Chapter 7

“What do you mean it was an exchange?” Calvin said.

“My death…” Yui said. “And resurrection…it was an agreement between the black serpent and the grand star. I would die so that the black serpent could be rid of the grand star’s favored mortal…and the grand star would have a human that would be sent to the realm of death and create the narrow, white way that would result in the salvation of many souls. They…they agreed on a trade that would…would result in the end of their long war that has raged for days beyond mortal comprehension.”

Yui was no longer painting, her brush cleaned of any excess pigment in a jar half filled with water and lying on the tray of her easel. She seemed to be tired, holding her forehead with her palm and sighing. Calvin was not only positive that painting had taken a lot out of her but memories were flooding into her. Her last portrait seemed to conjure and solidify memories that had been chaotically swimming in Yui’s mind. 

“There was a contest that had occurred between the serpent and the grand star for…” Yui said. “For…for a long time. After mankind’s creation…the serpent convinced mankind to fight for him and replace the grand star…”

“A contest…?” Calvin asked. “Between two ancient beings?”

“Yes,” she said. “It’s all coming back to me…I remember it now…what I learned on the other side of life. The grand star and his enemy…and his enemy…agreed…agreed on a trade. He traded my life for another…so that I could die…and create the narrow, white path that would save people from eternal suffering.” 

“But why you?!” Calvin demanded as tears stung his eyes. “Why you?! Why couldn’t it be someone else?! Of all the people in the world…you're the one least deserving of death!”

“I know…” Yui said. “I am…and apparently…the grand star was seeking that. One person in the entire world who had never committed a single wrong action…”

Yui looked up at him to be frightened by the tears in his eyes. Calvin looked as though he was on the verge of breaking down again. He didn’t want to look weak to her but he had no self-control. The months Calvin had spent away from her were the most agonizing of his entire life. Calvin would rather suffer the pain of having his limbs torn off than being away from Yui again. She looked nervous, obviously choosing her words very carefully.

“Don’t you see?” Yui said. “I had no choice…I mean…the grand star had no choice but to allow the serpent to manipulate someone to kill me. I-I-I-I…I had to go so…so…so others wouldn’t suffer! I-”

He quickly rushed forward and tightened his fingers beneath her shoulders. Yui struggled against him but couldn’t free herself. She began crying again but Calvin shook his head. 

“Who cares about them?!” Calvin said. “You’re better than them anyway!”

“I care!” Yui said, tears stinging her eyes. “I care about their lives! This world has so little compassion, so little mercy…we all just step on each other in order to advance, not caring who is crushed to get what we want…”

“You owe them nothing!” Calvin shouted. 

She glared at him as she burst into full blow sobbing.

“Calvin!” Yui said. “You’re acting selfish! You’re thinking only of your own happiness and no one else’s! For that reason…for that reason you never had many friends.”

“That’s not true,” Calvin said, trying to calm down. “I was thinking about you! I don’t want you to have to suffer.”

“No,” Yui said. “You may have been thinking of me but you only wanted me to be with you.”

He stopped acting so emphatic and calmed down, her logic sound and reason piercing.

“You don’t care about me,” she said. “You just wanted to control me…to cage me so I would make you happy forever. You just used me as a means to happiness. That’s not treating me like a human being.”

His arms began to shake with apprehension and fear, her words so true it’s like she could see into his very heart.

What she just said is the very reason I killed Nathan. Calvin thought. Because I wanted her for myself. I could have killed literally anyone but I chose him so that she could no longer be his. I wanted Yui to be mine.

“But how can I not?” Calvin asked. “Yui you said it yourself. You’re perfect.”

“Calvin…” Yui said while glancing away.

This was typical of girls who were demure compared to their peers. They were known as women who were more mature and well-behaved hated it being brought up. It carried the risk of having a double edged sword effect to their reputation. 

If they were promiscuous, dressed risque and were materialistic their name would be disgraced by their parents and gossip would spread about them. If they were chaste, kind, and were modest to the point it was noticeable they would gain the reputation of being stuck up and prudish. Yui being the former meant she was embarrassed when someone complimented her on her charitable and humble nature. The other girls would giggle at Yui when it was suggested. 

