Big CW:

I found myself floating weightlessly in an empty dark void. It felt like it did the night when I got hit by Eve’s magic. I panicked and glanced around from left to right, trying to find the girl that haunts my dreams.

Please don’t be one of those dreams again. My psyche can’t take back to back dreams like this.

Thankfully though, she was nowhere to be seen. Right as I began to wonder if anything was going to happen at all, the void started to shift and change.

Colors began appearing, and shapes started to form. Merging together to create a single room with a greyish white carpet, and a bluish wall paint covering the walls.

At first I was confused by where I found myself, but as the furniture started to appear I realized where I was. This was my old home. The one before we moved into the big city a little over a decade ago back when I was twelve.

It was nostalgic to be back, but why would this be in my dreams? It’s not like I had very many good memories here. Wait, does that mean this is a nightmare?

Great, just what I needed. Another nightmare. I wonder wha-

I swirled around when I heard a voice pick up, I barely even recognized what they said as I was too busy staring at the speaker in shock.

“Mom…” I muttered in disbelief as I looked over to see her standing there with a big genuine smile. Her long chestnut brown hair tied up behind her, while she was wearing a black blouse and blue jeans. 

She was on her knees looking a small girl in the eyes, the child was matching her smile as well. She was wearing a cute blue dress, and her long brown hair was braided and hanging behind her head.

I don’t remember there being a girl like this in my house...no wait…

I remember now... the girl was me…

I used to beg Mom to let me wear dresses back then, how could I have ever forgotten that! Granted, it wasn’t for very long, but I definitely remember wearing them back then. I think this has to be when I was around six years old.

“How do you like your new dress J?” She asked as the child in front of her jumped up and down in excitement.

“I love it!” Child me exclaimed.

“I had a feeling you would.” Mother said with a chuckle, “That shade of blue definitely fits you.”

This...is great. Reliving my childhood like this is almost therapeutic, well somewhat. Definitely what I needed after the past few days. I wish happy dreams like this would continue, but…

But I knew what was coming. Please let the dream early! I don’t want to relive it! I don’t-

The front door to the house slammed open, followed by loud footsteps as they entered. They echoed and felt like they shook the entire house as the footsteps grew louder. 

Please! Let it end!

My mother stood up with a frown, she stood in front of child me as the figure entered the living room. My father looked at her with an annoyed look, before his eyesight fell onto his child hiding behind her. His eyes went wide with anger, as his frown deepened.

Stop…

“How was work today?” My Mother asked in a desperate attempt to stop the impending meltdown.

“Exhausting.” He simply said, as his eyes never left the younger me. His tone picked up more and more anger as he started speaking. “Jane, what the HELL is he wearing!?”

Child me hid behind her even more, clutching onto the back of her shirt as she talked. 

“It’s just a dress. They wanted to wear it, so just leave them alone. It shouldn’t bother you.” 

“It doesn’t matter what he wants to wear! Take it off this instant!” He exclaimed in anger as he took a step forward towards younger me. Mother reacted by taking a step to block his path, which only proved to make him even madder.

“He needs to take that off. Right. Now.” He said in a booming, commanding voice. “He is a man! He needs to grow up!”

“They’re a child! A six year old child! It’s you who needs to grow up!” She yelled back, the child behind them flinched when the yelling grew louder.

They ran up the stairs, before turning and entering their room and shutting the door. They collapsed onto their bed as the tears started falling. They sobbed into their pillow, and I could do nothing but watch.

I couldn’t leave the room, I was forced to follow along when they went up the stairs. It seems that even in my dreams I couldn’t get away from this. 

I don’t know how long the child version of me sobbed, but eventually, they quieted down. They kept sniffling, but before long they sat up in the bed. They forcefully pulled the dress over their head, before throwing it at the wall. 

The younger me buried themselves in their blankets, as they continued their quiet sniffling. Eventually, the door to the room quietly opened and my mother stepped in.

She sat on the edge of the bed and gave her child a sad, worried smile. 

“J, can we talk for just a minute?” She asked, to which her child pulled a small part of the blankets off their head, revealing just their eyes.

She took that as a yes, as she started talking.

“Sweety, I want you to know that you can dress however you want. No matter what your father or anybody else says. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you can or can’t wear or what you are.” She says as she reached over and pulled the blankets down just a little more, till she could see their entire face. 

“Do you still want to wear those types of clothes?” She asks, to which they shake their head no.

“Are you sure?” To which they nodded.

“I see.” She said without changing their expression. “If that’s what you want, then who am I to say otherwise? Though, if you ever want to try them on again, just tell me and I'll buy them for you whenever you’d like. Okay?” The child nodded again. 

“Good. Just remember that I’ll love you no matter what you decide. You’re my child after all.” She said before her head turned, she stared up at…

She looked at me...but how!? This wasn’t what happened! 

“No matter what happens in the future, you’ll always be my child. My pride and joy.” She said as she smiled up at me. “I will always love you.”

