It was dark when I came to. I could hear something whirring in the background, but I couldn't find the source of the noise. My head was blurry and my limbs were weak and numb, I tried moving them but they wouldn’t move as I wanted to.

I could hear the sound of a pen scratching on paper, a sound I got very accustomed to during my time mugging for the entrance exam. A soft voice humming to the tune of a popular anime opening some years back, and the rustling of clothes. I tried again to move my hands but along with the sound of rattling, my limbs refused to budge further as if it were restrained.

“Please stop moving so much dear, you’ll hurt yourself,” A woman’s voice said in the darkness, “we will be taking the bandages off soon so rest for now.”

It was obvious from the smell that I was in a hospital, or at least an infirmary, but I was curious as to where exactly or even what my situation was. I had been to a hospital before, when my sister broke her arm. We were not rich enough to afford a private room so she was warded in a public ward. Yet I couldn’t hear any other voices in the room or on the intercom, or even hear anything from the corridors usually filled with nurses and clerks, or any of the phones ringing as usual in a hospital.

“We will fill you in shortly,” she said, as if reading my mind, "but you must not move so much yet, the anaesthesia has just worn off but it is still affecting you a little. The doctors will be in soon and will conduct some tests first.”

I felt something soft on the sides of my face and some sounds of clips clicking and my vision was suddenly filled with bright light, it hurt my eyes and I began squirming, reflexively tried to cover my eyes but my hands couldn’t reach up, I looked down and saw that my limbs indeed were restrained to the bed post. I looked towards the woman, or rather the girl, who was wearing a nurse’s outfit and she gave me a wry smile. She looked rather young, in her early teens and younger than me in age, she had on a pair of expensive earphones, with one earphone dangling around her neck. It would be a normal occurrence for a fashionable young teenager, but it looked rather bizarre for a nurse whose face was stern and cold like that of an experienced professional. The smile felt practiced, like she had done this hundreds of times before. She had a name tag on but my eyes were still adjusting to the light so I couldn't read her name.

“Just a precaution dear.” The nurse said, before she left, leaving me alone in the white room to assess my situation. There were no windows in the room so I couldn’t be sure if I was still in Tokyo, but I was fairly certain I was still in Japan.

I looked down at my body, hoping to find something that would clue me in to my situation. It was a small body, like that of a child’s, my skin felt soft and white, not the rough and tan skin from long hours of labour I remembered, and my hands and feet were tiny compared to the big hands I was used to. I was no medical expert, but I doubt there was anyone in the world that didn’t know of my condition.

I wasn’t around then, but a few years before I was born, the world faced a global pandemic. From what I hear, this was one of the many such global pandemics in recent decades, but eX-217 was different. Its high incubation time meant that many people became carriers without knowing, and it was very infectious. It was also dormant for long periods, sometimes even as long as years. Meaning a person did not know if they were infected until it was too late. Once symptoms started showing though, patients would be given minutes to live as their body started breaking down rapidly.

Through either ignorant dismissals to the dangers of the virus in the early stages, or even incompetence and negligent flouting of the preventive measures, the virus had somehow become endemic in many parts of the world. Two years after the first reports of the virus by the WHO and the world’s governments finally agreed to collectively push for a full quarantine of their populations later known as Exodus, but it was too little too late. There were many reports every week of entire families wiped out, sometimes leaving behind the lucky orphan or widow, though they probably would succumb to the virus eventually anyway. The global population declined at startling rates.

When the vaccine was finally developed and distributed, there was a severe shortage problem due to the inherent difficulties in the production of the vaccine. My family was probably considered too unimportant to warrant using such limited supplies of vaccines, running a convenience shop that wasn’t doing too well. They were already fortunate that they were located within the walls of a quarantined district before it was closed off, lest they would have been left outside to fend for ourselves, but it also meant they weren’t considered part of the at-risk populations. My mother got pregnant with me during this time and year later I was born, and as I was in the at-risk population, my family was finally given the vaccine. Through some stroke of fortune or fate, our family managed to live through it. There were a few scares when I got a fever, but I managed to get through it.

Following the development of the vaccine for the deadly eX-217 virus and the end of Exodus, it was discovered several years later that there were some people who were still susceptible to the effects of the virus, and while somewhat mitigated thanks to the vaccine, were still deadly. The only known cure was through a revolutionary but dangerous medical procedure that literally rebuilds the body from the ground up, but for reasons beyond my understanding of medicine, requires the patient to swap their gender as well as reverting their physical appearance to that of a prepubescent child. While I could not confirm it yet, I certainly lacked the feeling of anything between my legs.

However such a procedure should be expensive, and my family did not have the means to pay for the procedure unless they managed to borrow it from the bank. The economy was recovering well, but the interest rates are still high, the debt owed would be beyond our abilities to repay.

