Fade in to Charon Research Complex 2C. A Fed approaches Carolina and Epsilon staring at the alien tower.

Fed Soldier 1: Agent Carolina, we've retrieved what appears to be a domed energy shield from within the complex.

Carolina: The bubble shield? Are you sure?

Fed Soldier 1: Uhh...

Cut to two Fed soldiers.

Fed Soldier 2: What's it do?

The other fed flicks the handle and activates the shield, knocking the soldier back. A scream is heard offscreen, followed by a clatter. Cut back to outside the complex.

Fed Soldier 1: Yeah, we're pretty sure.

Carolina: That's great. Did you find a Armor Lock?

"No, Ma'am." The Fed soldier says.

"Darn, Well, we can hook up the bubble shield and start running tests in a few hours." Carolina says.

Church: (turning to Carolina) Hey, whoawhoawhoa, slow down. What about the giant floating tower in the sky? Did you forget about that crazy bullshit?

Fed Soldier 1: What, the temple?

Carolina and Church turn to him.

Fed Soldier 1: (skeptical) That the aliens made?

Church: I'm sorry. What?

Carolina: You're familiar with that structure?

Fed Soldier 1: I- I mean I think most of us are, yeah.

Church: Alright, I'm gonna stop you right there. You're telling me that people on this planet are just used to seeing flying space shit like that?

Fed Soldier 1: Pretty much.

He turns to another Fed soldier walking by.

Fed Soldier 1: (shouts) Hey Randy! You 'ever seen one of those alien towers before?

Randy: (shouts) Oh yeah! My dad took me to one when I was a kid!

Fed Soldier 1: They're nice, right?

Randy: Oh yeah! They had funnel cake outside, too!

Fed Soldier 1: Oh, I remember that!

Randy: (chuckles as he walks off) Yeah. Good times.

Fed Soldier 1: (turns back to Carolina and Church) So yeah, I mean, pretty common.

Church: How is this not a bigger deal?

Fed Soldier 1: Well, come on, man. I mean, they've been around forever and they don't really do anything-

Church: (agitated) IT'S A GIANT FLYING TOWER!!

Fed Soldier 1: And you're a dead guy that's also somehow an AI, okay? That shit's weird too, but you don't hear me going on about it.

Carolina: Enough. Just secure the Freelancer equipment. Epsilon and I will be by in a few minutes.

Fed Soldier 1: (sighs as he walks back inside) Yes ma'am.

Cut to the two facing the mysterious alien temple.

Church: But I don't care what these guys say, those towers aren't some fucking tourist trap. They're important. Remember the tractor beams? At Crash Site Alpha? Charon is studying these things and making them do shit. That's bad.

Carolina: I get it. So, who would you say is our resident expert on alien technology?

A future cube goes off and Dr. Grey and Ash appear. Ash has a DMR on his back.

Dr. Grey squeals.

"Conducting research in the field!" Dr. Grey shouts. "Oh, I knew today was gonna be a good day!"

Ash is bent over and has his hands on his knees. "I feel like I'm gonna puke. Also my shoulder hurts."

Carolina & Church: (reluctantly) Hello, Doctor Grey.

Ash walks up next to Dr. Grey. "What no, 'Hello, Ash'?"

"Stop being a baby." Church says.

Ash flips Church the bird.

"Oh, I can't tell you how nice it is to get out of the office and away from all the complaining!" Dr. Grey says. " 'My leg hurts!' 'I need blood!' 'But I don't WANT to have a robot arm!' 

"...Right." Carolina says. "Well, the reason we called you here is-"

Dr. Grey interrupts. "To investigate the alien temple Charon's been studying, yes dear, you told me on the radio. I brought Ash as a bodyguard.  Not surprising, really; emerged from the ground shortly after UNSC pulled out, never did anything sadly but that doesn't mean that they won't! Thankfully, I spent time brushing up on their history in between college internships. Aren’t you so happy we’re such close friends?"

Carolina is skeptical. "I am... ...so thankful."

Sarge and Tucker walk in.

"Oh, great." Tucker starts. "The mad scientist and her boyfriend have finally shown up."

"Hey, what's the status on that robot arm I ordered?" Sarge asks.

"Still in the trial stages, Colonel!" Dr. Grey says. "I've been trying to replicate Ash's robot arm but it's so outdated. So I've been trying to make a better one, but volunteers are probing hard to come by."

"Well, that's ridiculous."

"Yeah, robot parts just... aren't all they're cracked up to be." Church says. "Trust me."

"Why don't you go take a look at Charon's research?" Carolina asks Dr. Grey. "Epsilon and I have a few armor upgrades to take care of."

"Don't mind if I do!" Dr. Grey says and she turns to Ash. "May I borrow Xi for a little bit, Ash?"

"Sure." Ash reaches to the back of his helmet and pulls out the A.I. chip.

"Thank you!" Dr. Grey grabs the chip and inserts it in the back of her helmet and runs off.

Carolina runs off, leaving Sarge, Tucker and Ash by themselves.

Suddenly Grif and Simmons teleport in.

Grif and Simmons stand up.

"Gah! I hate that." Grif complains. 

"At least you don't get headaches." Simmons says to Grif.

"Grif! Simmons!" Sarge yells. "You're late!"

Grif sighs. "You were saying?"

"What took you guys?" Tucker asks. "It's instant teleportation."

