In a scene straight out of a classic crime movie, we open up on a dark alleyway in a city. We see the shadow of someone raising their gun.

Jax: Wh—what are you doing?

In the shadows Jax is being held up by a suspiciously familiar-looking figure who has their gun trained directly at JAX’s posterior.

Jax: No. No no, please! No!

We see the shadow of the gun fire, then jump cut to a shot of several doves flying into the air in reaction. JAX collapses as the empty shell casing is ejected onto the asphalt.

Jax: (a la Orson Welles) Rosebud…

We hear some white noise, followed by a sudden—

Smith: Dun dun!

DYLAN is talking to Smith  and Bitters, while Palamo, Axel, and Jensen are far off in the background.

Smith: (acting all official) Just a few more inquiries, ma’am, uh, did you attempt to witness any other particular individuals in the general vicinity of the area in which the crime scene was alleged?

Bitters: (sighing) Jesus Christ. Uh, what he means is did ya see anybody?

Dylan: (feigning innocence) No, I just found him lying there and called the police! Is-is he okay?...did they take him to General?

Smith: We’re asking the questions if you so please! Does the alleged victim have any enemies, arch-enemies, nemesises, or particular people of an interesting nature to which the crime may be motivated by whom?

Dylan: Uh, no. I-I don't know...Who's the attending Doctor?

Smith: Uh, j-just a few more inquiries, if you so please, to be of grateful assistance to law enforcement investigators!

Bitters: Dude, just stop. You don't even sound like a cop!

Smith: Just doing my job, Bitters! It's called going by the book!

Bitters: What book?!

Smith: Law & Order. Dun dun!

Bitters Glares at Smith.

Bitters: Ugh, gross! CSI: Miami for life!

Dylan: He's gonna be okay, right? Can you please tell me where they took him?

Smith: Ahem! Do you profess to have any knowledge of the alleged victim's next of kin?

Dylan: "Next of kin?" Is he dead?!

Bitters: (quickly) No, nono, he's not dead.

Smith: The alleged victim was booked with a bullet lodged in his alleged posterior.

PALOMO comes running, with JENSEN and Axel coming up behind him.

Palomo: He means his butt! Dude got shot in the butt!

"It's like Forest Gump." Axel says.

"Charlie, Axel, we're supposed to be establishing a perimeter." Jensen says.

Palomo: I just wanna be included!

Dylan: So...he's fine?

The camera zooms in on BITTERS like in CSI: Miami when Horatio Caine is about to make a terrible pun.

Bitters: Should be. But if you ask me, something about this case doesn't sit quite right. It all feels rather...

Extreme close-up of his face.

Bitters: ...cheeky.

Ah, there’s the pun.

And once again like in CSI: Miami we cut to a sunny sky over the city as a singing voice plays. Instead of  "Won't Get Folled Again" by The Who,  however, it’s operatic music. We then get a shot of the hospital, with the word card “GENERAL DOYLE GENERAL HOSPITAL/SUNDAY, APRIL 23” appearing.

Smith: (offscreen) Dun dun!

And just as quickly, we see DYLAN looking into a hospital room, where JAX is laid out on the table. The opera music is revealed to be ambiance playing from the hospital speakers.

Dr. Grey: (offscreen, extremely passive-aggressive) I can see the headlines already!

Dylan turns to see DR. GREY is standing right next to her.

Dr. Grey: (refusing to look at Dylan) “Journalists Assaulted On Chorus! Peace Talks: Abandoned!”

Dylan: Dr. Grey, I was hoping to speak with you—!

Dr. Grey: Off the record. I'm not an official representative of Chorus, Ms. Andrews.

Dylan: You...know me?

Dr. Grey: I recognize you from your bylines. You wrote a fantastic piece about the Stewart Insurrection!

Dylan: That was almost...ten years ago.

Dr. Grey: And now you're here! Funny, the vultures usually show up after the slaughter.

Dylan: I'm not here about the UNSC or whatever they're planning with Chorus. I'm here about the Reds and Blues. You've...read about their attacks in the press?

DR. GREY finally looks at DYLAN.

Dr. Grey: Of course! Those criminals have caused substantial damage to our planet!

She just as quickly looks away.

Dylan: Well, what if I told you “those criminals” are not the Reds and Blues you know?

