Fade in. The tank is seen driving over a bridge, heading for Blue base. Cut to Tucker exiting the base.

Tucker: Oh shit.

Caboose appears from behind the tank

Caboose: We are back.

Tucker: Caboose?! Christ I thought you were in that thing. Wait, who is in that thing?

Wash exits the tank

Washington: Hello private.

Tucker: Oh shit.

Wash: Tucker, what is the one thing I tell you each and every morning?

Tucker: Wake up.

Wash: The other thing.

Tucker: For the love of god, stop sleeping naked.

Wash: Don't let anyone touch the tank.

Tucker: Heh, okay I can see where you're going with this.

Wash: Until we're rescued, we need to be more mindful of the supplies that we have.

Tucker: I know, I know. Ration the food, maintain our equipment.

Caboose: Brush your teeth, don't talk to strangers, try not to shoot anyone while they're trying to brush their teeth.

Wash: And always report in to me.

Tucker: Do we have to?

Wash: Yes. I even put up that old Blue Team organizational chart to help demonstrate the point.

Cut to a view of the Blue team's organization chart

Tucker: Yeah, but we never really listened to that. Church just kinda shouted orders and we'd get around to them...eventually. Or we wouldn't, whatever.

Caboose: He was an inspiration to us all.

Wash: Well Church and Carolina decided to run off without so much as a goodbye. So it's up to me to keep us all together. Maybe if someone hadn't have crashed the ship, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Tucker: Whoa, wait a second. Why are you looking at me when you say that?

Wash: I just have a hard time believing that thousands of well trained crew members were to blame for the incident.

Tucker: Well they definitely didn't survive it. Ah ha ha ha. Ahem.

Wash: Wow.

Tucker: Yeah.

Wash: You proud of yourself?

Tucker: No.

Caboose: Yeah that was, that's too soon. Prob-probably too soon for sound effects too. (makes sound effects) "Meeer. Oh god help us, Kapow." Yeah that's too soon.

Cut to Red base, where Sarge approaches Grif, Ash, and Simmons outside the base.

"Absolutely unacceptable." Sarge says.

"I couldn't agree more sir." Simmons says.

"Kissass." Ash says.

Grif turns to Simmons. "But you have no idea what he's going to say."

"Oh, right yea, just got a little excited." Simmons says.

"You are the worst kind of person."

"Quiet morons, we've got a situation on our hands." Sarge says.

"Which is?" Grif asks.

"The deplorable condition of Red Base."

"You're still hung up on that?" Grif asks. "We're stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a mysterious and seemingly uninhabited jungle might I add and you're worried about the condition of our makeshift fort?"

"Is there anything wrong with that?" Ash asks Grif.

"Besides, I don't think our base is even that bad." Simmons says.

"Well... I wouldn't say that." Grif says.

"What's wrong with our base?" Ash asks.

"Seriously? There's an enormous hole in the roof. Every night it rains, I get washed into the corner!"

"So what? But what about it overall."

Sarge speaks up. "And the majority of the west wing is made up of sand bags and rain tarps."

"Which reminds me." Grif starts. "If we have rain tarps, why aren't we using them to cover up the hole in the roof?"

"Listen, I think you guys are blowing this whole thing a little out of proportion." Simmons says.

"You're just saying that because you're the one that designed the base." Grif says.

"Well I did a better job than you would have done."

"That's not saying much." Sarge says.

"I bet I could at least do it in a better location." Grif says.

"But this is the best location." Simmons says. "The sunlight is perfect for maintaining my vegetable garden and the faulty engine from the ship should keep us warm all winter."

"But aren't slipspace engines extremely radioactive?" Sarge asks.

"Well that would explain why my hair keeps falling out and why all your cabbages have three heads." Grif says.

"I thought I was just really good at farming." Simmons says.

"No Simmons, you're good at other things. Like always being on time, maintaining your virginity." Grif walks away.

"Oh yeah, well we'll see who's laughing when my garden produces a bountiful crop in the coming harvest!"

"Glad to hear you still have that virginity on lock-down buddy."

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07-20-2022