Lying on his bed, Misha absently stared at the ceiling, his thoughts swirling about in his head like a storm. Today, too many things happened one after another, and now that he was alone in his room, Gabriel being in the shower and their guests having returned home, he couldn’t help but think back on what he had discovered. It shed some light on a few events he had never understood, yet it also shrouded others in mystery.
Truthfully, his sister’s sexual orientation did shock him, but only because he had never seen a hint of it in his past life. She had concealed it perfectly, pretending to be in a relationship with Gabriel for years and never acting lovey-dovey with Camille. Gabriel was also the same, never showing any signs of his sexual preferences.
If Misha hadn’t overheard their conversation, he had a feeling he would never have found out about it, even though he was reliving his life all over again.
Soon, memories of when his sister collapsed in his arms surfaced in his mind. Her last words, which Misha could never forget even if he wanted to, seemed to resonate in his head like a broken record. Back then, she said that all those years, she was never loved, only played with. But those words didn’t mention anyone; they didn’t clarify who toyed with her heart, which led to Misha thinking she was talking about her long-time boyfriend.
Now, Misha knew she wasn’t talking about Gabriel but Camille. And after learning the truth about their relationship, Gabriel’s reply to his queries also seemed to make more sense.
Years ago, his teen self stormed into his office like a tornado, demanding an explanation right here and then. He didn’t give Gabriel time to think about what was going on and grabbed his collar to pull him up from his chair, waiting for an answer he hoped would deny his sister’s words. But his hopes were doomed to be crushed to dust.
“I’ve never once seen your sister as my lover,” the child snorted to himself. “Wasn’t it?”
At the time, Gabriel spoke the truth; however, it also hinted that he was the one who had broken his sister’s heart, considering her previous wording. It made him appear heartless and cold-blooded, destroying the kind and gentle image Misha had of him. It shattered his whole world into pieces, and he lost it.
As that dreadful day flashed before his eyes, Misha chewed on his lower lips, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. He had worn blinders for a very long time, only seeing the tip of the iceberg without knowing that there was so much more hidden under it. He was too caught up in his own problems to notice his loved ones’ struggles.
Back then, he went to see Gabriel before discovering Masha’s death, and he now had a hunch that Gabriel wasn’t aware of the real situation at hand, or else he wouldn’t have played along, pretending to have a falling out with his sister. And surely, he wouldn’t have taken on the bad-guy role so that Misha didn’t discover who had truly broken his sister’s heart.
Perhaps, Gabriel was planning to discuss with Masha first to ask her what she wanted to do. Should he tell the truth or continue to lie to her little brother? Knowing him, he probably intended to let her choose, even if he had to become the bastard of the story and carry on the blame.
That guy would do anything for his loved ones, or so that was what Misha had come to believe. That idiot risked his life to protect him when he fell down the slope, not even hesitating a second before jumping to catch him and cushion his body with his own; that spoke volumes.
At long last, Misha could tell that years ago, Gabriel probably acted this way to protect his sister’s secret, as they were afraid he wouldn’t accept her sexuality. But in the end, it only led to a lifetime of misunderstandings.
Because after returning home, Misha fell upon his sister’s corpse, and it became impossible for Gabriel to clarify the whole story and clear his name. From then on, Misha wouldn’t believe anything that came out of his mouth, and his first reaction whenever he met him would be to beat him up, just like he had done at the bar.
Sighing, Misha rubbed his temples, thinking his past life was a mess. Although he could understand why Gabriel did what he did, he was still angry deep down. Wasn’t he also someone precious to him, almost like a real little brother? So why did Gabriel decide to protect his sister’s secret at the cost of hurting him so much? Didn’t Gabriel know that he was as important to him as his sister was?
Did that idiot have any idea of the void he had left in his heart, a void that he was never able to fill up?
Snorting, Misha rolled over in his bed, burying his head in his pillow. Even if he had many questions, he could not ask them. The Gabriel of this timeline couldn’t answer them, and he would never know what that fool’s real thoughts were at the time.
All he could do was guess.
***
Instead of going back to the boy’s bedroom after showering, Gabriel went to Masha’s, knocking on the door before entering and sitting on the bed. Although he wore a cold expression on his face, his voice was as gentle as could be as he softly asked, “How do you feel?”
“Honestly, I’ve got no idea. My emotions are a mess right now,” Masha chuckled, glancing askance at her best friend. “I don’t know if I’m happy, sad, angry, or confused. It’s hard to say.”
