CW: Dysphoria 

I don’t think any of us thought it would take this long to find the next Phantom base. Not even Skye. She said that it would be a couple days, maybe a week tops, and they would be ready to go take the next step in ridding the city of the villains.

That was two and a half weeks ago.

Which, to be fair, isn’t that long of a wait in the grand scheme of things. But when all you can do is wait for something to happen, it’s nothing but boring.

And without my usual distractions, certain thoughts come bubbling back up again. Feelings better left off buried. Feelings I had hoped wouldn't return after that night on the roof.

No. They returned, and they came back stronger than ever.

In the past, I would run off and find something to rob just to distract myself, but as much as I feel the urge to do so, I just can’t. I promised Rachel to move past that stage of my life, so that she didn’t have to make a choice between being friends or being a hero.

My other alternative for a distraction used to be dressing up in my Mimica disguise and just adopting that persona. To just become someone else entirely, to pretend that the feelings I have with my body are someone else's problems. 

Even if that wasn’t really true.

But I couldn’t become Mimica, not with how I’m currently treated by heroes. That’s something I’ll have to work slowly on, to convince the heroes that I've gone vigilante. But right now It’s better to just lay low.

So with nothing to keep me distracted, those feelings came at me at full force. Just like they did so long ago. I had half expected to have one of those dreams with her, but the days went by and she never appeared.

Did she learn it was all pointless? Or is she just waiting?

Either way, my mood has consistently reached new lows over the past week. I tried my best to hide it as I didn’t want to bring the rest of the team’s morale down, but it proved to be pointless. Skye and Eve found out rather quickly, and that just made me feel even worse.

I hated that I was wasting their time with my problems, they both had much more important things to do than comfort me.

They would go out of their way to visit me in my room just to talk. Eve would talk about her favorite bands and would play a few of their songs, while Skye would come in and talk about her favorite video games or watch anime with me. 

But nothing really helped with dragging me out of my rut. 

One of the worst things of the past week was how I lost all ability to even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I could tell my hair was a mess, and I probably looked like shit, but I really didn’t want to go back in there.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I cried the last time I was in there. I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself when I was last in there, and it was nearly too much for me.

It was almost like a stranger was looking back at me, a distorted figure that didn’t look anything like what a person should look like. Their shoulders far wider than normal, the small disgusting stubble on their face that never seemed to go away…

That was only a fraction of everything I felt was wrong with my reflection.

When I was in there I had found myself rubbing my hand over my face, over my chin, and when I had reached my neck I struggled not to sob. The feeling of my hand over top of my adams apple was enough to make me wince.

I had wanted to break the mirror, in hopes of removing that reflection forever, but I knew deep down I would regret it. It would be just another thing I did that brought trouble to the other two.

My room had its own full-body mirror, but I had kept it facing the wall for now. But maybe it was time…

Over the past week her face kept appearing in my mind, even without the dreams. Taunting me, tempting me. I was starting to wonder if...just maybe...I should at least try what she said…

Maybe if I just tested out what it would be like to be her, then maybe these feelings would go away. Maybe they would disappear once I realize that becoming her isn’t going to fix all of my problems.

It feels like a long shot, but it’s honestly my best chance to change my mood.

Which brings everything back up to where we are now. I had copied Eve’s powers about ten or fifteen minutes ago without letting her know, but I’ve been struggling to bring myself that last step into actually using the power.

It would be so simple, a single snap of my fingers and I’ll be able to get rid of those dreams and feelings forever. Surely it will go away forever once I proved dream me wrong, then I'll finally be free from those thoughts for good.

I took a deep long inhale, closed my eyes, and…

Snap.

My breathing started becoming faster, and the anxiety was killing me, but it seemed so scary to open my eyes. What if what I saw was worse than what happened in the bathroom? What if…

What if it was better?

I peeked open one eye, but soon they both went flying open as I let out a gasp.

Standing there...was her. No. It was me.

My hair was much longer, straighter, and it was a few shades lighter. My shoulders nearly looked half my size, in fact most of me looked half my size. I lost a few inches in height, and it was slightly startling to see everything just that tiny bit bigger than before.

My face was slightly rounder, eyes seemed more alive and...brighter somehow. The face staring back at me was definitely an improvement, and I felt...cute…

My eyes tracked my body through the mirror as it moved downward. It stopped at the two new additions to my chest, which were on the small side, before continuing downwards. Overtop my new larger hips, and finally ended as I looked over my legs.

I blinked a few times as I stared downwards, only to glance up and notice...I was crying…?

I put a hand up to wipe my tears, but they just seemed to keep coming and coming.

I sniffled and fell to my knees as my emotions took over.

God...why….

Why!?

Why did I refuse this for so long...why does everything just feel so much better….