Before I could calculate the total debt my family must have incurred though, the door opened and a doctor came in, this time she was a woman who appeared to be around her late teens or early twenties, with long dark brown hair dyed with streaks of blonde that was haphazardly tied into a loose bun, and a buttoned up doctor’s coat that seemed some sizes too large and reached just above her knees.

The name card on her coat read Dr Senju Komachi EID-Av719D. A rather unusual surname since it could be read as Sensei as well, and her first name was written with the characters for 'a small town'. I did not understand the numbers but it must have been an identification number of some sort.

“I'm sure you already can guess what has happened to you,” she said, “but just to confirm, yes, you are now an Exile. My condolences.”

Her cold nonchalant way of speaking caught me off guard for a second, but I had more pressing matters.

Exiles, as the name suggests, is a term given to a particular demographic of people afflicted with my condition. From what I knew they were a dangerous bunch, lacking in almost any feelings of emotion and were prone to violence and crime and as such were exiled and isolated from the general public in the quarantined district, now named the Exiled district. The fact that I was now one amongst them did not come as much of a shock as I thought it would, though it did weigh on my mind for a brief second.

“What is to happen to me now?”

“Now? Well the usual, routine tests to see if your body has no problems, then you will undergo reeducation and later on basic military training.” She said, as she took down some notes, “As you know you are now stuck in the Exile district. Possibly for the rest of your life. Even so, as an Exile you have physical capabilities above that of an average person. All Exiles are conscripted without exception.”

Putting down her pen and clipboard, she took out several keys.

"Now before we continue, you must know that this facility is extremely secured. I am going to release you now but if you try to escape..."

She motioned to the door, and slowly made a gesture of a gun shooting at me. In other words, it can be assumed that there were armed personnel just outside the door, and would not hesitate to kill me if I attempted to escape. A precaution possibly from previous attempts from others before me.

Seeing me nodding my head in understanding, she then began removing the metal restraints on my legs before she moved to my hands. Although truth be told, even if I were to try to escape, regardless of the guns outside, I doubt I could overpower her.

"Doctor Senju, how is my family? How much did they pay for the procedure?"

"The status of your family is classified, as are you to them. For all intents and purposes, your previous identity has been considered legally deceased to the general public. Also please, call me Dr Komachi."

Standard procedure, she added.

Standard procedure. So my family doesn't know I'm alive. As far as they are concerned, Ishiyama Houtarou is dead. And as far as I'm concerned, I don't have any relatives.

Doctor Komachi was ignorant, or more likely, unconcerned with my thoughts, but she proceeded to begin her work. She tested for pupil contractions and my heart rate and then did an eye test to which I scored a 20/20, something I did not come close to having before. She then asked me to write on a sheet of paper to test for motor functions, and also tested for involuntary reflexes by knocking on my knees, an activity which I remembered was very fun for me in my youth but now gave me no comfort or joy. She then concluded that my body was healthy and functioning normally.

"Now before we continue, you need a name."

"...Ishiyama Houtarou."

"No not that name. A new name and a new identity. I would suggest a girl's name, since that's what you are now. And no surnames."

"But you have a surname?"

Chuckling slightly, she told me that she was actually already married.

"Rather I'm surprised how you knew I was also an exile, I don't think anyone before ever managed to figure it out from the first meeting."

Truthfully it was mostly guesswork. The nurse before looked very young, younger than me, so she must have been an Exile too. And if we assume that there weren’t many, if any, non-Exile medical personnel willing to work here, then even an Exile of her apparent age would then have to fill in for the staff, leading me to assume that a majority of the staff here must also be Exiles.

Since Exiles are older than they look, I figured that any one here would be allowed to do any job so long as they knew how to and have demonstrated their capabilities, regardless of their apparent physical age.

I must have said something amusing because the doctor continued chuckling softly after I explained to her how I came to such a conclusion.

“Frankly you look younger than her now, but you are mostly right though, almost everyone in the district is an Exile. Except the enforcers. Those are the only normal people in here, oh and also the hospital director, my husband. You wouldn't want to give a dangerous bunch like you and I access to lethal weapons now would you?"

"But then you managed to marry a normal person?"

"My circumstances are slightly unusual, though not unheard of. But enough about that, you need a name."

A new name. A girl's name. I never had much of an attachment to my name before, but my whole life was lived under that name and I was reluctant to give it up.

I suppose it was due to the topic, but I remembered an event, long ago just after my mother got pregnant with my sister and we were discussing her name. My parents told me that when they chose my name, they had two names prepared for me, depending on my gender. Had I been born a girl, my name would be different. Maybe it was a reluctance to use a name not given by my parents, but to be honest I had never been good with names.