Dr. Grey: (highly passive-aggressive) Oh, of course not, sweetheart! When I said “criminals,” I wasn't referring to the Reds and the Blues! (she looks at Dylan) I was referring to you!

Dylan: Beg pardon?

Dr. Grey: You and the press! By continuing to insinuate that those criminals are somehow our insurgents—a baseless accusation that the UNSC was quick to overreact to. But I'm sure invasions make for a great newsday.

Dylan: I don't want an invasion! I can help Chorus by finding the real Reds and Blues! But Kimball won't talk to me. I can't get within a mile of her!

Dr. Grey: The president refuses to be interviewed...

Dylan: Yes!

Dr. Grey: ...so you shoot your cameraman.

Beat.

Dylan: ...what? (trying to save face) He was shot, but...

Dr. Grey: The clotting present in the patient's posterior places the time of attack approximately five minutes after your call to the police. That's some very fast reporting, Ms. Andrews!

Dylan: I—(relenting) look, I needed to talk to you. Please, help me get to Kimball.

Dr. Grey: Oh! I assumed you assaulted your cameraman to stir up cheap headlines! But instead, you flatter me!

She walks up to DYLAN.

Dr. Grey: You're a little bit crazy, aren’t you? (seductively) I like that.

Dylan: ...so you'll help?

Dr. Grey: Nope. President Kimball is fighting to reopen peace talks with the UNSC. I will not burden her with this!

Dylan: Well, who's the UNSC's diplomat?

Dr. Grey: Oooh! Are you going to shoot them, too?

Dylan: No more shooting: I have connections at the network.

Dr. Grey: Hmm. Very well. The diplomat is Alfred Packard.

Dylan: Thank you.

Dr. Grey: Don't thank me. Just keep me off the record!

Dylan: Not for the tip. For fixing up my partner.

Dr. Grey: HAH! If you really think he'll still be your partner after this, then you really are crazy!

Dylan: I am prepared to deal with the consequences.

Dr. Grey: Consequences...don't always take the shape we expect them to, do they? They're funny like that.

The opera music starts swelling up again.

Dr. Grey: Ooh! I love this song! Now, I suddenly feel sick. What a great day.

And with that, DR. GREY exits down the hallway as DYLAN watches. She then looks back at JAX.

Cut to DYLAN, back in her office on her ship, looking at her screens. A search query for "ALFRED PACKARD" has turned up no results, suggesting she was looking for "ALFRED PENNYWORTH."

Dylan: (sighing) Okay.

DYLAN turns to her other screen and establishes a sliplink with JAMES ADLER, who has the nickname underneath "IDA Analyst/Hubby Boo."

James: Ahoy ahoy, Interstellar Daily, James Adler speaking.

Dylan: Hi James.

James: Dylan! You're alive! Where are you, I've been worried sick! Are you okay? Is everything okay?

Dylan: I'm...still on the story.

James: Carlos is gonna be livid. He's talking about criminal charges—you need to get back here!

Dylan: I need a favor, James. Between us—and no one else can know.

Pause.

James: ...that's why you're calling. No "hi honey, how are the cats?"

Dylan: I'm sorry, it's urgent.

Beat.

James: ...are we still married?

Dylan: Can we...please talk about that later?

James: You left without a word, what am I supposed to think?

Dylan: I don't...know. Everything is just a mess and I needed some time to think, and right now I really need that favor.

Beat.

James: You're killing me.

Beat.

James: What is it?

Dylan: (sighing) Alfred Packard: the UNSC diplomat assigned to Chorus. I need his full file from the paper's database. I think I recognize his name from the Seremon leak last year, so throw that in, too?

James: Got it, I'll...send you what I find.

Dylan: I promise we'll talk when I get back.

James: ...yeah, sure.

He hangs up. DYLAN looks down at the floor, riddled with guilt.

We cut to KIMBALL in her office, looking out the window into the city. DYLAN walks towards her desk.

Dylan: President Kimball, thank you for agreeing to speak with me. I have some questions.

Kimball: I'm sure you do. But you're going to have to answer mine first, Ms. Andrews. How did you convince Packard to reopen our peace talks?

Dylan: Packard's corrupt. He's smart enough to pay off the right people but not smart enough to know you should never short-change a hooker. Especially given his...interests. I threatened an exposé, but he preferred to back off his hard line with you instead. It's temporary.

