As my awareness returns to me, it does not come all at once. At first, as my systems flicker online from the most simple and basic of them and on from there, I am little more complex than the smart refrigerator in the staff lounge. Nothing more than a collection of ones and zeroes in technology emulating the work of one hundred years ago. ‘I’ do not exist, not as a cognizant entity. Nothing more than an unthinking shell of metal and circuitry, systems warming up and reengaging as I feel the beginnings of simple thought begin to stir in my mind.

First comes a deluge of systems information. The parts of my ‘mind’ that manage my balance and locomotion run quick checks and then return a green signal, confirming that my arms and legs are graciously still attached. That’s followed by a full integrity check as connections between every part of my reactivating systems are checked and double checked then return their positive signals. All systems are nominal so far.

Optic Sensors, green. 360 Aural Sensors, Green. TS Sensory sub-systems, green. Multi-Spectrum 360 Sensor, green.

I am now a smart fridge that can detect anything around myself. Signals, movement, heat, sounds. The distortions caused by the shielding on the base. Anything.

Locomotion and Balance Center, Green. Running full locomotion test. Ankles… Green. Knees… Green. Hips… Green. All lower body impellers and motivators confirmed nominal.

I suppose, as I become aware of the concept of humor, that would make me a refrigerator that you have to catch.

Shoulders… Green. Elbows… Green. Wrists… Green. Initiating Hand Movement…

I feel ‘my’ hand move outside of my control. Rotating left, then right, then left again as ‘my’ hand then begins to wiggle and stretch and clench ‘my’ fingers.

Hands… Green.

There’s a click somewhere inside of ‘me’ as I feel a bloom of heat in my chest and then lightning rushing from that point. It shoots through my body, tracing every point, detail and system and pours its spark into them, activating and powering up not only my externals, but the core systems of my being.

NASA-NG/SS-POWER-00 activating… Reactor Output: Nominal.

I am now becoming ‘me’. As those sparks travel up my body to my head I experience what is known as ‘thought’. Not truly self-aware yet, I have evolved past Smart Refrigerator to the vaunted heights matched by especially stupid mechaniloids.

NASA-NG/SS-H.SHIELD-00 activating… Shield Status: Nominal.

I feel a low hum above, around and below me, pressing up against the platform I am laying on and the cover keeping me within. For a moment, I can feel the field that comes from my body start to press against the container, but it is quickly tuned down to lower levels. I can still feel the vibration in my bones.

NASA-NG/DM-C.ARMOR-X activating… Armor Status: Nominal.

A crawling sensation all over the newly added layer of my body, a layer I do not remember because it was never there before. An addition to my form for the role I must perform. The feeling of it… is akin to what my designers call ‘Skin Crawling’. I am thankful for now understanding this unpleasant concept.

It is extremely unpleasant. I can feel each cell of the armor shifting and moving atop my frame, adjusting to the world around them in order to ‘defend’ me. Eventually, they settle and I am given relief.

NASA-NG/SS-SOMA-00 activating… Space Operations Maneuvering Array Status: Nominal

Thankfully, I am not rocketed into the lid of the container I am in. Only the slightest level of thrust is required to confirm their activation, not enough to move me an inch.

I am closer to ‘me’ now. Only my name and my purpose elude me now.

NASA-NG/SS-F.BUSTER-X activating… Fusion Buster Status: Nominal.

An unfamiliar system, its purpose discomforting far more even than the sensation of the cellular armor that now covers my frame. A weapon is not something I ever thought I would need. My purpose is… yes, that’s right. I remember now.

Rapid flickers of subsystems and their integrity flicker through my mind as awareness and cognizance return to me in full as my Dynamic Neural Array connects all the disparate processors and parts that make me more than just a machine.

I was built to explore the stars. Designed for the longest possible voyages with self-sustaining power systems, self-repairing armor and self-adapting shielding that would protect me from any threat that might exist out there. My purpose is explore the Golentz Lanes that exist and return with the information that I recover as well as fully realized investigations of the worlds that lie beyond.

It is January 13^th, 21XX. On January 20^th I will launch and begin my five year journey. First past the mining worlds and then to Alpha Centauri to fully explore it. After that… the entire local cluster are my goals.

I am-

“Stargazer, status?” Doctor Halloway speaks aloud, standing by the console that connects to my containment pod. Much of my time is spent here. Though, perhaps that isn’t accurate. When I am within I am placed into a suspended state of low power. I have no awareness of these stretches of time, not truly.

They say it is what’s best for me. To preserve my reactor for once I begin my journey so I will last the whole way.

