72 That Crushing Feeling, Part One
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Two weeks after impact

Yong Jie watched Ibrahim as he moved about the gymnasium, sweeping the floor and moving around people's things. Ibrahim had been so quick and ready to do the work that nobody wanted, not just the basic tidying but the cleaning of the bathroom facilities as well, and Yong Jie didn't trust it. It went without saying that Yong Jie didn't trust Ibrahim at all.

The taller guy in a baggy t-shirt and cargo pants – Yong Jie thought his name might have been Milo, maybe? – made a loud obnoxious scoffing noise and walked out of the building. Ibrahim looked up and followed. Yong Jie used every part of his ability to follow without being obvious, and then watched from the door, trying to get a read on them.

Ibrahim was not subtle as he approached Milo.

Milo turned around with large dramatic movements. Said, "I want to be alone, Ibrahim."

"I know. And I should come with you," Ibrahim said with a smile. He sounded young when he spoke like that but he didn't look surprised when Milo brushed him off.

Why did he smile when he looked back at the building as if he could see where Yong Jie stood? But he went off to do something else anyway, without telling Yong Jie he'd been seen.

*

Yong Jie spent most of the day letting himself get distracted by the soldier girl ordering him around. Of course, he was proud of how well he was helping with the organisation of everyone trapped on their side of the barrier.

But even he had to have a break for something to eat and unfortunately Ibrahim was already there, standing by the kitchenette.

Yong Jie clenched his fists and looked down. All he had to do was move around him and avoid conversation.

"Ah, Yong Jie, did you want a cup of tea?" Ibrahim asked.

No such luck.

"I want nothing prepared by you," Yong Jie said.

"I see. Well, that's very clear."

"You're a convicted murderer and I don't trust you."

When Yong Jie looked up Ibrahim was brushing down his clothes with one hand and directing a friendly look toward the electric kettle. How infuriating.

"It's true that I am what you say. Nonetheless, you have nothing to fear from me. I have nothing to gain from poisoning your tea," Ibrahim said.

"How can I trust that?" Yong Jie asked.

Ibrahim turned, palms up as if he was trying to show he was safe and harmless. Yong Jie wasn't fooled. He didn't understand how anyone could be.

"First, I must tell you that I've never poisoned anyone in my life. Except myself, once, but only because I didn't realise that food had gone bad. Second, I am a capitalist. I only kill people for money, and as nobody here has any way to pay me, you have nothing to fear from me. But it is very brave of you to confront me like this."

"Don't patronise me."

"I don't know if you remind me more of me or my brother at your age." Ibrahim looked at his hands, with those annoyingly deft fingers. Something about the way his eyes were folded down made it seem like looking down would help him look through time. And he added, in a softer voice, "That's not good, not good at all." But he turned back to the kettle and spoke with his usual fake cheer. "If you prefer, I can use this first and leave the area to allow you to properly inspect and disinfect it before use."

Yong Jie drew himself up to his full height. "No, you can make my tea. It's a test."

Ibrahim laughed. "Then I shall do my best to pass."

*

By three weeks after the crash Yong Jie was having tea with Ibrahim every day. That didn't mean they were friends. Yong Jie didn't think Ibrahim thought of him that way, either. And just because Ibrahim was nice all the time didn't mean that Yong Jie had started to trust him. But at least he was honest about what he was.

Yong Jie watched the slow progress of Ibrahim's relationship with Milo, the way Ibrahim smiled and stood near Milo until he slowly wore him down. Yong Jie didn't really understand.

*

Five and a half months after impact

Yong Jie watched Neo from the safety of the dark shadow of Ibrahim's door.

That Neo had begun to claw at his own face was none of Yong Jie's business. Nor was the way the skin of Neo's hands sometimes bled as if he'd been tearing at it with his teeth.

Neo moved into the industrial jungle and Yong Jie followed. Not that he was worried. He might have learned to put up with Ibrahim but in general he wasn't going to become friends with violent people, especially not someone as disgusting and cruel as Neo.

Even if Neo looked unwell.

It definitely wasn't Yong Jie's concern. Neo was a violent person that had to be distracted so he wouldn't take his violent impulses out on innocent people and didn't have the capacity to make friends with people. That he was usually clean now was entirely down to Ibrahim and that guy at the hospital forcing him to obey the cleanliness rules so he wouldn't be punished by their mysterious, all-seeing overlord, and not down to anything Neo chose to do.