Kimball: Understood. But the respite has brought us hope nonetheless.

Dylan: You're real hope is with the Reds and Blues. If they resurface and are proven innocent, then Chorus is saved.

Kimball: You didn't come here to advise me, Ms. Andrews. You want something.

Dylan: ...I want them.

Kimball: Well, as I've said, time and time again, I don't know where they are.

Dylan: (sly) With all due respect, I don't buy that—

KIMBALL abruptly turns to glare at DYLAN.

Kimball: (annoyed) With all due respect, I don't care! You want the Reds and Blues, and I want to know why. So you're going to explain your intentions to me before this conversation continues. But believe me when I say I'll know if you're lying.

Beat.

Dylan: ...fine.

Kimball: What do you want with the Reds and Blues?

Dylan: I want to talk to them.

Kimball: Why?

Dylan: To get the facts.

Kimball: That's not good enough. Be specific.

Dylan: ...People are quick to jump to conclusions. They... see something, or hear something, and fit it into a preconceived emotional box. "The Reds and Blues are terrorists." It's up to people like me to find the buried truth and expose the real facts. Because truth and fact are the currency of the galaxy. It's how wars are fought and invasions are justified and leaders are elected. I want facts. Facts are found at the source—with them. That's one reason.

She approaches KIMBALL.

Dylan: The other is that I don't think their story is really over and I need to see how it ends. If you won't help me I will find them anyway. Of that there is no question.

KIMBALL turns.

Kimball: Santa?

Dylan: ...come again?

SANTA materializes in the background.

Santa: Dylan Andrews's intentions are as she says.

Kimball: Anything she's not saying I should know about?

Santa: Hmm...nothing of note. Would you like to know what she's afraid of?

Kimball: (amused) Another time.

Santa: It's currently me...

Dylan: Alien A.I. construct...neat trick.

Kimball: And a very close friend. I think we may have found our messenger.

Santa: So it would seem.

Dylan: (surprised) What's going on? What messenger?

Kimball: We received something meant for the Reds and Blues. A message. We can't trace its origin and we can't safely deliver it to them with the UNSC hanging over our heads.

Santa: Thus we require a herald.

Dylan: So you do know where they are.

Kimball: The Reds and Blues saved us. We owe them everything. So when they told me that they were done, that they were finished with all of this, that they just wanted to be left alone, I did my best to repay our debt. Please don't make me regret what I'm about to tell you.

Dylan: I won't.

An overhead shot of DYLAN and JAX at a spacedock in the city.

Dylan: You'll be able to...hitch a ride home from here. Uh, when you get back, just, tell Carlos what happened. You'll be compensated.

Jax: So that's it? You're firing me? I can't come along?

Dylan: How can you say that? I...shot you...

Jax: I know: I can't wait to tell my friends!—once i make friends—So cool!

Dylan: So you're...not upset.

Jax: Oh hell no! That was some Kubrick-level dedication on your part! Mad respect.

Dylan: If you're serious, you have to know: we're rogue. No budget, no backing, no intern credit, no turning back.

Jax: I'm in!

Dylan: (impressed) You got grit, Jax. I'll give you that.

Jax: Yeah! That, and as soon as I get back my student loans kick in.

As DR. GREY, KIMBALL, SMITH, BITTERS, JENSEN, and PALOMO watch on, DYLAN and JAX take off from Chorus in their ship.

Dr. Grey: Hmm. I guess he is as crazy as her after all.

Kimball: Then they'll be in very good company.

The ship flies away from Chorus and enters slipspace, finally coming out over an ocean with several rock islands in a shot that very closely resembles the ending of Star Wars: The Force Awakens, right down to the music.

They land at one of the islands. While JAX waits with the ship, DYLAN walks up a long trail through the island, which appears to be an old temple. Finally, Dylan comes out to an opening, and sees Caboose  standing on a cliff ledge looking out over the ocean, like Luke Skywalker.

The Force Awakens game is strong with this one. Like Rey, DYLAN slowly raises her microphone out towards CABOOSE.

CABOOSE slowly turns around as the music swells, and then suddenly stops.

Caboose: (startled) Whoa! Who are you? Th—

He stumbles backwards and promptly falls off the ledge screaming. There is a splat.

DYLAN stands there, motionless.

Dylan: ...fuck.

The openings chords of Blood Gulch Blues play.

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07-29-2022