Omphalos
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Tucker's Sword lies discarded on the floor of the Labyrinth.

TUCKER: (Off-screen) A leader stands behind their team for the good things. In front of them for the bad.

He is sitting down, leaning against the Labyrinth's wall as he talks to himself, next to the portal into the depths of the black hole.

TUCKER: Why am I still here?

Meanwhile, Donut and Chrovos still stand in the prison, discussing the situation of the Reds and Blues. The entire area is rumbling.

DONUT: They're where?

CHROVOS: Do these drab clouds usually rumble? Where do you think? They're in the Labyrinth.

DONUT: Well, that's great! I'll just wait here for them to get to us.

CHROVOS: Ah, how to put this with tact? That would be a little like meeting a lamb at the end of a slaughterhouse.

DONUT: Come again?

We cut briefly to a scene inside the Labyrinth, where Washington is holding down a position with the other Reds and Blues, including Donut, facing heavy fire.

WASHINGTON: We stay here, we die. We retreat, we fall into a black hole.

CAROLINA: Oh, great.

Back in the prison:

CHROVOS: The Labyrinth is fiendish.

The scene continues to cut between Wash, inside the Labyrinth, and Chrovos, explaining the situation to Donut. An army of monsters with heavy weapons continue to assault the Reds and Blues' position.

WASHINGTON: I didn't expect the Labyrinth to have so many, erm... minotaurs?

CABOOSE: Uh, I think that one horn makes them 'unitards'. It's French.

In the prison:

CHROVOS: Burnstorm built it to keep me in, and it sort of runs on... irony.

And back inside the Labyrinth, where Chrovos narrates over the combat:

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) It doesn't kill them. Not directly.

WASHINGTON: Okay, listen up. Donut, grenades from cover. Hit the emplacements. Once they're rattled, Lopez, turn their gun mounts to scrap.

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) Imagine a cube, containing a light bulb, lined with mirrors.

WASHINGTON: Sarge, Tucker, Ash, Carolina, you're with me. Everyone else, lay down cover when-- right flank!

Minotaurs march across the battlefield as a gunner lays down fire on the Reds and Blues. Wash leads the team in a brief counter-offensive.

WASHINGTON: Carolina, Ash, on me! Everyone pin 'em down!

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) It becomes unbearable inside.

WASHINGTON: Alright, let's roll with the punches. Everyone on us, counter attack. Right side!

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) Too bright.

WASHINGTON: One at a time, we'll cover-- get down!

Another minotaur mans and fires a rocket launcher. Sarge and Tucker explode.

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) Too hot.

WASHINGTON: No!

Ash pops out of cover and fires his plasma reapeter, only to get shot in the head by a sniper.

"Ash!" Wash yells.

Donut and Grif are caught in the explosion of a grenade.

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) In this case, their emotions are the light bulb.

WASHINGTON: You're zeroed, spread out!

DONUT: (Voice-over.) And the labyrinth is the cube?

One by one, Caboose and Lopez are shot and felled.

WASHINGTON: Carolina! (panting.) I need...

CHROVOS: (Voice-over.) No. Their minds are.

Wash turns to his other side, and freezes. Carolina has been killed, too.

WASHINGTON: (voice breaking.) No! No!

We leave Wash in the midst of the massacre, returning to Chrovos and Donut in the prison.

CHROVOS: The Labyrinth is a reflection of themselves, where their own amplified negativity overwhelms them. Their only escape is to self-destruct.

Then we see another scene. In an ambiguous, seemingly-endless hallway, Carolina faces down an unseen adversary.

CAROLINA: Listen to me, you bitch. I can only assume some fluke of time travel brought you here. But this Labyrinth ain't big enough for the two of me, okay?

Her past self emerges from the shadows, but says nothing.

CAROLINA: Nothing to say for yourself? You know what, we should talk. I don't give a hot fuck if this messes with the timeline. You need to hear this. I feel so much rage when I look at you. You know that? You prioritize yourself over everything. You're going to get people killed. Heck, you're going to kill people. And they won't always deserve it. Dad won't love you more if you keep winning. He can't. He died when mom died. And you'll bury him. Your competitive streak stops. I'm demanding it.

The two Carolinas stare each other down for another moment.

