Life is shit.
That was the first thing I understood the moment I woke up, without memories, sitting in an orphanage, as a kid stuck in a magical world without a shred of mana in my body.
How else would I have seen it?
‘Oh yeah, that is pretty shit.’ said the voice in my head.
“Right!? Someone finally gets it!” I shouted as I struck my hand on the desk. The class around me looked back at me in confusion. Probably thinking the weird kid is at it again, I wonder when he would kill himself.
Not anytime soon! I hope!, maybe. Oh God… I’m such a mess.
A shout then takes me off my depressive stupor. “Michael! Another outburst like that and I’ll kick you out of class!” The teacher glared at me through her glasses. Her cheeks red in anger.
“Yes! Ma'am!” I shouted back. Slamming my ass back down as I whispered back. “Who the fuck are you? And why are you in my head?”
‘I’m your patron God.’
“I don’t believe in Gods.”
‘I believe talking to you should be enough evidence.’
“Nah, not really. You could just be some weird fever dream. Or another one of the other psychotic personalities hidden in my psyche.”
YO!
‘Gah! Who was that!?’ The voice in my head shouted in panic.
“Didn’t you just hear me? It was my deep edgy dark side. You know, the thing all weird loner kids have.”
‘And it talks?’
“Oh yeah, definitely.” I then lowered my head as chalk whizzed over my head.
“Michael! If you can’t even concentrate on our lesson, at least answer the damn question!” The teacher shouted as she rubbed her head. Another migraine, I think, maybe its the menopause migraine.
“I’m in my early twenties!”
“Oh! Teacher, are you a mind reader!?” I exclaimed, having a mind reader teaches is awesome as hell.
“You said it out loud! Now get in here and answer this question!” She pointed at the board before her, I shrugged and stood up, the class snickering beside me as I strutted past. My eyes surveyed the board before I grabbed the chalk and wrote.
“It’s the Industrial Revolution!”
The teacher sighed, “Michael. We’re doing math. Please get back to your seat.”
“Ok!” I chirped, skipping back to my chair as the voice in my head whispered.
‘Can I ask why?’
“Why what?”
‘Why you didn’t give the right answer. You clearly knew it.’
“Can you read my mind?” I gasped then closed my eyes as I tried to remember every single pornographic material I’ve ever seen.
‘Is this supposed to do something?’
“Fluster you?”
‘Look, this doesn’t bother me and - Oooh, that’s a nice ass.’
“Right!? He gets it! Severa Myar has the best ass in the world!” I shouted, my arms up in the air as everyone around me sat, looking at me like I’m an idiot.
Which I am not! I think!
My male classmates nodded in appreciation, their eyes looking at me, filled with a new found respect. It was weird but I felt camaraderie with them.
“Michael, get out of my classroom!” The teacher sighed, her hand pointed outside the classroom. “Also, go directly to the principal.”
“Yes, Maam!” I saluted her as I took my bag and walked out of there.
‘Did you just want to skip class?’
“Oh yeah, definitely!”
‘Then do you want to hear me out?”
This day has really started off on a huge tangent, maybe because I was weird? Naaaah, it's definitely because of the god in my head whispering evil nothings.
‘Look, all I’m telling you is that if you become my apostle. You could gain unimaginable amounts of power, you could destroy armies in my name and reach heights no one else has been able to.’
“That sounds a bit shady, if you ask me. Is this some kind of scam?”
The self proclaimed god sighed. ‘This is going to be harder than expected.’ The voice then stopped before it exclaimed. “Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.’
“Yeah, you can’t order me around. I’ll do as much stupid as I want!”
‘This is going to be harder than I thought.
With my beloved silence back, I meandered through the school’s halls. A smile on my face, as I watched the clouds go by and the sun shining back at me. It was a delightful sight, certainly better than the concrete halls. And the confining glass.
Though, looking back at me was a handsome and delightful visage. One with blonde hair, blue eyes and a porcelain skin shining from the light, “Damn, I’m the perfect specimen of - Nope! I’m not gonna go there.”
God, I’m so bored. But am I bored enough to talk to my deep, edgy dark side?
NO. That’s good to know!
