Chairman: Dear Director.

Fade into Freelancer HQ, with everyone gathered in a room with long windows overlooking outside

Chairman: Please do not attempt to recast this investigation as some type of personal vendetta. Our questions to this point have been fairly standard. Your reactions have not. As such, we have secured all your records and logs by the authority granted us by the UNSC. Now we shall see exactly what it is, that you have to hide. And what you did with our Spartan.

"Alright, we got in." Wash says to the group.

"But that's only part of our mission." Wash finishes. "So no celebrating yet."

"Aw shit, and I was gonna be in charge of confetti." Grif says sarcastically. 

"I forgot to bring the fireworks." Ash says with a depressed sigh.

Wash continues. "We still need to reach the A.I. storage facility. Security's tight since the Freelancers tried to break in here."

"You mean when they tried to steal the Alpha before?" Church asks Wash.

"Exactly."

"The Freelancers tried to break into their own command facility?" Grif asks.

"That sounds kinda dumb." Ash says.

"Huh." Wash says in the background.

"That's what we're doin' right now you jackass." Simmons says to Ash and Grif.

"So?" Grif asks. "Just because we do something doesn't make it smart."

Simmons sighs. "Tell me about it."

"I have the necessary clearance to get close to the storage hall." Wash explains. "The plan is, I'll take Church as a prisoner. If I take more than one of you it won't be believable.

Caboose: Agent Washington, I want you to take me instead.

Church: What're you talkin' about?

Caboose: I will be your prisoner. Let Church go. He doesn't have anything to do with this!

Church: Caboose, I'm not actually going to be a prisoner. I'm just gonna pose as one so that we can get past-

Caboose: Have a good life Church. Don't worry. I won't tell them anything. They won't get any information out of me. No matter how nicely they ask.

Church: Oh my God, just shut up.

Sarge: Sacrificing himself for his CO. What a good soldier. *He turns to his team.* Why can't you three be more like him?

"What, braindead?" Grif asks.

"Completely retarded?" Ash asks.

"I would sacrifice Grif for you, Sir." Simmons says.

"I know you would Simmons." Sarge starts. "But it's just not the same thing."

"No but seriously I would. Just give me the word. I'll do it right fucking now, let's go. Bring it."

Grif looks at Wash. "Why are you taking Church?" He asks. "What about the rest of us?"

"We're sneaking past seven levels of armed checkpoints." Wash explains. "Are you volunteering?"

"Uh, it was a hypothetical question?"

"The rest of you hole up and wait for us to finish. And don't touch anything."

"How will we know when you're done?" Sarge asks.

"When you see every guard in the base running in one direction?" Wash starts. "That means we're probably in trouble."

"All the guards?" Church asks. "Whu- yuh- wait, wh-why are we taking Church, again?"

Washington: Just keep the guards off of us, and we'll radio when we're in position. This will be our extraction point.

Grif: Keep them off you?

Washington: Yeah.

Church: Distract them, dipshit.

Grif: How?

Washington: Well, this is the center that came up with all the ridiculous scenarios you guys have suffered through over the years. So have fun. Break some shit. Minne, make sure they don't do anything too stupid.

Cut to Washington walking Church up to a checkpoint with two guards in front of a door

Guard 1: Hold on, don't come any closer. I need you to stay right there, sir.

Washington: Understood. I need access to the next level. The Councilor wants to interrogate another survivor from Outpost 17-B.

Guard 1: What? I thought all the Blues at Valhalla were dead. Where'd this one come from?

Washington: I don't have to explain anything to you, soldier. Stand down.

Guard 1: Sorry sir, I didn't mean anything by that-

Washington: Fine. I'll let it go. As you were.

Guard 1: Something doesn't seem right to me. I'm gonna have to call this in.

Washington: Absolutely. Call it in. Let me just... NOW!

Washington drops one guard, and Church drops to a knee and empties his entire clip at the other guard at point blank range; the guard is still standing, unscathed

Church: Uh, hey can I get a little help? I'm... out of bullets.

Washington shoots the other guard in the face.

Church: Thanks.

Cut back to the Reds and Caboose. Ash is looking at a computer screen.

"This patrol was 17 seconds late." Simmons says. "Who's runnin' this place? How inefficient. Sloppy..."

"I'm bored outta my gourd." Sarge says.

"Who even says that?" Ash asks Sarge.

"So what?" Grif asks. "Bored is good. Bored means we're not dying."

Caboose: Yes! Grif talked, I won, I won the who-can-be-the-quietest game again!

Grif: Yeah, good job. That's ten in a row for you Caboose. Hey, you know what? We should play again. Best eleven out of twenty-one.

Caboose: Yes. You're all going down.

Simmons: Heh. We should try holding our breath next.

Sarge: Well, that's it. I can't stand just sittin' around. I'm goin' mad with anticipation.

Simmons: We've only been here twelve minutes.

Sarge: Are you sure? My mission clock says three days.

Simmons: (sigh) That's because you wouldn't synchronize at the start of the mission, remember? I said we should synchronize, and you said “Why would we synchronize? It's like we're in the future, seeing what the enemy does before they do it. Why would we give up the advantage?”

Sarge: Come on, Simmons, who could possibly remember an annoying conversation we had three whole days ago?

Simmons: Twelve minutes ago.

Sarge: Grif, what's your clock say?

Grif: Um, actually mine's a countdown to the next episode of Battlestar Galactica. Priorities dude.

Caboose: Ah- ah- I just won again! Man, you guys are really bad at this game! It's- it's like you're not even playing at all!

Ash looks to the group then to the door. Ash sneakily exits the room.

Cut to Wash and Church in a large room with holographic symbols shimmering on the walls

Washington: Here. This is it.

Church: Whoa. What is this place?

Washington: It's the storage facility for all the A.I.s. The rejects, the bad variants... everything is here. Everything.

Church: Dear lord, what're all these lights on the walls?

Washington: It's holographic storage.

Church: And one of these things is Alpha?

Washington: You work on closing that door. I'll find what we're looking for. And when I do, every soldier on base is sure to come running. So be ready.

Wash approaches one of the walls

Whispy voice: Washington... Washington... You suck...

Time passes

Washington: Church I got it, get over here. Here, this is it. There.

Church: Oh, great you found it already?

A loud reverberating boom comes from the wall panel

Church: Ah!

Washington: What's wrong?

Church: Nothing I just had like a weird flash- uh, ah!

Washington: Are you alright?

Church: Yeah, I think it's this thing. It's like, sending out images. Is this the Alpha?

Washington: No. This is not the Alpha.

Church: No? Then what is it?

Washington: This is Epsilon. ...This is my A.I.

Then we move over to an empty room with a bunch of computers. Two muffled gun shots are heard from the other side of the door.

After a few seconds the door opens and Ash walks inside, leaving behind two dead bodies. 

"Let's see what secrets I can find about this Agent Minnesota." Ash says as Xi flashes onto his shoulder.

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07-12-2022