Ash is walking next to the Warthog, looking for Caboose.

"Hey, Caboose?" Simmons shouts.

"Caboose?" Grif shouts.

"Come out so I can shoot you, you fuck stick." Simmons shouts.

Grif stops the Warthog.

"Where did Caboose go?" Grif asks.

"I don't see him." Sarge says. "Caboose?"

Ash looks around. "I don't see him either."

"Come out, Caboose." Simmons shouts. "All we want to do is shoot you."

Tex's voice comes over the radio. "This is Freelancer Tex Broadcasting on an open channel."

"This is Private Church, broadcasting on an open channel." He says over the radio.

"Why are the Blues on the radio?" Grif asks.

"Who knows." Simmons says. Then he turns his radio on. "Hey, Blues, shut the fuck up! Get off our radios and quit running our batteries down." O'Malley transfers to Simmons and his voice becomes deeper. "Do it now, or I will kill every last one of you. And then everyone else here as well - just to prove a point! mwahahaha."

Grif looks to Simmons. "Whoa, Simmons, hey - don't you think that was a little over the top?"

"Suck it you fool." O'Malley says.

Sarge hops out of the Warthog. "And what's wrong with your voice?

"Nothing. Why does something have to be wrong with my voice?" O'Malley starts. "Maybe something's wrong with your voice. Ever think about that, cocksucker?"

"What the hell?" Ash says.

"Uh, you do know that's Sarge you're talking to, right?" Grif asks Simmons.

Simmons takes back control. "I mean cocksucker, Sir." O'Malley takes control and does an evil laugh.

.

.

.

"Hey, who the hell are you calling a buffoon?" Grif asks O'Malley. "I am not a buffoon. I don't even know what a buffoon is."

"I don't know what's going on, but I'm loving it." Ash says.

"All three of you, shut up." Sarge says.

"Seriously, what is it?" Grif asks. "Some kind of monkey? It's a monkey, isn't it?"

"You fool." O'Malley says to Grif.

"Hey, Reds!" Church yells.

"Freeze, you dirty Blue." Sarge yells as he pumps his shotgun.

"No no no no no -" Church quickly says. "Hey, I'm here to help. Omega's on the loose and I think he's infected one of your guys."

"Infected?" Sarge asks. "Initiate emergency plan Delta, men." Sarge turns to Grif and shoots him.

"OW!" Grif yells. "What the fuck!"

"AWESOME!" Ash yells.

"I didn't say who" Church says. "I think it's actually Simmons."

Sarge is hitting Grif with his shotgun.

Donut turns to Church. "That's ok. That's how all our emergency plans begin.

"What did you say to me?" Sarge asks O'Malley.

"I said NO, hahaha." O'Malley laughs. "How do you like that? - NO!"

"Well, since you asked - I don't like it at all."

"First, I'm going to kill you." O'Malley says. "And then my plan to be leader of the Reds will be complete. And after that, I'm going to kill every being in the universe. From now on, everyone will kiss my ass, hahahaha."

Church speaks up. "Uh, yeah, it's definitely Simmons that got infected."

"Well, no shit." Sarge says and he looks to Donut. "Donut - initiate emergency plan Traitorous Simmons number 11."

Grif gets off the ground.

"On it, sir." Donut says and he turns to Grif and shoots him,"

"Owowowowowowowow." Grif begins to choke.

"Donut!" Sarge yells. "I said plan 11."

"Where am I going to get a steam roller?" Donut asks.

Sarge turns to Simmons. "Simmons - do not fire that weapon. That's an order."

O'Malley speaks. "Too late, Sarge. Simmons is getting a promotion. Mwahaha." Tex sneaks up behind Simmons and hits him off the gun. "Ow, the back of my lower legs." Tex keeps hitting him and Simmons yells in pain each time.

"Hey, Church, I think Tex is over here." Tucker yells.

Church replies sarcastically. "Thanks for the update.

Sarge speaks up. "Tex, I know now might not be the best time, but I'd really like you to consider coming over to the Red team. Technically, y'know, black is just a really dark shade of red. We'll talk later."

Suddenly Caboose speaks up from behind a tree. "What? What am I doing in this idiot?" O'Malley asks.

Tex runs over to him and goes in ghost form and enters Caboose.

Church lets out a long sigh. "Crap." Then he turns to Sarge. "Sarge - I need you to do me a favor. If I'm not out of there in 10 minutes, I'm going to need you to disable that ship. 'Cause if Tex gets out of here with O'Malley and that kid, there's no one that's going to be able to stop her."

Church walks over to Caboose and Tucker walks over to Sarge.

"What the hell was he talking about?" Sarge asks.

Tucker turns to Sarge. "Oh. Tex and Omega have some kind of stupid plan to enslave the whole alien race. But Church thinks if she does, she's going to become queen of the universe or some shit."

Donut gasps. "Queen of the universe? No one even told me we were having a competition."

.

.

.

.

"What in Sam Hell just happened here?"

Grif looks to Sarge. "I'll tell you what happened - my own fucking teammate-" Simmons shoots Grif. "Ow!"

"Nice to have you back, Simmons." Sarge says.

"Thank you, sir. Good to be back...cocksucker." Simmons says.

Sarge walks over to the Warthog and gets in the driver seat. "Alright then. Let's go blow up that ship."

"This is the best day ever." Ash says as he walks over to the jeep.

"Hey!" Tucker yells. "Church said to wait until he gets out."

"Well, that's a nice idea son, but blowing up stuff ain't a democracy." Sarge tells Tucker and he looks at Simmons. "Simmons - where are we going to get some explosives?"