“No I mean it!” Calvin said. “You’re the most compassionate person I've ever met! You care about more than anyone else! You’re the kind of person who would dedicate their lives to the service of others! You have the spirit of a humanitarian and the soul of a lamb! Think about all the evil that those people swimming within that cesspool of blood committed! What are they compared to you?! Vermin! Scum! Trash!”

“Calvin…!” Yui said as she shook her head in disgust. “That’s horrible!”

“It’s true!” he shouted as he tightened his grip around her arms. “You can deny who you are, who you truly are, but the fact is that this all proves you're better than those people you intended to save. If the grand star or whoever loved you so much that he chose you to suffer for those people…then you shouldn’t contaminate yourself with them.”

Yui looked broken at his words, angry he would ever say such a thing.

“No,” she said. “You have it completely backwards, Calvin.”

She grabbed his arms with her long fingers to wrench herself free of his grip on her shoulders. 

“It’s why you're this dark and withdrawn person,” she said. “You believe that good people keep it to themselves…and use their morality as a bludgeoning stick to show how much better they are than others. Like it’s a race to see who’s better.”

His grasp on her became weaker and weaker with each word she spoke, each word hitting closer and closer to home.

“Good people…” Yui said. “Don’t think in terms of how much they can hold onto. They don’t think about how little they must offer and give to others…”

Yui now tightened her grip on Calvin, his wrists in a vice of strength he never thought she could muster. He was surprised the girl could maintain such intensity. Yui then death glared Calvin in the face as she gritted her teeth in determination.

“They. Give. Everything,” she said. “All they have.”

Calvin became scared of Yui in that moment, more than anything in his entire life. He was no longer afraid of death as Yui wasn’t threatening his survival. Yui was hurting something more important, something deeper, than his life. Calvin could feel the girl’s near murderous anger challenging him in a way no one else had. It was the kind of threat that was more dangerous than any mortal fear. It would haunt him past the grave.

She’s saying I’m worthless. Calvin realized. That I’m evil. That I’m zero. And even if I died…I’d still be worth nothing. And I could never escape that truth that I’m trash. Because I believe what I just said. And she believes something so much greater.

“The maximum value that I have to others is the minimum I must do,” Yui seethed as her grip on his arms threatened to cut off circulation. “I shall never give any less than my very best at serving others. And if that means unimaginable suffering…I accept it.”

Calvin was too afraid to speak any further, so fearful his words would incite her to cut deeper.

“And those who see goodness as a means to an end to keep themselves safe,” Yui said. “To lord it over people as a way of proclaiming they’re better than others…they know less than insects. And are dumber than cattle. Because they have no clarity of vision. Purity of character is not meant as an excuse to beat others into submission…it’s a willingness to sacrifice everything for a total stranger…even if the martyr is better than those he saves.”

He froze in place, his arms going white from her grip on him and sweating from stress.

“The fact that you don’t believe good people should feast off their own morality and declare themselves kings above other men,” Yui said. “Means you don’t understand anything about what it means to be a good person. And I doubt you ever will.”

She let go of him, continuing to stare at him with a stern glare. Calvin was beyond tears as he stared down at the floor. He was thoroughly disappointed in himself and was reeling from the verbal beatdown she had given him. Calvin felt it was pointless if Yui found out if he sacrificed Nathan or not as she basically said every horrible thing he guessed about himself. 

I’m awful. Calvin thought. And revolting.

“And the serpent knows this about you,” Yui said. “It knows every horrible thing about everybody. Apparently the serpent used to be a star…but ever since he rebelled against the grand star…he was thrown down to the Earth…in the form of a serpent and stripped of all his heavenly power. 

“I saw it!” Calvin said. “I saw him!”

“What?” Yui asked.

“The serpent…” Calvin said. “He…he appeared to me! And…and he tried to…”

“To manipulate you?” Yui asked. “Isn’t that right?”

“Yeah,” Calvin said. “He tried to…to…”

He didn’t want to tell Yui at the risk of her thinking he was just trying to use her. 

“To hurt someone,” Calvin said.  

“Something you knew was wrong?” Yui asked. “That’s the snake’s power. He was stripped nearly of any and all physical abilities and only had the power to whisper things into the mind’s of vulnerable humans. In the form of a snake he can’t physically harm anyone or lift so much as a cotton swab.” 

She looked back at her paintings, narrowing her eyes almost to glare in curiosity. 

