucker says. "Normally I would just shoot at you guys and steal your girlfriends, but today is different! I need you to trust me on this."

"Well, I may have spoken too soon. That is an interesting and well thought out, not to mention clever and timely I might add, proposition." Sarge turns to Simmons. "Simmons, would you care to deliver our rebuttal?"

Simmons clears his throat. "Suck it blue!"

"Yeah suck it blue!" Donut also yells. "Now that's what I call an old school zinger! In your face, blue dude! In your FACE!"

Outside with Tucker.

Tucker sighs. "Oh man. Damn it. These guys are not backing down." He turns to Lopez, who's in the driver seat of the tank. "Lopez looks like we're gonna have to go to Plan B"

Lopez gets out of the tank. "Si. Yo entiendo."

Lopez starts to play music

Lopez the Heavy
"Mi Amor Tiene un Canor Grande"
Senor El Roboto Club Remiz '08
Metal2Metal Records
Directed by: PVT. Tucker

Lopez starts to sing.

Over to the Reds.

"What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio now?!" Sarge asks. "It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican Sasquatch."

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Simmons yells. "Please god, make it stop!

"Oh man, this rules." Donut says. "RULES!"

"That's it, I've had enough." Sarge says. "I can't take anymore. Everybody, switch off your radios."

"But Sarge?" Donut whines.

"That's an order, Private."

"Sarge, pleeeeeeaase." Donut begs.

"Don't try my patience, boy."

"Aww, man." 

Everybody turns off their radios.

On top of Red Base

Tucker is looking down on the reds then he runs back to Sheila while laughing.

"It worked!" He yells to Lopez. "Hey turn off your radio, quick!"

Lopez stops the music and hops back in Sheila.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------