Episode opens with Huggins at the beginning of time staring at the giant ball of energy.
HUGGINS: That's a big uhh... Is this the heart of a black hole? Hard to belive one of these things killed my parents...er, it has a heart? Can a black hole love?
Huggins' Mother flies into view.
HUGGINS' MOTHER: No, Dear. That's just the Big Bang.
HUGGINS: (Gasps)
HUGGINS' MOTHER: Pre-Bang, obviously-
HUGGINS: Mom!?
HUGGINS' MOTHER: Mom? That's a name I haven't heard in a long time!
Huggins' Father drifts over.
HUGGINS FATHER: (Laughing) Sharp!
HUGGINS: Dad!?
HUGGINS' FATHER: Please, "Dad" was my father's name! Call me Gerald!
HUGGINS' MOTHER: (Groans)
HUGGINS: Oh noooo, I'm dead aren't I?
HUGGINS MOTHER: What? Sweetie, we can't die. Light is information and cannot be destroyed.
HUGGINS: Yes! Knew it!
HUGGINS' MOTHER: Black holes are like, drains that feed the cosmos all the way back to here. It lets the universe umm...loop.
HUGGINS: Whooooaaa...
GERALD: Whoa,don't blow the kid's mind, Cheryl!
CHERYL: Oh sweetie,I didn't blow your mind, did I?
HUGGINS: WHOOA!
GERALD: Where's your brother? He should be here.
HUGGINS: Muggins? I dunno. One of the Cosmic Powers trapped me here! Remember those guys?
GERALD: ...Nope! Maybe he's just late!
CHERYL: Late? The whole universe should be in here! Oh, maybe there's a blockage in the timeline. Gerald, would that do it?
GERALD: Oh ho ho, yeah that'd do it!
CHERYL: Huggins, you should really check on Muggins.
HUGGINS: Fiiiiine! How?
CHERYL: Just fly at full speed.
GERALD: Close to full speed. Otherwise you'll overshoot.
HUGGINS: Uuuuuh what?
CHERYL: At lightspeed, you don't experience time. So fly close to light speed and time will accelerate. You can watch galaxies bloom and fade in real time, it's really nice.
GERALD: And Hugs, if there's a blockage in the timeline, you'll get stuck like a spider's web. D'ya know where that might be? Can you think of any paradoxes you might have stirred up?
HUGGINS: No I...uh oh...OOOOHH! Those sons of bitches!
CHERYL AND GERALD: Language!
HUGGINS: Okay! Mom, Dad, I gotta go! I know where that paradox is! Something's crazy wrong!
GERALD: Darn tootin' ! Muggins ain't here!
CHERYL: When's your brother getting here, Huggins?
Huggins starts flying away.
HUGGINS: Okay, Goodbye!
CHERYL: So long! Have fun!
GERALD: Bye, buddy!
Transition to Sister and Doc outside Blue Base in Everwhen Blood Gultch.
SISTER: Okay. Tucker's passed out. You know what that means?
DOC: First, we monitor his condition, so that we can-
SISTER: No, doctor boring! (starts heading into the base) I'll start at the top: someone has to tell Tucker that we caused a paradox and are reliving our old lives.
DOC: I would appreciate an explanation of that actually!
SISTER: However! Tucker is going to wake up and look at me, a person he does not know yet somehow recognizes, and be like: byuh.
DOC: Byuh?
SISTER: Duh - dur- huh- why - do I - regocnize - you? And I'll say "it's cause I'm mostly made of you, ya sucker! We took your fuckin' organs!"
DOC: We're not doing that!
The two approach Junior.
SISTER: Ooooor... He just gave birth to this alien tumor- thing, right?
JUNIOR: Blarg!
DOC: Sure.
SISTER: So, we convince him that aliens are invading!
DOC: Uuuh-
SISTER: Through his ass!
DOC: Why would we do that!? There's been enough going on down there already!
SISTER: ...For funsies.
DOC: Can we not just give him the care we'd give any new mother!?
SISTER: Oh, I see what you're saying! I'm the child he gave birth to ! "Little coma baby Kai"!
DOC: Noooo...
SISTER: "Hi, Dad! I'm your coma baby! And I want cash!"
DOC: Ya'know I get the feeling you and Tucker have some unresolved issues.
Sister looms over an unconcious Tucker.
SISTER: Okay, Doc! Just like we practiced: wake him up...
Cut to the Reds putting Donut on "trial" as Washington, Caboose and Sheila watch.
