There were two types of people in our office: those who brought lunch boxes and ate at the pantry, and those who ate lunch outside of the office. I belonged to the latter group, while most other people ate at the pantry. For this reason, I usually ate alone outside the office.

But from time to time, some of my friends would decide to have lunch out of the office. On such occasions, they’d invite me to join them, knowing that I ate alone. That day was no different.

“Jude, you wanna join us to eat at the mall across the office?” one of my colleagues, Richard, asked.

“Sure, I don’t mind,” I replied.

“Oh, we’re joining another group of people. They’re the ones who are inviting people,” he added.

“Oh… Okay.”

This took me aback. I wasn’t very good with large crowds, nor was I the friendly type of person, so I was kind of worried how I’d fit in with the other group of unspecified people. But seeing as I already said yes to the invite, I could only brace myself for what came next.

“So whom are we tagging along with?” I asked.

“The guys from June 2008,” he answered, as the world froze on me right then.

You see, whenever we refer to ‘June 2008’, we meant this as a reference to the batch of employees to entered our company on that year and month. But the people who entered our company on June 2008 were a rather special group.

The batch stood out because there were a lot of them. There were almost 20 of them all in all. I knew a couple of them and was actually in good terms with some, but I only knew majority of them by name with hardly any previous interactions to note.

But not only were they a large group, they were also a tightly knit group. This particular group often went about their activities as a monolithic unit. Be it company activities or hanging out after working hours, the people from June 2008 often went as one big group with a couple of other guys tagging along with them.

So I suppose that led to some of my apprehensions that day. I wasn’t all that comfortable nor confident in having my slightly socially awkward self mingling with such a group.  But that wasn’t all that was eating me up that day. Perhaps my biggest concern at time was that Vivien was part of this June 2008 group of people.

So in the end, all I could do was to brace myself for this anxiety-filled lunch out.

* * * * *

And so the lunch proceeded just as planned. We were a group of 15 people, with 3 of us joining the June 2008 group. It was decided that we would eat at a nearby restaurant that served food in sizzling plates.

As is the case with sizzling dishes, the orders don’t come out very fast. So naturally that would require us to take our seats and talk amongst ourselves as we wait for our food.

The restaurant was set up with multiple tables that accommodate four people each. As people began taking their seats, I found myself sitting with Richard and Justin, the other guy tagging along with the main group.

I suppose this was expected. With a group of 15 people being distributed across tables of 4, there would be 1 table that had only 3 persons. And it was fairly natural for things to develop such that the 3 guys who are tagging along to have their own table. But thankfully, Lionel, one of the guys from June 2008 whom we’ve had more interactions with, decided to sit with us. Maybe he was conscious of our plight as an add-on group? I’ll never know.

In the end, the lunch turned out to be unremarkable. Each table pretty much talked amongst themselves, with just a few conversations exchanged across tables. In that sense, we had a pleasant lunch amongst ourselves. My worries proved to be just a byproduct of my overthinking.

* * * * *

It was during the walk back to the office that something surprising transpired. Vivien was walking beside Lionel, who was in front of me, chatting with him along the way. It seemed like the two of them were rather close, having known each other even before working in our company.

I was pretty much minding my own business, looking at the cars that passed beside us, trying my hardest not to be conscious about this certain girl in my vicinity, when I overhear this nerve-wrecking line:

“By the way, V, do you already know Jude?”

Great. Just great. I was happy enough just to admire her from afar, not in some kind self-pitying way. I just didn’t like being put in moments such as this, moments where I could literally hear my heart beating intensely. I didn’t need situations like this that would expose my inner awkwardness.

Worst of all, though, is that I had the knee-jerk reflex of turning towards Lionel as he mentioned my name, and likewise towards Vivien as well whom he was talking to. But as he turned and pointed towards me, Vivien naturally turned to face me as well. This meant that ultimately, our eyes met.

I could only meekly smile and wave my hand in response to the bright smile Vivien gave me to acknowledge my existence. At this point, my mind had completely shut down and all I could do was to go with the flow. It was already far too late to pretend I didn’t hear anything. I had no choice but to interact.

“Yeah, I heard about you. I think you might be assigned to our project. I hear you’re a great dev,” she said as she slowed down her pace a bit to allow me to catch up to her and Lionel.

“Ah… not really,” was all I could reply with a small inaudible laugh. This was probably the worst way to break the ice between us. I wasn’t very good at handling compliments from other people: In fact, I wasn’t really sure what response would be appropriate. Denial felt like false humility; Gratitude seemed presumptuous; Apathy looked antagonistic.

After a brief pause, I desperately tried to keep the conversation going. “What project is this?” I asked. It appeared like all I could ever talk about is work.

“It’s a procurement thingy for some company. Actually, that’s just one part of it. I think you might be assigned to part that makes PO’s. They might make the announcement some time next week. Then we’re gonna have a seat transfer so that we’d all be in the same block. So I guess we’ll probably be seatmates soon,” she mused as she beamed a smile at me.

The world felt like it was such a wonderful place at that moment. Not only was Vivien smiling at me as though the sun was beaming its warmth for me, her words was sheer music to my ears. Her voice was neither too high so as to grate my ears, nor too low so as to lack a sense of femininity. The timbre of her voice coupled with the mannerism of her speech carried a distinctively girlish charm full of life and energy. It was as though everything in the world was bright and happy.

It was infectious. I instinctively brightened up and smiled back as I replied, “I see.” All I could hope for in that situation was that I could reciprocate even a fraction of the brightness of her smile.

* * * * *

And so it happened that Vivien’s forecast did come true within two weeks. As the project I was initially involved in was winding down, I got assigned to the new project that Vivien told me about. And true enough, we had to change seating locations in the office.

