I hated it.

I hated everything that made me this way.

I hated my mother who brought me into this world and left me alone.

I hated my father who conceded me to be a bad omen that brought only suffering ever since I was born.

I hated my brother who got all the glory and love that I had desperately tried to reach for.

I hated every death loop I had to go through continuously!

It wasn't my fault I was brought into this world. It was his actions that made my mother suffer during labor with me.

Even my so-called nanny hated my existence because she was brought by force to separate her children from her.

People thought I was easy to bully because of my weak position. How pathetic of them to call me a monster and run away from me as soon as my ability was revealed to them due to my carelessness.

What was the point of giving me the name, Alastair, who can't even defend himself?

"My cute baby brother of mine..."

I heard a young woman's voice who was speaking so sweetly. That made me disgusted at hearing her familiar yet soothing tone.

I slowly looked up to see a charming young lady with her long black raven hair swaying slowly from the wind. Her beautiful crimson-red eyes stared at me which made chills run down my spine.

We coincidently locked our eyes together. But I didn't look away, though it was sickening just watching her as I was badly wounded, I couldn't help but call out her name...

"Elena..."

I hardly could speak as I coughed out blood looking at her, calmly.

Yes, she was the lost princess who had disappeared after months of me being brought into this unfair world.

She looked at me with sympathetic eyes though I'm not sure if it is one of her tricks again as I'm not able to read her.

She hummed once and raised her hand. I shut my eyes and bowed down at what will come next. Every death has a different kind of pain. It will be like every one of my deaths I had to go through.

Surprisingly I didn't feel any pain but a sudden weight on top of my head. I looked up and saw her smiling at me. I couldn't think of anything but dumbly stare at her in shock.

"I didn't think I would see something other than my boy's blank expression~"

She chuckled at my expression which turned flustered at her words. I breathed out raggedly, I looked up at her and spoke with a raspy voice,

"...C..can't you just end me now?"

"Right~ Well it's too bad that a brother of mine who has similar traits to me has to put to this end... But as they always say, we villains have our unhappy endings."

I looked up at her without any emotions. That was all I could do. I didn't like lying on the floor as she looked down at me from above. I wanted this to end but I guess something has to be given before letting me go of this hellish life.

I couldn't hold my head to look up at her anymore. I just laid my head back on the bloody ground that was once a green luxury forest. I couldn't help but flinch and glare at her hatefully after hearing her next words.

"Those cousins of ours... The golden ones wanted that cure that the hero held for their mother but ended up having a terrible ending by getting killed by their own blood. How pitiful, am I right?"

She giggled at her brother's rare change of intense emotions.

She knows how much they meant to him and if something were to happen to them, he would go insane just by meeting the culprit. She stared at his ruby red eyes back bravely not minding the bloodthirst aura he was releasing.

I looked at her as I gritted my teeth and couldn't help but laugh sarcastically at her.

"So are you going to do the same, killing me, your own blood?"

She laughed even more loudly, holding her hands against her stomach. She replied to me with a cheeky smile of hers.

"Why not~ After all I can't let your big brother kill you and carry the burden, could I?"

She lovingly smiled at me as she raised her hand once more towards my neck raising her demonic mana surrounding her palm.

"I hope you live well in your next life~"

AGHHHH—!

———

'Hah...'

There was a black void surrounding me. I waited in this timeless space.

This has been happening multiple times. The world shook for a second then stayed still once again.

'Hah...'

I looked down at my feet and then my arms. I could feel the familiar burning sensation and pain as my body shrank.

'I guess I will be meeting them soon once again.'

I thought happily.

My expression has been hard to express only when around them or in dire circumstances after their end.

I couldn't help but feel the guilt burden on my shoulders in not being able to succeed in any of the plans I carefully put in during the past few lifetimes.

'Will the cycle of death continue until I lose my last strand of sanity...'

Or even my memories...

This is already my 11th life and I have experienced 10 of my deaths that hurt badly. I feel my facial expressions fade as I suffer all those as if they want to see me continually suffer the pain of all kinds.

My ability... The ability that everyone feared and called me a monster with no tears nor pity to shed.

I'm able to read people's minds except for the people who have the imperial blood of Valiquette running within them or the chosen ones.

I started to hear the familiar murmur and painful whispers of the unknown. I slowly tried to open my eyes.

'Whew...'

I hated this fragile body of mine, a body you can't use to defend and attack for yourself and protect the people you care for.

As I had difficulty opening my eyes, I could feel the familiar sensation next to me. I looked to my side to see a black cat lying down beside me with unfocused eyes.

'Alan...'

Alan, the one who stayed by my side till his end. The one who only follows me which makes mad people target him even though he was just a normal animal, not a magical nor demonic beast, following his owner.

His life always ended until I was at the age of 9. I couldn't help but slowly rise and look at my surroundings with a blank expression.

I spoke calmly to the ones in front of me.

"Where am I?"

I couldn't help but look expressionless at them who had expressed different feelings across their face.

The boy with shining jewel-like violet eyes and silver hair looked at me nervously. I think he is trying to think about how to address or call me out. I inwardly rolled my eyes. I hated him when I realized who he was. I replied.

"Alastair."

Although I dislike my birth name, while the other one gives me a heavy burden as it is given to me by them, I held it in as I didn't want suspicion of me to begin so early. They probably recognize that I am the second prince of the empire simply by looking at my inherited black hair.

I looked at them bore out of my mind and did not focus much on their conversation.

Then something caught my eye. No. It's them. The ones I always couldn't help but miss their strange presence and the ones I feel regretful towards.

I silently gazed at the twins who were now holding each other's hands and looking at him blankly.

'I forgot they were extremely keen when they were young...'

I couldn't help but widen my eyes from adorableness as I looked at them but I didn't let anything show.

Without realizing their exchange, I looked at them as they departed towards the door. They left with hurried steps. I couldn't help but inwardly sigh regretfully.

I inwardly shook my head and lightly coughed at my unusual behavior.

I'm sure I will be meeting them later. I couldn't help but inwardly smile at their future interaction once again.

I will just have to pray that this life won't end badly. I want to fix a new plan to survive this horrible world within my mind.

 

 

AKS