"Motion to feed Donut through Sheila's treads for treason!" Sarge announces.
"I'd like to plead NOT GUILTY, please!" Donut pleads.
"Pleas from a TRAITOR like you are about as significant as whatever abstract shape I'm gonna grind you into!"
"Sarge-" Wash starts, But Sarge interrupts Wash.
"'Sarge' What? This slice of pink-frosted butt-cake has been on display for too long!" He looks to Donut. "The boys gone stale..."
"Donut saved all of us, you included."
"I do not subscribe to that reality!"
"I don't feel comfortable admitting that Donut saved us." Ash says.
"Did Donut really do that?" Simmons asks. "Donut, did you... save us all?"
"Wall, I don't know about all that-" Donut starts.
"Boy doesn't even know about it, you heard him!" Sarge interrupts again.
"I'm sorry but dude, you betrayed us!" Grif says.
"You stole the hammer I wanted to use!" Ash yells. "So fuck you!"
"We were trapped." Wash explains. "We're now free. You and I are no longer in a weird time-limbo and WE OWE DONUT. We owe him big time."
"Whatever." Grif says.
"I have five bucks... but I'm gonna want change." Sarge says.
"This is worse than the ending of Darling in the Franxx." Ash says.
Donut sighs.
"Now can someone please tell me why I'm in Blood Gulch?" Grif asks.
"I love this place." Ash comments.
"Uh, Wash, Donut, can you fill this one?" Caboose asks. "I am going to start fixing the timeline. Boop."
Cabooses consciousness phases away and his Everwhen self starts staring at the sun.
"Is... Is Caboose a genius?" Wash asks.
"To keep my sanity and make myself feel better, we're gonna go with no." Ash says.
Wash hums. "Well, you heard him. Let's get everyone up to speed. Speaking of everyone where... Are they?"
Return to Sister and Doc hovering over Tucker.
SISTER: How're his vitals?
DOC: Fine.
SISTER: And his life signs?
DOC: Same thing!
TUCKER: Wuh uuugh... Who is that?
SISTER: Good God, amnesia!? I'll fetch my medical tire iron. Nurse, help him up!
DOC: Nurse?
SISTER: Thank you, sweetpea! (to Tucker) Lavernius, you've been out for some time. How many guns am I holding up?
TUCKER: One?
SISTER: Very good! (to Doc) We're gonna have to put him down.
TUCKER: I was just... having a baby!
SISTER: In THIS economy!? He's delirious.
TUCKER: Don't I know you?
SISTER: Yeah... you do I'm afraid. I was gonna wait until you recovered to tell you this but, Tucker... I'm you!
TUCKER: What?
SISTER: FROM THE FUTURE!
Silence
DOC: ...I'm leaving.
Doc leaves.
TUCKER: Is this a prank? Sarge!
SISTER: The future is all ladies, all the time. You included. And if you're gonna live to see that promised land, I've gotta rescue you, Tucker. You wanna know why?
TUCKER: Fuck off.
SISTER: You are in Puuuurgatooory, Lavernius. And you've gotta break out of Purgatory!
TUCKER: I am not!
SISTER: Welcome to Limbo, muthafucka!
JUNIOR: Blarg!
TUCKER: What was that?
Junior pops up.
JUNIOR: Honk!
TUCKER: AAAAGH!
SISTER: That's, uh... It's a-It's a demon! Cause... we're in Limbo? Remember?
JUNIOR: Honk?
SISTER: You died in childbirth.
TUCKER: What?! Oh God!
SISTER: No God here, Tucker!
TUCKER: Jesus!
SISTER: No Jesus here! Just you, this here prospective vagina and eternity with the demons, baby boy!
JUNIOR: Honk!
TUCKER: Aaugh!
SISTER: You can escape. I can show you how... but you have to trust me.
JUNIOR: BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!
TUCKER: Oh... Oh God, oh-God...!
Cut to Huggins arriving at Everwhen Blood Gultch.
HUGGINS: Blood Gultch: historic home to the Shisno. Jeez... Grif lived here...? Hmm, looks like he had neighbors. That must've been nice. eheh Oh... nobody's here yet.
Huggins girates back and forth at near lightspeed until she sees Caboose below.
HUGGINS: Here! Hey you! Why'd you make a pardox, ya butt!?
CABOOSE: Hello!
HUGGINS: Wait. Hnn... Wrong person!
Huggins flies further away.
HUGGINS: Guh! Huggins, you idiot! It's the past, they haven't done it yet! Oh no, what am I gonna do...?