“He remains here…” Yui continued. “A spiritual, immortal being…trapped in the material plane. The heavens were not only further separated so that man was trapped below…but so that he was as well…the river of blood an impediment he could not cross….or ascend past.”

“So the realm of the dead was made as a way not only to prevent humans from challenging the heavens…?” Calvin said. “But this snake as well. But if he was…I don’t know…if he’s this powerful immortal being…why doesn’t he just…do it all himself?”

“He can’t,” Yui said. “He has no physical power.”

“Then what can he do?” Calvin asked.

“Something about him…his main power relies on the things he plants within someone…normally encouraging their dark desires,” she explained. “And the worst part is…usually they don’t even remember that it was him who planted the desire in them unless they resist whatever prodding he gives them. He’s doing something right now, I don’t know what…but something that will allow him to move past the border of death and enter the heavens again. And…if I’m correct…it has something to do with my resurrection.”

Calvin’s eyes widened in realization. He unsheathed the blade to look at it more closely. If he thought hard enough, he could remember a foreign voice invading his ears the day he found the knife. 

“The weapon sharp enough to cut through the boundary between life and death,” the smooth, crisp voice had said.

At first, Calvin had thought it was his own imagination but that now it made more sense it had been the serpent. His eyes followed the serpentine emblem on its handle, the gold twinkling in his eyes. It all made sense 

“The serpent…” he said. “It told me to use the knife.”

“What?” Yui asked.

“Um…!” Calvin shouted.

He had never planned to tell Yui how she was brought back from the dead. And especially not tell her it was him who killed Nathan. Calvin had hoped that Yui would view her own resurrection as a force of nature that was impossible to explain or control. Calvin didn’t want to explain he sacrificed his brother for it.

“That,” Yui said. “The knife of choice!” 

“What…?” Calvin said.

“When I was in the realm of the dead…” Yui said. “The grand star explained that relic was the relic that humanity used to become evil!”

“What?” he asked. “The knife?”

“Of course!” Yui said. “That was how I was brought back from the dead! The knife of choice is what humanity used long ago to survive! It was a relic given to them by the grand star that gave them all the food and water they could ever want! The knife of choice allows one to create and preserve life and it was given to humanity to allow them to flourish! The power to create life flowed from the knife’s very essence!”

“Sounds neat,” Calvin said. “So…did it provide enough food to prevent world hunger or something?”

“I believe so,” Yui said. “However…the knife was used by the black serpent. He taught humans to sacrifice other living beings to gain untold, unnatural powers. That’s why the grand star threw him from heaven. See the serpent insignia on the handle? That’s how you know it was corrupted by the black serpent’s power.”

“Then how did I wind up with it?” Calvin asked. 

          “It was stolen by the black serpent,” Yui said. 

“Stolen…?” Calvin asked. 

“Before he was thrown to the earth and cast from the heavens…” Yui said, clearly trying to remember as she glanced away. “He took the knife of choice with him. Thus taking the humans’ ability to make new life away as well as it embodies the principle of sacrificing life for power. Which is why the grand star and the serpent made their pact.”

“The grand star?” Calvin asked. “Who…who exactly is he?”

“The largest star there is,” Yui said. “The one who created all other stars. The source of all life in the universe.”

She then turned back to the knife and glared at it.

“The grand star wanted to have the knife back so he made a deal with the black serpent,” Yui explained. “The serpent would give it to a mortal the grand star would eventually choose and in exchange…the grand star would withdraw his protection from me…his most favored human.”

“Withdraw his protection?” Calvin asked. 

“Those stars you see in the night sky are not mere balls of light and heat,” Yui said. “Apparently…they are the guardians of the heavens the grand star placed to watch over humanity. They routinely intervene in human affairs and protect whoever the grand star orders them to. And…I think…”

She looked out at the window.

“I think the stars are protecting us right now,” Yui said. 

She pointed to the window and Calvin walked over to find that outside, the fence was glowing ever so slightly. It was almost like someone painted the wood a nice yellow color. It confused the young man.

“I think there’s a barrier around this house for now…” she said. “Notice how your parents haven’t come home yet…it may be that the stars are…preventing anyone from entering.”

“That’s odd,” Calvin said. “I-I wonder why…?”

“…and they were ordered not intervene in my death,” Yui said as if she just remembered. “So the grand star agreed he would not prevent my death so…so that the grand star could regain that knife.”