Still, if he was going to hurt someone – himself or someone else – he needed to be stopped, and Yong Jie was willing to be the one to observe him and make sure he could be stopped.

"Why are you following me?" Neo grunted out. He hunched over, his fists squeezing and then relaxing in front of his face.

"Someone has to," Yong Jie said.

It was dark in the large metal tube they'd stepped into, and the pale artificial light at both ends of the tube struggled to reach them. Even so, when Neo turned his head Yong Jie could see a long ruddy patch where Neo had gouged open his own face. They were all rats in a cage but it was too obvious when he looked at Neo's face that he could see no way out.

"So noble, Yong Jie. Worrying about even your enemy," Neo said.

Yong Jie stood up straighter. "You're not my enemy. You're not worthy of being my enemy."

Neo smirked and shivered all over. "You're a sad little boy that nobody likes because they all think you're just as bad as me. Even your own mother couldn't love you. But I've watched that woman and she can't love anyone."

"Do you think this wounds me? Nothing you can say could ever hurt me. You're not smart enough to understand who I am or what I care about."

Neo laughed like he was choking it up. "And daddy didn't love you either. Isn't that why he's dead? You couldn't make poor papa happy enough to keep him from walking into the sea."

"He didn't... You shut up! You don't know anything."

"Or hanging himself or taking pills or sitting in a car full of gas, whichever it was. I bet he didn't think of you at all when he did it."

"Nobody's impressed with you," Yong Jie said. Already he regretted following Neo in.

What was it Ibrahim was always saying to him? Don't choose a violent life? Ibrahim would know why it was a bad idea to lead with a fist from his own bad choices.

Neo stepped close and breathed his foul breath all over Yong Jie's face. "What are you going to do? Cry? Hit first?"

Yong Jie looked at his own fists and forced them to unfold. It was difficult to make them. His hands didn't want to hang loose.

Neo knocked his shoulder and Yong Jie pushed him back hard. Neo's body hit the metal that surrounded them with a thump. Neo's body made a strange shape as he slid down the rounded edge then struggled to right himself. He snarled and shot up, pushed Yong Jie shoulder first, but Yong Jie had braced himself, didn't move much with it. He pushed back but Neo was strong.

Yong Jie tried again but didn't have any room to do more than slap at Neo's face, ineffectual and childish. The whole thing made him feel ineffectual and childish.

Neo spat, and Yong Jie turned his head just in time to miss it. Stepped back a step. Then another. He could walk away from this. He could definitely walk away from this. And then he would talk to Ibrahim who, sure, was a murderous criminal, but at least he was capable of conversation with someone. He wasn't like this.

Neo advanced at him and Yong Jie found himself stepping back onto the gravel and into the light. The day had gotten darker and grey, but after a breath or two the enormous flood light that covered the area near the gate flicked on with a hum and set the whole scene into stark relief.

Had Neo been rubbing dirt into his face?

Neo rushed forward and Yong Jie had to stop his backward walk so he wouldn't be pushed down by the momentum. As it was he skidded through the gravel. He shoved Neo away and Neo laughed, sharp and dark. He shoved Neo again and then Neo attacked again and they fell, rolled into the ground. Then they were mostly the heavy sounds of fists and elbows against ribs and ugly grunts.

Yong Jie tried to shove his hand up to Neo's neck and push him away. Only managed a small amount of distance, just enough to let his other hand grope in the dirt for something to throw.

He tossed a handful of rocks at Neo's body but it did nothing. Neo reacted with a head butt and the world unhooked itself from proper gravity for a moment as Yong Jie blinked in pain. He tried to push away with his knees so he could scramble away. He didn't get far before Neo grabbed him by the shirt and pulled up.

Yong Jie turned his head away as Neo shook him. His glasses fell. The world blurred. He rolled in the other direction so he wouldn't crush them under his own body, then tried to use whatever structure was behind his back to lever himself up again.

Neo rushed him again and Yong Jie fell at an awkward angle, the structure behind his back nothing more than another trap.

And just before the metal press came down on his dominant arm Yong Jie thought, I wish I'd told someone where I was going.

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