"Guys, wake the fuck up, you're gonna be late!" 

Someone was pounding on the door. I mumbled, snuggling further into whoever's chest it was that I was lying on. The person behind me shuffled closer to me, draping an arm around my waist as the one below me slid a hand onto my hip, groaning. 

"What time issit?" Fred's morning voice was husky and rough, and I felt myself waken up slightly more, turning my head to press a sleepy kiss to his chest. 

"I dunno." George murmured behind me, sighing deeply into the back of my neck. 

"Get UP!" 

"Who's that banging and yelling?" I whispered, burying my face in the crook of Fred's neck. "Shut up. I'm tryna sleep..." 

"You're so comfy and warm, princess... I don't wanna get up..." George trailed off softly, his breathing deepening. 

"That's it! I'm coming in there!" 

"He's doing what now -" 

I winced as the door burst open and Harry strode into the room. Ron, Ginny, Kylie, and Louis were hovering in the doorway, but quickly backed out as soon as they laid eyes on us. Harry growled, turning his back on us. 

"Seriously? I know you're all together now, but give me some time to get used to it!" 

"Not our fault you barged in on us." I muttered. 

Harry let out a short laugh as he bent down, grabbing the shirts on the floor and tossing them behind him; they landed haphazardly on top of the blanket. "We've all already been down and had breakfast, we were wondering where the fuck you three were. But of course, you're all still in bed - because it seems that none of you could resist fucking all night and getting no sleep!" 

I blinked and spluttered as Fred's school trousers landed on my face, the twins grumbling beside me as I assume they got my skirt and George's trousers in their faces as well. 

"Where are your ties - why do I only see one -" Harry fumed, staring furiously around the dorm. 

Fred, George, and I glanced at their Gryffindor ties, which had been looped around the bedposts on either side. For, uh... reasons. 

Harry stared at the bedposts. Then he turned to us, steam practically coming out of his ears. "Get. Dressed. We have Transfiguration in five minutes." 

