Fade into the UNSC Maximum Security Detention Facility.

Washington: I'm sorry, but do we know each other?

Chairman: You are special Agent Washington, former member of Project Freelancer, also known by the designation, Recovery One.

Washington: Also known as Prisoner 619-B.

Chairman: Convicted, three counts dereliction of duty, eight counts of conspiracy to commit treason, and my personal favorite, seven counts destruction of protected classified military property.

Washington: And you are...?

Chairman: I am someone extremely disappointed by destruction of the said property. That, is all you need to know.

Washington: I want to make a deal. I have information that you want.

Chairman: All the information that I want, was lost in the destruction of Project Freelancer.

Washington: Not all of it.

Chairman: Agent Washington, if you knew anything, that could have kept you out of prison, I am sure it would have come to light during your trial. So if you're quite through with wasting my time, will—

Washington: I know you're missing the Epsilon unit, and I know where to find it.

Chairman: ... You have my attention.

Washington: It disappeared after the events of Freelancer Command. You searched everyone associated with the program. Even the Red Team Troopers you found.

Chairman: Yes? The ones who were found bickering around the stalled jeep.

Washington: There's another group of soldiers, a Blue squad. They escaped with Epsilon.

Chairman: I show no record of these soldiers.

Washington: And you won't, but I know where to find them. So here's the deal: I give you that missing module, you get me out of here. I get a clear slate, and we forget we ever knew each other.

Chairman: That sounds fair.

Washington: I'm gonna need some equipment. Invisibility, overshields, anything left over from Freelancer.

Chairman: I think we can point you in the right direction here.

Cuts to Valhalla; Simmons is screaming, jumping, as his busted motorcycle flies to the side. When he lands, he runs off in the same direction his motorcycle landed. The Meta is chasing after him, shooting at him with his brute shot.

Simmons: Noooooooaahhahhahah!!

Cuts to Sandtrap. Sarge, Ash, Grif, and Caboose are beside the temple’s entrance, shooting at whoever is approaching them. Caboose backs inside the temple and Tucker runs in.

"Eat lead!" Ash yells and he throws a grenade.

"Guys, hold them off, I'll get the door!" Tucker yells.

Sarge and Grif back into the temple. Ash sees an alien, up on a ledge, about to throw a plasma grenade and Ash quickly aims up his DMR and fires, killing the alien. The grenade falls out of it's hand and falls off the ledge onto a soldier below.

A second soldier turns to the guy with a plasma grenade on his head.

"Oh, a spider-"

The grenade goes off, killing the two soldiers.

Ash lowers his DMR. "I am so awesome." Ash backs up into the temple as the door closes.

"There." Tucker says as he walks over to the group.

"Tucker!" Caboose shouts with happiness. 

"Hey, Caboose." Tucker greets. 

"Oh, hey, look, it's that guy." Grif says.

"You brought THESE guys?" Tucker asks Caboose and he turns back to Caboose. "Are we killing each other today? Or pretending to work together?"

"Uhh, the pretending version." Caboose answers. 

"Oh okay, cool." Tucker says as he puts his sword key away. He turns to the Reds. "Hey dudes, what's up? How'd y'all find me?"

"We got that radio call you sent." Sarge explains. 

"The distress signal? And they sent YOU assholes? That was to help me! I wanted less distress, not more distress!"

"Uh, actually, we kind of ignored that call at first?" Grif states.

"That makes sense." Tucker says.

"And then Donut showed up and told us you were in trouble."

"Ohohoh, I get it. So me making an emergency radio call, not a big deal. Donut telling you some dumb homo story? Red alert!"

"Pretty much." Sarge says.

"You should be happy that we came." Ash says. "You even get a Freelancer!"

Tucker looks around. "Tex?"

"No, me dumbass!" Ash yells.

Tucker laughs. "Nice joke."

"Actually, he's serious." Grif informs.

Tucker stops laughing. "What?"

"Yeah, apparently insano over there was actually a Freelancer before he lost his memory." Sarge says.

Tucker turns to Ash. "You're not going to beat me up for the stuff I said, Right?"

"No." Ash says and Tucker sighs. "At least not today."  Ash laughs.

"An insane Freelancer." Tucker mumbles. "How much worse can this get. Also cool robot arm."