The tables in our office were grouped into blocks spread across the entire floor area. Each block consisted of 8 tables, separated into 2 rows of 4 tables each. The two rows were joined together, creating an island of sorts. This meant that each person was pretty much seated directly in front of another person, with another three persons spread out to either the left or the right.

The block I was assigned to was a little special. We were a bit too close to one of the pillars of the building, so essentially we had no one in front of us. I got the seat that was the right most in my row. Seated to my left was Chris, who likewise got assigned to this new project. To his left was Shirley, a colleague who was a few years our senior in the company. And further to Shirley’s left at the end of the row sat Vivien.

On one hand it was a shame that we were two seats apart. On the other hand, I suppose it was a blessing in disguise, both for the sake of my work productivity and my overall sanity.

* * * * *

One of the perks of having your own table in the office is the ability to decorate your workstation according to your will. It gives your work area a sense of individuality amidst the monotony of the corporate life. Some decide to put lots of trinkets in their desk. Others post tons of pictures all over their area. A few just pile up tons of documents and papers on their tables.

I had a very minimalistic approach to my workstation. I had my monitor and CPU, along with the keyboard and mouse attached to it. I also had a mug on my desk for water. That was it. So after a few months in my new seat, I decided to finally have something else there.

And so it happened that on that particular weekend, I visited a local anime convention. As is the norm, there were lots of booths selling various merchandises there. I somehow found myself gravitating towards the stalls selling toys. Mind you, these toys were not the stuff you buy your kids. They weren’t the action figures or dolls you play with, they were more like statues you just put up for display.

The toys I was browsing came in different sizes and types. There were the scale figures ranging from 1/10 to as large as 1/4, mostly of anime girls in either sexy or cute poses. A couple of those did catch my eye, but the prices were a bit too much for an impulse buy. Then there were the model kits of various scales and grades, mostly from the Gundam franchise, that sounded like more work than what I had hoped for. Sure they looked cool and all, but building them might be an arduous task for someone unskilled with his hands like me. There were also those smaller poseable figurines that were moderately priced, offering a sort of compromise between cuteness, coolness and affordability. But those movable joints scared me, for fear of me snapping and breaking them.

In the end, I decided to go for those smaller poseable toys. I figured they were the best choice as far as displaying stuff on my desk is concerned, and their prices were within my means as a guy working in the IT industry.

I bought a nendoroid L from the series Death Note. Nendoroids were toys that were largely deformed in scale. They had small bodies and humongous heads in comparison. They were what people would describe to be chibi. Oddly enough, they carried an unexplainable sense of cuteness in them. They had all those small accessories carried by small arms while sporting large puppy eyes. This particular item I bought, though, stood out because it came with a large chair for the toy to sit on. It was large enough to look like L was sitting on a throne. How could I have resisted that?

* * * * *

Monday came and I was kind of excited to setup my new toy on my work desk. Since I usually came to work earlier than most of my officemates, I figured I had enough time to tinker with my nendoroid L before people start noticing them.

As I walked down the office, I approached our block to see that the other early bird of our row was already there. Yes, Vivien beat me to the office.

Noticing my approaching presence, Vivien glanced up and gave me a smile with a small tilt of her head, acknowledging my presence. I replied with a small smile and a nod. To this day, I could never figure out why I nod in reflex whenever people greet me.

I hurried over to my seat, passing behind her seat. She shot out a cheerful, “Good morning,” my way. I replied with a rather plain, “Morning,” as I sat down on my chair.

I booted up my computer as I sat there contemplating whether I should proceed with bringing out L on my desk. My morning exchange with Vivien suddenly made me unreasonably and overly conscious of myself, even though it was just your typical routinary morning greeting we normally do. But nevertheless, I steeled myself to do it.

I took out the box and finally opened it, taking out the various parts that came with the toy. I struggled for a couple of minutes experimenting and deciding on the most optimal combination of parts and the most optimal pose for L, finally deciding on him sitting on his giant chair with his legs raised to his chest while sucking on his finger. It was his classic pose.

After setting up L on my desk and proudly appreciating the work I have done, I sneakily took a quick glance to my left to see if Vivien had noticed anything. Good, she hadn’t. She probably only noticed that I was tinkering with something on my table, inasmuch as I could only make out her typing on her keyboard. Two seats apart gave enough distance I suppose.

And thus with L sitting peacefully on my desk, I could finally settle down and work.

Or so I thought.

After about an hour, a bright voice shot out from behind me.

“Oooooh, it’s L!”

I turned around to see Vivien with her eyes wide open in excitement. “It’s so cute!” she exclaimed as she eyed the toy intently.

She noticed the toy. Moreover, she recognized the toy.

I smiled in response. “Yeah, I just bought it over the weekend.”

Vivien reached out towards L, asking, “Can I?”

“Sure,” I nodded.

She took up L and his chair to her eye level, seemingly elated by the toy. I took out L’s box that carried the other parts that came with it and said, “Actually, it came with lots of other parts.”

“Oh, really?” she confirmed as she looked at the parts I began taking out from the box.

I laid out all the remaining parts on my table and signaled her to feel free to play around with them. She leaned forward to my desk, surveying for a few seconds the items on my table before proceeding to tinker with them.

I have to admit, those few minutes of me watching her engrossed in playing with a small figurine was pure joy for me. I probably enjoyed it more than I should have.

After a couple of minutes, Vivien put down L and the other parts she was holding on the table. “How do I return these?” she asked.

“It’s okay, I’ll put them back in,” I replied as I began to place the various parts back in their containers.

Vivien smiled and thanked me as she returned to her seat.

At that moment, I wondered if she would ever grow tired of smiling so brightly. I also sincerely hoped then that she would never do.