The words hit me like a sack of bricks, I felt my eyes water as the world started to twist and turn. Furniture faded away, and the colors drained away. Until I found myself once again in the dark void, but this time I wasn’t alone.

My Mother floated over to me and wrapped me in a hug. I was frozen, unable to move as I couldn’t even imagine this happening in a dream like this. 

“Please stay true to yourself,” She asked as she tightened the hug.

“Mom…” I mutter as tears make their way freely down my face. “I-I-..”

“Shh.” She said as she swayed side to side in the hug. “It’s okay. It’ll be okay.”

I finally wrapped my arms around her, returning the hug as I spoke up in a wavering voice.

“Mom...I...I’ve missed you so much. It’s been so hard since you...you…” I gulped as my words got stuck in my throat. “Look at me...I failed you...I’ve turned to using my powers for petty thievery...how can I call myself your child like this?”

“J, It’s okay.” She said as she looked up at me with a smile, “You’re doing just fine. We knew when you were born with powers that you’d lead a different life than ours, but even now I’m still proud of you.”

I sniffled. “...really?”

She nodded as she broke the hug and took a step back.

“You’ve really grown big haven’t you?” She asked as she looked me up and down. “You used to be so small and cute. Ah, how times change.”

“Listen, Mom, I-”

“J.” She said in a soft, but serious tone that made me stop. “My time is almost up, but remember this. No matter who you were, who you are now, or who you will be in the future. I will always be proud of you. I will always cherish you. And I will always consider you my child.”

Her body started to fade away, and I shouted as the panic started to rise up.

“Mom!” 

She looked at me and gave me a tearful smile.

“I love you.” She said as she faded away into the void.

I collapse onto my knees, tears once again streaking down my face.

“...I love you too…”

~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know how long I spent there, crying into the empty void. I didn’t know why the dream hadn't ended yet, but I knew who was behind it.

I wiped the remaining tears away as I stood up and called out into the void.

“Show yourself already.”

Then she appeared in front of me. The same girl from the other day, the copy of me. She still had that sad smile on her face as she stood there.

“Did you do this?” I asked quietly as I motioned to where my mother was standing, and where the rest of the memory took place. “Did you make me relive this dream?”

She nodded, but said nothing.

“Thank you, for letting me see her one more time, but...why? Why show me this at all?”

She held out her left hand, and a small blue dress fit for children appeared in her hand.

Why was she showing me the dress again? Is she upset with me for never putting it back on when I was a child? What was I supposed to do? 

If I continued to wear it then Dad would have kept yelling at me over and over again, his anger would just keep rising and then Mom would have stepped in to stop him. I couldn’t do that to her, I wouldn’t cause her to get mad for my sake.

If all it took to keep him happy was to stop wearing that dress, then that’s what I would do. That’s what I had decided all the way back then, and since then I never wore a single piece of feminine clothing. 

Even when...even when Mom passed away from her illness a few years later...I still never put it back on. The only thing she wanted was for me to dress how I wanted, but I just couldn’t in that household, not with him around.

Now it’s too late for me to wear that stuff anymore. With a body like this I wouldn’t...I couldn’t...wear it. 

I accepted that fact long ago, that’s why I tried to bury this desire. It did nothing but make me feel even worse.

I sighed and looked back to the girl version of me. 

“Look, just let me wake up already. I’m tired of this.”

Her smile wavered for just a second, but she nodded. I had a brief feeling of falling, before I finally found myself waking up once again.

~~~~~~~~~~~

My eyelids fluttered as I groaned and sat up, I realized it was morning from the sun coming into the room. I rubbed my eyes but nearly felt like I had a heart attack when I heard a voice from my left.

“Oh thank god!” Skye exclaimed as she sighed in relief, “You really had me scared for a second there.”

“What do you mean? And why are you in my room?” I asked as I frowned at her. I don’t especially appreciate being watched while I sleep.

“You were upset and crying for so long and I started to get really worried about you.” She said as she looked at me with concern. “But you wouldn’t wake up, no matter how hard I tried to wake you.”

I reached up and noticed my face was still wet from the tears.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” I say as I stop frowning at her, “I didn’t mean to wake the whole house up from a single dream.”

She waved me off.

“It’s fine, Eve’s still getting her beauty sleep at the moment. You only woke me up cause my room is right next door.”

“Still I’m sorry about it, but thank you for checking up on me anyway.”

“That’s what friends are for!” She exclaimed with a big smile.

“Yeah, sure.” Don’t know how I’m suddenly her friend, when we’ve barely known each other for a day, but...I guess it’s not a bad thing either. I don't have many friends after all. I'll need to think on it.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like a moment to myself. I haven’t fully woken up yet.” I said.

“Gotcha, well I’ll be in my room for a bit if you need me. I might take a nap in a couple of hours, but Eve should be up by then if you wanna talk to her.” She said as she started towards the door, before stopping and turning around. “If you want to talk about the dream, it may help to have someone else listen. I know it helps me whenever I have a certain bad dream.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” I said. She nodded and closed the door as she left.

Sigh.

Please be the last of these dreams...