“I refuse,” I said.

“We don’t have a choice in the matter,” my court-appointed lawyer said.

 

Ratia’s court was located in the town guard headquarters. Outside it actually, as that’s the only place that could accommodate for the seating of a jury, witnesses and the legal representatives.

And all of it right out in the sun, without so much as an umbrella. For hours.

 

“But we slept together,” I continued to protest. “Isn’t that the textbook definition of a conflict of interests?”

“Yes, and I still remember everything. But the appointment has been made. You can either accept it, or be tried in absentia. Which, as your legal counsel, I can assure you will not end well.”

“What kind of sham court system doesn’t let me pick my own counsel?!”

 “It’s the law, as dictated by the Assembly of the High Republic of Dargos.”

“It’s bullshit! I’ll represent myself!”

“The law dictates you must be represented by a legal professional. And I promise you, I will defend you to the best of my abilities.”

“But you’re not even a professional!”

 

I was in court because I tried to be a decent human being and help the absolutely gorgeous and naked Knight Captain Pyra after driving off the demon.

The prosecution called it ‘sexual harassment’.

By being the hero, I finally gave the feminist lobby something to pin on me.

“Ken Kouboku,” the judge began. “You stand accused of sexual harassment of the highest degree against a Republic appointed senior official.”

It didn’t help that said official was still unconscious and recovering from the battle with the demon, and my requests for postponing the trial until she woke up were all denied by the judge.

 

“You had just one semester of legal studies!”

“I appreciate that you remember that. Even if that information was extracted from me without my consent.”

I paused at that. She was my first Charm spell victim other than Anaestraza.

“So you know by now that I cast a Charm spell on you,” I said.

“Yes. I do.”

“And you don’t want to punch me in the face for it?” I presented my best cheek forward as an offering.

“Look, Ken, the judge in the absence of the knight captain is going to be her deputy, Lucina. She’s a hardline feminist with known sympathies for Ratia’s Feminist Front,” my lawyer explained.

“Yes, I know. She wouldn’t stop glaring at me during the dragon slayer dinner,” I replied. “But are you ok with all this? You’re supposed to defend a man who betrayed your trust in the worst way possible.”

“I appreciate your concern. Even if it comes far too late to make a difference,” my lawyer said. “And yes, you did. But Lucina made this decision, and it would be best if you just let me do the talking out there.”

I looked into her hazelnut colored eyes, which somehow still contained visible affection for me, though tinged with the deep disdain and hatred of betrayal.  

She had every right to feel all this.

Frankly, I should have been on my hands and knees begging her forgiveness.

Which was difficult at this particular moment as I was chained to the jail’s wall.

 

By the time the trial was set to start, there was already a crowd of onlookers surrounding the training and mustering field that served as the courtroom. They seemed under no obligation to remain quiet during the proceedings.

“Ken Kouboku has done nothing! He is innocent of this crime!” Bart cried from one side of the field.

“This show trial isn’t against one man! It’s an attack on all male adventurers!” Shinsuke cried.

All of CELL-inn’s patrons had rallied together to come and support me during the trial. They were very vocal supporters.

They were also strategically told to stand on one side, as the other was lined with members of Ratia’s Feminist Front.

“He is a pervert! A sexual deviant!”

“Misogynist pig!”

“Rapist!”

And right in the middle was poor old me.

 

“Look. For what it’s worth, which isn’t much, I really am sorry for what I did,” I said, looking at my lawyer without hesitation. Speaking only truth. “And though the emotions on your side were manufactured, I’d like you to know that mine were not. You are a truly wonderful woman and you deserve a far better suitor than this chained up bastard.” I rattled my chains for emphasis. “Also to be granted your lawyer certificate just for the dedication you are showing to your duty.”

Conflict. Deep, fist clenching, internal conflict was all her eyes betrayed.

“I will do my duty, Ken. Trust me.” She nodded at me.

“I do. And I will,” I said, nodding back.

Partly for lack of a choice in the matter, and partly as penance.

Philippa. The south gate guard. The first intentional victim of my charm spell. She was my lawyer.

 

“Ken Kouboku,” deputy commander Lucina said. “How do you plea to these charges?”

I stood up. “Not guilty,” I said.

“Very well,” she said, giving me the biggest look of disgust she had ever given me. And as I’ve pointed out, she gave me many. “Prosecutor, you have the floor.”

The prosecution was made up of two lawyers. One middle-aged woman I’ve never met before but looked just as mean and just as militant as the ones calling me a rapist from the sidelines, and one man.

He was fat, had acne problems, and was wearing a badge with RFF on it.

Because of course there would be a male member of the Ratia Feminist Front.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he began in the most annoying nasal voice. “Esteemed judge.” He bowed to the deputy commander. “The defendant, Ken Kouboku, has shown time and time again to this town that he is nothing but a self-centered narcissist and sexual predator. He had used a loophole in the law to satisfy his perversions.” The lawyer made sure to give me a disgusted sideways look. “But it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted more. He wanted to take advantage of our own brave captain! And rape her while she was unconscious!”

The CELL-inn crowd booed wildly with denials while the RFF side booed wildly with more accusations of rape and sexual assault.

“Are you going to object at any point?” I whispered to Philippa.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please let me do my job, Ken,” she replied.

Clearly, Mithuna’s court system wasn’t what I was used to seeing in movies or TV.

“And before he did, he molested her as she lay unconscious on the battlefield,” the male lawyer continued. “It was only the timely intervention of the town guard and other well-meaning adventurers that he had been stopped before he could have had his way with her!”

“Rapist!”

“Hero!”

“Scoundrel!”

“Gigachad!”

Many conflicting cries came from the surrounding crowd.

“We recommend the harshest of punishments, to match the crimes of this man. Execution!”

“Objection!” I cried, standing up.

