Caboose is seen walking across the canyon

Caboose: Depression. Loneliness. Confusion. Slight indigestion. Oh Church... Ah, I miss you so much! Who is supposed to be my best friend while you are gone?! Tucker?! That guy isn't even a shade of blue! It's like an... aqua.

A sound is heard. Caboose looks over to the sound's direction.

Caboose: Hello? Um... Who's there? Tucker is that you? Agent Washington? HELLO!

Echo: HELLO!

Caboose: Oh, that was just me, that was stupid. (yells) Have a nice day!

Echo: THANKS, YOU TOO!

Caboose: Well, I am a very pleasant person.

Caboose walks over towards the noise

Caboose: Okay, me, you can cut it out now! This is getting a little silly. (he spots something) Hello...

Cut to Washington instructing Tucker

Washington: Tucker... in basic training, there is a point when the drill sergeant attempts to "break" his or her soldiers so that they may overcome their civilian mindset and focus on the responsibility and selflessness of becoming a true soldier.

Tucker: Uh, bro. I went through basic ages ago! True soldier, standing right here!

Washington: What's the UNSC motto?

Tucker: When in doubt, rub one out.

Washington: I am going to break you... Private Tucker.

Tucker: Ooh, I'm shaking in my armor.

Washington: Inside this tunnel is an elaborate obstacle course designed to test both your reflexes and your mettle.

Tucker: Uhh... like... copper?

Washington: No, that's metal. I said "mettle".

Tucker: Whatever.

Washington: On your mark... get set...

Tucker: This is such bull...

Wash shoots Tucker's leg

Tucker: SHIT! OW! OKAY! I'M GOING!

Tucker races through the obstacle course. First, he attempts to shoot down two cones positioned on the side.

Tucker: Stupid fucking cones!

Tucker destroys an obstacle with his Energy Sword, then lands on a group of mines.

Tucker: Jesus Christ!

He is hit by several bullets.

Tucker: Oh, God! Where is this coming from?!

Tucker runs through the Halo 4 level "Reclaimer".

Tucker: Who are these people?

Tucker emerges, somehow, in the "Warthog Run" section of the Halo: Combat Evolved level "The Maw," running down Flood Combat Forms.

Tucker: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Tucker emerges from the obstacle course.

Washington: Congratulations, Private. That time was... adequate... for a beginner.

Tucker: (exhausted) What was... I don't...

Washington: Just an adrenaline rush Tucker. It'll wear off.

Tucker: I'm...

Washington: Shaking in your armor?

Caboose is seen anxiously running by

Caboose: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy... Hello, hello!

Washington: Caboose! Glad to see you're feeling better! I've got a little exercise for you! Inside this cave is an elaborate obstacle course, designed to...

Caboose quickly races through and completes the obstacle course offscreen in about two seconds. He then leaves.

Caboose: Okay, that was fun! Gotta go do stuff! Don't ask questions! Thank you, goodbye!

Washington: ...I think that's enough training for today.

Tucker: Yeah.

Washington: Uh, I'm gonna go work on the Comm Tower.

Wash leaves.

Tucker: Yeah.

Cut to Red base where Grif is seen. Simmons approaches him

Simmons: Hey roomie, uh you got a second for me?

Grif: Sup?

Simmons: Oh, you know, not much, not much... Uh... Oh, so, question for you...

Grif: Uh huh.

Simmons: By any chance, have you seen my toothbrush?

Grif: Uhhh. I don't think so.

Simmons: Okay, okay, you sure?

Grif: Yeah.

Simmons: Huh 'cause I'm pretty sure I saw you with it earlier.

Grif: Dude, you're acting weird.

Simmons: Huh... What... What do you mean?

Grif: I mean... clearly you're accusing me of using your toothbrush but instead of just coming out and saying it you're being really passive aggressive and tiptoeing around the accusation.

Simmons: Huh.

Grif: You did the same thing when I left the lights on and when I put my boots on your side of the room.

Simmons: Mhmm.

Grif: And I feel that there's this constant tension growing between us that's inevitably going to erupt over what would normally be considered a small issue.

Simmons: Yeah... Well... You know I wouldn't be asking you about my toothbrush if I hadn't seen you with it earlier.

Grif: I used your toothbrush.

Simmons: YOU FUCK! (Simmons aims his rifle at Grif.)

Grif: DUDE! What's wrong with you?!

Simmons: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with YOU?! You keep stacking dishes in the sink! I don't even think you've eaten off of some of them! For all I know, you're doing it because you're FUCKING BORED!

Grif: Wait, isn't the sink just where dishes go?

Simmons: NO! They go on the cupboard!

Grif: We have a cupboard?!

An explosion goes off in the base. "AW MY LEG!" Ash yells.

Sarge confronts the two.

Sarge: Hey! Keep it down in there! I'm trying to watch my stories!

Simmons: Sarge, please tear down the wall! I can't take Grif's laziness in small spaces!

Sarge: I'm sorry, Simmons. But we all have to make sacrifices... Except for me because I'm in charge.

Grif: Hey Simmons, this probably isn't the best time to say this but, uh we're out of toilet paper.

Simmons: What?! HOW?!

Cut to the Blue team's tank wrapped in toilet paper. Cut back to the Reds.

Grif: I dunno.

Washington: I believe you borrowed my toolbox.

Simmons: What do you need a toolbox for?

Washington: Repairing the Comm Tower. I know you three are having fun playing house, but I'd really rather leave this place.

Sarge: Playing house?! Son... this is a highly- Whoops, forgot to use the door!

Washington: The toolbox.

Grif: Upstairs.

Washington: Show me.

Grif leads Wash to his room.

Grif: Fine... But don't touch any of my stuff!

Washington: (off screen) Ugh, this place is a pig sty.

Grif: It's not a pig sty Wash, it's a way of life.

Simmons: Hey Sarge, didn't we recover an old robot-building kit from the crash?

Sarge: Sure did! Makes a great foot rest! I like to prop my feet up while I'm watching my stories.

Simmons: Well, if we were to re purpose the robot's radio transmitter for the Comm Tower, we might be able to-

Sarge: Simmons, I'm going to have to stop you before your terrible plan becomes any more terrible.

Simmons: Oh...

Sarge: Fortunately, I believe we may be able to use this robot kit to build some sort of robot! We could put it to work constructing a radio transmitter and then the Comm Tower would be fixed in no time!

Simmons: Well, don't you think it would be better if-

Sarge: Not at all! Let's build a robot!

Simmons: I hate them.

Washington: (off screen) Are those my socks?

Grif: (off screen) Yeah... but you probably don't want those back.

Simmons: I hate all of them.

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07-20-2022