"Of course." Sarge says. "Come on, men. Let's go ask Lopez if he knows where we can find explosives."

Simmons sighs. "Excellent plan, sir.

.

.

.

.

.

"You bet!" Andy says. "Just say the word and I'll detonate. Man, this is going to be great-"

"Hello, Lopez." Sheila, who is now part of the ship, greets the robot head.

"Sheila? Is that you?" Lopez asks.

"Yes. It is good to see you again."

"Whoa, Lopez - looks like your girlfriend's put on a little weight." Andy says.

"Andy - that's rude." Donut informs the bomb.

"What? You were all thinking it. I mean - I'm just saying. Someone should seriously consider switching to unleaded."

.

.

.

.

Donut now has O'Malley in him. "That's the problem with living in a patriarchal society - men just automatically assume they know everything. Ahahaha."

.

.

.

.

"Whoa, easy, Donut." Simmons says. "You've been infected by a computer virus and we just need to figure out what to do about it."

O'Malley laughs. "No - it's my body, it's my choice. And another thing! Why do I do as much work as you guys but only make 92%-" Tex knocks him out.

"Hey." Sarge starts. "Don't hit my soldiers without my permission." O'Malley possesses Sarge. "I'm the one who gets to hit my soldiers. Mwahahahaha.   Yarr, eat lead, world. Drop and give me infinity."

Tex disappears. 

"I'm having so much fun." Ash says,

"Sarge, you've finally gone crazy." Grif tells him.

Tex knocks Sarge out and O'Malley goes to Grif. "Whoa, that's weird - I have a sudden urge to conquer the universe, which is odd for me, because well, that would take actual work. I think I'll just fall asleep instead." Grif falls asleep.

Doc appears. "We're here! Is anyone hurt?" O'Malley moves over to Doc. "Anyone need to be killed? Ahahahaha."

"Oh, hey. It's doc." Ash says, and O'Malley moves over to him. "OHHH! EXPLOSIONS, GUNS! I LOVE THEM ALL! I'M COMPLETELY INSANE. MY RIGHT SHOULDER HURTS! I'LL BLOW UP THE UNIVERSE! MUAHA-" O'Malley/Ash completely freeze.

"Ash?" Church asks."

Ash groans in pain. "Make IT stop!" O'Malley and Ash say. "I FEEL like my MIND is RIPPING ApArT!"

Tex knocks Ash out.

O'Malley moves over to Church. "You know... I don't really feel all that different." Church says. "Mueh. Mueah, meuh, huh. Mweuh, meuh, uegh, nueh. Feels pretty much the same, that's - that's kinda weird. Expected more-"

Tex knocks church out and O'Malley moves to her. Everyone is back up now.

Church quickly gets back up. "Where'd he go? Where'd he go? Is he gone? Tex?"

"Church, run!" Tex yells.

"TEX, Don't!"

O'Malley speaks from Tex. "You have no idea what kind of trouble you are in. Ahah." 

Tex runs over to Lopez and grabs him then runs into the ship.

"Wait, Tex, you don't want to do this!" Church yells.

"Sheila, are you ready?" O'Malley asks.

"All systems online." Sheila responds.  "Ignition coil, activated. Starting thrusters." The pelican begins to fly.

"Tex, Don't do this." Church says.

The pelican begins to fly away.

"Goodbye, Minnesota." Ash hears on his radio. "Xi, is safe...just like I promised."

Church walks over to Sarge. "We have to stop her, right now.

"No problemo, Blue." Sarge says and he turns on his radio. "Andy, you there?"

"I'm here, coach." Andy says over the radio.

"What's going on?" Church asks.

"Tex is hooking up Wyoming's helmet to the computer." Andy says over the radio.

"Ready for your job, soldier?" Sarge asks.

"You bet!"

"Alright then, son - do what you were born to do - Detonate."

"Hey, you want me to start from 10 or 3?"

"10!" Andy says.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Ash yells.

"I told you to disable the ship, not DESTROY IT!" Church yells at Sarge.

"9. 8."

"Oh well, score one for the red team, I guess." Sarge says to Church.

"7"

"What about my kid?" Tucker asks.

"6"

"Alright, or two." Sarge says.

"5. 4. 3."

"Andy, do not detonate, can you see her heading-?" Church asks.

"2"

"Do you know where she's going?" 

"1!"

The ship blasts off.

"Tex?" Church asks.

"Boo - no explosion." Grif yells. "That sucked."

Andy blows up.

"Haha, blammo." Sarge cheers.

"Wow!" Donut yells. "That explosion was awesome!"

"What explosion, I didn't see it, do it again!" Grif says.

Ash is silent and Simmons notices. "Aren't you happy for an explosion, Ash?" Ash is silent. "Ash?"

"I-I thought I would, but I feel extremely sad for some reason." Ash says. ".....I think I'm gonna go lay down."

Ash walks towards Red base.

"Uh, Church -" Tucker gets his attention. "What should we do?"

"Do what ever you want." Church says. "I'm going home."

"Yeah, fuck this."

"Sarge - are we fighting?" Simmons asks.

"No, Simmons -" Sarge starts. "I think they've had their ass kicked enough for one day. Let's leave some for tomorrow.

Ash is in his room and he's working on a weapon.

"Remember me." A female voice says. 

Ash stops what he's doing and looks around. Then he goes back to working on his project.

"Minnesota."

Something pink flashes in the corner of Ash's vision and he looks, but nothing is there.