“The knife…” Calvin said as he looked down at it. “It appeared to me one day and…and I used it to-”

“Bring me back,” Yui said. “Of course. Do you have any intention of keeping it?”

“No!” Calvin said, holding it out as if allowing her to take it back. “I don’t care as long you’re alive! Do what you want with it!”

“Then the grand star’s plan worked,” Yui said. “The knife of choice is no longer in the hands of the black serpent. And many have now been saved from eternal suffering. And I’m alive…so it seems like the grand star won in every aspect. So the grand star’s plan worked…”

Calvin gave an uneasy smile, hoping that Yui would not put two and two together. He hoped that she would not surmise that he had to take the life of someone to resurrect her. He hoped that more than anything that Yui didn’t know about the knife’s requirement to close the door. However, Calvin’s heart sank as she glanced back towards him.

“Calvin…” she said. “Who did you sacrifice to bring me back?”

“No one!” he lied, his cheeks heating with guilt. He looked incredibly flushed from the simple question, feeling as though a knot was tying in his throat. “Not…not a single person died! I just-!”

“The knife’s power embodies the principle of destruction in exchange for life,” Yui said. “To bring back to life someone dead…someone must have died in my place. So…who was it?”

He shook his head, more willing to let his arm be ripped off than explain it to Yui. Her eyes were so genuine, brimming with something akin to judgment but not nearly that oppressive. She did not want to punish Calvin or scold him…she just wanted to know who died in her place.

“I-I-” Calvin stuttered. “I-I didn’t-”

“Someone had to die by the knife’s blade,” Yui said. “I know it. So who did?”

“It-” he said. “It was Nathan.”

“Nathan?” Yui asked. “Your…your brother?”

“You remember?” Calvin asked.

“I remember quite a bit…” Yui said. “From both my time in the realm of the dead and my former life on Earth. And…Nathan…”

Oh no! He yelled to himself. 

“Was my boyfriend…” she said. “We knew each other but…we were not as close of friends as you and I were…”

Calvin winced, feeling a strong pain burn his chest. It was as though a wasp had crawled inside him and was stinging his heart. He could barely breathe from what Yui said. Calvin shook his head as the rest of his body quivered in fear.

“Strange that I chose him,” Yui said. “You loved me more, I believe…”

“Yes!” Calvin said. “Exactly! I…I love you more! Now, now, now–I’m sorry but…”

“Why did you kill your own brother?” Yui asked. “The knife would have allowed for literally any sacrifice…but Nathan? Why did you hate him?”

“I-I-” Calvin stuttered. 

“Was it…?” she asked. “Because you were jealous of him…?”

“Yui!” Calvin said. “I was just so overcome with grief…! I don’t know what I was thinking! Your murder was the single worst even in my entire life and…and whether you were dating him or not I couldn’t live in a world where you were dead! I just couldn’t! You being alive was my only consolation to this awful, awful world!”

“So Nathan…?” Yui said as she nodded her head. “Was the sacrifice…? Calvin…I don’t know how to explain this to you but…but I think the black serpent still had a plan to counter the grand star…and I think it involves your brother. You may have given into his very scheme to return to the heavens by…by killing your brother.”

“Yui…,” he said, trying not to cry. “Pl-Please…I realize…I realize what I did was wrong-”

“Something’s coming to me…” Yui said. “Almost…almost…flashing through my mind. Calvin…I think I…I think I can see your brother…”

“What?!” Calvin shouted. “But he’s dead!”

“No,” she said.

Yui held her head, as though it was hurting while she tried to remember something. She groaned in pain as she walked to the other side of the bedroom. Yui then stared up at the sky through it. She glanced at it curiously enough that Calvin walked over and viewed the night sky to view what she saw. Oddly enough, he could almost tell what made her so curious.

The stars in the sky were twinkling like a diamond, shining brightly like Christmas lights and then fading. It was as though they were anxious about something. Many of the stars that glowed intensely for a moment suddenly vanished from sight. 

The moon itself looked as though an odd shadow was being cast against. An odd shape, almost like a rope, snaked across the surface of its pale, shining surface. Calvin staggered backward when the thin, slithering shadow had an arrow-shaped head. 

“I-I-” Yui said. “I think you killing Nathan had unintended consequences…consequences the black serpent was relying upon.” 

“What?!” Calvin shouted. “You-You think he wanted me to kill Nathan?!”

