The Mother Of Invention's Freelancer training room is shown. F.I.L.S.S. is heard in the background.

FREELANCER TRAINING FACILITY. MANY YEARS AGO...

F.I.L.S.S: A new challenger has arrived. Today's match-up is agent Texas versus agent Carolina.

Carolina, accompanied by York, enters the training room. Tex is seen in the center of the room as a rack with weapons is deployed. Carolina and York stop as another weapons rack appears in front of them.

York: Okay, just pick a piece of equipment you know how to use already.

Carolina begins to arm herself with various items, not listening to York.

York: Or, just grab everything and anything, that works too, I guess.

Cut to North Dakota, South Dakota, Maine, Washington, Wyoming and Sigma overlooking the training room from an obeservatory. Cut back to Texas, who is arming herself as well, on the training room floor. Omega appears next to her.

Tex: Hey, I've got this one Omega.

Omega: (growls) Next time...

Cut back to Carolina and York.

F.I.L.S.S.: Agent York, please clear the floor.

York: In a second F.I.L.S.S! Now at first the voice of the A.I -sorry, A.I.s', it will feel like a tickle, okay? Just focus on that and it will get clear. Trust them. I know that'll be hard, but I promise they'll help.

F.I.L.S.S.: Agent York, clear the floor, please.

York: In a second F.I.L.S.S!

F.I.L.S.S.: Clear the floor or enter the match, York. Your choice.

Tex's weapon rack retracts as she cracks her neck and fists.

York: For the record, I would stay to support you, but she's really damn scary.

Carolina glares at York.

York: Okay, maybe you're both pretty scary. Gotta go.

York leaves the training room floor as Carolina watches him. After a brief moment, her new A.I's, Eta and Iota, appear next to her. They are identical, albeit one is gold and the other is teal. After sharing a glance, the two A.I.'s merge and disappear.

"Anyone want to bet that one of them gets killed?" North asks.

"Are you kidding?" Wash asks. "I'm hoping one of us doesn't get killed just watching."

"Really North?" Minne asks. "I'm betting that Tex will win."

Cut back to the training room. Carolina's weapon rack retracts as she and Tex slowly walk towards the center of the room.

F.I.L.S.S.: Round begins in three, two, one, begin. Good luck, ladies!

Carolina and Tex: Thanks. I won't need it.

Tex and Carolina yell as they charge at each other. The Director and Counselor walk into the training room observatory.

Director: What the hell is going on here?! No matches have been authorized for- No! Allison!

The Director, noticing Tex in the training room, rushes to the window. All of the A.I units begin to repeat 'Allison' upon hearing it said by the Director. In the training room, Carolina slides onto the ground, and clutches her head in agony, as do Eta and Iota. Back in the observatory, all of the Freelancers, except for Washington, also double over in pain. Wyoming rips off his helmet and throws it to the ground. Minne slaps his helmet a few times as he kneels on the floor.

 Cut to an undisclosed area, where the Sarcophagus begins to make loud growling noises. The two soldiers guarding it back away cautiously. 

Cut back to the training room once more, where Carolina continues to scream in pain. Carolina tears off her helmet and attempts to stand up, but is unable to do so. Tex approaches her and offers her hand, but Carolina slaps it away.

Carolina: Make them stop! Make them stop the voices! Make the voices stop!

Cut to the training room observatory, where the Freelancers' slowly begin to recover.

Counselor: Director, we should sedate Carolina, immediately. We have no idea how much damage two A.I. could-

Director: No. She made her decision. Let her be.

York: Come on, somebody help her!

Carolina continues screaming.

Tex: What the fuck is going on?! Somebody get down here!

The Director leaves but turns to acknowledge the Freelancers.

Director: You are all dismissed.

Cut to the training room, where Tex approaches Carolina, who is struggling on the floor. Tex slowly begins reaching for Carolina's neck. Omega can be heard whispering.

Omega: (whispering) Yes, end her! Do it! You know you want to! Do it! Do it!

Tex stops herself.

Tex: Sorry kid, this is for your own good.

Tex punches Carolina, knocking her out. Fade in to the crashed Pelican in Valhalla. Carolina can be heard speaking.

Carolina: Nothing. Nothing! A dead end! Damnit, not again!

