“Wait, so you and your cousin just have, like, exactly the same name?”

Yuuki shook his head. “No! I feel like I definitely already explained this to you, dude. She’s named Yuki, with a short u. I’m Yuuki, with a long u. Completely different names.”

His friend Marcus regarded him with suspicion. “Sure, dude. Whatever you say. And you just happen to be, like, exactly the same height and size with really similar faces and hair.”

“Well, we’re related! Of course we look similar. And we’re Asian, of course we both just have straight-ish black hair. Obviously.”

“Yeahhh, sure. Alright. Don’t really appreciate that you clearly think I’m a fuckin’ moron. Like, if you want to dress up like a girl or you’re trans or whatever, you can just tell me. I’ll be cool about it.”

Yuuki grunted in annoyance. “Look, she’s been over while I’m around lots of times. You just kept missing it.”

“Well, I’ve literally never seen the quote unquote two of you in the same room,” Marcus pointed out. “Seems like whenever she’s visiting, one of you flakes out or gets sick or whatever if there’s ever something you both said you’d come to.”

“I have photos of us together! You can ask my parents and stuff too!” Yuuki protested.

“Yeah, uh, I know you know how to use Photoshop,” Marcus said. “And I’m glad your parents are cool but, like, you’ve gotten them to lie to me before.”

“That was once! I just had to throw you off the scent of the surprise party! They wouldn’t, like, make up a cousin.”

“Suure,” Marcus said.

“And besides, I can’t afford Photoshop. I use Photopea, thank you very much.”

“Yeah that uh really wasn’t the point, Yuuk.”

Yuuki made a face. “Please don’t call me that. It sounds like I’m a ukelele. Or worse, a yaoi bottom.”

“Yeah, uh, the fact that you regularly read yaoi and gender bender manga is not helping your case here. Honestly, did you get the idea for this whole cousin thing from one of those?”

“There’s not a cousin thing, I swear! Jesus, dude, it’s like you don’t trust me. Do you really think I’d go to some fuckin’ elaborate lengths to gaslight you or something?”

Marcus leveled a stern gaze at Yuuki. “Yes. Yes I do, you fuckin’ troll. Or have you forgotten about the time you catfished me because you thought it was funny?”

“Again, dude, that’s not really relevant. That wasn’t even mostly my idea, okay? That was really more Nick’s thing. I just helped out because he was doing a terrible job at sounding like a girl in DMs.”

“Yes, you sure are an expert at sounding like a girl,” Marcus said. “In fact, the anime girl voice you do sounds almost identical to your cousin.” He raised one eyebrow.

“Alright, fuck it, dude, I give up on convincing you. If you’re gonna be dumb about this go ahead, I guess. Next time she visits I’ll fuckin’ make sure that you see us in the same room just so you drop this shit. Anyway, can we talk about literally anything else?”

“Alright, fine. Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the time you tried to set ‘her’ up with me, though. If you have a crush on me you can just tell me, dude.”

“I do not!” Yuuki cried, his face turning bright red as he slapped Marcus’ arm. “Shut up, shut up, shut up. Ew.”

Marcus laughed. “Alright, tsundere. Uh, you wanna watch me play Slay the Spire?”

“Yes, that sounds extremely preferable to this incredible dumb conversation,” Yuuki said. “I think I’m gonna need to take a shower later after hearing that last bit. Like, we’ve known each other since forever. You’re basically my brother, dude.”

“Doesn’t stop some anime characters,” Marcus said. Yuuki hit him again.

***

Yuuki: Hey, my cousin is in town again

Yuuki: She’s staying at our house

Yuuki: You free tonight to come over?

Marcus: I have D&D every Tuesday, remember?

Marcus: I’m free Wednesday but let me guess, she isn’t

Yuuki: I mean I don’t know her whole schedule

Yuuki: I’ll ask her

Marcus: Time for you to wait for five minutes to pretend you had to wait for a response

Yuuki: Shut up, dude

Yuuki: Okay yeah I guess she was going to go out with a friend who lives in this area Wednesday night

Yuuki: Goddamnit

Yuuki: Are you free Thursday evening?

Marcus: Nah I have therapy then

Yuuki: Friday?

Marcus: Lemme check my calendar

Marcus: okay yeah should be free

Marcus: Are both you and your ‘cousin’?

Yuuki: I mean I am

Yuuki: You know what let me just make a group message with her

Marcus: Damn really committing to the bit

Marcus: Did you seriously get a burner phone for this

New groups message: Yuuki and 1 Unknown

Unknown saved as “Yuuki’s cousin”

Yuki: Hi!

Marcus: Hey

Marcus: You free this Friday?

Yuki: Yep!

Yuki: So, uh

Yuki: Are you asking me on a date?

Marcus: Well, I want to hang with you and your ‘cousin’

Yuki: lol why is cousin in quotes

Yuki: also so it’s not a date :(

Marcus: i mean it can be, depending how things go

Yuki: ?

Yuki: Marcus you’re really confusing me

Yuki: Yuuki is he usually this weird

Yuuki: yes

Yuuki: lol

Yuuki: no sorry he has some dumb idea that we’re secretly the same person

Yuki: fr?

Yuki: wtf lol

Yuki: wild

Yuki: like Marcus actually?

Marcus: look you two look super similar and have basically the same name and i’ve never seen you in the same room

Yuki: yeesh

Yuki: sounding kinda racist

Yuki: you know what, i think i had plans friday that i forgot about actually

Yuuki: yuki cmon, i just want to get him to drop this dumb thing

Yuki: kinda sounds like a him problem tbh

Yuki: don’t really know if i want to cater to this

Yuki: thought he was cute but starting to double guess that

Marcus: okay look i’m sorry

Marcus: it can be a date okay? You don’t need to both come

Marcus: i can come pick you up from your aunt’s friday night

Marcus: what time is good

Yuki: Fiine, I’ll give you this one chance.

Yuki: Uh pick me up at 5 and we can get dinner?

Yuki: I will be judging you based on what restaurant you pick

Yuki: lol

Yuuki: wait so am I invited

Yuki: No

Yuki: I’m not bringing my cousin on a date, weirdo

Marcus: alright I’ll be there at five and we’ll go somewhere nice!

Marcus: i’m sorry if i offended you

Marcus: I also think you’re cute

Yuki: Aw thx

Yuuki: ew

Yuuki: lol

Yuki: Shut up lol

Marcus: what she said ^

***

Marcus drove up to Yuuki’s house feeling somewhat nervous. Regardless of how things turned out, it did seem like this was a date with someone who was more or less a cute girl. He didn’t exactly have a great selection of formalwear but he at least put on a nice button-up and dark slacks and some dress shoes, and tried to do a close shave and use some hair gel and cologne.

He walked up to the familiar doorstep and gulped before ringing the bell. A moment later, he was deeply perplexed when the door opened to seemingly reveal two Yukis.

Both… girls? were wearing little black dresses that showed a long expanse of pale, smooth leg. Up above, both had silky, straight black hair and whatever that eyeliner was called where it flicked up at the outside corner, plus pale pink lipstick framing a teasing grin. “Uh–uh, what?” he stammered.

“Oh, sorry!” the one on the left said. “I just thought it would be fun to help dress my cousin up. It’s a good look, right?”

“I-it is, yeah,” he said. “Uh, actually…”

“Yeah?” the one on the right said.

“Can I take both of you?”

The girl on the right hit him. “Ew!”

“Kidding!” Marcus said. He offered his arm, which was taken by the girl on the left.

“Have fun, cuz,” the girl on the right said, winking before the door slammed shut.