A part of me always knew deep down that she was right, but I didn’t want to accept it. Didn't want to admit that I was the only one holding myself back all these years.

Even though I know this is only temporary, that at best I only had maybe thirty minutes left, I still couldn’t help myself from smiling as I hugged myself. Everything just felt...right.

I couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, no, a giggle, as feelings that were long repressed were finally realized after so long.

I was an idiot. A dumb stupid idiot who was too scared to take that step into the unknown.

But now I had.

“Who would have thought she was right all along…” I whispered to myself, smiling even wider as I heard the breathy high pitched voice. It too felt right. I glanced back at the mirror, seeing her reflected back to me with a smile. “You were-”

“Jason?” I heard come from behind me, I quickly snapped my head towards the door to see Eve and Skye staring at me. Eve was frowning at me, while Skye had an excited but worried smile.

“Who are-” Eve tried to say before Skye rushed past her and quickly knelt on the floor and embraced me.

“S-Skye I-,” God why was this so much more nerve-wracking for her to hug me when I’m a girl? I smiled even wider at the realization...I’m a girl...It was really clicking in, that I can just be one. “Skye, Eve...I think I'm, no, I am a girl."

“Yes you are,” Skye said with a nod, while Eve finally seemed to understand what was going on.

Eve smiled. “And a cute one at that.”

Skye broke away from the hug to look at me, and I noticed just how close her face was, and wow. Was it getting hot in here?

“Does this girl have a name?” She asked.

I nodded. “I picked it out quite a while ago, and despite trying, I never really forgot it…”

I took a deep breath.

“I'm Sarah.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Skye and Eve threw me a small party to celebrate me finding myself, and I was happy that my sour mood had mostly gone away to the point I could celebrate with them. I was still afraid of what happens after the illusion runs out, but with Eve’s help we can keep it going for quite a while.

Skye told me about herself, about how she went through a very similar experience when she found herself two years ago. She told me about what being trans meant, and how I wasn’t alone in my feelings. Something I think I desperately needed to hear, to know that there were others out there like me. Others who knew exactly how I felt all my life.

It wasn’t as scary anymore now that I know I'm not alone.

And it seemed they went out of their way to call me by my new name as much as they could, and I couldn’t help myself from smiling every time they did so. It was so weird, I never really had that much of a problem with my old name before, but now that I’ve accepted everything the name started feeling wrong.

But eventually, the party died down as the night went on. Skye was the first to retire to her room, and it wasn’t really surprising considering she seemed the most excited about the celebration. So it just left me and Eve sitting at one of the booths in the cafe.

“So Sarah,” Eve said and I smiled, “What do you think of my offer? You don’t need to make a decision now, I just wanted to hear your current thoughts.”

Her offer was that she would use her power to its limits to make my body permanent, at the downside of her going out of commission for about a week or so to recover.

I thought about trying to make it permanent myself, but ended up deciding against it. Considering I still haven't been able to fully figure out her power, it probably wouldn't go very well for me to try something as powerful as that.

“I’m a little worried about you hurting yourself doing it…” I admitted, “But honestly, I really do want to go through with it as soon as possible. I'm more than a little worried about what happens when time runs out and this current illusion goes away.”

Just the idea of even spending one more day in my old body felt like torture.

She nodded. “I figured as much. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine after a bit of rest. Do you want to go through with it now?”

I quickly nodded.

“Well, alrighty then.” She said with a smile, before she closed her eyes and concentrated. After a moment she snapped her fingers, and I didn’t feel any different. There was no flash of light, no noise, no feeling of anything different. As I looked over myself to see if it worked I heard Eve hit the table head first with a thump.

“E-Eve!? Are you okay!?” I exclaimed.

She sat up and rubbed her head. “Yeah...sorry. It’s been a while and I forgot how much it took out of me.”

She stood up out of her seat and yawned. “Well, I’m going to go lie down now before I pass out. If you end up wanting to change back you’ll have to wait a week or so, but I have a feeling you’ll be just fine.”

“Thank you so much Eve, seriously,” I said as I got up, before she threw a card onto the table. Rachel's hero card. 

“Just in case you wanted to make a phone call. You can even use the cafe’s phone if you want, but I’m not trying to pressure you to tell her right away. It’s your choice when you want to do that.” She said as she started to walk away.

“Thank you, Eve!” I called to her as she reached the door, she didn’t turn around but she did give me a thumbs up before going upstairs.

I sighed once she was gone, and then glanced at the card. 

Time to make a phone call.

Sourie

And she's finally here! I hope I did this chapter justice as I've been worrying if I did the build-up right. This was my first time writing an action/superhero heavy plotline, and I was worried that it took away from the potential for more gender vibes.