Then he was gone, slamming the door behind him. There was a stunned silence for a moment, then Fred, George, and I exchanged glances, and burst out laughing. 

~~~ 

Harry hadn't been kidding when he said that Transfiguration was meant to start in five minutes. The twins and I ended up being very late, even though we took all the shortcuts we knew of through tapestries and secret staircases, and arrived outside the classroom door fifteen minutes late. 

"McGonagall's gonna kill us." Fred panted, pausing to fix his hair in the reflection of a suit of armour. 

I steeled myself then pushed through the door, readying myself for a very stern telling off. What I wasn't expecting was the new professor, standing in front of the class, hands folded casually over his lower stomach. 

"Fuck ME..." I sighed dreamily, my eyes roaming over him; he looked even better up close, his chocolate eyes twinkling with a kind of casual amusement, the dark circles underneath and tousled fluffy hair accenting his attractiveness; he towered in front of the class, easily over six feet tall; he released his luscious bottom lip from between his teeth as he turned towards us, cocking an eyebrow at us. 

"That would be rather inappropriate, would it not, Miss Potter?" Professor Soot said pleasantly. "Will you and the two other Mr Weasleys take a seat, please? I have been waiting for you three to arrive before I started." 

"You waited for us?" I gaped at him. "But it's been -" 

"Fifteen minutes, I am aware." Professor Soot inclined his head towards the three free seats at the back beside Terry, who waved eagerly at us. "Now, sit down." 

I found myself following his order without challenge, brushing past him on the way there; some fresh smell mixed with a rich cologne almost made me salivate as I hurried away from him, scared I was going to turn and launch myself at him. 

"He's a snack." I hissed to Terry as I sat beside him, a disgruntled Fred sliding into the seat on the other side of me. "A fucking SNACK, dude." 

"Oh, honey, he's a whole three-course meal." Terry said, leaning forward with his chin propped in his hand, eyes glazed over as he gazed at Professor Soot. 

"I thought Minnie was going to be teaching first." Fred complained, tossing his textbook onto his desk.

"Me too. I'm pleasantly surprised." I put an emphasis on the 'pleasantly,' and I actually heard Fred growl a little under his breath. 

"Now, class," The hottest professor I'd ever seen addressed us all, looking around, "I am Professor Soot, and I will be teaching half of your course this year, in preparation to take over full time when Professor McGonagall leaves her post as Transfiguration professor to focus on her duties as Headmistress. This is my first teaching job, and I am only twenty-four, so please allow me a bit of leeway as I'm still learning." 

He smiled, and Terry and I swooned. 

"Twenty-four." Lavender whispered to Parvati nearby. "That's really not that much older than us! He would've been in seventh year when we were firsties!" 

"Oh my Godric!" Parvati squealed into Lavender's ear. "We've probably passed in the corridors... maybe even bumped into each other!" 

I almost rolled my eyes at them before I remembered how I was acting. There was no denying it; Professor Soot was hot, and everybody attracted to men in this room knew it. 

"Ugh, Hopper..." I breathed, "how about instead of a foursome with Luke, a foursome with HIM..." 

"Or you could have a fivesome." Terry shrugged. "No need to kick Luke out. Or a sixsome, or sevensome - invite me and Draco." 

I laughed. "Bro, at this point, just call it an orgy." 

"Quiet, please." Professor Soot spoke at the front of the class, and his commanding voice made everyone fall silent. I shivered as I gazed up at him; he was already staring right at me, a little smile quirking the corners of his lips. "My, my, everyone is discussing such lewd topics today." I felt my face heat up; shit, he'd heard us. "Now that everyone is paying attention, I will write up the course aims for this year on the blackboard..." 

Everyone was paying attention, alright. Most of the girls and some of the boys were practically drooling, watching every stroke of his sexily toned arms as he wrote with the chalk, his white shirt with the top three buttons undone showing just a hint of the tempting skin underneath, his dress trousers hugging that ass so tight it looked like his seam might burst - 

"Any questions?" 

My hand shot up immediately. Professor Soot pointed at me, his eyes twinkling again. 

"Yes? Miss Potter?" 

"Are you single?" I breathed, and several girls giggled around me. 

A hint of a smirk appeared on Professor Soot's face. "I am. Are you?" 

I sucked in a gasp of air, shook by his forwardness. 

As if sensing how this returned question could be taken, Professor Soot clarified casually, "I like to be involved in my student's lives and get to know them. Of course, you do not have to answer if you do not want to." 

"I - I -" I stammered, blinking rapidly. "I'm not single, no, Professor." 

Professor Soot's smirk widened ever so slightly. "A shame. Any other questions? Yes, Mr Boot?" 

"How do you smell so damn good?" Terry purred beside me. 

"Well, it's a combination of my shower gel, my shampoo, my hairspray, and my cologne. Yes, boys," The Transfiguration professor inclined his head towards a smirking Seamus and Louis, "hair that looks this good requires hairspray. Any other questions?" 

I noticed Fred's narrowed eyes as he raised his hand. Our professor nodded at him. "Mr Weasley?" 

"What's your policy on dating STUDENTS?" Fred said slowly. He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms with an eyebrow raised. 

Professor Soot raised an eyebrow too, leaning against his desk. "Well, you'll be glad to know that I do not DATE students, Mr Weasley." 

The emphasis on the word 'date' and the subsequent glance in my direction told me two things. One: Professor Soot was implying that he doesn't date, just screws around. And two: he was interested in me. 

I'm eighteen, it's perfectly legal... I gazed at Professor Soot as he dismissed us, through the sea of classmates getting up and collecting their things. I'd just have to get the twins on board first. But that wasn't seeming likely any time soon, so I sighed, getting up too and slinging my bag over my shoulder. 

Still more likely than Luke, though. 

"I seriously don't get why everyone's so obsessed with this guy." Fred grumbled at the Gryffindor table as I stuffed my face with a cheese sandwich, reaching out for another one as Terry piled his plate with ham sandwiches. "Like, he's nothing special. Just another boring teacher." 

"Dude. C'mon." George said reluctantly. "They all find him hot, that's why." 

"Freddie's thinking of doing a little exhibition in class to mark his territory, aren't you?" I giggled, nudging Fred, but the redhead only glowered at me. 

"Don't give me any ideas." He said lowly. "Y'know, it would be tempting. I could reach under your skirt... slip my fingers into you and make you quiver at your desk, trying not to make any noise... and make you squirt all over my hand while he gives out the homework..." 

I gulped, shuddering. Fred's eyes were darkened, and he leaned in closer. 

"Or maybe I could take your hand and unzip my trousers... put it around my dick, make you jerk me off while he teaches us how to transfigure desks into trees..." 

"Freddie!" I said, scandalised, but my cheeks were burning. Fred was the exhibitionist here - why did this idea sound oddly tempting to me, too? 

The food all vanished from the tables, and the students all stood up collectively, chattering. We all headed for the doors, all the other years and half of our year heading upstairs for their classes. 

"Free period." Terry said brightly, holding up his timetable. "What do you guys wanna do?" 

~~~ 

The four of us swung our legs as we perched on the windowsill in the empty corridor, our sniggers echoing down the hall as our quills scratched on the parchment between us. 