"Well, we had to make sure Lopez and Donut could handle things while we were gone." Simmons says.

"You hand out weapons and ammo! How hard can it be?"

Grif, Simmons and Ash look to each other. 

Cut to the armory, where Lopez and Donut are facing a line of soldiers.

Lopez: Bienvenido a la armería. ¿Cómo podemos ayudarlo?[Welcome to the armory. How may we assist you?]

Donut: Lopez says you're two days late on your weapon rental!

Lopez: ¡¿Por qué insistes en traducir por mí cuando les podrías hablar ti mismo no más?![Why do you insist on translating for me, when you could just be talking to them yourself?!]

Donut: Whoa, no need to call the man a turkey baster, Lopez! Everyone makes mistakes. (whispering to the Fed soldier in front of him) Forgive him, it's his fiery Latin temper.

Cut back to Simmons, Ash, and Grif.

"Yeah, harder than you think." Simmons says.

"It really is." Ash says.

"So, you got the goods?" Grif asks.

"You're darn right we do!" Sarge says.

"Weapons! Ammo! Laser beams! You name it! It's Christmas come early!" Sarge yells. "Unless you're looking at it from the pirates' point of view, in which case, it's kinda the opposite."

"Hanukkah?" Tucker asks

"They look so good." Ash says and he makes weird and questionable sounds.

"Excellent work, sir." Simmons compliments. "Another enemy outpost taken down. I just wish I could've been there to see you on the battlefield."

"Why don't you guys come with us on the next mission?" Tucker asks.

Simmons: Whohohokay, let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

"I'll think about it." Ash says.

Grif: Better start packing this stuff up.

He throws a teleportation grenade, and the pile of weapons, ammo, and laser beams disappear instantly.

Grif: Well, that's enough back-breaking labor for one day.

The PA system crackles to life.

Grey: (shouts, way too loudly) Eureka!

Grif: Ow.

Grey: (over the PA system) I made a discovery!

Tucker: Damn. And I thought I was fast.

Grif: What?

Tucker: I mean, uh, what? Nothing.

Soldier: (over the PA system, with the sound of a struggle) Ma’am, g-give me back the microphone!

Grey: (over the PA system) Hold on!

A crash is heard offscreen.

Grey: (over the PA system) All Freelancer-related people, get your butts in here!

Soldier: (over the PA system) Ma’am! Please, calm down!

Grey: (over the PA system) You have no appreciation for modern science-!

There is more clattering; the PA system turns off. Cut to inside the facility, where Grey is standing facing Grif, Simmons, Ash, Tucker, and Sarge. Carolina walks in.

Carolina: That was fast.

Tucker: Look, it's completely normal, okay?

Church: Wait, what?

Grey: (screams) Quiet! (clears throat) Thank you. Now, say what you want about our enemies-

Simmons: They suck.

Sarge: They're dirtbags.

Tucker: Total dicks.

"Bunch of assholes." Ash says.

Church: Yeah, not an invitation to talk, guys.

Grey: -but you can't discount their ambition. Or intelligence, for that matter.

Carolina: (looking around) There's a reason Chairman Hargrove got to where he is now.

Grey: This compound isn't one of Charon's typical munitions factories or radio jammers. They're not disassembling alien artifacts here, they're trying to turn them back on. And that tower you saw seems to be their primary target.

Church: Ohh, see, who called that? Me!

Simmons: So what does it do?

Grey: That's exactly what I intend to find out! Now, who's down for a field trip? You're coming right, Ash?

"Yup." Ash says.

Tucker: (confusedly) Uhhh, what?

Grey: Well, if I'm going to take a look at this tower, I'll require an escort. How about you, Simmons, you've always seemed intelligent.

Simmons: Oh! Thank you!

Grey: Well, compared to your friends.

Simmons: Wh- why did you feel the need to add that?

Grif: No way! This shit's got Blue Team Problems written all over it.

Tucker: Aw, c’mon, man!

Grif: Hey, you're the one that grabs swords and fucks aliens, alright? So don't come crying to me.

Carolina: Epsilon and I should stay behind in case Charon launches a counterattack.

Church: Yeah, and I can try to get through some of this data while you're out.

Sarge: (chuckles) Well, don't you worry about it, little lady, me and Aquaman over here can handle whatever diabolical schemes those no-good space pirates may be preparing for us this very moment.

Grey: Oh no, you'll mainly just be carrying my survey equipment to the site.

Sarge: Ah. Right! Then we'll... carry... that stu- we'll carry the shit outta that stuff.

Tucker: Mm, fine, let's just get this over with.

Grey: Actually, a five-man team would be ideal. You wouldn't happen to know of anyone else you could spare to help us, would you?

Church: (appears next to Tucker) Oh, I can think of someone.

Tucker: Please don't.

Cut to outside, where Caboose has just arrived via teleportation grenade. Tucker and Church are standing in the background, watching him.

Caboose: Field trip! Woooo! (sprints around) We are going to a field! Oh my god! This is going to be...amazing! Field trip!(runs off yelling something incoherent)

Tucker: Church?

Church: Yeah?

Tucker: You're dead to me.

Church: (sarcastic) Yeah, that's tough, I'll cry on the inside, don't forget to pack his lunch.

Fade out to credits.

Church: Also, he needs to take that pill twice a day.