“He had a plan within the agreement with the grand star,” Yui said. “Just as the grand star planned for me to do something once I died…the black serpent planned for Nathan to do something once he died as well.”

That only built another layer of guilt onto him. Calvin froze, afraid of saying anything further. Yui, looking almost like she was in a daze, returned to her easel. She then took her brush from the can of water, dried it with a small towel that came with her art supplies and began painting again. Calvin noticed she was using quite a bit more brown than she had before. As Calvin realized that Yui finally understood that he killed someone to resurrect her, sought to apologize.

“Yui…” Calvin said. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry for kill–sacrificing Nathan!”

“For what?” Yui asked as she painted. 

He was surprised that Yui even asked him that question.

“Y-You know-!” Calvin said, not wishing to repeat it. “For…for that bad thing I did to-to…to bring you back!”

“Yes but which are you sorry for?” Yui asked. “Killing Nathan? For withholding information from me? For being manipulated by the black snake? For being jealous that I chose Nathan as a romantic partner? For getting caught?”

It was the last one.

“I-I…” Calvin said. “I just wanted you back so bad…I would have done anything to have you back and…and…”

He could almost feel Yui’s disappointment grow with each word. She silently painted away while he stood behind her, trying to think of some excuse, desperate to get her judgment off his back. He then thought of some strategy to try and not make her hate him so bad.

Just voice whatever misgivings she has about what you did. Calvin thought. Try and say whatever she wants you to. Apologize in the way Yui would want you to.

“Yui…” he said. “I’m sorry. I…I know I shouldn’t have let the grief of your death consume me so bad. Death…death is natural. It’s experienced by everybody…so…so I should have recognized that and…and moved on from my grief so…so as to never kill anyone out of that sorrow.”

“What are you talking about?” Yui asked. “Death isn’t natural.”

“Wha-?” Calvin asked.

“Death is not a natural stage for a living being,” she said. “In the same way it is unnatural to have black, withered legs, so is death for anyone.”

“B-But-!” Calvin said. “Death…everyone dies! Eventually! It happens all over the world! It’s…it’s natural! It-it’s normal!”

“Then why does it feel so bad?” Yui asked. “Why does it feel like a perversion of life rather than a natural conclusion? Why do we hate it then? Why do we prevent it from happening at all costs?”

“Be-” Calvin said. “Because we…we don’t like it.”

“But why not?” Yui asked as she continued painting. “Tell me, Calvin, when I was dead…did it feel natural? Did it feel like the end of the day, just a normal conclusion? Something that begins and ends with regularity?”

Calvin was trying to analyze Yui’s words underneath the lens of his emotions. It didn’t take more than a casual glance to know that she was essentially right. Nothing about Yui’s death felt natural. 

It didn’t just feel sad. It felt like an explosion on a peaceful, summer day. A burst of chaotic, destructive energy that ravaged everything he knew. Calvin couldn’t sleep at night because something felt so wrong with her death. Like a wound that couldn’t properly heal. Nothing about it felt like a natural end to all things. It felt like a perversion of nature if anything.

“It…” Calvin said. “It didn’t feel natural. It felt like a perversion of nature.”

“Exactly,” Yui said as she painted. “Humans despise, try to prevent and grieve over death because of its very perversion of life. We all have this secret knowing that life is not supposed to end. We don’t admit it and say that since everyone dies it’s normal, when in our heart of hearts we know it’s not. A perversion indeed.”

“But how can a perversion be normal?” Calvin said. “By its very nature a perversion defies regularity. It’s an anomaly.”

“And when an anomaly becomes the norm it is the ultimate perversion,” Yui said as she was more than half-finished painting already. “One that we grow accustomed to and become numb to the reality of. If everyone’s limbs are decayed and dead we forget what healthy bodies usually look like and accept that deterioration is natural, even if it’s not. That is the reason you resurrected me. Because you realized more than anyone else that death is unnatural. It just took you the only person you cared about to realize that.”

Calvin shook his head, not wanting to agree with Yui but finding her logic incredibly sound. He didn’t want to give into Yui’s rationale for a reason he couldn’t describe. It would be like admitting defeat, admitting he was wrong. 

But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it would be admitting the world was wrong. That all human existence was built on a grand lie. What they thought to be the normal cycle of the human organism was a house of cards unsteadily maintained by its faulty foundation.