“Silence in the court!” Lucina demanded.

“What are you doing?!” Philippa whispered at me angrily, pulling me down back to my seat.

“What you should be doing,” I replied. “What kind of court is this?”

“A republican civil court.” Philippa smiled and nodded to the sitting in judge to assure her it would not happen again.

The male lawyer waited to make sure I wouldn’t interrupt him again, then returned to his flaming oratory. “He mocked our customs! He mocked our women! He mocked our laws!” He was now facing the crowd and the jury sitting behind us. “But worse than that, he mocked our most beloved Knight Captain! A mockery of the Republic itself!”

Even the non-partisan parts of the crowd were driven to voice their opinions now. None of which were very favorable.

At least my personal mgtow lobby was still very loudly on my side.

“Thank you, Mr. Prosecutor,” Lucina said loudly, raising her arms for the crowd to take it down a notch. “The defense now has the floor.”

I put a hand on Philippa’s. “You got this. I trust you.”

She paused, then stood up.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” she began. “Esteemed judge.”

Her eyes seemed to lose the hesitation they had before.

She took a deep breath before continuing.

“A lawyer must speak only truth. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Well, a good start. A semester of law might just be enough.

“And the truth is,” she continued. “My client is an insatiable sexual fiend.”

……… What?

“His desire for the feminine has no bounds, and he had taken advantage of women in Ratia in the most sinister of ways.”

None of that was wrong. But also. What?!?!

Cries of protest rose from my supporters.

“Lying whore!”

“She’s throwing him under the bus to save her own reputation!”

“You call yourself a lawyer you shameless slut?!”

I barely registered any of that, nor the cries of support from the other side she received.

“Go girl, go!”

“Philippa the Brave!”

“Yas queen!”

Barely a word of those.

I was far too busy staring at my former lover in astonishment.

A street urchin turned barmaid. A town sentry. Part time blacksmith hand and porter to earn the extra money needed to pay her law studies tuition.

She was a hustler and a climber if I’ve ever seen one.

How did I not see this coming?

“Therefore,” Philippa continued. “I cannot in good conscience defend such a vile man.”

She sat down.

“Why?” was all I could manage.

“Ken, please don’t make this harder than it has to be…” she said. The conviction she had as she gave her court statement was gone.

She was… trembling?

I put my hand on hers again.

She shut her eyes and pulled the hand away.

“Well, if this is the case, the court will move on to sentencing,” Lucina declared.

So this was her conflict.

Philippa. Forever a hustler. I could only imagine what they offered her. A way out of this backwater most likely. To the law colleges in the capital.

She opened her eyes, holding back tears.

 

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. You are asked to decide whether this man, Ken Kouboku is guilty of the crimes he has been accused of, for which the court has decided the punishment will be death by beheading.”

 

Yeah, this sort of decision would be hard.

Even harder with the little glimpse of genuine affection I saw in her for me. She liked me even without the spell. Even despite of the spell.

Philippa just stared forward. At nothing in particular. Just not at me.

I looked back to the jury.

Four out of eight had the same RFF badge.

So this was going to be my penance, huh.

 

“Those for guilty?” Lucina asked.

Seven members of the jury raised their hands.

The only one not raising their hand. Was wearing an RFF badge.

A certain redhead. I had met just the day before.

Andrea. Of course she was an RFF member.

She looked at me and seemed to sigh. There was nothing she could do.

I nodded at her in understanding.

“The jury has decided seven to one!” Lucina declared. “Guilty!”

I closed my eyes.

There were protests from CELL-inn crowd.

Cheers and jeers from the feminist one.

It didn’t matter.

“Ken Kouboku. You have been found guilty by this mortal court. Your sentence is death,” Lucina said.

She didn’t have to keep spelling it out did she?

“You may seek divine arbitration, as is your right, to see if any of the gods will intervene to spare you,” she continued.

Divine arbitration, huh? For a man on a mission from Aphrodite? A mission she already broke her own rules to have me continue?

This was, quite literally, a get-out-of-jail-free-card.

I stood up.

“There is no need,” I declared. “I accept my judgment.”

Deputy Commander Lucina was taken off guard. “You… accept?”

“Yes,” I assured her. “I accept the judgment of the mortal court.”

Lucina looked to the other lawyers with a look that probably said this never happened to them before. “Very well.”

“I would like it noted for the protocol,” I added. “That my lawyer had performed her duties to perfection. She is a model of legal professional, a model guard, and a model citizen of the Republic. Worthy of every praise and honor.”

I turned to Philippa, who stared back at me, no longer able to hold back her tears. I smiled.

Yes Philippa, oh beautiful Philippa. You will get everything they promised you. I owed you that much.

A guard came to lead me away.

I wondered if carrying out the sentence would be as swift as their trials. I also wondered how absolutely livid Aphrodite would be about this latest choice of mine. And so I walked away with a broad smile.

The crowd, momentarily silenced for probably the same reason Lucina was, erupted in an uproar.

Some of the CELL-inn people tried to force their way onto the court grounds, but were forced back by the guards.

There were insults thrown at me.

Baseless accusations.

Not so baseless accusations.

It didn’t matter. I was pleased I was able to pay off one of the debts I had incurred in this town.

Guess it was heaven for me after all.

What a bore.

“Halt!” came a cry louder than any of the crowd.

It was louder because it came from right behind me.

A hand grabbed the guards’ arms and stopped them from leading me off.

Someone was allowed into the court?  

I looked back to see none other than Midas. In the flesh. The only witness who could save me, but who also disappeared as I was being arrested and never showed up.

I assumed he was on some nearby balcony, watching in satisfaction as I finally died like he so badly wanted.

Midas turned to the judge. “I invoke my right to claim this man for penance by public service!” he declared.

Sonofabitch.