"Thanks."

 Tucker turns to Caboose. "So where's everyone else?"

"What do you mean?" Caboose asks.

"The rest of the people who were gonna help em fight these fuckers off?" Tucker clarifies and everything goes silent. "You didn't bring any other soldiers, did you?"

"Oh, um, that depends, uh, by 'other soldiers' do you mean...people other than us?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, no."

"What's goin' on here?" Sarge asks.

"Uhh, it's kinda hard to explain." Tucker starts. "They think there's some kind of artifact here. Some massive weapon built a long time ago."

"An old weapon..." Caboose says.

"Weapon..." Ash says. "I want whatever it is."

"...Like a spear?" Caboose asks.

"No, not a spear!" Tucker answers. "And I'd rather not give you something very powerful." Tucker tells Ash. "It's like some kind of super-energy-electric thing."

"An electric spear."

"It's not a spear, dumbass!"

"Hrm." Sarge makes a noise. "Think I've heard about these. They found some back during the war."

"Yeah, well, all the aliens are into them and so are all the humans now." Tucker explains. "So, me and Junior have to go around sometimes and help... negotiate stuff. Y'know. Smooth talk."

"So you fucked more aliens?" Ash asks.

"No!" 

"Why you?" Grif asks Tucker.

"We're like ambassadors here or something." Tucker explains. "Humans and aliens seem more comfortable with us since we're kind of... y'know. In between."

"In between aliens and humans huh." Caboose says. "You mean in between two alien and human... ladies???"

"Come on, dude. Seriously? You're not gonna get me to say it with that lame-ass joke. I'm not that easy." Tucker says and it becomes silent. "Okay, well maybe I am that easy. Bow chicka bow wow. See, now that's a setup."

"Ah hah hah..." Caboose laughs. "Yeah, I hope one day you would tell me what you're going, to do between the two ladies."

"So are you part of the group that C.T. told us about?" Sarge asks.

"That asshole?" Tucker asks. "He's a fucking liar. He and his team killed the guys originally sent to dig this thing up, then they tried to kill me!"

"Oh no- well I hope you stop them." Caboose says.

"I locked myself in this temple. I figured it would keep me safe and keep them away from the relic."

"So who are they?" Grif asks.

"I don't have any idea, dude." Tucker answers.  "They're probably trying to steal the artifact, then sell it to the highest bidder."

"Oh they're like evil eBay." Caboose says.

"You can find a lot of cool stuff on there." Ash says.

Tucker turns to Caboose. "You're an idiot." He turns to Ash. "And you're insane." He looks back to everyone. "Look guys, thanks for the fucked up rescue mission and all that, but where's Church?"

"Oh, um he's dead." Caboose states.

"Yeah, I know that, Church has been dead for years, that never stopped him before."

"Oh yeah, we also found out that he's...not a ghost... and that he's an A.I. computer program, like Sheila." 

"...Yeah, I knew that..." Tucker says.

"You did?" Grif asks.

"Yeah, you guys didn't? Fu- pay attention what the fuck you guys paying attention to???"

"Uh... I had my suspicions..." Grif says.

"Out of hundreds of possibilities, I didn't fucking think he would be a fucking Alpha A.I." Ash says.

Sarge speaks up. "Of course, I just didn't want to tell anybody..."

"I still want to know what Tucker is going to do between the two ladies." Caboose says.

"Look guys, I need your help." Tucker says. "we need to either chase these guys off, or destroy this facility. Or pick up some chicks. Old habits die hard."

"But why destroy it?" Sarge asks.

"Orders. We can't let it fall into anyone else's hands. Plus, breaking stuff is fucking awesome."

"This thing is that powerful?" Grif asks.

"Hell yeah! First they built these rings that were a huge weapon, then we found this super powerful cube-shaped weapon, and I guess this is the pyramid version?" Tucker explains.

"So....many...awesome weapons." Ash says in awe, and he slightly moans. 

"That ancient race sure built a lot of weapons." Grif says.

"I know." Tucker says.

"I mean, did they really need to spend all their time building stuff to destroy the universe?" Grif asks. "Like, how about the galaxy's biggest movie theater, or like, some kind of super advanced water park. All work and no play guys, seriously."

"No play. Tell me about it."

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07-14-2022