Shifting a bit to prop her upper body up with her elbows, Masha paused, reorganizing her thoughts. Today had been quite the emotional roller coaster for her, and she now felt exhausted. Still, she wanted to chit-chat a bit with Gabriel before going to sleep. It would do her good to talk about her inner turmoil with someone, and she knew her best friend was the best candidate. Like always, he would be able to give her peace of mind, if only a little.
“To be honest, I’m not really surprised by the breakup. I was kinda expecting it. Camille hasn’t come to see me for almost two months now, and lately, she seldom answers my calls. It’s just that I never thought she would break up via text message with me.” Masha pursed her lips before spitting out, “But seriously, a text message?! A freaking text! We’ve been together for two years, and she breaks up with a text message! Even if she didn’t have the guts to do it face-to-face, couldn’t she have at least called me? It’s so damn heartless. And cowardly. Gosh, I can’t tell if I’m angry or sad.”
Gabriel didn’t say anything, silently listening to her grievances. But it didn’t prevent Masha from shifting her attention to him and growling, “And don’t you dare tell me “I told you”, or I swear I’m gonna tear you apart.”
“I value my life, so I won’t say it.”
“Next time I present you to my girlfriend, I’ll listen to your opinion. If you say she’s shit, then she’s shit. Aaaah, I really should have believed you! Why the hell didn’t I?!”
“Well, Camille doesn’t appear to be a bad person on the surface, but her heart is rotten to the core.”
“Guess people of the same kind can recognize each other at first glance.”
“That was a low blow. And uncalled for.”
“…Sorry, my fault. I didn’t mean to vent my anger on you.”
“Don’t worry, I know,” Gabriel smiled faintly, patting the teenage girl’s head before adding with a wink, “Anyway, I got quite used to people lashing out at me for no reason. Your brother’s tongue can be quite sharp at times.”
These words had the merit of making Masha laugh, but her smile didn’t last long, soon dwindling. She averted her eyes and muttered in a voice barely audible, “…Am I the only one who thinks that today, my brother’s reactions to our coming out weren’t the ones of a child’s? It was… It was far too mature.”
“No, I agree with you. Misha often acts as a small adult, but never as much. If you think about it, he indeed didn’t react as a ten-year-old boy with mental disabilities would.”
Because the anger had made his blood boil, Misha forgot to be careful with his wording and straight out said everything that came to his mind, no matter what it was. He wanted to comfort his sister, and that was all that mattered at the time. So what if he showed too much maturity for his age? His sister needed her brother to accept her for who she was, to tell her the words she needed to hear, so he didn’t think twice before doing just that.
“It’s just….” Masha sighed, letting herself fall back on the bed. “It’s just that I’d like to know what’s going on. I don’t understand how he could change so much in only a few months, but that stubborn boy won’t tell us anything.”
“I don’t think you have any right to complain, though.”
“I know. I know I’m not one to talk and hide a lot from him, but I can’t help it! I’m worried to death here! Not even a year ago, he was listening to my grandparents’ nonsense, repeating what they said with a happy grin. They instilled him with the idea that gay people are perverts that do bad things to children! And that he should stay away from them! Among other things….”
Misha had obediently nodded at his grandmother, echoing her words as he said that gays were evil persons he’d never go near. If he ever met one, he’d scream for help and run away! Her little brother had said it in a naïve tone, and his smile carried a touch of child-like innocence, but it was nevertheless hurtful to hear. It had made Masha feel choked up, ingraining in her mind that if Misha ever found out about her sexuality, he’d feel disgusted and distance himself. But what she feared most was that he’d straight out cut her out of his life; she wouldn’t be able to handle it.
That fear sunk deep into her bones, just like a curse.
Even now, it hadn’t disappeared and continued to lurk in the pit of her stomach despite Misha’s comforting words. Masha couldn’t help but fear the day her brother would deny their blood relationship because of her sexual orientation. A fear, just like a phobia, wasn’t something she could control. It was unreasonable, and getting over it was a continuous process. She knew it would take a long time before its shadow disappeared—if it ever disappeared.
But this time around, Misha would be there to help her face it. She would never be left alone, silently drowning in anxiety. Instead, he would give her the peace of mind she needed, and if anyone had something to say about her sexuality, he would scold them to death and beat them to a bloody pulp.
As long as Misha stood by her side, Masha wouldn’t have to live in fear of being shunned by her loved ones. That, he would make sure of it.
Edited by Clozed! ♥