With a turn to the right, I arrived at the principal’s office, one filled with the expected mediocrity of a boring job as a principal. God, I wonder what he does with all the extra time he has. Maybe he’s banging his secretary? Or maybe, he gets dominated. I heard older men are into -
“Michael just get inside.” The door opened to reveal, man in his late thirties. With glasses up his eyes and beard that’s barely a beard. Which is fine, I guess.
“Michael, you’re saying it again.”
“Oh shit. My bad, I’m sorry.” I deadpanned.
“You don’t sound sorry.” He sat back at his desk.
And I followed suit, “Yeah, cause I’m not.”
It took a few minutes of the man massaging his face, relieving the tension on his head as he took on another smile. “Look, we can’t have you doing this, everytime. I know this curriculum is nothing to you, but you can’t just go to school fucking about.”
“Hey, I’m listening! Barely! That’s good! Right? I even held on long enough to last through the First Period!” I said to him, a bored sigh escaped my lips.
“I get it, it's boring. But at least try and make friends. And please avoid aggravating your teacher, Are you playing with a ball right now?”
“Yes, I stopped listening after the friends part.”
He sucked in breath, the sudden reminder of my condition left him a bit hesitant. It has always been a sore spot, I guess, most people can’t really get over it.
He looked away, a bit awkward, I guess. “Look, I know it’s hard to make friends with your condition, but mana levels shouldn’t define who you should be friends with.”
I rolled my eyes, “So… In a perfect world. I’m getting a girlfriend, is that it?”
“Well… That’s hard to say.”
“You going to let me date your daughter?”
“Fuck NO!”
With my back on the chair, I smirked at his face. “Good to know, you think so too.”
He coughed in his hand, “Look, I don’t want you dating my daughter not because you’re manaless. But because you’re a batshit insane bastard that has more energy than a rat injected with mana cocaine.”
“That sounds oddly specific.”
“Things happen when you’re growing up.” He then shook away the memories as he locked eyes with me. “Look, the school year is about to finish. You aced all your subjects and are about to finish first in the year. Don’t fuck it up.”
“Ok, cool.” I stood up, “Can I leave?”
I heard him sigh behind me, “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t get yourself killed out there.”
“Thanks! And no promises.” I chirped back, skipping through the door.
‘That was the weirdest conversation I have ever heard.’ The voice returned.
“Meh, it’s not so bad.” My eyes turned to the side and met one of the most handsome men I've ever seen, barring me, of course.
He carried with him an air of danger, With jet black hair and red roguish eyes, all I could have done was shout. “Gah! Magical floating apparition man!” I jumped away as the man looked at me in confusion.
‘It’s me, Michael.’
“Dad?” I asked.
‘NO! I’m the voice in your head.’
I stuck my tongue out. “Gross.”
The man sighed, an exasperated smile on his face before he spoke. ‘Look, there’s a lot of benefits in becoming my apostle. First of all, is magic.’
“That sounds shady as hell, is this like a pyramid scheme? Do I need to take in new apostles or followers? Because as you can see, I’m not much of a people person.”
‘Please let me speak. And no, you won’t be forced to find me followers.’
I smiled. “Oooh that’s nice.”
‘Yes, yes it is.” He nodded to himself.
I glanced around me as we stopped in the middle of the hall, an empty hall filled with nothing but the wind in our ears as I spoke. “A God doesn’t just bother any mortal he wants, he’s here for something more, isn’t he?”
With a scoff, I spoke. “Now, what do you actually want?”
The man froze before he cackled, laughter exploding from his lips as he held his stomach back, ‘Oh my goodness, child. You have become a bigger delight than I would have thought you’d be.’
With a roll of my eyes, “Yes, but that really isn’t an answer, is it?”
‘Yes, yes, I suppose you’re right.’ He then looked outside the window, a class having their P.E. The god then smiled, ‘I need you to become my influence to the real world.’
“Influence? What exactly is that supposed to mean?”
‘You know, fight the dark god’s apostle, stop world ending threats, stop the world ending itself. You know, you’re actually getting a good deal here, since you don’t really need to gather followers.’
“Huh… That makes me feel so much better.”
‘You’ll also get a higher chance of getting a girlfriend.’
“You son of a bitch, I’m in.”