Caboose pops up in front of her on the cliff edge.
CABOOSE: Uhh, Hello, um, pardon me? Um we did it to save our friend, Wash. IIII kinda thought you knew that?
HUGGINS: Youuu... U-uhh...
CABOOSE: Uh, ya'know cause you went away all mad...?
HUGGINS: I... did?
CABOOSE: You, when we're at the god-place together? In the future...?
HUGGINS: How can you know that!? Ugh... Okay uh, Caboose right?
CABOOSE: Yes, thank you for remembering.
HUGGINS: Today, I found out my parents aren't dead. Black holes make the universe loop.
CABOOSE: Time is made of circles, I am familiar with the concept.
HUGGINS: And now you seem to know... the future?
CABOOSE: Yeah, really good at card tricks now.
HUGGINS: (rising up level by level) Okay. This is whelmed. This-is-overwhelmed. And this is where my ass is at! (sighs) Can we talk?
CABOOSE: Yeah, ok, but I have to kill my best friend in an hour, so, ya'know...
Cut to Tucker approaching Doc.
TUCKER: Doc! I'm a phantom and I have unfinished business on Earth.
DOC: Oh dear God...
TUCKER: I have to come clean.
DOC: Tucker, Sister's just trying to-
TUCKER: I seduced your mother.
DOC: ...Say what now?
Sister walks over.
TUCKER: You said... I dunno, something I didn't like. So I looked up "Mom" in your phone and... well, ya'know. And then I told everyone she had tits like icing bags. And that she's so fat, that when she walks on the beach, she leaves glass footprints! (laughs)
DOC: ...E-you should go tell everyone else your unfinished business too.
TUCKER: Thanks, man. I'll miss you.
Donut walks by grumbling to himself. Tucker runs up to him.
TUCKER: Donut, I'm dead. I'm sorry I always mocked your alternative lifestyle. And I-
DONUT: (sullenly) We helped prevent Wash's injury, causing a paradox and now you're trapped in your past. That's Carolina. That's Wash. You should ask yourself how you know them, even though you haven't met them yet.
SISTER: No!
Donut: Me and Doc betrayed everyone, and no amount of "atonement"-seems-to-fix-it!
Tucker and Doc phase back in, their loops broken.
TUCKER: Oh fuck you, Kaikaina!
SISTER: Muwahahaha!
DOC: Holy moley! I survived falling off a skyscraper!
DONUT: Wait! Doc? You're not dead!?
DOC: Yeah! I gu-I mean, I guess not.
DONUT: I fought you through time and space!
DOC: Yeah! Man, you did so great! That was such a fun fight! It was like "uh- punching", wow!
DONUT: You damn right. Goddamn right it was!
Donut runs over and starts addressing the rest of the group.
"All right, you FUCKERS! Listen up!" Donut yells.
Everyone turns to Donut.
"Did he...?" Ash questions.
"I have had it with this 'traitor' crap! You all think you're better than me cause I have PINK armor!"
"Whoa!" Sarge yells in surprise.
"Yeah. I said it!" Donut yells. "I'm OWNING it! Pink! You put me down, sideline me, leave me to rot, shoot me over and over!"
Tucker, Sister and Doc come over.
"Sorry..." Wash apologizes.
Donut continues. "And when I die horribly at the hands of some time god and come back with the explicit task of saving your lives! And when I'm the only person, the only person with any interest in preserving the universe while your dumb-asses wander off and break time itself!"
"Sorry." Carolina apoligises.
"SHUT UP!" Donut yells at Carolina. "All you can think to do after I fight O'Malley across time, space, World War 2, the moon and a labyrinth prison inside of a black hole, is execute me!?"
"VOTE to execute you!" Sarge corrects him.
"You wanna know what my crime was? Huh? You wanna know what I did? How I slipped up when I trusted Chrovos? I believed, someone could like me."
"...Woof." Sister says.
"So when I teach you all how to time travel and thwart Genkins, I'm out! Next time you're stuck in your boring-ass lives with your ugly decor and drab fashion sense, cry to some other Shisno!" Donut storms off.
"PINK!" Donut yells as he walks off.
"You are all going after him and apologizing." Wash says sternly.
Everyone grumbling and mutters as they walk after Donut, except Sarge.
"I am not a dirty Shisno." Ash mumbles.
"Did I hear right that I can time travel?" Sarge asks Wash.
"First, apology!" Wash orders.
Sarge groans and walks after the others.
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10-19-2022
1922 words