"Hotaru."

It was a name my parents gave to me. Even though I ended up not using it, at least now it would be useful. Besides, it was close enough to my original name.

"That's a nice name, Hotaru.”

                                                                      <><><>

Frankly speaking, my job probably could be done by the other attending nurses. The hospital staff were shorthanded as it always is in any hospital, but here there was an additional problem in that no sane medical professional wanted to be posted here.

There was my husband Ren but he’s a bit special.

Regardless, I can see were they were coming from but I must say their worries are highly unfounded, even manic if I were to be so bold. Though we hold a reputation of being a violent and remorseless sociopathic and psychopathic group of people without morals or conscience, the reality was that we were almost just like any one else. Almost, that is.

While true, we do hold the capability of being violent and so on, we do actually have emotions. They are just…muted. Furthermore, any normal human being also has the capability of committing atrocious acts, but I suppose as we are different people sometimes forget that we are also human. The rare few of us who actually do become violent, are extremely rare. But as they say, a few bad apples spoil the bunch.

The morality and conscience part however, is under severe debate. I would argue that it is not that we are without morals, but that we are highly susceptible to the what the psychologists now term X syndrome, that causes our morality to degrade.

I’ve conducted several studies myself and have concluded that sufferers of X syndrome were like drug addicts with withdrawal symptoms. We are addicted to emotions. The human race is a very emotional one, and though one might falsely argue we were no longer human, yet the need for emotions still lingers.

My studies showed that the neurological responses to emotional stimuli in Exiles did not differ from that of a usual person, except that the production of several chemicals associated with emotions were heavily stunted. This, I suspect, causes a sort of cognitive dissonance, the brain expecting a certain response yet experiencing only a fraction of it.

This leads to an ever cascading cycle whereby patients attempt to increase the stimuli in order to force the production of the chemicals at higher doses. If left unchecked, the patient can often turn to less than acceptable means of ‘hitting their high’ as it has been so referred.

I myself am not excluded. Being one of the earliest batch of Exiles, my group probably was the very reason we have had such a bad reputation. For me though, lets just say that I am addicted to a form of shameful physical gratification. A close second would be intellectual gratification.

That being said, after my appointment with the new inhabitant of the Exile district, I immediately headed towards the hospital director’s office for my daily appointment with my husband. This time though my intentions were not solely for myself, but rather about the curious new girl.

Walking into his office, Ren appeared to have already finished up his urgent matters and was waiting for me with a cup of coffee ready. I suspect he has directed security to alert him when I start making my way to his office so that he could get things ready before I arrive, so far though I have not found any conclusive proof.

“You’re late today.” He said, “Did the new guy try to run away again”

“Surprisingly not. Believe it or not the girl was very calm and collected. Listened to everything I had to say and didn’t make a fuss. There was no need for sedatives.”

New inhabitants would often try to force their way out or create a commotion. It was to be expected after all, finding themselves in an unfamiliar place and even a different body, many of them would even try to deceive me into releasing their cuffs and then attempt to escape.

Of course as I have been doing this for nearly a decade, I thought I had seen it all and done it all. However this was one of the rare few times a patient actually behaved properly and moreover actually figured out their situation in its totality by themselves. Most of the time I would have to give several prompts and hints, guiding them to the solution.

“That’s rare. What’s her name?”

“Hotaru, EID-Li137D. She’s a curious child, managed to figure out that the staff in the hospital were Exiles, even figured out I was an exile too. Extremely logical and pragmatic.”

Yes, extremely logical and pragmatic. Having already figured out she was an Exile, with one look at a nurse she then deduced that the nurse too was an Exile simply by her apparent age. Knowing full well the societal stigma around Exiles, she applied a form of induction to show that most- if not all of the staff, must have been Exiles as well.

She most likely confirmed my status with the way I referred to myself with my first name rather than Ren’s name too. Furthermore, knowing that I was an exile, she understood that it would be impossible to overpower me or deceive me to escape. With slim chances of escape, she probably calculated that her best chance of survival was by sitting quietly and assessing how the situation unfolds in future.

“A very interesting person. And so you want me to keep tabs on her right?”

“That’s why I love you.”

Indeed my dearest husband knew me too well. With such an interesting specimen, there was no way I would simply allow her to leave without observing and studying her. If anything she might just be the key to new discoveries into the psyche of Exiles.

“Just don’t go too far now. The Council has been on my ass since the time you did that caffeine test.”

Sighing, he wrote a quick E-mail and sent it to whatever administration was in charge of this. In the meantime though I had already lost myself to my thoughts and had hastily closed the blinds of his office and removed my custom made coat. Needless to say I had nothing underneath.