Carolina angrily punches the ship, causing Epsilon to appear.

Epsilon: Hey, watch it! I'm still in here!

OUTPOST 17B: VALHALLA. PRESENT DAY.

Washington: Response teams beat us to the crash, plain and simple. We knew the chances of finding something here were slim.

Epsilon: Okay, well, what about the bases?

Washington: Blue base was swept clean. As for Red base, any evidence that might have been there was completely destroyed during the construction of some kind of giant, holographic projection room.

Epsilon: Man... those guys are really starting to find creative ways to ruin my life... mother fuckers.

Carolina: This is our third wild goose chase, Wash! Even after she's gone, Texas is still finding ways to screw me over!

Washington: You can't blame her for this! Time isn't on our side, Carolina. Any trails she left behind likely went cold years ago.

Carolina: Are you suggesting we give up?

Washington: Of course not. I was just-

Carolina: Good. Then go spread the word; we're leaving.

Washington: But... we just got here.

Carolina: What's your point?

Washington: Well, don't you think we're pushing these guys a little to hard? This place is pretty much home to them. They may not be ready to leave it so soon.

Epsilon: Yeah, I'm real choked up about it.

Carolina walks towards Wash until they are standing face-to-face.

Carolina: Despite what those idiots may think, this is not a road trip; this is a mission. And I will see it completed. Is that understood, agent Washington?

The two glare at each other for a brief moment.

Washington: Yes, boss.

Washington turns and walks away.

Epsilon: Man, what the hell happened to that guy? Didn't he use to be a badass like you, Minne, and Tex?

Carolina walks up and somewhat violently removes Epsilon from the Pelican.

Epsilon: Ow! I meant badass uh... just like you! Just like... just you... only you. Nobody else!

Cut to a radio playing music by a small hut with a garden next to it, where Lopez's body has been used as a scarecrow. Sarge, Ash, and Simmons approach the hut.

"There he is!" Sarge yells. "Spanish inquisition! Someone's been torturing him!"

"Huh, I don't think so, sir." Simmons starts. "He kinda looks like a scarecrow."

"Why is there a farm out here?" Ash asks.

"Savages!" Sarge says. "And they've erected this fence as a warning for civilized people to stay away!"

"It actually looks like a garden." Simmons states. "Wait a minute, is that compost? Sustainable farming? Environmentally friendly housing? Oh no.."

"What?" Sarge asks.

"Oh, hey guys!" Donut greets. "I thought I heard voices!"

Donut walks over to the three.

"Donut?" Sarge questions.

"Hi Sarge!" Donut greets. "Long time no see!"

"I thought you were dead!" Simmons exclaims.

"Y'know, we sure seem to say that a lot these days." Sarge points out.

"We sure do." Ash says.

"I almost was!" Donut says. "That jerk Washington shot me in the stomach, but then my armor locked up on me! Kept me alive for a while until it unlocked again for some reason. It, was, horrible. Do you know what removes bloodstains from this armor? Not a lot, I tell you. I lay there forever, wondering how I was going to get all of that dark red out of this light red, y'know?"

"How did you survive?" Simmons asks. "When your armor locked, you would have just bled to death."

"And when did you get all... New Age-y?" Sarge asks.

"Uh-oh..." Simmons and Ash say.

"What?"

"Sarge, think about it." Simmons says. "Medical attention?"

"French-holistic lifestyle choices?" Ash says.

"You know what that means."

"What?" Sarge asks.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in!" Doc says. "And by dragged in, I mean spit out like a hairball. Hey guys!"

"Simmons, Ash, is that Doc behind us?" Sarge asks.

"I think so." Simmons says.

"Sure sounds like it." Ash says.

"Simmons, get my gun." Sarge orders.

"You're holding it, sir." Simmons states.

"Oh, right. Simmons, I'm gonna need you to commence Operation Point My Gun At Doc."

"But sir, Operations Point My Gun At Doc was just a code phrase for Operation Point My Gun At Grif." Simmons explains.

"Drat!" Sarge yells. "Fine, switch to Operation Point My Gun At Grif!"

"Actually, sir, that one was just what it sounds like. Sorry." 

"Double Drat!"

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-07-19-2022