'101 Ways to Piss Off the New Transfiguration Professor: 

1. Ask him out (everyone has to at least once) 

2. Ask him very personal questions 

3. Find out what brand of hairspray he uses and compliment his use of it 

4. Everyone turn up with ridiculously voluminous hair due to borrowing his hairspray 

5. Get Terry to heavily flirt with him 

6. Get him some Daisy Potter merch 

7. When he's late, surround a framed picture of him with a bunch of candles and pretend to mourn 

8. Tell him that he will never measure up to Professor McGonagall 

9. Ask if his aim is to defeat Minnie and take up the post of Headmaster 

10. Ask him what his Hogwarts House was and interrogate him as to why he was placed there

11. Ask for tips on how to charm the ladies 

12. Steal his hairspray and use it as a flamethrower 

13. Get Professor Wells to be sent to his class so we can ogle them both together in the same room 

14. Ask to borrow some condoms 

15. Set up a sprinkler system on the floor 

16. Have a spontaneous paper airplane war 

17. Come to class as our Animagi 

18. Everyone start wearing the same cologne as him

19. Ask if you can lick his delicious abs

20. Transfigure all his books into vibrators 

21. Ask for his autograph 

22. Hit on him

23. Propose 

24. Cover the room in lettuce leaves 

25. Teach a parrot swear words and let it loose in the class 

26. Everyone Polyjuice into the Weasley twins and hunt him down, saying stuff like "Stay away from our girl or else" and "Homewrecker!" 

27. Ask him what his workout routine is 

28. Ruffle his hair

29. Take out a tape measure and measure him

30. Put soot on your hand and lick it up sexily 

31. Leave a dildo on his desk 

32. Exchange his wand with the trick rubber chicken one 

33. Sign assignments with autograph signatures 

34. Insult him 

35. Send him a friend request on Facebook 

36. Bring your laptop and start watching Netflix during class 

37. Bring a piglet to class 

38. DJ during class 

39. Do all homework in gel glitter pens 

40. Try to get him into an argument 

41. Pretend to choke on the fumes of his hairspray 

42. Airdrop him random shit

43. Cover the room in posters for Kingsley's re-election campaign 

44. Send him spam ads for scam business schools 

45. Propose a fourway

46. Propose an orgy 

47. Sneak him a cookie laced with pot

48. Send him a whole ass fish tank as a present 

49. Try to convince him that the Chudley Cannons are the superior Quidditch team

50. Make his chalkboard spell out swear words 

51. Ask him where HIS Order of Merlin, First Class, is 

52. Bring a baby seagull to class and let it be annoying 

53. Ask him if he's got any tattoos 

54. Make his chalk occasionally spell certain things wrong, in a sexual way 

55. Refuse to let him leave the classroom 

56. Offer to brush his hair for him 

57. Smoke a joint 

58. Do paperwork for the business when you're supposed to be doing classwork 

59. Protest and say that due to your conscience, you cannot Transfigure any animals in class

60. Correct any mistakes you can find 

61. Play the Tate McRae vinyl somewhere hidden 

62. Excuse yourself to go take a shower in the middle of class 

63. Turn up covered in glitter 

64. Play 'Kinky' by Kesha at full volume from the untraceable source 

65. Throw Fun Snaps around 

66. Eat apples very loudly 

67. Eat bananas very suggestively 

68. Attach mirrors to all the desks with Permanent Sticking Charms

69. Ask if you and him can 69 

70. Send him a love note from Professor Flitwick 

71. Lay sexily on his desk before he enters the classroom 

72. Lay sexily on his desk in his office before detention 

73. Dress up as him 

74. Call him a clown 

75. Offer him a Coke

76. Tell him you're thirsty, very suggestively 

77. Get as many detentions as possible within one class 

78. Transfigure his quill into a dildo

79. Ask him his opinions of BDSM 

80. Use Engorgio 

81. Turn up drunk 

82. Give a presentation to the class without his consent 

83. Pretend to faint 

84. Use the Skiving Snackboxes

85. Put a whoopee cushion on his chair

86. Send him chain letters 

87. Quote random songs at him 

88. Wear your uniform sluttily 

89. Bring a washing machine and wash everyone's clothes 

90. Ask him for a selfie 

91. Tell him you'll wank off to it every night 

92. Get him Why Don't We merch 

93. Tell him to watch your next livestream 

94. Put one of those weird alien Instagram filters on him, print it out, then hand them out to people claiming it's his true form 

95. Ask him why he doesn't mix business with pleasure 

96. Mix cocktails at your desk 

97. Bring him a very large clock 

98. Everyone turn up covered in soot

99. Ask him if this could be anything more after you leave school 

100. Nail slices of bread to everything he owns 

101. Convince him to take the class on a school trip' 

The twins, Terry, and I looked down at our list proudly. 

"Awesome." Fred and George chorused. Terry and I grinned at each other. 

"This is gonna be so much fun."