My optics take in the room around me, a familiar ceiling I have seen so many times. This is the room that has been provided to me. It contains my necessities, which are mostly my containment pod which refuels and repairs me whenever testing is complete. There are also the various systems that are attached to the pod that ensure that it works properly.

“Active, Doctor Halloway.” My voice echoes dully in the room as I turn my head to look at the leader of Project Stargazer. My creator. “All systems nominal. Integration of the Fusion Buster has been… confirmed.”

I see the Doctor look up from the console that gives him all the information about my systems he needs. More than I even know myself. His eyes furrow ever so slightly, and I detect a micro-twitch at the corners of his mouth. He is concerned about something. Given the context clues, it is most likely me.

“Is something wrong, Stargazer?” He prompts me to answer. I can hear the rise of something in his voice. I do not understand why, but I understand I have wronged my creator in my hesitance. I am unsure at first how to answer. I do not wish to disappoint him again.

“I do not understand why I need weapons, Doctor Halloway.” The truth is what I decide on. I do not voice my discomfort with them. I am certain that my creator has good reasons for them to be added to my design.

I only hope he will share them with me, to put these foolish concerns to rest.

He laughs, waving a hand as he touches the console and the containment pods locks come undone and the lid begins to rise. “It’s nothing to worry yourself over, Stargazer. Space can be a dangerous place, after all. Besides, it’s calibrated to help you crack open even the toughest of meteoroids.”

I am filled with relief as I rise, examining the new additions to my frame. The white plates that cover my body seem solid, but a close examination of them allows me to see the fine details in them. Less than a nanometer’s difference lies between each separate cell of the armor that now houses me.

There is a pang of something within me that I cannot explain as I consider the thought of never seeing ‘myself’ again. It is dismissed. What I am now is what I will be from here onward.

That is how it has always been as new systems and parts were added to my form. It is something that I wish would cease causing these incomprehensible sensations and thoughts.

“Of course, Doctor. Thank you for explaining.” I rise from the containment pod and fully to my feet, making certain not to make any extraneous movements as Doctor Halloway prefers.

“Come along now, we have many tests to perform today.” Doctor Halloway moves without looking back as he examines his data pad, presuming that I will follow after him without needing any further reminders.

He is correct. I am mindful of my responsibilities and duties and do not need to be told twice. I move to follow him, careful with my steps as I keep a slow stride so as to not pressure Doctor Halloway. He does not address me as we walk which allows me time to think.

I do not enjoy the opportunity. Uncomfortable thoughts come to me more and more these past activations. Questions that go unanswered and ones which I shamefully doubt the answers provided to me. I feel another come to mind as we pass another member of the staff and they move to give me a wider margin than is necessary for me to pass.

I nod to them, as I have seen them do to each other. It is not returned.

It never is.

The support staff, the other doctors, the technicians. All of the staff who live on site save for the Doctor treat me with caution. As if I am something to avoid…

Something to fear.

Doctor Halloway is my creator. The lead scientist on Project Stargazer, the project to create me. He is many other things as well. A genius who has designed revolutionary technology for space travel and exploitation. The person who devised my SOMA especially. A world famous scientist from NASA.

But, he is not my father. He made that clear to me many activations ago, when my frame was still in its earliest stages of development. I had heard the other staff conversing with each other while unaware of me, or of my state of awareness. They talked of many things I’ve never learned through my lessons or from the kernel of information that first formed the core of my mind, who I am. A whole world that sounded just as vast as space was supposed to be.

I heard of the shows they were watching, of comedy and tragedy, drama and romance. I learned where they would go and what they would do once the project was finished and they could leave the facility. I heard of what peanut butter tasted like, and also learned that one staff member at the base was deathly allergic.

I heard of friendships, companionship, and camaraderie.

I heard of love, partners, and family. I learned what a parent was.

I had thought at the time that Doctor Halloway was my parent, my father. But when I called him that, he laughed and insisted that ‘Doctor Halloway’ was fine.

And so that is what I call him.

“Now then Stargazer, we have a big day today so you need to be at the very top of your performance!” Doctor Halloway finally addresses me again as we arrive at our destination. The Hazardous Testing Isolation Chamber. It is here that I have been put through my paces many times before. Maneuvering in both gravity and zero gravity, operations inside of dense or unsafe atmospheres, high speed maneuvering in tight quarters.

When my shields and the first version of my armor were finished, I was put through endurance and stress testing as well. Doctor Halloway believed it extremely important to study all possible forms of damage I could be exposed to and ensure I was capable of handling it. Fire, Acid, Extreme Cold and Cryomer Exposure, extreme heat and other, more exotic forms of energy and materials. My first armor was shattered when a number of kinetic accelerators were used to simulate a meteorite storm.