PAST-CAROLINA: Oh. You're done? Okay. You got pretty talkative. No need for the lecture. I can read your whole, shitty life from your whiny tone of voice.

CAROLINA: Oh, you think you're so--

PAST-CAROLINA: Directionless? Scared? No. No, actually, I... (laughs) I feel great. Weird, to hear all that from you, though. Let me unpack this. You've now tasted defeat, I'm assuming, and you were... aww, sad? (mockingly.) For a while? And you want people around as crutches in case you trip again.

Present-Carolina scoffs, but her past self continues.

CAROLINA: When have I ever-

PAST-CAROLINA: Think about it, ever allied with someone I didn't need? A friend in a high place. A bolt-hole. A wingman. To forget how to utilize people is to forget yourself. Forget me. And frankly, that'd be damning enough, but you went further. Carolina, you stripped away what comes without thought. What's instinctual. Your passion. What greater betrayal is there? You're not you anymore.

The portal through which Donut and Chrovos were watching the scene play out closes.

DONUT: My friends are too strong to defeat themselves. I mean, I know how that sounds, but--

CHROVOS: They defeat themselves because they're strong. They derive strength from righteous anger, a memory of hardship, a fear of the future. Negativity. The Labyrinth simply reflects these motivations back at them.

DONUT: So let me out.

CHROVOS: ...I can't. I haven't the power.

DONUT: So take my Shisno-whatever. I have a fragment of you, so take it back and use it!

CHROVOS: It's not enough. I'm sorry to say, but your friends are isolated, tormented, and some may already be dead. I'm... sorry.

GENKINS: (Off-screen.) Oho.

Behind Donut, Genkins has returned to the prison through the gateway to the Everwhen.

GENKINS: I doubt that. (chuckles.) But you will be. Did she tell you what this Labyrinth does?

DONUT: It's hurting them.

GENKINS: Again, not physically. More... elegant.

DONUT: I'm gonna get them out. And then I'm gonna lock you in there. Somewhere your fears can eat you.

GENKINS: Aha! It's not just fears. On occasion, it'll give them something even nastier.

Back inside the Labyrinth, Sarge stands on the precipice overlooking the depths of the black hole.

GENKINS: (Voice-over.) For some people, it gives them what they think they want. And it gets ugly. (laughs)

OFFICE WORKER 1: (Voice-over.) Hey Sarge!

Suddenly, Sarge is sitting behind a desk in a brightly-lit modern office space, still wearing his armor. Various unseen members of the office speak to him one by one.

OFFICE WORKER 1: You get those documents?

SARGE: Sure did!

OFFICE WORKER 2: How are the kids?

SARGE: Oh, they're... yeah, they're kids.

OFFICE WORKER 3: Sarge, we're gonna go get pho! Are you in?

SARGE: Sure, why the pho not.

OFFICE WORKER 4: Hey, did you send me that report?

SARGE: Technically, I'm on a break right now.

OFFICE WORKER 4: Oh, right now? Yeah, that works, thanks!

SARGE: (laughing) Ah, heheh... Ah, kill me.

Later, when the office has cleared out, Sarge stands by a window looking out over a city skyline at sunset. He raises a '#2 SARGE' mug to his face to drink, but it's blocked by his helmet.

SARGE: God dang office helmet.

Nevertheless, he manages to take a sip anyway. He sighs.

SARGE: There's gotta be more. More than city life. Mochas and matcha cortados and tacos and faux croissants. Like the army life. The life I dreamed of! I could storm a beach. Kill a Nazi! (sighs.)

OFFICE WORKER: (Off-screen.) Sarge.

SARGE: Yeah?

OFFICE WORKER: Landing in one minute.

SARGE: Right... wait. Landing? I'm sorry, I don't understand--

Sarge screams as he suddenly finds himself apparently storming the beach on D-Day, aboard a landing craft with several other soldiers in fatigues. Gunfire criss-crosses overhead.

SOLDIER: Thirty! Seconds!

More soldiers charge past fortifications on the beach, many being gunned down by bullets or explosions. Sarge's craft lands and his fellow soldiers charge onto the beach, several being killed almost immediately. Sarge manages to evade and continues forward under fire.

SARGE: Woawoawoah! Look out ricochet! Yow!