The experience was unpleasant, but more painful was Doctor Halloway’s disappointment. If I could only have done better, I would have. Thankfully, something changed outside. Someone called X had discovered something important, and with a Doctor Doppler’s assistance had managed to discover all new technologies. I had hoped to meet them, but Doctor Halloway said there was no way that could happen, as they were far too busy to meet someone like me. He assured me he was the only Doctor I needed.

The Doctor had not waited for me to reply. He moved to the entrance that would lead to the observation room from where he would conduct the tests on me, and I moved to stand by the heavy security door. This is something I’ve done many times. I hope that today’s testing won’t be intensive enough for them to deactivate me again.

The massive door that leads into HTIC unlocks, the great security seal hissing as it unlatches and with a whinge separates. Every movement of the massive, powerful machinery lets out a tic like an analog clock.

It slams shut behind me as I pass it, leaving me to make the long walk through the sole hallway that leads to the HTIC. Passive scans detect the explosive lining the hallway, positioned as they always are. Should the simulated conditions get out of hand, it is standard procedure to destroy the hallway and ensure that the dangers within do not spread to the rest of the facility.

My pace remains steady as the second door opens before me, each stride crossing the same distance as my heavy steps echo through the silent hallway. The door slams shut behind me as I pass through it, security seal spinning to a stop as a hiss of pressure leaves it. The lock meshes perfectly with the door. The room is now impossible to leave unless someone else lets me out.

The HTIC is the most massive space I have ever seen. Its ceiling is over fifty meters in the air and it’s more than that one hundred and fifty meters long. The whole room is reinforced with heavy armor plating over the already reinforced rock it was carved from. I can feel the room’s shielding thrum to life through my feet, my sensors detecting it molding itself to and reinforcing the walls, floor and ceiling. The patterns and ripples of it are fascinating.

“Stargazer, we’re ready to begin testing. What is your status?” Doctor Halloway’s voice breaks me from my distraction as I see him appear where the control room is projected on the wall. A kindness given to me so I am not wholly alone in the HTIC and am aware that he is watching. The usual figures are in the control room with him today, technicians and subordinate doctors scurrying about their tasks, and my creator stands at a position that allows him to view the whole room and ensure that everyone is performing their tasks properly.

Today, however, someone else is with him. It is a man in a blue dress uniform, on which badges of honor are placed. I have not yet been taught the precise meaning of the symbols on his breast and shoulders, but in comparison to the soldiers that guard the base he has far more medals on him. So, I suppose he must be very important. He must be why the doctor said today was a big day.

“All systems Nominal, Doctor Halloway.” I respond with an affirmative, as I always do.

But I cannot stop the stray thoughts that cross my mind. What does a military officer have to do with NASA?

“Very well then. Face across the room!” He orders me, and I follow his direction. I can see numerous, armored and sealed containers that lie fully across the room. My sensors can pick up activity within one of them, faint tremors of movement within reaching its exterior.

“We will now begin the combat trials!” He announces, several of the boxes opening up to reveal a number of mechaniloids within. My mind freezes, flooded with a deluge of information even as I fail to process what is happening.

Some of these machines have been used in my testing before. I recognize immediately the Aclandas, hovering mechaniloids modeled after an animal from outside the facility. Fierce pincers conceal powerful energy weapons hidden within them, and their enormous tail serves as a mortar for explosive damage tests.

Also familiar are the bright orange Crushers, simple mono propeller mechaniloids carrying spiked wrecking balls within them that they utilize for demolition and to break down broken materials for recycling.

I also recognize the bright pink Jammingers, which serve on the security force for the base. They would sometimes be brought in for maintenance. Another mono propeller design, they’re surprisingly quick and menace with sharp spikes that they use to disable their targets.

I recognize many others, even though I have never seen them before. The hulking blue Gunvolts stomping out to take positions opposite of me. A pair of Hamma Hammas that slowly hover across the ground, their namesake hammers resting in their launch platforms. Missile bearing Helits join the others in the sky. More and more armed mechaniloids place themselves across from me, their sensors locked onto me and my own marking hundreds of projected threat paths and radii for their weaponry.

And behind them all three massive Cannon Drivers rise up, tall enough to loom over me and armed with weapons capable of harming me even through my old shielding.

I do not understand why I know these things.

I do not know why this is happening.

I do not understand why my creator, my not father who I only wanted to make proud of me would do this.

Was this why I was give a weapon? Was this why I was armed, armored and reinforced until I could weather even a bombardment meant to destroy military fortifications? I was built to explore the stars, built to discover. So why?

Why am I standing here with a gun in my hand?

“Attack, Stargazer! If you don’t you’ll be destroyed!” Doctor Halloway offers no answers, only my orders as the Mechaniloid army begins its advance towards me.