He ducks behind a pylon.

SARGE: I take it back! I take it back! Please, God, I TAKE IT BACK!

Then we move to a large frozen waste land where a massive space ship crashed.

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"Where am I?" Ash asks as he looks around and he spots the Mother of Invention crashed into the snow. "Here?"

Then a younger voice speaks up from behind. "Well, well, well."

Ash turns around and spots Minne.

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"It's you!" Ash questions.

Minnesota looks at Ash's armor, which is the same as his but with a different helmet and all of it's Crimson. 

"I see you kept the armor, but made it kinda uglier." Minnesota says. "And you've disgraced us Spartans by getting those prosthetics." 

Ash reaches for his weapons, only to find them not their.

Minne chuckles. "Need to solve every fight with a gun?" He takes a step forward and Ash takes a step back.

"Why are you here?" Ash asks.

Minne holds up his fists. "To show you how to be a freelancer."

The scene cuts to Grif, standing in a misty forested area. Behind him, a drill instructor blows a whistle.

GRIF: No! No no no no no!

PRESTWOOD: Six o'clock fat camp!

GRIF: Coach Prestwood!?

PRESTWOOD: We are 'ere to discover what the lord gave to you instead of athleticism!

GRIF: I-I'm sorry I peed myself climbing gym rope!

PRESTWOOD: Could you repeat that? I couldn't hear you over-- BANG! BANG! BANG!

Coach Prestwood cocks a pistol and shoots it at Grif's feet.

GRIF: AH!

PRESTWOOD: Via elimination and this here startin' pistol, we'll work out what you're good at, Puddles.

He takes a few more shots at Grif's feet, who screams and barely manages to evade.

PRESTWOOD: Startin' with not dyin'! If you fail this test, you will be forced... to try again.

GRIF: ...Oh.

PRESTWOOD: Once reincarnated!

GRIF: No!

Prestwood shoots again, and Grif begins to run towards a Wipeout-style waterborne obstacle course, already panting. He leaps across several poles, avoiding some trapped with mines, successfully reaching the next platform. As soon as he does so, the field is engulfed in flame and the mines explode; frantically, he hurries to the next stage before falling to the ground.

GRIF: (Gasping and retching.) No more. Ple... Please...! L-Lungs... filling with blood...! (pants heavily) Ragh...! Ugh...

A rocket startles him as it flies over his head. Prestwood, holding the rocket launcher, stands on a nearby platform and laughs.

GRIF: Ahh!

PRESTWOOD: (laughs) Rest is for winners! (laughs)

He pulls out a sniper rifle and begins shooting at Grif again, barely missing. Grif keeps running.

GRIF: Gyah!

PRESTWOOD: Don't get snipped, by me snipper riffle!

Grif runs along a bridge trapped by spinning pylons, ducking and jumping over them all while avoiding Prestwood's shots.

PRESTWOOD: Snip! C'mon lad, you're doing it! (laughs)

GRIF: You made me... hate effort... itself...! You... are the WORST gym teacher...!

Grif stops after passing the obstacles while Prestwood reloads the rifle. He aims above Grif's head; Grif looks up to see a giant boulder suspended from a crane directly above his head. With another shot, Prestwood drops the boulder, and Grif just manages to escape.

Elsewhere, with similar panic, Sarge continues to run across the beach. He stops beneath a massive concrete fortification raining machine-gun fire onto the battlefield. He turns to some fellow soldiers, shouting.

SARGE: Bangalorg! Mangalord! Starlord, Rocket Raccoon, whatever! The explodin' tubes from the D-Day movie!

SOLDIER: W-What mov--

The other soldier explodes, leaving a ringing in Sarge's ears.

Then we move to a grassy cliff. 

Xi is staring in shock at the scene in front of her.

"X.I?" A familiar voice asks.

We move to see Church a little ways in front Xi. Behind him we see Gamma, Delta, Eta, Theta, Lota, Sigma and Omega.

"Something wrong?" Church asks.

"I-I..." Xi stutters. "I thought you all died."

Omega scoffs.

"That seems illogical, since we're all here." Delta says.

"Are you experiencing a programming error, Xi?" Gamma asks.

"I... I don't think so?" Xi questions herself, until she hears a growl from the scariest mute in the galaxy. 

The scene cuts to Lopez' perspective, in the past at Blood Gulch. Grif, Simmons, Ash and Sarge are standing around a table and talking.

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"In my defense, replacing out box of grenades with a box of avocados kind of is doing my job." Grif defends himself.

"Exactly how do you figure?" Simmons asks.

"Health is a war inside of us." 

"I'm kinda pissed about this, Grif." Ash says.

"I'm mostly just insulted that you thought I or Ash wouldn't notice!" Sarge says to Grif as he punches the box.

Then Lopez speaks, but he speaks in English.

"You wouldn't notice your own reflection without the help of a color wheel." [No notarias tu propio reflejo sin la ayuda de una rueda de colores.] Lopez insults Grif.

Sarge slowly turns to Lopez. "Is that so, Private?"

"Wait-- What did I just say?!" [Espere. ?Que acabo de decir?] 

"Wow, Lopez." Simmons starts. "This morning you hog all the food at breakfast-- and now you're disrespecting your superior to his face?!"

"I never knew someone could stoop so low." Ash says.

"I don't eat breakfast! I--" [Yo no desayuno.] Lopez smacks his lips. "Do I have a taste? In my mouth?!" [?Yengo un gusto en mi boca?]

"Private, you're about to taste my boot up the back of your throat via your ass!" Sarge threatens. 

"Stop calling me Private." [Deja de llamarme privado.] Lopez starts. "You are not my superior. I am a robot. I am superior to all of you!" [Tu no eres mu superior. Soy superior a todos ustedes.]

"Are you nuts?" Grif asks Lopez. "Everyone knows the only robot on Red Team is Gustavo. " 

The camera pans to a standard washing machine, with added googly eyes, a piece of cardboard with a mouth drawn on, and a battle rifle taped to the front. A name-tag identifies the machine as Gustavo.

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GUSTAVO: (In Spanish) Everyone loves Gustavo!

"Ahh, Gustavo! You're the best!" Grif says.

"No." [No.] Lopez says.

Donut and Genkins watch Lopez's nightmare through another portal, as he walks towards the precipice above the black hole.

GENKINS: ...and they'll die, willingly. For duty, self-sacrifice, or just to take their destiny into their own hands.

Lopez stops at the edge. From his perspective, where he still believes he is a human in Blood Gulch, he stands atop a cliff overlooking Red Base. He looks down at the long fall below, forlorn.

LOPEZ: Oh, why was I born a terrible meatsack?

We cut back to reality, with Lopez in the Labyrinth.

LOPEZ: (In Spanish) And not a beautiful robot like Gustavo?

Lopez throws himself off the cliff into the Black Hole, destroying himself.

DONUT: Lopez!

The portal through which they were viewing the scene closes.

GENKINS: Delicious! Ah, Don't worry, you'll join them soon enough. (He chuckles and turns around.)

DONUT: Don't say toodles--

GENKINS: --Toodles!

Genkins re-enters the Everwhen, and the doorway dissolves and evaporates behind him.

CHROVOS: Well... That's that.

DONUT: What is this Labyrinth?

CHROVOS: A fearsome A.I. A predator that kills its prey with logic. It rarely has to fight physically, Donut. But when it does, I hear it really fights. It's said that if you see one of its avatars, you must kill it immediately, quick as you can. Because if it gets into your head... you've lost.

DONUT: And if it's already in their heads...

CHROVOS: Yes. I'm sorry.

Donut lowers his head, defeated.

DOC: (Off-screen.) Uh, Donut?

Donut and Chrovos both turn to look back in the direction of the doorway. On another floating rock, some distance from the prison's main platform, Doc has been watching the scene.

DOC: Look, I know you said to stay out of the way, but--

DONUT: Doc?!

DOC: Yeah, it's me! Sorry.

DONUT: Why didn't you say anything?

DOC: I've been politely waiting my turn to talk. Kinda appeared here when you did. (Beat.) How do I get over there?

DONUT: (turns to Chrovos.) Doc's a Shisno. Would his fragment of your power plus mine be enough?

CHROVOS: Well, I can think of better uses for it, but yes. Donut, I think you just found your way into the Labyrinth.

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10-20-2022

2666 words.

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